• Dental Phobia Support

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Can’t take anymore.

BoxerMom

BoxerMom

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2019
Messages
191
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Hi all. Found this site today, and here it goes. I’m sitting here reading through some of the threads, and I’m crying. My teeth are horrible. So bad that I am sick all the time. And I think to myself well, just make a damn appointment and get it over with, but I’m so very ashamed, and terrified. I’ve always had bad teeth - I’ve had so much dental work done since I was a kid, and I haven’t been back in over 20 years, so now everything’s just ruined. I’m sorry I can’t seem to organize my thoughts... I’ve had braces with an awful retainer thing that went around my head, I’ve had at least 8 teeth extracted because they said my mouth was too small, I’ve had veneers and my teeth rotted behind those, so then I got four crowns. Then after everything was fixed, I went for a checkup and they stuck that damn hook right into a nerve... I jerked my head so fast I’m surprised it didn’t cut my face open, and I’ve not been back. I’ve had abscess after abscess and I just can’t do this anymore. But I’m so scared, I don’t know if I can even make the first phone call. We have dental insurance but there’s no way it will cover all the costs. I really just want them all extracted and to get dentures. I know I have to do something, I have no other choice, but every time I even think about calling a dentist, I feel a panic attack coming. My husband says we’ll find a way somehow, but that causes more anxiety. I just don’t know what to do
 
Hi BoxerMom, and welcome!

I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences. That is a lot for one person to go through.

I can relate in the sense that I am trying to gather up the courage to make an appointment now too but feeling like I can't do it. I'm also at a loss on what to do.

But everyone here is very encouraging and supportive and told me that I made a big step by coming here and posting my concerns. So I think we can be proud of making that first step. :)

I'll be keeping you in my prayers and hoping you will feel better soon.
 
Look at you: you’ve already come a long way by posting this here today. Well done.

We are only as sick as our secrets.

Since you’ve told your situation to your husband and now to us, why don’t you tell a few more caring people, people who can help you.

When you’re ready; you’ve done plenty for today.

You’re on your way. You have a ways to go, to be sure, but you are already further than you realize.
 
Boxermom

Welcome to DFC we are glad you are joining us, you are in the company of those who have struggled right along side you! I agree with PUnkerpants that is alot for one person to go through, and to even start thinking about it is a huge step like DG6300 said you are on your way. and you know.. it IS definately a hard step to call and make any dentist appt.. I love my dentist and have come a long way and it is still hard to make an appt... so give yourself a lot of grace , you have made it this far and will make it further!! one step at a time.

Do you have a dentist you have an idea of going to? Can your husband make the first call for you and will he go with you? I know some people do well with support while others like to go alone.. Also. agh on the headgear thing with braces. I had one of those and it didn't go well way back when . Also have dealt with ALOT of dental shame and still struggle but thanks to my current and last dentist, they have really been so kind and great with me as I've put it out there how ashamed I am. I hope you will find a dentist similiar to show you a lot of dental kindness!!
 
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I’ve made up my mind that this is something I have to do, and once that switch is flipped, I will go through with it. I’m trying to think of how much better I’ll feel afterwards and not focus on the panic. My husband doesn’t know the extent of the damage he just knows somethings going on. He’s away doing camp counseling this week, so I’ve decided to have a discussion with him when he gets home. I’ve been looking at sedation dentistry as an option, but I know that’s not always possible.
 
Hi BoxerMom and Welcome to DFC!
As the others have already said, you have come a really long way already in just making the decision to do something. You have broken out of years of avoidance in facing this issue and that is HUGE. Sedation is definitely an option worth researching although many people have found success from a caring dental office. You may want to check out the dentist recommendations section on this forum to see if there are any in your general area. These listings come mostly recommended by forum members so they are probably safe offices for dental phobics.
 
Hi Boxermom,

Sorry to read about the tough situation you are in. Please allow me to share with you my website treatyourdentalfear.com , you might find it helpful.
I would recommend first concentrating on making a check up appointment, without any treatment, not even a cleaning. You can ask for the X-ray and place in this wonderful forum. That will allow me and other dentists to share with you our opinions and provide a better advice. Do you think a check up with the purpose of just making an x ray and sharing it with us is doable? Certainly it is a challenge but I think still a moderate one.
 
Hi BoxerMom,

sorry to read about your situation. Your orthodontist seems to have messed up hugely and by the way, there seem to be really a lot of people who became really scared of the dentists after they had braces. "Just making the damn appointment and get it over with" doesn't work as you already found out and every first step is just the first step so better going in a pace that allows you to gain good experiences and build a positive momentum. Even if you had dentures, you would still have to see your dentist now and then so the long term goal should be to go slowly, step by step, starting with things you feel comfortable with and from there going to the more challenging things.

You mentioned not being able to do that call and even the thought of it being able to cause a panic attack. That sounds like making the call would be too high for now and trying to jump into it is pointless. It's like trying to jump out of the train that is too fast, so why not finding a slower train - something you could be able to cope with that could be used as a preparation for the call. How about googling around and see whether you can find a practice that seems to be good with nervous patients? I believe just looking at a page of a dental practice might be enough to raise your blood pressure for now. Reading stories here on the forum is also a great step. You could also think of what it is that scares you and read about what can be done. If you feel getting in touch via email might be easier for you than calling, then that would be a good step as well, maybe you can change few emails about your fears and explain your situation. In this way you have a bit of trust already before actually scheduling.

I know this is hard, but it is important to be kind to yourself and not pushing yourself too hard. You haven't done anything wrong and you are being really brave now, so find the next comfortable step for you and do it. I know you can get there sooner or later, we all have.

All the best wishes and keep us posted
 
Again, thank you all for the support. I’ll definitely check your site, Dr. Daniel. I’ve been reading others stories, and I know I’m not alone in this, which does help. I took the plunge and had a talk with my husband on Monday evening, which went way better than I ever thought it would. He was very understanding and compassionate. So now he’s trying to find a dentist in our area that offers sedation and that accepts our insurance. As you mentioned Enarete, this is not a long term solution, as I will need to go back afterwards. I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve also decided to talk to my therapist about the phobia. The shame has kept me from discussing my problem with anyone, but my husband keeps telling me I have nothing to be ashamed of, so I will work on it. As I mentioned before, once I make up my mind to do something, come hell or high water, I will get it done.
 
Bless you. I don't know that I have anything useful to add, except to say I feel for you. You've obviously been through some horrible stuff. I hope you find a dentist who can empathise with your situation and help you.
 
Bless you. I don't know that I have anything useful to add, except to say I feel for you. You've obviously been through some horrible stuff. I hope you find a dentist who can empathise with your situation and help you.
Thank you, Dawn. My husband has checked on our insurance and he’s supposed to call and make an appointment for me. The one he found does offer sedation and they’re highly rated online. I’m feeling better about starting the process since I’ve opened up about it. This forum has really helped a lot!
 
Hello boxer mom I am in the same position terrified of the dentist , I have been seeing a therapist concerning my phobia for a few months but still can't make that appointment . My husband is constantly going on about going to the dentist saying my breath is disgusting and now says he can't be in the same rom as me because of the smell ( that makes me feel great ) I know I must go but I am scared of everything about the dentist from opening my mouth and so on
 
Hello boxer mom I am in the same position terrified of the dentist , I have been seeing a therapist concerning my phobia for a few months but still can't make that appointment . My husband is constantly going on about going to the dentist saying my breath is disgusting and now says he can't be in the same rom as me because of the smell ( that makes me feel great ) I know I must go but I am scared of everything about the dentist from opening my mouth and so on
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with your husband acting like that. Having to deal with bad teeth and pain, as well as a partner who can’t do anything but criticize is horrible. I was so terrified of talking to my husband, but he’s been great about everything. I’ve not been to an appointment yet, but my husband is trying to arrange everything so I don’t have to. I wish your husband could feel the way you feel every time he says something so hurtful. I’m so sorry I can’t make things better for you, but I know how bad you’re feeling right now. You are not alone. This is a great place to talk about how you’re feeling, and what you are going through.
 
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with your husband acting like that. Having to deal with bad teeth and pain, as well as a partner who can’t do anything but criticize is horrible. I was so terrified of talking to my husband, but he’s been great about everything. I’ve not been to an appointment yet, but my husband is trying to arrange everything so I don’t have to. I wish your husband could feel the way you feel every time he says something so hurtful. I’m so sorry I can’t make things better for you, but I know how bad you’re feeling right now. You are not alone. This is a great place to talk about how you’re feeling, and what you are going through.
My husband has looked into dentists who do sedation etc and I know he only wants them sorted for myself but it's the way he says about my breath that hurts me , he can be quite sarcastic and I don't think he even realises he is doing it . I do worry about if I have to have them all out as they are in a bad way as I havnt been to the dentist for over 30 years because of my phobia ( to be honest I think there will be nothing they can do as I do have a few loose teeth now and have gum disease as well .
 
My husband has looked into dentists who do sedation etc and I know he only wants them sorted for myself but it's the way he says about my breath that hurts me , he can be quite sarcastic and I don't think he even realises he is doing it . I do worry about if I have to have them all out as they are in a bad way as I havnt been to the dentist for over 30 years because of my phobia ( to be honest I think there will be nothing they can do as I do have a few loose teeth now and have gum disease as well .
I’ve been trying to focus on how much better I’ll feel afterwards instead of the panic.
 
My husband has been looking up dentists that do sedation etc , but it's the way he says it to me that upsets me , he can be quite sarcastic and doesn't even realise how he sounds . I know I have to go as my teeth are so bad now as I havnt been to the dentist for 30 years . I am expecting them to be all removed and that upsets me.
 
I’ve been trying to focus on how much better I’ll feel afterwards instead of the panic.
Yes I know I will feel better at the end but I compare making the appointment as going over the top of the hill and I feel I am just stuck at the top.
 
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Well I can't believe I have made an appointment to see the dentist 5th August is d day . Went into the surgery and got to say they were lovely even met the dentist ( outside his room ) unfortunately it is all private not nhs but I know I will have the best treatment , so I have now gone over the top of the hill just got to be positive for the appointment , as I could feel I was so near to tears when speaking .
 
So happy for you with this Scarycat! Great step! and so glad you got to meet the dentist , sounds like a friendly nice place!! You are building some positive momentum :)
 
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