Can I plan ahead - fear of unknown. Need a sense of control back.

[SallyUK]

Hi
I have lots of anxiety around dental work and my teeth and have successfully managed my anxiety to attend regular appts with my dentist and hygienist for the past 10 years. My hygiene is as good as it could be but the restorations are another story.

The thing is I am coming towards the end of possibilities for repairing restorations on my teeth and following a recent fright when a crown fell off and along with it some core, I have spun into major overthinking about my entire dental history and what is to come and what can I do etc. I feel out of control.

I am well aware that there are two very compromised upper molar teeth that when they fail I will be onto the next stage of treatment (bridges, dentures implants) I am scared witless about this and the notion that nothing will be able to be done and more problems and more quality of life decline will follow. I think I am finally admitting just how hard it's been to maintain my teeth and the underlying anxiety I have had on and off for many years. Will they last, what next, how can I pay for this... I feel like a small child and 'its not fair' feeling is huge as is 'i want to fix this right now'.

Anyhow, I have broached the topic of 'what next' with my dentist (not my recent anxieties) and I think he thinks it best to face that day when it comes as things change and depending on what changes we will come up with a plan.

After this crown came off (it was cemented back on by a locum as decided doing another full restoration would not work) I have been so so upset. I can't see how I will be able to cope with another tooth loss, emotionally and functionally. I don't think I could cope with dentures and all the fitting and adjusting, an implant is tricky in that place as my sinus is too large. I have no strong teeth for a bridge there. I realise that when the time comes I will probably find the resilience to deal with it but the unknown is super scary and google is not helping! The locum did mention that I could probably live without the tooth that she fixed but the next one along holds my arch (what does that mean? face collapse aaaargh) So I could have a one tooth denture, or one that includes teeth missing on the other side. I came home and cried, I sing, I love to sing, I love to crunch on my molars.....will I be able to. Will I loose more from life because of teeth!

In the last few days I have tried to go back over how on earth I got to this point when I really did visit the dentist regularly and cleaned too. I was over treated in the 70's with fillings, they kept saying do you drink coke, I didn't. I had 4 premolars removed for braces in puberty (which were short lived and didn't work, now have bigger gaps) I don't remember having wisdom teeth out - so I only had 24 teeth to start with. Heavy fillings led to crowns, led to RCT led to redo's and now I am here. In 2000 I went to a private dentist for an assessment and was quoted £1000's to have braces, redo the crowns etc. I was determined to plan ahead then and take a preventative approach with the position of my teeth and the work already there by questionable NHS dentists. I was overwhelmed by what he said, wasn't sure it was 'that bad' and put the future plan on hold after I was made redundant. I wanted to explore but the finances seemed out of reach and I really wasn't sure if I needed to do all of that.

For perhaps 3/4 years I didn't focus on it and then had a period of things failing and found my current private dentist who is great and very much of the opinion we do as little as possible. (Things really did start to deterioate at this point, the crowns failing etc) He wanted to manage my psychology around dealing with it and to not create more work than needed. It has worked, I am much more tolerant of going and felt really good that things have been stable for some time now. Almost all the work i have had done is on restoration repair and keeping up with plaque control and gum care.

I am writing because I hope it will help with the stuff going on in my head.............

But my emotional health has taken a nose dive since this crown incidence and I just can't face anymore unknowns, work and failures. I need to adjust my thinking and goals around this but don't know where to start.

I am angry that I didn't have finances in 2000 to check things out more, that I feel ignorant about the knock on effects of tooth loss and those braces and that basically I have to accept that I have had limited options from the start - really I have. It is so hard for me to stay positive all of a sudden when I fear my quality of life remaining will continue to be marred by teeth! I've avoided nuts because of protecting crowns, sometimes feared going away in my 20's incase I had a tooth problem, basically I realise how subconsciously I have been carrying so much anxiety. I need to address this, I need to accept I suppose, but what do and will I have to accept next? It's so hard.

What's my end point? I had aimed for a healthy mouth despite the work - I have reached that but now what? I want to make decisions that might improve things, that would feel great, but I cannot see any? If I were to win the lottery, could things be done? Will I end up eating soft food only? Really I am feeling at a loss as to how to deal with the unknown....how to feel good about any of it. The anxiety has been overcome for treatment, but it continues on another level.

I suspect the answer is to focus on my anxiety around this and enjoy each day now, the teeth are not needing any work right now.

I also have an issue with my neck and shoulder and I thought it was an old injury but sometimes I noticed I was clenching and mentioned this to dentist a few years back and he said he suspects the neck pain is the clenching. I didn't address this niggle, because it has been intermittent but when this crown came out I had been clenching beforehand due to a really stressful couple of weeks and whilst the crown wasn't there for a few days I had terrible pain in my cheek and neck - now I fear I am breaking what little teeth I have left and my bite feels off when this happens - the dentist says it is ok (despite having a couple of gaps on the other side) . Do I need to check my bite? Do I need to focus on stopping this clenching? Have I been doing that all my life? Is it a real factor in my whole story...... the shoulder issue did start soon after 2 extractions a few years ago...but then so did other life stress.

Honestly I am overwhelmed and just want to make the right decisions when I have to and also stop worrying that I have missed something somehow, that there is something more I should and could do now. I have to trust my dentist but my anxiety has kicked in and I've temporarily (I hope) spun into trying to fix everything in my head. I basically want to know that I will be able to eat oat cakes until I die - I love crunch!

That really is my goal. Along with healthy mouth and as many of my own teeth as I can have and nor more clenching. The thought of more work, it not working, knock on effects etc is overwhelming right now. I don't even know how I ended up with such a complex situation.

Thank you for reading, helps to write it down. Anxiety is the pits.

BTW I am 48 and have 22 teeth most back teeth crowned or filled. Apparently you can function with 20, but it all depends where those 20 are !! Nightmare isn't it?

 

[Sevena]

The reason your dentist doesn't want to tell you an end-goal is probably because he has no way of knowing. Teeth don't decay/have root canal failures/anything else at a steady, predictable rate, especially not if you have good habits, which it sounds like you do.

I understand being terrified of the future. The truth is, you would adjust to anything - partials, bridges, even full dentures. You could adjust, and would. But me saying that isn't going to solve your anxiety and stress.

Because that's what this is. It's an anxiety problem. You can't control the future, and you are getting anxious over that idea, which is causing you to clench, and causing you to focus more and more on your teeth, in a vicious cycle. It's *very* common! Many posters here have had similar problems.

Have you ever had any therapy? Cognitive behavioural therapy especially is great for this kind of thing. You need to learn to break out of this thought pattern where you keep dreading what the future holds for you. And that's all it is. A thought pattern. That's not to say it can't rule your life and drag you down, because it totally can, and it happens to millions of people! And they need a bit of help learning to redirect their thoughts and cope with it.

Therapy isn't easily accessible to everyone, but if you can access it, please do. You *won't* sound stupid to the therapist, I promise! I worked in healthcare for a few years and had many people with problems which to an outsider might sound "trivial", but it wasn't to them, and that's perfectly valid.

Even if you can't manage therapy now, Google some phrases like "how to change unhealthy thoughts", and give the advice you read a real try (as long as it doesn't ask for money or try to make you buy essential oils! ) For instance this webpage: https://mrsmindfulness.com/the-four-keys-to-overcoming-negative-thinkingfor-good/

The page title might sound cliche and unlikely but it actually has good advice in terms of what psychologists would recommend. It talks about thinking patterns, and observing your own thoughts and emotions in a way that is actually similar to what you would study in therapy (though personal 1 on 1 therapy is the best choice if available, because the therapist can tailor the methods to suit you).

You'll be okay, no matter what happens.

 

[SallyUK]

I understand being terrified of the future. The truth is, you would adjust to anything - partials, bridges, even full dentures. You could adjust, and would. But me saying that isn't going to solve your anxiety and stress.

Because that's what this is. It's an anxiety problem. You can't control the future, and you are getting anxious over that idea, which is causing you to clench, and causing you to focus more and more on your teeth, in a vicious cycle. It's *very* common! Many posters here have had similar problems..

Thank you for your kind reply. Yes, the major issues is anxiety and yes I have a therapist I really was doing so brilliantly and not focusing on my teeth, really I was but the anxiety that came up over the weekend was horrendous and I really spun out. It has left me feeling like I've gone backwards, I know deep down I haven't, I just wanted not to have to deal with any of it, the anxiety or the teeth! Of course that is fantasy land! The teeth issue is so closely linked to other overwhelming periods in my life that were quite traumatic and how I respond to it is something I am learning. Part of that learning is to think about my needs rather than sit in fear OR denial!

When you are anxious and scared you don't think straight and I recognise that in the past I have made choices based on fear only and a sense of helplessness rather than exploring things a bit more. So I guess I really am checking out what I could/should do now as a positive, a way of engaging with the possibilities. So for instance I could be planning to save up money or genuinely thinking whether I would hope for implants or what not. But right now I am way to anxious, so perhaps I need to take it step by step and find the middle ground with things - less B&W, good or bad etc.

Thank you again, it really helped to write here

 

[Sevena]

I know how incredibly hard it can be to think straight or even at all rationally when you are anxious! I've had PTSD for many years now, it's rough.

In a strange way, I'm better off than you in terms of dental worries. I lost my teeth (all of them lol) at age 25. And now...well, everyone's worst nightmare has already happened to me! I've kind of got over that hump (I say "hump", it was more like Everest, I was super scared! But the reality was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, and my lack of teeth doesn't affect my life at all.) So now I don't really fret about the worst...at least when it comes to my teeth. I won't bother explaining how much I worry about the rest of my body!

I'm glad you have a therapist. Hopefully they can help you get over this bump in the road - which is all it is. We don't go backwards, because we are constantly learning and adjusting, and each new challenge may seem to bring us to our knees, but all we're really doing is learning more about ourselves, our fears and worries and how to get over them.

 

[Scared all the time]

Thank you for your kind reply. Yes, the major issues is anxiety and yes I have a therapist I really was doing so brilliantly and not focusing on my teeth, really I was but the anxiety that came up over the weekend was horrendous and I really spun out. It has left me feeling like I've gone backwards, I know deep down I haven't, I just wanted not to have to deal with any of it, the anxiety or the teeth! Of course that is fantasy land! The teeth issue is so closely linked to other overwhelming periods in my life that were quite traumatic and how I respond to it is something I am learning. Part of that learning is to think about my needs rather than sit in fear OR denial!

When you are anxious and scared you don't think straight and I recognise that in the past I have made choices based on fear only and a sense of helplessness rather than exploring things a bit more. So I guess I really am checking out what I could/should do now as a positive, a way of engaging with the possibilities. So for instance I could be planning to save up money or genuinely thinking whether I would hope for implants or what not. But right now I am way to anxious, so perhaps I need to take it step by step and find the middle ground with things - less B&W, good or bad etc.

Thank you again, it really helped to write here

Yes I’m at this stage atm. Anxiety of the unknown, wondering how I got here when I thought I alway took really good care of teeth. I can’t do more loss this one was enough and has me fixated on teeth. I’m devastated I blame my ignorance in this Anyway I just wanted to say I totally understand what your post was saying. I hope your in a better place and that someday soon I can too. Big hugs

 

[SallyUK]

Yes I’m at this stage atm. Anxiety of the unknown, wondering how I got here when I thought I alway took really good care of teeth. I can’t do more loss this one was enough and has me fixated on teeth. I’m devastated I blame my ignorance in this Anyway I just wanted to say I totally understand what your post was saying. I hope your in a better place and that someday soon I can too. Big hugs

Sorry that you are also experiencing fear. Unfortunately I am not in a better place with my teeth, the inevitable that I was worrying about did happen. I am currently dealing with an unexpected infection and most likely an extraction and dentures I have experienced a lot of anxiety about this happening, but also another opportunity to try and come to terms with the situation. It really isn't helpful that we think badly of ourselves as if we could do more, I am certain we do the best we can to take care of our teeth. It's horrible to be fixated, Im with you on that.

 

[Scared all the time]

Sorry that you are also experiencing fear. Unfortunately I am not in a better place with my teeth, the inevitable that I was worrying about did happen. I am currently dealing with an unexpected infection and most likely an extraction and dentures I have experienced a lot of anxiety about this happening, but also another opportunity to try and come to terms with the situation. It really isn't helpful that we think badly of ourselves as if we could do more, I am certain we do the best we can to take care of our teeth. It's horrible

So sorry to hear your still struggling ?