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Confusing thoughts about my upcoming appointment

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frostgirl

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I'm glad to hear it went better than the first visit. Your dentist sounds very empathetic and understanding.

And well done for going through with it :)
 
Enarete

Enarete

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I am back. Just to record the progress.

I had an appointment on Wednesday and left disappointed like never before. I felt like a failure.

First of all I was enthusiastic and in the best mood the whole time before the appointment, besides some short intense anxiety kicks that started three days before. I was worried about the scaling, considered to bother my dentist with an another email to voice my fear.. I didn't finally.

On that day everything was fine, I was enjoying myself in the town, walked around the dental practice to check if it triggers - it didn't. I had all of these cool fantasies about me cracking jokes and having the time of my life in the treatment room and couldn't stop smiling like a fool. Crazy.

Then two hours before the appointment I lost my mind. Completely. I was in plain panic and that surprised me so much that I just tried to repress it all and ignore. The result: as I hit the office I was already foggy, full of adrenaline and totally lost, had the urge to cry but would supress it not to look like a fool. I was by the way also 10 mins late because I have read a different time in the email confirmation which probably was the result of the panic.

We were talking about the anxiety in general and about the last appointment, my dentist told me how good I was doing last time since we were able to complete the session, we were talking about where the journey leads. He asked me if I had any questions and I again had the urge to cry because that sentence means that if I don't bring up any questions I will have to go into the chair. I felt so desperate, had my notebook with questions there but felt so hopeless that I didn't even care about questions anymore because I would have to go into the chair soon anyway. I was lost like never before, not even at the first appointmen. At the first appoinment I felt very relaxed when he asked me about sitting in the chair. This time I was just in plain panic.
He asked me if I would like to sit in the chair and I think he noticed how panicky I was because he said it with such a gentle voice in comparision to the chat before.

Instead of asking for some more time which would be the only wise decision since he told me million times to stop him as soon as I get overwhelmed, I went into the chair. He asked me if I was ok every time and I was saying no in my head every time, repressing the urge to cry but always said yes aloud. He started and asked me if I was ok and I wasn't able to respond anymore (still saying 'no' and screaming in my head). I also must have stopped to breathe which he noticed, stopped the procedure and put me back upright. I was frozen like never before, looking down and away from him, not responding. I remember him saying something like 'I will keep talking so you can stay in the room with us'. He told me it would be good if I could stay in the chair but if I wanted to change into a normal chair it would be all right too. He gave me my bottle of water that was at the other chair and I somehow managed to talk again, still unable to look into his eyes.

I finally changed the chairs, got settled again and said I wanted to go on. Went into the chair again and was able to get through the procedure, this time without freezing and staying responsive all the time. After that we were talking a bit more. We were also talking about the possibility for me to get a CBT therapist in my area and about that it would be ok if I have found a local dentist after we were done with my treatment. It was me who started bothe topics indirectly but in the state I was in all I heard was 'you are a failure, your anxiety is that bad that only a psychologist can help you and we don't want you here any longer than necessary so go and find a dentist locally'. At the end he told me I was welcome to stay at the practice as long as I like, he wouldn't plan to retire in the next years and about the psychologist he said it would be a good addition. This words couldn't change my fight mode (I think I was a bit too passionate in my argument about why I would stay at the practice and I maybe got a bit rude or inappropriate): and my desperation and feeling of being rejected so at the end I felt like the appointment failed and my journey was finished without success.

I by the way emailed him two days later and apologized for the state I was in and got a very reassuring answer so now my insecurities are all gone and I am on the truck again. In two weeks I have my next appointment.

The interesting think is that my overall anxiety didn't get as much worse as I thought. I am looking forward to the next visit and feel like really making a progress.


The things that changed in the last weeks and months for me:

- I am able to walk aroung a dental practice and it has no effect anymore, not even when it is my practice
- I can see pictures of treatment rooms and imagine being in one and it's ok
- Pictures of teeth don't make me feel scared anymore
- I think about other things than teeth and dental fear and dentistry in my everyday life
- I am back on truck with my job and studying, I can concentrate again
- I have made it through 3 appointments and would manage it to cope with an exam, measuring of pockets, scale and polish
- I have a practice and the thought of visiting it regularly doesn't worry me at all, even the opposite
- I am not obsessed with this website anymore and spend less time here
- I can imagine going through dental procedures
- My nervousness when sitting in a waiting room decreased a lot
- I experienced a dental appointment that let me feel really encouraged and in a high mood
- I don't get dizzy and nervous anymore when other people talk about dental appointments or teeth
- My flashbacks disappeared
- My urge to talk about my dentist and my dental anxiety got reduced a lot
- I journal less about teeth and dental anxiety
- I don't need a week and three people to confirm if it's ok to send an email to my dentist anymore and I don't need twenty drafts for one email anymore
- My heart doesn't stop anymore when I get an email from my dental practice

The things that went good at the last appointment despite my bad feeling afterwards:

- I was able to finish the session
- I was able to get into the chair again after I got frozen
- I can remember the most parts of the visit
- I have made experience about something new (scale and polish)
- I needed less water - on the appointments before I drank 0.75l Water and still felt like dying of thirst, last time it was just a half of the bottle
-I took the courage to ask some easy, not too concrete questions about the treatment I would need
 
Enarete

Enarete

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After a long time I feel the urge to journal again, at least to keep track of my progress which could be helpful for my future me if it starts to worry again. In the last weeks I have read my journal several times and it always helped me to recognize that I really have made a progress, even if it doesnt't feel like it.

My dentist is brilliant, that's a fact. I have deepest respect for his expertise and the way he works and communicates and I feel being in such good hands that it's almost a dream. No matter how nervous I am before my appointments, I look forward to my dental visits more than any other non-phobic patient.

My journey goes incredibly slowly, slower that I could imagine but I feel like I am making progress. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

While I do not have much anxiety symptoms in my normal life (gone are the times of me not being able to get out of bed in the morning or to concentrate at work) and not even few days before an appointment, few hours before an apt are still really hard. I trust my practice, they are all very kind, I always feel welcome and my nervousness vanishes after few minutes in the surgery. Despite that, I still catch myself sitting on the bed and staring at the wall for a long time, not moving and not thinking and feel like I just cannot and do not want to go. When I finally convince myself to get ready, it's almost too late and I end up rushing. No matter, I got used to this.

I am able to cope with a treatment more and more, one of the last visits was even relaxed and fun and I quite enjoyed it. The one after that I spoiled again and ended up behaving like a small child and saying strange things, I was just like on drugs. My dentist says that progress is not linear so I do not worry much about this but would love to have some really positive experience again.

I am starting to accept the fact that the anxiety might be there forever and that it has nothing to do with my ability to cope with a treatment or with the outcome of the visit. I can go through a visit, no matter if anxious or not and sometimes I feel like a failiure afterwards and sometimes I feel happy. I would say my success and ability to cope with treatment and my anxiety can just exist next to eachother. Like if I hate vanilla ice cream and love chocolate.. I culd get a cup that includes both and just eat the chocolate and leave vanilla there. It wouldn't be that nice like a cup with only chocolate but I would be happy anyway. So I am taking the positives and ignoring the negatives.

Sometimes I feel like being able to get through anything. The feeling of being stronger than any problem and any situation that might appear. All the quotes about fear and about strength, all the TED-talks, all the motivational videos and the people who suffered to come out stronger. Commited and convinced and just a superhuman.
Well and then there are the days where I feel like a 4-year old, like 'please, dear dentist, just don't hurt me'. The moments of strength are more enjoyable than the 4-year-old ones..

My next apt is on next Friday and I look forward to it. I do not worry about making a fool of myself anymore since that already happened and it wasn't the end of the world, so I am a bit more relaxed about this.

Slow and steady wins the race. I can go at a pace of a turtle and I will get to the finish line some day anyway.. the 'see you in 6 months' one..
 
Aurora10

Aurora10

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I love the part about "progress is not linear" and also that the realization is there that you may always be nervous about the dentist (there again, you may NOT) but it is not going to stop you living your life as you want to live it and it is not going to stop you going forward, that is SO courageous! You are such an inspiration!
 
Enarete

Enarete

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It's been days I was considering updating my journal to sort my thoughts again and find some relief and I managed to fight the urge for some time, but today is the day..

I had and appointment with my dentist two days ago, it was Nr.8. I was able to stay in the chair from the beginning till the end (we're talking about maybe 15-20 minutes), for the very first time ever. Even during a stressful moments where things got overwhelming, I didn't jumped out of the chair like in all the visits before. The highlight is - I managed to stay tipped back for several minutes and just talking (waiting for the numbing to take effect) and didn't even noticed. The key to this was that my dentist agreed not to sit right next to me during our chat, but, with the chair being upright, rolling to my feet. When tipped back, he tried to stay more behind me than next to me. This allowed us to communicate without me getting a flight response instantly.
The appointment wasn't easy and I wasn't able to complete everything planned, but this part feels like a revolution.

Now the scary news.

I thought it was a bad idea to be extremely fixated on one dentist and wouldn't it be great to stretch myself a little bit and have a chat and an exam with an another dentist. And generally, wouldn't it be great to have two safe places on this planet where I could go for treatment.. Long story short: I have contacted a new practice (the dentist is absolutely bulletproof when it comes to treating nervous patients, this just cannot go wrong), changed few emails with them and have an appointment soon and now I want to cry.

There are three parts in me at the moment. The first one - the 'please just don't '-one is the one that just wants to cry and cannot grasp why would I want to face a new dentist voluntarily. The second one feels like a superhuman, because I am conquering my fears and use them as a compass of where to go.. The third one is just chilled and knows that the anxiety will vanish, probably as soon as I finish this post, and then it will come back and then vanish and this is how the week will go.

The anxiety feels like unhappiness. Like desperation. Like strong reluctance and deep sadness.

My fears regarding the new dentist... Fear of being touched and fear of having someone in my personal space. This one is my usual one. And the one I will for sure never ever voice aloud towards any dentist.
At the same time fear of not being touched. This one is weird, but... my old dentists would only touch me with instruments, they would use the mirror to stretch the tissue when giving injections, they would work only with instruments when doing an exam. My current dentist touches my mouth a lot and he does it shortly before he uses any instruments. It made me freeze for a moment at the first appointment since I wasn't ready for that but by now it's kind of stabilizing, human and familiar. I am now terrified that the new dentist will be like my past ones and only using instruments.
Fear of the mask.. masks freak me out. It's enough if he will have one around his neck when I see him and the visit will be very hard.
Fear of the fear.. I see myself freezing and dissociating, not being able to talk or to listen and to move. More than anything else and it makes me worry about what they will think of me and will they find me too complicated to be treated.
Fear of the light.. my usual one again

And I don't even feel like keeping on writing, because this aren't even all fears and it's just all so scary...

I know it will get better in few hours, maybe minutes.. the anxiety kicks in and goes away.. I know I will be fine.. but writing helps so much..
 
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ceecee115

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I just wanted to thank you for writing this thread. Everything you describe is how I feel - the loss of control, the triggers - and you are brave! I haven't even found a dentist yet. Anyway, I would like you to know you are inspiring. Please keep writing. ❤
 
Enarete

Enarete

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I just wanted to thank you for writing this thread. Everything you describe is how I feel - the loss of control, the triggers - and you are brave! I haven't even found a dentist yet. Anyway, I would like you to know you are inspiring. Please keep writing. ❤
Thank you for your kind words, ceecee, this means a lot to me and I am very happy if my journal helped you. Writing out vulnerable stuff feels quite scary...

You maybe haven't found a dentist yet, but you got a great tip from letsconnect and if I may give you an advice, it would be this: don't do any experiments when it comes to choosing a dentist. If you can, follow your gut and go where you feel comfortable and take your time with it all. You already have made the first steps and that's what counts.
My dentist is in an another country and it takes two hours by plane to get there. And my friends think I am crazy and I think it too sometimes and my dentist probably also.. but feeling safe in a dental practice and experiencing your emotional state being your dentists's first priority, no matter what.. that's just life-changing. Especially if you come from a background where your boundaries were crossed on a regular basis.

All the best for you, may you find a wonderful lovely kind and caring dentist who really takes his/her time with you and makes your feel safe and taken care of.. and don't forget to keep us posted, because you never know who is reading and feeling inspired by your story :)
 
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Enarete

Enarete

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Sunday.. the worst day regarding anxiety.. has been like this also in my dental round Nr.1 last year.. have spent the whole day trying to stabilize myself somehow and now I finally feel the difference.. too bad that the day is almost over..

Sitting on my bed now, listening to Tidal from Shook (The Sound of Cafe del Mar) in an endless loop, intending to stay like this for the next hours.

So now from the courageous perspective:

I am doing the right thing.
I am doing the right thing.
I am absolutely doing the right thing.
I am absolutely doing the only right thing.

If I were afraid of spiders and would somehow manage it to cope with one particular spider that I particularly like because I have spent so much time with it, but would be absolutely scared of any other spider, would it be my phobia cured? No. Not at all. So what would be the next step in curing my phobia? Managing to cope with other spiders too..

Ok, there are some differences between spiders and dentists, I know.. but the point stays the same. (No honestly, I highly regard dentists who treat nervous patients and keep holding onto my image of supermen and superwomen who dedicated their lives into healing anxious broken souls and showing them that there is hope in life and this is something only a really phobic patient who has found a kind caring dentist can understand. I don't even think that the dentists themselves really understand it, but that's fine. I will keep reminding my one(s) as often as possible)

So I am doing the right thing. It's just.. so scary. I have made the experience of a high-rated dental fear expert being totally fake and it cost me few days of suicidal thoughts, some weeks of crying and months of flashbacks. And I don't want to go to that place again. Ok, to be honest and look at the whole picture, it also brought me to my current lovely dentist and the new one and to this forum so it was a part of my path, but..

The scary thing about this experience is that it makes me worry that it will all be faked. I know it won't but the voice is there..

The second reason why I am doing the right thing is this: what would be my nightmare at the moment? To have a dental emergency and not being able to travel to see my dentist. Or to be pregnant and not to be able to fly. Or not being able to afford to travel that far. Or my dentist refusing to treat me. Why would it be the worst case? Because I would have to face a new dentist and I wouldn't have a choice. So if fear is my compass and shows me where to go and if what we fear doing most usually is what we most need to do then looking for an another practice is exactly the right thing to do.. I want to do the scary things voluntarily, as long as I have a choice...

Thinking about it I am very curious.. and even look forward to it.. on the other hand I keep staring at that building at google maps and try to imagine how will I manage to go through the door. Oh and it will feel like the worst idea ever. I know there will be this point of me standing there and really grasping what I have done for the first time and it won't feel good.. however.. I was there once, I can go there again, right?

I had to promise my boyfriend today that I won't look for any other practice anymore. Of course I won't. There is no other practice I would trust enough anyway... ok, there actually is one last left, but it's close to where I go at the moment so it wouldn't bring me any further. No. No other dentist. These two and then I am done. Not looking any further unless they retire and this will take ages.

I wrote into this journal twice today and deleted both times.. this time I will send it.. and I feel like a freak and crazy and there is a bit of vulnerability and shame and confusion, like every time when it comes to fear...
 
T

tazey

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I know what you mean about personal space I don't let people I know that near me let alone a dentist I don't,I have a new consultant too (see him this wk only the 2nd time) so its basically like starting from scratch not really sure how that's gonna go.
 
Enarete

Enarete

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I know what you mean about personal space I don't let people I know that near me let alone a dentist I don't,I have a new consultant too (see him this wk only the 2nd time) so its basically like starting from scratch not really sure how that's gonna go.
Hi tazey, it's reassuring to know that you have it too.. with the personal space. Now I don't feel like a weirdo anymore :) How is your new consultant, is he kind? Really hope he makes you feel comfortable and things move forwards for you soon. When is your appointment?
 
T

tazey

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Well only saw him briefly in january so its hard to say yet but someone I spoke to who has had him rates him highly (but then anyone is prob better than the last one). Its just the whole starting from scratch thing feels like I'm going backwards I'd just like to come out of there at least once feeling positive,my appointment is wednesday not really sure what it will entail. :-\
 
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ceecee115

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Thank you for your kind words, ceecee, this means a lot to me and I am very happy if my journal helped you. Writing out vulnerable stuff feels quite scary...

You maybe haven't found a dentist yet, but you got a great tip from letsconnect and if I may give you an advice, it would be this: don't do any experiments when it comes to choosing a dentist. If you can, follow your gut and go where you feel comfortable and take your time with it all. You already have made the first steps and that's what counts.
My dentist is in an another country and it takes two hours by plane to get there. And my friends think I am crazy and I think it too sometimes and my dentist probably also.. but feeling safe in a dental practice and experiencing your emotional state being your dentists's first priority, no matter what.. that's just life-changing. Especially if you come from a background where your boundaries were crossed on a regular basis.

All the best for you, may you find a wonderful lovely kind and caring dentist who really takes his/her time with you and makes your feel safe and taken care of.. and don't forget to keep us posted, because you never know who is reading and feeling inspired by your story :)
What you said here, 'Especially if you come from a background where your boundaries were crossed on a regular basis' has stayed with me since I read it. It's EXACTLY how I feel. You really hit the nail on the head.
Thank you for your good wishes - I have drafted an email to a dentist...well, drafted, deleted and re-drafted. Just need the strength to hit *send*...
 
Enarete

Enarete

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I have drafted an email to a dentist...well, drafted, deleted and re-drafted. Just need the strength to hit *send*...
If you need someone to read it and give your reassurance, jut let me know. I vividly remember my first emails to my dentist. I had about 15 drafts in my computer and 10 in my cell phone, I would count the words, read it aloud, trying to make it as short as possible but not too short, wondering if it sounds embarassing or not, needing one week to get a draft I was happy with and on the next day it felt weird again.. oh and running away from the computer after hitting the send button.. it was just such a huge deal.. and I wouldn't send one email without having at least one trusted friend to check it.. I still don't have enough courage to send an email to a dentist without having it checked by a very trusted dental-fear-friend, actually. So feel free to pm me any time.

Happy to hear that you are making progress.. one part of the journey is the communication with the dentist and the other part that runs simultaniously, is the communication with yourself and that part can be very hard too.

Sending you some good vibes and good wishes and it's just lovely to see an another beautiful soul who decided to conquer her fears :XXLhug:

Look forward to hear how you are doing.
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Well only saw him briefly in january so its hard to say yet but someone I spoke to who has had him rates him highly (but then anyone is prob better than the last one). Its just the whole starting from scratch thing feels like I'm going backwards I'd just like to come out of there at least once feeling positive,my appointment is wednesday not really sure what it will entail. :-\
Good to hear that he is highly rated. I can imagine that it feels like starting from scratch, but I am sure there is some slight change to the better if you really look closely. Holding my fingers totally crossed for you tomorrow, may your consultant be very very kind and competent and may you finally feel like making progress :clover:
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Being afraid of the dentist is one thing. Being afraid of the fear of the dentist an another. And being afreid of NOT being afraid an another again.

I was distracted through work last days so there was a lot of normality for me. My critical time is in the evening. As soon as I relax for a moment, my thoughts start to run.. and sometimes they run and I get fear and sometimes I just feel fine.. and then I start to panic because I feel fine. You can really worry about any topic of your choice, if you keep feeding it, it's ridiculous.

What if I went to my appointment and had no fear? Would they be rude to me? Rush? Would the dentist stop explaining me what he would do? Would he stop talking to me and just do the treatment? Do I have some kind of immunity as a nervous patient? And is my fear something I can control?

There are those few pictures of my new practice in the internet.. I have analyzed every inch of every picture. I know which floor, where the windows are placed and do they have a sight protection, how much space there is right and left from the chair, where the surgery door is. It makes me feel like going to a familiar place.. ok, not really familiar, but not completely strange.. does it make me feel better? No.
I so wished a plan. A protocol. I want to know everything before I set the foot into the practice. I just cannot deal with the unknown and cannot cope with the loss of control and my worst fear is they would put me right into the chair. Maybe forget I was a nervous patient.. my fear is basically that my experience with that dentist here last summer gets repeated.

Control is a funny thing. It is a substitute for trust. If you don't have trust, you need control. I wouldn't normally try to take control of something I don't know much about.. dental stuff for example. It could only end as a catastrophe. But if I don't trust, what else can I do..?

This is my last dentist, I swear. If this works, I won't ever look for an another practice before my dentist(s) retire. No experiments anymore, no stretching, just enjoying being able to cope with a treatment and my regular check-ups and if it's only at this two practices on the planet then I'm fine with that.

I am terrified of the weekend.. my thoughts now are ok and I can cope but too much free time can make it all worse...
 
T

tazey

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Being afraid of the dentist is one thing. Being afraid of the fear of the dentist an another. And being afreid of NOT being afraid an another again.

I was distracted through work last days so there was a lot of normality for me. My critical time is in the evening. As soon as I relax for a moment, my thoughts start to run.. and sometimes they run and I get fear and sometimes I just feel fine.. and then I start to panic because I feel fine. You can really worry about any topic of your choice, if you keep feeding it, it's ridiculous.

What if I went to my appointment and had no fear? Would they be rude to me? Rush? Would the dentist stop explaining me what he would do? Would he stop talking to me and just do the treatment? Do I have some kind of immunity as a nervous patient? And is my fear something I can control?

There are those few pictures of my new practice in the internet.. I have analyzed every inch of every picture. I know which floor, where the windows are placed and do they have a sight protection, how much space there is right and left from the chair, where the surgery door is. It makes me feel like going to a familiar place.. ok, not really familiar, but not completely strange.. does it make me feel better? No.
I so wished a plan. A protocol. I want to know everything before I set the foot into the practice. I just cannot deal with the unknown and cannot cope with the loss of control and my worst fear is they would put me right into the chair. Maybe forget I was a nervous patient.. my fear is basically that my experience with that dentist here last summer gets repeated.

Control is a funny thing. It is a substitute for trust. If you don't have trust, you need control. I wouldn't normally try to take control of something I don't know much about.. dental stuff for example. It could only end as a catastrophe. But if I don't trust, what else can I do..?

This is my last dentist, I swear. If this works, I won't ever look for an another practice before my dentist(s) retire. No experiments anymore, no stretching, just enjoying being able to cope with a treatment and my regular check-ups and if it's only at this two practices on the planet then I'm fine with that.

I am terrified of the weekend.. my thoughts now are ok and I can cope but too much free time can make it all worse...
Not being able to work gives me way to much time to think as for relaxing don't kno the meaning of that word my thoughts race from the time I wake up till I go to bed. Don't think i'll ever trust a dentist (crazy thing to say when they are the ones putting me to sleep+operating on me) I certainly can't control things either take today for example disaster. Why are you dreading the weekend an appointment?
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Not being able to work gives me way to much time to think as for relaxing don't kno the meaning of that word my thoughts race from the time I wake up till I go to bed. Don't think i'll ever trust a dentist (crazy thing to say when they are the ones putting me to sleep+operating on me) I certainly can't control things either take today for example disaster. Why are you dreading the weekend an appointment?
tazey, I'm so terribly sorry for how things went for you today :( and also that you don't have distractions during you day and keep worrying. That's what I have at weekends and it's tiring enough, but having this every day must be insane.. Don't have much idea about how the system you are in works, but find it crazy that nobody seems to be able to help you quicker than in years.. I wished you would have a lovely dentist who could finally help you to move things forward..
 
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tazey

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tazey, I'm so terribly sorry for how things went for you today :( and also that you don't have distractions during you day and keep worrying. That's what I have at weekends and it's tiring enough, but having this every day must be insane.. Don't have much idea about how the system you are in works, but find it crazy that nobody seems to be able to help you quicker than in years.. I wished you would have a lovely dentist who could finally help you to move things forward..
That's ok wasn't expecting it to go great,I'm in the uk so I'm on a long waiting list doesn't make a diff if I change hospitals it would still apparently take that long. Do you have an appointment soon?
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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I also feel the same.. As a trauma victim in life I've had my personal space and really emotional space violated time after time. so to have a choice in who will touch you, when and how is a huge issue. So very important to be able to have someone you trust. I'm so picky and this is one of my fears too to have someone in emergency I don't know or don't trust have to do something I'm not familiar with that I don't like. this is a nightmere scenario. Trust and familiarity and choice are so important in dentistry. I totally hear you !!
 
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Enarete

Enarete

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I also feel the same.. As a trauma victim in life I've had my personal space and really emotional space violated time after time. so to have a choice in who will touch you, when and how is a huge issue. So very important to be able to have someone you trust. I'm so picky and this is one of my fears too to have someone in emergency I don't know or don't trust have to do something I'm not familiar with that I don't like. this is a nightmere scenario. Trust and familiarity and choice are so important in dentistry. I totally hear you !!
Thank you so much for sharing this, it's so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way! Getting touched by a person you have never seen before in your life can feel so terrifying.. and this forum is the only place where I have found people who feel the same.. thank you again for sharing, this is so helpful!
 
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