Enarete
Super Moderator
Staff member
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2017
- Messages
- 3,347
Don't know where to start so I will just write straight forward, in the same confusing manner like my thoughts really are. I feel like a different person every day - almost every minute - and can't think of nothing else than my coming appointment but it seems to me that I am always looking at it as someone different - from the point of fear, the point of courage, the point of curiosity, sometimes even looking forward to it, sometimes scared to death, ashamed, guilty.
In my country I haven't find any practice who I felt I could trust so I have made the crazy decision to contact a dentist I felt would be the 'right' for me despite the practice being abroad. I don't care about the cost, I am sure I will somehow find the way, no matter what it takes. I would do anything to find a dentist I could trust, anywhere on the planet. We had an email contact and now I have an appointment coming in few weeks. He couldn't promise me to complete my treatment but agreed on completing an exam (just looking and maybe x-rays). The emails were so friendly and caring and at the same time very professional.
I wrote him about my past experiences and my dental fears and was so happy he would be willing to see me. I have such a hope with this practice. What I didn't write was that I am also scared of people coming close to me and that I freak out at the thought of somebody touching me. I wrote about my tendency to freeze and told him I was afraid of starting to cry but generally I was trying to stay as non-emotional as possible in my email so he wouldn't think I was crazy.
Now I am scared of
- the dentist and the stuff thinking I must be crazy and stupid to fly to an another country for a treatment
- telling the dentist about my fear of being touched and having people too close to me because he might understand that I experienced abuse and would refuse to treat me
- crying, shaking and behaving like a fool so that even if I manage the first appointment and even if they agreed on treating me I wouldn't be able to set a foot in the practice again
- the dentist noticing my panic because that would make me feel totally exposed
- the dentist not noticing my panic and treating me the wrong way
- the dentist thinking I was too complicated and refusing to treat me or treating me despite thinking I was too complicated - don’t know what would be worse
- a dozen of another fears that change every day
I didn’t know that there was a connection between abuse and dental fear - I have found out at this forum and suddenly all my fears make sense to me. But now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want anybody to know whats wrong with me but at the same time I desperately want help. I know that a lot of my bad dentists experiences were my fault - I have never told a dentist I was anxious and I never stopped a treatment despite pain or feeling like drowning. And I always controlled myself so hard and then just freezed and stayed like that during the whole treatment. Then going home, crying for hours, sleeping for days and forgetting about it. I don’t want that all anymore. I wish a dentist would could treat me kindly. A place I can go for friendly checkups without fear. This dream we all have, right?
I am so scared of that all and don’t want to make a mistake. I feel like if I don’t say or do the right things at my first visit it will all go wrong. On the other hand I will go there no matter what. I will go through the door and no matter if I pass out or cry or shake - i will have my appointment and hope that they know how to work with that.
In my country I haven't find any practice who I felt I could trust so I have made the crazy decision to contact a dentist I felt would be the 'right' for me despite the practice being abroad. I don't care about the cost, I am sure I will somehow find the way, no matter what it takes. I would do anything to find a dentist I could trust, anywhere on the planet. We had an email contact and now I have an appointment coming in few weeks. He couldn't promise me to complete my treatment but agreed on completing an exam (just looking and maybe x-rays). The emails were so friendly and caring and at the same time very professional.
I wrote him about my past experiences and my dental fears and was so happy he would be willing to see me. I have such a hope with this practice. What I didn't write was that I am also scared of people coming close to me and that I freak out at the thought of somebody touching me. I wrote about my tendency to freeze and told him I was afraid of starting to cry but generally I was trying to stay as non-emotional as possible in my email so he wouldn't think I was crazy.
Now I am scared of
- the dentist and the stuff thinking I must be crazy and stupid to fly to an another country for a treatment
- telling the dentist about my fear of being touched and having people too close to me because he might understand that I experienced abuse and would refuse to treat me
- crying, shaking and behaving like a fool so that even if I manage the first appointment and even if they agreed on treating me I wouldn't be able to set a foot in the practice again
- the dentist noticing my panic because that would make me feel totally exposed
- the dentist not noticing my panic and treating me the wrong way
- the dentist thinking I was too complicated and refusing to treat me or treating me despite thinking I was too complicated - don’t know what would be worse
- a dozen of another fears that change every day
I didn’t know that there was a connection between abuse and dental fear - I have found out at this forum and suddenly all my fears make sense to me. But now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want anybody to know whats wrong with me but at the same time I desperately want help. I know that a lot of my bad dentists experiences were my fault - I have never told a dentist I was anxious and I never stopped a treatment despite pain or feeling like drowning. And I always controlled myself so hard and then just freezed and stayed like that during the whole treatment. Then going home, crying for hours, sleeping for days and forgetting about it. I don’t want that all anymore. I wish a dentist would could treat me kindly. A place I can go for friendly checkups without fear. This dream we all have, right?
I am so scared of that all and don’t want to make a mistake. I feel like if I don’t say or do the right things at my first visit it will all go wrong. On the other hand I will go there no matter what. I will go through the door and no matter if I pass out or cry or shake - i will have my appointment and hope that they know how to work with that.
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