Cracked filling, Anxiety, IBS - rantings of a needlephobic stress-case

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metallictaste

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Hello forum!
Got home from a stressful last month of art school a while ago... thought I had a bacterial stomach infection with how much my bowels had changed in that last month. Talked to my doctor then, and discovered it's most likely stress-induced IBS.
IBS!!!!
Medicated for a genetic anxiety disorder and depression since forever, my body reacting to stress this way is a first.

Thought the trouble was finally over when I finished my program and moved out of student housing, back to my hometown... boy oh boy, the lighting in my childhood bathroom is certainly great. Opened my mouth to discover one of my fillings totally cracked. Absolutely devastated.

Been at the bf's this last week to catch up and de-stress, my body had other plans. More IBS, now with accompanying midnight nausea. Fought it off for a few nights, actually threw up one night... been eased with gravol since. Tooth getting worse.

I have an appointment tomorrow. My tooth is metallic tasting and sensitive as ever right now. Infection maybe according to internet? I hope to god it's not too bad and I can leave the office with a simple procedure planned within the week.

Sedation dentistry has been a godsend, I'm so so so fucking grateful I have that option. Going to ask them to really up the laughing gas for me this time around. When it comes time for a procedure that is... I'm going in tomorrow without sedation for a checkup... my brain is an absolute wreck right now. I hope to god it will go smoothly.

Of course on top of this I start my period today too... that always makes me emotionally touchy. Hope hope hope I wont stress bawl at the dentist tomorrow.
Or have too much stress gas.
Or get too stress nauseous.
Or god forbid have a bout of constipation-diarrhea.

I cant wait for this to just be over. Dont know what food I'll be able to even get down before I go in for a procedure. Stress is absolutely ruthless.
 
M

metallictaste

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>genetic anxiety disorder
>genetic depression

...Also, genetic bad teeth. Been thinking about my future lately with unease. I'm only 21, I'm terrified of having to have any more procedures in the future. I'm not close with my dad, but I know he has partial dentures. Enamel erosion, receding gumline... I've always been a hard brusher. Now learning slowly to have a lighter touch I guess.
I've always subconsciously felt that scrubbing hard = cleaning good. But tell that to the current state of my teeth... it's a hard battle to start to fight.

The thing I hate the most about my needle and dental phobia is the fact that I dont remember ic there was an instigating trauma... over the years its crept in out of nowhere and dominated my life.
When I was in elementary school, I had a phobia of bees, wasps, and any insect that buzzed. Started when I got bit by a wasp while having fun in the woods with a freind. Managed to fade away as the years went by, but I would refuse to go outside when it was sunny out because of my fear. It was bad. There where a lot of tears. But at least with that I have origins to examine critically.

But with my dental and needle fears, i got nothing. For sure makes me feel hopeless. Also apologies in advance if this is the wrong category to be posting my rants in... journals might have been a better option. X_x
 
M

metallictaste

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Who knew some word vomit can do a little to ease.. something in me.

More word vomit?
More word vomit.

Therapy.

When I was a child (and into my teens) I went to multiple therapists for my depression and anxiety. I'm sure they helped somewhat, but I could never get any use out of the deep breathing and mindful meditation and visualization exercises. They all just seemed so stupid to me, I would go through the motions but they would never really help when I got anxious in real life, nevermind trying to use these techniques for my dental fear. It was hell before i finally tried sedation dentistry.

Now as an adult facing the real world (and booking my own medical appointments), its hard for me to convince myself that I will get any better results with therapy now. But, it's an inevitability. I cant go my whole life without taking at least one blood test, and god knows I'm going to be back and back again for my bad teeth as I get older. And therapy seems like the only long term solution.

Or to become a billionaire and pay for sedation for every little thing. That would be a dream, lol.

One day I will start up therapy again and I hope to god it will be different this time around... if I hear one more suggestion for a visualization exercise I will blow up lmao
 
T

tazey

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784
Who knew some word vomit can do a little to ease.. something in me.

More word vomit?
More word vomit.

Therapy.

When I was a child (and into my teens) I went to multiple therapists for my depression and anxiety. I'm sure they helped somewhat, but I could never get any use out of the deep breathing and mindful meditation and visualization exercises. They all just seemed so stupid to me, I would go through the motions but they would never really help when I got anxious in real life, nevermind trying to use these techniques for my dental fear. It was hell before i finally tried sedation dentistry.

Now as an adult facing the real world (and booking my own medical appointments), its hard for me to convince myself that I will get any better results with therapy now. But, it's an inevitability. I cant go my whole life without taking at least one blood test, and god knows I'm going to be back and back again for my bad teeth as I get older. And therapy seems like the only long term solution.

Or to become a billionaire and pay for sedation for every little thing. That would be a dream, lol.

One day I will start up therapy again and I hope to god it will be different this time around... if I hear one more suggestion for a visualization exercise I will blow up lmao
I know exactly how you feel I've had stress for so long I can't remember what "normal" is anymore,I also have a needle phobia. 😒 I've never done therapy (I know what it entails tho) and like you just don't see the point in deep breathing/meditation or how it would help in my situations. I hope you get your tooth sorted let us know how you get on.
 
Catie McBain

Catie McBain

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I know what you mean in terms of therapy not being helpful with your anxiety. I've had it suggested to me a number of times, but I already have books on meditation, deep breathing and visualization techniques. And let's be honest, none of it works. It's basically the same exact thing, what I read in the books and what a therapist could teach me. So I don't see a reason to bother when I already know it doesn't work for me. It's all so pointless, in my opinion.

I also know what you mean when it comes to having a fear of needles. I'm much more stubborn and fearful, though. Because I will refuse a blood test and dental treatment even at the expense of my own health and well being. An example is the time I wasted nearly a decade of my life, bedridden with severe health issues that probably could have been solved if I had more tests run. But I only managed a blood test once, and that traumatized me so badly I started having nightmares and never went back. I honestly thought I had covid last year. And did I see a doctor or do anything about it? Nope. Why? Because needles.

You have a lot of people here who understand the way you feel and what you're going through. And I'm one of them. I'm sending you much love and virtual hugs. You're never alone here. We're with you. ♥
 
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tazey

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I know what you mean in terms of therapy not being helpful with your anxiety. I've had it suggested to me a number of times, but I already have books on meditation, deep breathing and visualization techniques. And let's be honest, none of it works. It's basically the same exact thing, what I read in the books and what a therapist could teach me. So I don't see a reason to bother when I already know it doesn't work for me. It's all so pointless, in my opinion.

I also know what you mean when it comes to having a fear of needles. I'm much more stubborn and fearful, though. Because I will refuse a blood test and dental treatment even at the expense of my own health and well being. An example is the time I wasted nearly a decade of my life, bedridden with severe health issues that probably could have been solved if I had more tests run. But I only managed a blood test once, and that traumatized me so badly I started having nightmares and never went back. I honestly thought I had covid last year. And did I see a doctor or do anything about it? Nope. Why? Because needles.

You have a lot of people here who understand the way you feel and what you're going through. And I'm one of them. I'm sending you much love and virtual hugs. You're never alone here. We're with you. ♥
In the uk they advise you not to go to doctors surgerys if you have any symptoms of covid do a test+if it got worse then you'd have to phone 999 I don't think they'd need to give you any jab (other than the vaccine if you wanted it). It's good tho if you didn't have it.
 
Catie McBain

Catie McBain

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@tazey

Actually, if it got worse, I would stay home and still do nothing. I reached a point where I could barely stand and was struggling to breathe. I had to hold onto the counter just to move from one room to the next, because I was on the verge of collapse from absolute exhaustion and difficulty breathing. I was prepared to die right there in my own home, and I accepted that. I basically went to bed and just hoped I would wake up the next morning.

I was afraid that if I went to the doctor, they would hospitalize me because it had gotten so bad. I was afraid they would put an IV in me or something. I don't know what they would have done. I'm scared of not being in control and of what they would do to me in the hospital. I avoid hospitals even when I'm seriously sick because that's how bad my phobia is.

I'll never know if I had covid or not. I've never been tested, but I know I haven't felt right since then. I was sick for a month and my brain was in such a fog for about two months afterwards. Sometimes I have difficulty remembering things, my energy never really came back completely. But I don't want to ramble on so I'll zip it now.
 
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M

metallictaste

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Late update but feeling more at ease.
The filling was really old, not much left for it to hang on to... so getting a crown!
Freaky looking process!
I'd forgotten how understanding the staff was... got through a cleaning without tears, asked them not to touch the cracked tooth at all because it freaked me out, and the cleaning lady happily obliged. Totally avoided it throughout. God fucking bless.

Set up for an oral sedative along with laughing gas for the procedure date next week.

Between their reassurance and now having a polished up mouth, my pain is minimal at the moment, and the metallic taste is less triggering.

Talked to my doctor a little while ago I should mention... and he hooked me up with some ativan doses for when I finally decide to get my vaccine.
He was just like, yeah I can totally get you some oral sedative if vaccine needles are that distressing- you have an anxiety disorder.
Like damn. So much fucking easier than I thought it would be?

Hoping the ativan will be strong enough... I usually take triazolam pre-dental procedure. Which I think is stronger than ativan? But it will take the edge off a bit...
Boyfriend recently got his vaccination, he asked when he was there and there are solo rooms for people with needle fears. Straight up?? I was looking around online for ages about accommodations for needle phobias and theres NO information on clinics offering a separate room for needle phobic persons on the official government of Canada covid information website. I was flying by the seat of my pants scouring articles, found one with some rando commenting to the press about these solo rooms and I was just crossing my fingers that whatever place I'd go to would have one- but I guess they're more readily available than I thought.

Ibs update? Still a bitch lol.
This month will be the month though.
Step one is the crown, step two is vaccine. Step three... if I make it out alive and I still have major ibs... MAYBE BLOOD TEST?? (Got ativan doses for that too if it comes to that...)
But crossing my fingers that my gut will finally settle and I wont have to go in for that too...

Optimistic for sure, but might be back venting again right before next weeks appointment... but optimistic for now!
 
M

metallictaste

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@tazey

Actually, if it got worse, I would stay home and still do nothing. I reached a point where I could barely stand and was struggling to breathe. I had to hold onto the counter just to move from one room to the next, because I was on the verge of collapse from absolute exhaustion and difficulty breathing. I was prepared to die right there in my own home, and I accepted that. I basically went to bed and just hoped I would wake up the next morning.

I was afraid that if I went to the doctor, they would hospitalize me because it had gotten so bad. I was afraid they would put an IV in me or something. I don't know what they would have done. I'm scared of not being in control and of what they would do to me in the hospital. I avoid hospitals even when I'm seriously sick because that's how bad my phobia is.

I'll never know if I had covid or not. I've never been tested, but I know I haven't felt right since then. I was sick for a month and my brain was in such a fog for about two months afterwards. Sometimes I have difficulty remembering things, my energy never really came back completely. But I don't want to ramble on so I'll zip it now.

Lots and lots of hugs, sending you good vibes.
 
Catie McBain

Catie McBain

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Thank you. I very much appreciate the good vibes and hugs. And I'm sending some back to you because sharing the love is caring, my friend. 🥰🥰

I'm glad that things are going better for you. There isn't anything that can be done for me. Sedatives don't work for me, even though they've tried prescribing the strongest kind there is. Most of the time I can't calm down enough to take them anyway. Or keep them down because I'm the type who throws up due to anxiety. The only explanation they give me is that intense fear creates adrenaline in the bloodstream that counteracts the affects of sedatives. So the oral sedatives they prescribe do absolutely nothing for me. But for other people, I hear they work well. Or at least, that's what I've been told.

But that's alright, because I accepted that I can't have tests or treatment a long time ago. I think my purpose here on earth is simply to comfort those around me, reminding them that it isn't as bad as it seems because there are always people worse off than they are.

Go forward and succeed where I can not. I know you can do it, friend. Much love. ♥
 
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metallictaste

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Ugh, times like these I wish I could pop in to remind myself what laughing gas feels like again real quick

Last time I had laughing gas the biggest thing that stood out to me was that I actually genuinely opened my mouth for them voluntarily

Which feels so incredibly insane right now
Day after tomorrow is my appointment
Need to pick up new earbuds tomorrow for blasting music
That helped me slightly somehow last time

The thought that's keeping me going right now is knowing I probably have the option to back out at the beginning of things if I cant handle it. The one time I decided to skip the oral sedative and just do laughing gas it went horribly, and I was a complete mess when escorted to the chair. Seeing how absolutely wrecked I was she asked me if I wanted to put it off for another time and I'm so so grateful she gave me that option in the moment. Heres hoping I can face this head on.
 
S

Sgb

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Have you been to an actual gastroenterologist? Rule out everything before just shrugging and saying woops IBS. I've found an anti inflammatory diet seems to help when I can stick to it.

As for the vaccine, ask if you can lay down when you get there. It will help if you panic and hyperventilate. They will probably have you lay down a few moments after the jab just to make sure you aren't so worked up you pass out. But even if you do you will already be laying down so it won't be an issue and you will be safe from falling.

Good luck with the teeth.
 
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metallictaste

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Have you been to an actual gastroenterologist? Rule out everything before just shrugging and saying woops IBS. I've found an anti inflammatory diet seems to help when I can stick to it.

As for the vaccine, ask if you can lay down when you get there. It will help if you panic and hyperventilate. They will probably have you lay down a few moments after the jab just to make sure you aren't so worked up you pass out. But even if you do you will already be laying down so it won't be an issue and you will be safe from falling.

Good luck with the teeth.

Thank you for the needle advice, I'll see if they have that option when I go.

And yeah, looking back I shouldnt've called it IBS for real. It came on suddenly in a very stressful month, my family doctor gave me the diagnosis of ibs due to stress but it could honestly just be gut temper tantrum due to anxiety disorder. Or a bacterial infection 😬

At any rate it has thankfully calmed down a lot, even since I last posted, and I'm freakin grateful.

Also thank you for the good vibes 😭
 
S

Sgb

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I'm glad it's calmed down. Get some rest you've earned it.

If they don't have a place you can lie down, sit for the shot and immediately put your head between your knees for that wait they make you do. Communication with the nurse giving the vaccine will go a long way to helping you calm.
 
M

metallictaste

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Eugh
12am right now
Feeling numb tonight
Sparse minutes of anxiety but mostly just numb and uneasy
Arguably better than heart pounding anxiety?
Bright and early tomorrow morning, here we go...
 
T

tazey

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I know how you feel have an appointment later today,doesn't help there's a heatwave as well I'm going to melt (hence why I never go out in this temperature). 😩
 
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metallictaste

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How did it go?

See here for my sedation overview: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/forum/threads/complete-mouth-extractions.30858/post-223882

As far as post goes... I hurt! Havent had a chance to look in my mouth yet but it went so so so much better than I was thinking it maybe would've gone...

Previously I had taken the oral sedative sublingually? This round I straight popped both the pills down my throat and that seemed to have a stronger effect for sure

Been drinking water and have nibbled one slice of pizza, probably going to down some painkiller soon.
 
S

Sgb

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Nix the pizza. Go softer. It will help with pain. I'm glad it went well though.
 
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