Dating With Dental Fear

[scaredsusan]

It held me back, I have to say, I would feel inhibited and worry that my poor teeth would put people off.
Anyone else had this worry when it comes to dating/romance?

 

[letsconnect]

I've sent you a PM .

 

[kia101]

Just came across this and felt moved to chip in

I'm not sure whether you're worried about 1) people seeing your teeth or 2) people knowing you're dentist phobic - the two are quite different and you haven't been very clear. :s

Before I reply, and apologies if this sounds a little inquisitive or rude - are you at the stage in your life when you're looking for dating/flings or to settle down with a guy in a proper relationship?

 

[letsconnect]

I'm not sure whether you're worried about 1) people seeing your teeth or 2) people knowing you're dentist phobic - the two are quite different and you haven't been very clear. :s

I think it would be a bit of both - being worried about what a potential date would think or say of the state of your teeth, and being worried about their reaction to finding out that you avoid dentists (for example, they might urge you to see a dentist, which of course might send you into a state of complete panic and shame - and that would be pretty devastating). So I'd think it would quite commonly be a mixture of the two? It would be interesting to find out what others think !

 

[letsconnect]

I just noticed that I had moved this thread from off-topic to here (because it was on-topic), but then realized that you may have posted it there because it's members only. Please let me know if you'd like it moved back to where it came from !

 

[kia101]

I must admit I'm no relationships expert, but here's my view - Ignoring the difference between a casual relationship and a more serious one, I think with regards to the whole 'will my teeth put him off thing?', your smile might form part of his first impression (if he's quite shallow, that is!) but then after that, hopefully your personality, your sense of humour and the rest of your appearance should take over

With regards to the actual phobia, fear is totally normal. Sure, not everyone is afraid of the dentist as such but they know what fear is like -chances are that your date will hate clowns/spiders/heights/graveyards just as you fear going to the dentist. I for one have a (male) friend with a total and utter fear of anything to do with eyes/opticians/my contact lenses! You don't need to announce it as soon as you meet him and certainly don't feel the need to blurt anything with deep emotional significance before you feel ready to. What I'm saying is that you could be surprised how OK people can be with it; part of any deep relationship is being supportive and honest towards the other person and that's especially true of a romantic relationship I think. I told a male acquaintance about my dental phobia a while back and I thought he'd laugh but he's actually been so supportive and encouraging and in a way his support brought us closer together.

If a guy ever makes you feel uncomfortable because of how you feel, look for love elsewhere

I hope I've helped in some way. Best of luck Susan!

 

[scaredsusan]

It was a bit of both!


I had anxieties about it but it's not actually been a problem, I just wouldn't smile much... and I think (along with various other issues about my appearance) it stopped me meeting people.

 

[aintreallyme]

Well I live in California where everybody's expected to have perfect teeth. So many guys would never date somebody with bad teeth. But given my bad teeth, I have to say that there have been a few wonderful guys in the past few years who nevertheless have made it clear that they were interested and thought I was attractive regardless. But I have been the one unable to deal with intimacy, so I have put them off. I think if you have bad teeth, a large percentage of people will write you off, but there will always be some wonderful people who see you for who you are - but you have to be ready for them. I'm not, because I have always been better at dealing with problems on my own, so I'd rather deal with my teeth first, then I will feel ready to be intimate and open in a relationship. I just know I need to be in control of the timing and circumstances of my dental treatment, and then after I will feel more ready to invite somebody to be close to me.

So long answer, but yes, it definitely has affected my dating life, and yes it sucks, but it will improve eventually. There are some wonderful people out there (and also some shallow people who would never accept anyone with a 'defect' but don't let that form your opinions of the world in general.)

 

[snowqueen]

Just read this thread and wanted to share my experience with you, I have always suffered with dental fear and so as you can imagine my teeth are not in the best of health.

Anyway, prior to meeting my hubby over 6 years ago I had to have my 4 front teeth removed and a plate put in. We had only been seeing each other a couple of weeks when the plate broke leaving me with a massive gap in the front of my mouth I should point out that I had managed to avoid kissing him for those two weeks (which wasn't easy).

On the night that the plate broke he came to see me. My sister let him in (after I told her I didn't want him to see me with a great big gap in my mouth). So picture this, there I am sat at the table with my hand clasped tightly over my mouth every time I had to speak. In the end I started crying as he kept asking me what was wrong. My sister blurted out what had happened (I could have throttled her) and guess what he did? He came over moved my hand away and said "thank goodness that's all that was wrong. I have been worried that you didn't fancy me and that was why we never kissed".

That night I totally opened up to him about my phobia. It was such a relief to me, the sweetest part being when he said that it matter if I didn't have any teeth left, he was falling in love with me not my teeth. We were married 11 months later and in November we celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary

I am still not over my fear but whenever I have to have any dental work done (usually as a last resort) he always takes time off work and comes with me for support. Hope I haven't bored you all but whilst there are some superficial souls out there, don't forget there are also some gems

 

[scaredsusan]

That's a lovely story.

 

[Alexandra1973]

I'm married and self-conscious about my teeth. I need a few out...but they're where no one will notice.

I'm scared of the dentist too. But I also want to be able to feel good about myself.