Dental Anxiety Back Again

[Monica82]

I'm new to this forum and hoping someone might have some advice or perspective to please offer. For a little background, I've been suffering with dental anxiety on and off for about 20 years. My fears started when I was in college, with a dentist performing a couple fillings. I had had fillings and dental procedures before this with no issue, however this dentist was rushed and seemed to be splitting her time between me and another patient. This left me sitting in the chair for a prolonged period before the fillings began and I started to feel anxious. Then the dentist came in and basically gave me no communication what exactly she'd be doing. This increased my anxiety more, especially after she started to numb me in an area I didn't realize she'd be working in. This led to pretty much a full blown panic attack, which the dentist brushed off onto a reaction from the anesthesia shot. (Which started a phobia for me about anesthesia, despite the fact I'd had local anesthesia before and no issues.) She started to work on me, despite that I hadn't really calmed down, and I felt for awhile like I was going to die. I canceled my next six month appointment before it was time to go back and became immobilized for years at choosing a new dentist.

Flash forward about ten years, I finally decided it was time to start seeing a dentist again, despite being a nervous wreck. (I so wish I had known about this forum at that time.) Luckily, a friend recommended a dentist who was extremely kind and patient, and miraculously, despite a ten year gap in dental appointments, including times when I'd not necessarily been taking the best care of my teeth, all I needed was a deep cleaning. I got back on track with six month appointments. I was still unexplainably nervous going back for check-ups, although this gradually lessened over about 5 years of going regularly. By the time I had my last appointment I was fairly calm and it felt more or less "normal".

Then Covid happened. I was living with someone at the time who was high-risk, so it seemed prudent to postpone my six month cleaning. I really meant and intended to return to the dentist after getting vaccinated and was not that anxious about going back. However, I've had a series of personal and work life issues that have come up over the past 3-4 years. At some times, going back to the dentist hasn't been on my mind at all because of dealing with other things. At other times, it pops into my head I need to go back but I think I'll try to go back in a couple months - only for something else to come up and it gets pushed back on my priority list. Now it's been 5 years and what I had told myself before - that this gap isn't ideal but I'll be fine going back to the dentist I know and trust - is less convincing to me.

I'm mad at myself for letting myself get back in this position now. I feel like I was lucky the last time I had a gap in dental appointments but now this time it's going to be really bad (despite vastly improving my home health routine). While I would never say anyone else deserves dental problems, I feel I deserve it now after having this gap in appointments again and not learning my lesson the last time. I really want to return to the dentist I saw before, who is nice, gentle, and also conservative in her diagnosis. However, I'm also embarrassed to go back after waiting so long between appointments. I really don't think her, or anyone at the office, would shame me, since they didn't the last time, but what if that was because I was a new patient then and not a returning one now who waited so long?

I know I suffer from dental anxiety, anxiety in general, and OCD. One of the problems is that one of my coping methods is to imagine the worst case possible - which helps in some aspects of my life when I realize that I'm not going to die from whatever I'm anxious about. However, I've now convinced myself that I must have numerous cavities between my teeth that I just can't see or feel. That I'm going to have a heart attack or stroke in the chair while they're working on me - probably from the anesthesia. I also have this weird fear that the x-rays are going to show some serious hidden problem in my jaw that's going to require massive unexpected surgery.

I know I need to go back and, at times, can even be relatively calm about calling to make that appointment and going back. Then at other times I spiral and when I try to tell me myself it will be OK my brain takes over and says "No it's not. It's going to be awful. You won't be able to handle it and will break down at the dentist office. You're going to need treatment but will die getting it." Part of me wants to put it off longer and wait until something starts hurting and forces me back. Except I know that won't help my fears in the long run and that I ultimately won't be happy letting things get to that stage. Sedation isn't really an option I'm comfortable with, as part of my fear stems from lack of control, plus it's usually the anticipation and buildup that's the worst part. I know I've made it in before and usually am OK in the chair - except I always worry the next time will be the time I won't be OK.

I have an upcoming international trip this summer and really want to see the dentist before then, so that this isn't on my mind and can put this behind me. Except that voice in my head starts again - "No - you won't be able to go on that trip. You'll be in the middle of complex treatments then if you go back now. Or the dentist will have killed you before then." At times, I realize these fears are probably not completely rational, until I convince myself again that they are.

I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and not really sure what I'm asking, except I'd be ever most thankful for any advice or perspective someone might be able to offer on my situation and fears. I only have one person IRL I really feel comfortable talking about my dental phobia and they don't really understand it this time since I had a longer gap last time and no issues. I so hate this phobia and am so envious when I hear people talk about going to cleanings or getting a cavity filled like it's no big deal.

 

[letsconnect]

Hi @Monica82 and welcome !

Great to hear that you were able to overcome your earlier trauma and that you went on to find a dentist you like and trust - that must have taken a lot of guts!

But onto the current situation - if it's any consolation, there are literally 1000s of people in the same boat as yourself, with COVID happening and then finding it really hard to go back (and of course the longer you wait, the harder it becomes). Five years isn't really THAT long, especially with having improved your home routine. There's no reason as to why you'd suddenly have lots of dental problems that need urgent attention, provided your diet hasn't drastically changed. Even if there were problems that need sorting, they are rarely an emergency (unless you're in unbearable pain) and should not interfere with your travel plans. Many people delay dental treatment while saving up to pay for it. So if something requires multiple visits, you can just leave it until after you get back.

I'm sure your dentist won't even question your absence since COVID, but if you're worried about her reaction, why not send her an email telling her what you told us here?

 

[Monica82]

Thank you for your kind reply. You said a lot of what I think I needed to hear. While I would never wish anyone this situation or anxiety, it is reassuring there are others in the same situation from Covid. It's so easy with this phobia to feel isolated or like you're the only one. I had been thinking about emailing anyway for an appointment - I've been a wreck these past few days now that I've decided I need to go back - and I think emailing will be easier for me to handle than calling right now. I'll mention something briefly about my absence although I really don't think my dentist would say anything either way. You're right that it is so much harder to make that step back to the dentist's office the longer you've been away. I had told myself when I went back after the ten years I would never miss another six month appointment again. Obviously, I couldn't help Covid delaying things and then other things in life making it hard to go back. It's just hard to forgive myself for getting back into a situation of a several year gap again, even though I know it's not as long as the first time. I've also been caught by surprise at how much my anxiety has come roaring back now at the thought of actually making an appointment.

As I mentioned, I also suffer from health anxiety, along with the dental anxiety, and it is such a tough combination. Despite having no real symptoms, I spiral down into worrying thoughts that I have massive decay between my teeth I can't see and will need to have one or more pulled. I can be OK at the thought of having one or two cavities that would need treatment, except I tell myself that if a cavity would have developed on one tooth, that means every other is decaying also and I'm to have like 15-20. I know it's not completely rational but then I start to worry, well if one cavity would develop despite my improved home care (and I don't have any changes in diet really either), why wouldn't all the others decay too? It's a vicious cycle. I think part of it stems from this fear I have of going in and the news is going to be worse than expected so I build it up in hopes that it will be not as bad as I think. But then thoughts creep into my head that it will be as bad as I think (or even worse) and makes it so so hard to go back or not be filled with anxiety nonstop.

I know I've overcome this once before and I'm trying to tell myself I can again. It's just hard right now.

 

[ScaredyCat22]

I am in the exact same boat as you! Did you schedule an appointment yet? I have not seen a dentist since they cancelled mine due to covid and I never rescheduled and never went back. Now I have to go because part of a filling has come out and I'm a nervous wreck over it wondering what else they will find wrong. I have anxiety over all things medical too.

 

[FearfulGums123]

I can completely understand your comment about “no one deserves it but it feels like I do.”

My absence from the dentist wasn’t due to Covid, just stupidity on my part. But I have an appointment later this month after about 10 years and I’m super worried about it. I’m wishing you all the luck x

 

[Monica82]

I ended up having to call for an appointment last Monday (they never seemed to get the email I sent asking about scheduling) and they were able to get me in this past Thursday, due to a cancellation. The appointment went so much better than I expected. First, everyone there was super nice and no one questioned or said anything about why I hadn't been in 5 years. I did mention to the hygienist at one point that I had gotten knocked off track by Covid and she was so kind and understanding. She told me how easy it is for time to go by once you've had to skip one regular appointment and it sounded like they're still seeing several people now who are just coming back in after Covid. So we're definitely not alone!

Basically everything was fine with my teeth. My dentist did point out one spot between my teeth that could be early stages of a cavity forming, but said that it doesn't need to be filled now and can be watched for the time being. She thought with getting a cleaning, along with a fluoride treatment they gave me, that it could remineralize. It did take the hygienist some time to clean my teeth - probably about an hour - but she was very gentle and made sure I was comfortable repeatedly throughout the process. And despite the length of the time the cleaning took, she did say my teeth and gums looked good and had less buildup than she would have expected. I had had a couple spots I had found in the mirror before the appointment that I was very worried about, but they turned out just to be stains. My teeth look so much better now and I'd forgotten how good they feel after a professional cleaning.

I wish you both all the best in your own journeys back to the dentist! I know how hard it is even just calling to make that appointment and the anxiety of the unknown is the worst. I had read so many other stories on here of people who went back to the dentist after a long break and found that it was nowhere near as bad as expected, and I can attest to that. I also know though, from experience, how hard it is to believe that's going to be the outcome in the lead up to the appointment. I stumbled upon a quote when I was panicked beforehand, and it helped me at least a little to hear, that anxiety overestimates the threat and underestimates our ability to handle it. I know for myself it's hard getting my anxious mind to believe that, but I do also believe it's true. While it's a tough hurdle getting back to the dentist, actually knowing is so much better than what our anxious minds come up with. I'm rooting for both of you and I'm sure you'll find too that it's nowhere near as bad as our anxiety tries to tell us it will be.

 

[ScaredyCat22]

@Monica82 That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you that your appointment went well. It gives me hope that maybe there won't be anything wrong for me besides my one broken filling.

 

[FearfulGums123]

Completely agree - your story has given a lot of us hope. I think we need it, even if it feels unlikely for me.

I managed to call in again and push my appointment to tomorrow! My nerves are on full overdrive now!

 

[Monica82]

I'm so glad my experience was able to provide some hope and I'm wishing you both the best of outcomes! I know I read somewhere (can't remember if it was here or elsewhere) that it's unusual to have major issues you know nothing about because of the mouth being a sensitive area and usually big problems are obvious. Which makes sense, although I certainly know too how anxiety won't believe that either.

@FearfulGums123 That's awesome that you had the courage to call today and push up your appointment! I think getting the appointment set to get in is one of the hardest parts to overcome. I can completely relate to nerves feeling on full overdrive beforehand but I promise you you'll be so happy to get the appointment over with and know what's what. Treat yourself to something fun once you're done tomorrow - you deserve it!

 

[FearfulGums123]

@Monica82 I read another post on here where someone wasn’t happy with people throwing the term “phobia” around if they’re able to make calls and attend appointments. I guess my fear isn’t the appointment itself but the shame it brings to hear. I have asked my dentist/receptionist to limit the info they tell me. Like if it’s gum disease, just say that. Don’t say severe. Cause it’ll throw me in a spiral. I am never missing an appointment again though! Never putting myself through this turmoil again. Weird thing is, my teeth don’t hurt unless I think about them hurting… the mind is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

I have Vegas booked in end of this month so I really want to go without worrying! I don’t think there’s time for me to get any treatment done (albeit I have no idea what they’ll recommend yet). My biggest worry is that some of my teeth are wobbly when I use my fingers.