Dental shame and anxiety

[worrieddental]

So i've had bad teeth for years. Didn't really look after them in my 20s then developed problems in 30s.
Main issue is a combiantion of totally grinding all my teeth down at the back - my densist says my teeth are very flat.
Had one tooth extraction but lots of fillings.
After a long time found a nice dentist who seems good and going to do some composite bonding and implants at a cost of 12k
Was trying to get around to sorting this when now lost a filling and developed ongoing severe pain at the back.

I've got a dental appointment but my issues are this
- shame - every time i go in I feel terrible - as if its all my fault and now he put this big plan in palce but I was too busy working extra to try to save up the money for it.
- i'm thinking of taking my partner along to speak for me and just putting in earphones so i cna't hear what they say. I think I'll need antoher extraction or at the every least a root canal on the one thats lost a filling.

I'm 43 and will have lost 2 teeth - but this feels so shameful. The anxiety of it is awful.

I just want to be able to eat xmas lunch not in pain

I've tried CBT for my dental anxiety but it didn't really help.

I can't focus or think about anything else and currenlty just keep sticking my tongue in this massive cavity.

 

[Gordon]

You realise that this feeling of embarrassment is really common?

Embarrassed? What dentists really think

Do you avoid the dentist because you're too embarrassed about the state of your teeth and what a dentist might say or think? You're not alone!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Good idea taking your partner with you, it might also help to write out some questions in advance and e-mail them to the dentist before your appointment.

 

[worrieddental]

Thanks Gordon that’s really helpful

Does the Shame get any easier ever to deal with? I’m in a bad place and can’t eat, struggling at work….its so out of proportion. I hate myself for it…currently it’s only my kids keeping me going.

 

[Gordon]

Normally once you get over the initial appointment it gets a bit better.

However, if things are that bad for you just now, then it sounds like you need some professional help (not dental). Maybe ask your doctor for a referral for NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) treatment, it can be very helpful.

 

[worrieddental]

Hi all!
Thanks for that reply Gordon! I took my partner with me, used headphones through the whole thing and let her do the talking. Broke down a little bit in the chair
Problematic tooth now removed so just trying to rationalise it in my head for the next appoitnment in January when hopefully we start the fixing process!
The bit that I can't rationilise in my head is the actual bits I can handle fine - like the drilling or the removing. Its more the cognitive side of I feel like i'm just decaying. They did have some nice videos u in the waiting room about implants etc that looked quite good.

 

[worrieddental]

I actually found this the similar threads thing on the forum - the feelings reported here are exactly how I feel/felt. I'm also aprehensive about the future and all the upcoming treatments.
Anybody got any hints of moving through this.

"Well.. I had quite an appt last week where I feel I was just faced with this HUGE INTENSE shame.. after he took off my old crowns that had been there for 14 years.. well he went to get mirror to show me my teeth underneath and the decay to show me what happened.. I literally froze and just wanted to cry!! I just felt like the worst picture google could produce if you googled decay under crowns.. I felt like a freak show and just awful awful awful!! I felt certainly like .. ugh.. my dentist thinks I am just disgusting.. this is soo bad.. and I remember saying it.. this is awful.. so bad. so bad.. this is so bad. maybe I said aloud and maybe I said it to myself mostly I was in shock. though I knew I had decay. it was enough to make me cry but I didn't I held it in.. well.. he did feel bad I think for showing me.. after he saw the look on my face I'm sure.. as I wear my feelings on my sleeve.. well.. i had to see it.. its was fine I'm glad he showed me.. it needed to be..

Anyways, I wanted to share because.. I immediately felt that intense shame like I am flawed, defective, gross, etc etc"

 

[Gordon]

Is there actually a lot of fixing to be done?

I can only reiterate, dentists really don't care about the state of your teeth, we're just interested in how to fix them, not why they need fixed.

The only thing that really bugs us is if you show us that you clearly don't care about your oral health at all, i.e. coming in for appointments with teeth covered in plaque, sitting drinking from a can of coke or chewing toffees in the waiting room (it happens!) etc.

 

[worrieddental]

Thanks Gordon - great having you on here
Fixing wise - prob 2 impalnts to be done and some composite bonding to try stop the damage. One implant as i have a big cyst under a tooth thats apparently knackered and another implant where lost a tooth 12 years ago.