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Do you : Go it alone or take along supportive company ?

Do you: Go it along or take supportive company ?

  • I need and want to be alone.

    Votes: 37 42.5%
  • I always take a supportive friend or family member.

    Votes: 26 29.9%
  • Both - It depends what it taking place at the appointment.

    Votes: 19 21.8%
  • I would like to take someone as support, but don't know anyone suitable.

    Votes: 5 5.7%

  • Total voters
    87
thedogdemon

thedogdemon

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2017
Messages
31
Location
Illinois
Parents and sister are supportive, but my dad takes me and we have to bring our puppy with us otherwise we come home to a mess. :O

I usually go in and face it alone.
 
R

ruru

Junior member
Joined
Jul 11, 2019
Messages
15
Location
UK
I can't go alone at all. I had to when I was at university and I think that's when the fear of dentists came back (my mother was always so unhelpful when I was distressed as a child). If my partner can't come with me, I can't go which isn't ideal as I'm sure he's beyond fed up by now. I feel like such a burden, and so stupid for how scared I get.
 
J

Joeb

Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2019
Messages
54
Location
Ashford, England
Always take someone with me because as a person who is not good at sticking up for my self really and I’ll just accept what ever they say... with a family member there I feel confident in telling them how I feel
 
T

tazey

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 2, 2018
Messages
604
Location
Hampshire U.k
There's no way I'd go on my own,I only have 1 person willing to come each time but still feel like I'm on my own.
 
Judythecat

Judythecat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 7, 2018
Messages
593
Always on my own. When I had to get a tooth out a couple of years ago my partner and my mum both offered to come, but I would rather be by myself. My partner did come to the endodontist consultation when I needed a complicated molar RC, but he waited in the waiting room, and it was partly because I wasn’t really sure where I was going (different surgery).
 
D

Dawn65

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
127
Location
Warwickshire
I really can't cope on my own. The fear overtakes to the extent that I can't hear what's said to me or express myself at all and I often don't remember much afterward. The rational brain shuts down - in order to block everything out, I think. It just sort of leaves the room. My husband has to go with me.
 
A

Alani

Junior member
Joined
Jan 3, 2020
Messages
19
Location
Australia
I used to have my mum with me all time, as a child and teenager and absolutely hated it as I didn’t want her in the room with me at all. when I turned 14 I told her I was fine to go by myself and so she just sat in the waiting room i didn’t like her staring at me and I felt like I could never tell the dentist anything as she would speak for me instead and it was never the full story. So now I go alone and I have full control over what I tell my dentist without fear of being judged or interrupted by my mum. I love my mum though and was glad she was a active role but I’m a private person I don’t even tell her if I have a appointment or if I need any work done as far as she is concerned she doesn’t need to know those details as it’s private.
 
kitkat

kitkat

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Mar 27, 2006
Messages
1,547
Location
United States
I used to have my mum with me all time, as a child and teenager and absolutely hated it as I didn’t want her in the room with me at all. when I turned 14 I told her I was fine to go by myself and so she just sat in the waiting room i didn’t like her staring at me and I felt like I could never tell the dentist anything as she would speak for me instead and it was never the full story. So now I go alone and I have full control over what I tell my dentist without fear of being judged or interrupted by my mum. I love my mum though and was glad she was a active role but I’m a private person I don’t even tell her if I have a appointment or if I need any work done as far as she is concerned she doesn’t need to know those details as it’s private.
I relate to this so much! The only difference is all of the dentist offices that I went to expected you to go back on your own as young as maybe 4-5 yrs old and onward so I’ve been conditioned to being on my own for as long as I can remember. It’s kinda crazy to think about ...I don’t have kids but if I did, I think I would insist on staying with them until they were at least 10 (or At least until they asked me not to anymore). I kinda remember getting a pep talk about going back by myself when I was like 5 or 6 when I didn’t want to. I don’t think that I would have wanted her staring at me though (especially as I got older) and when she did offer to go with me as a scared teenager, I told her no way. I like being able to wait in my car and waiting room by myself before the appointment and being able to decompress by myself on the drive home afterwards.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 26, 2017
Messages
2,684
Location
Minneapolis, MN
@kitkat interesting you mention going back alone as a kid.. It was like this for me too.. never remember my parents going back with me.. that is when the childhood hell dental visits started. I also had a bad experience with the pediatric dentist I took my daughter to at age 3-4 advised me to not go back with her and then I heard her screaming and found them on top of her forcefully. it wasn't good.. well.. we eventually found a very kind woman who also took her back to do work and she was very kind gentle and trustworthy. My son also had a bad experience going back alone, thankfully it was just a cleaning and exam.. no work.. but they weren't kind.. after a few visits at our current dentist and hitting age 11. I have no issues with him going with them. I have seen how he is with kids and knowing he has 3 boys similar ages of his own puts me a little to ease too. sorry had to comment when I saw the childhood comments and going back.
 
A

Alani

Junior member
Joined
Jan 3, 2020
Messages
19
Location
Australia
I relate to this so much! The only difference is all of the dentist offices that I went to expected you to go back on your own as young as maybe 4-5 yrs old and onward so I’ve been conditioned to being on my own for as long as I can remember. It’s kinda crazy to think about ...I don’t have kids but if I did, I think I would insist on staying with them until they were at least 10 (or At least until they asked me not to anymore). I kinda remember getting a pep talk about going back by myself when I was like 5 or 6 when I didn’t want to. I don’t think that I would have wanted her staring at me though (especially as I got older) and when she did offer to go with me as a scared teenager, I told her no way. I like being able to wait in my car and waiting room by myself before the appointment and being able to decompress by myself on the drive home afterwards.
that would’ve made me scared but I think from a early age maybe 8 I didn’t want her to come with me at all because she would just stare at me. I would also do the same but I would stay out of my child’s sight so they don’t see me and I wouldn’t go back with them unless asked by them. I probably would go back for the first part of explaining the procedure and the end when they give instructions after treatment. I like going on my own as well, for the same reasons and I like to basically have a early appointment to be able to recover without any interruptions because she likes to talk too much and I need to sleep off the treatment (if it’s a filling or extraction) as the adrenaline rush wears off and I get exhausted afterwards.
 
kitkat

kitkat

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Mar 27, 2006
Messages
1,547
Location
United States
@kitkat interesting you mention going back alone as a kid.. It was like this for me too.. never remember my parents going back with me.. that is when the childhood hell dental visits started. I also had a bad experience with the pediatric dentist I took my daughter to at age 3-4 advised me to not go back with her and then I heard her screaming and found them on top of her forcefully. it wasn't good.. well.. we eventually found a very kind woman who also took her back to do work and she was very kind gentle and trustworthy. My son also had a bad experience going back alone, thankfully it was just a cleaning and exam.. no work.. but they weren't kind.. after a few visits at our current dentist and hitting age 11. I have no issues with him going with them. I have seen how he is with kids and knowing he has 3 boys similar ages of his own puts me a little to ease too. sorry had to comment when I saw the childhood comments and going back.
I don’t recall any particular traumatic experiences as a kid but I have had a phobia for as long as I can remember so something happened at some point. I’ve been told by my mother that my very first appointment at the age of about 3 was a disaster but I don’t remember it. Apparently, I cried the whole time and then I threw up (because I was crying so hard). I don’t know if she went back with me or not for that one...I would hope she did. I have a feeling that’s the appointment that set the tone for the rest of my life (unfortunately). Yes, if I knew the dentist well and my child felt comfortable with them, I would let them go back alone. I Never could understand how my mom could just blindly send me back with people though (sometimes new offices we had never been to) with no concern about how they might treat me. But I guess, times were maybe different then...that’s just what people did. I would at the very least want to screen them first and make sure they were decent. I was always extra scared if I was scheduled as the first one in the family to try a new dentist office because I had no idea what I was walking into. That’s another reason I was super nervous when I started with my current dentist, I was the first one in the family to be sent in for any type of procedure with her.
 
kitkat

kitkat

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Mar 27, 2006
Messages
1,547
Location
United States
I like going on my own as well, for the same reasons and I like to basically have a early appointment to be able to recover without any interruptions because she likes to talk too much and I need to sleep off the treatment (if it’s a filling or extraction) as the adrenaline rush wears off and I get exhausted afterwards.
I get this too! I used to have a complete crash after appointments (fillings, root canals, crowns) and would need to go home and lay down. Not sure how much of that was adrenaline from stress and how much was from lack of sleep the night before but I could not function very well afterward. I still have this from time to time if I’m very anxious before/during certain appointments but not as frequently anymore.
 
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