embarrassed,ashamed,scared,and in pain...

[Banned]

well ok first off to anyone who suffers through this long first post thank you and you deserve a medal.

ive looked though this website along with a few others and i think this is the place to vent or help...or whatever i seem to be looking for.

iam 30 years old and i honestly cant remember the last time ive gone to the dentist. i have a overwhelming fear of them. to the point of being a grown man who will lay in the fetal position in tears in pain then go see one. the last one i seen as a kid really did a number on me and its never left me. of all my friends iam always the one with the worst teeth, same with any job ive had iam always the worst. i brush them every night an take care of them on my part. iam not some meth head with meth mouth. its just from a kid iam had a bunch of crowding and then my wizdom teeth came in to make the bunch worse. now i have a few that are broken in the back with nothing more then jagged nerves and what not. its something ive dealt with all my life its the only thing iam really ashamed of. i hate being around people because of it iam very closed off and hate talking to people or meeting new people because of it. sad part is my old job that i was at for 9 years i paid for dental insurance because "this was the year i take care of it" which never happend. my front teeth are crooked as all hell and as sad as it is to say id take suicide over going to get them fixed or looked at.its hard to watch tv with friends for fear of seeing a toothpaste or dental implant commerical and have me being the only one in the room with jacked up teeth. iam so embarrased to go to the dentist for one fear is "the pretty lady at the counter with a beautiful smile" is judging me and just laughing at me. iam an automotive techinian and i see some cars that are just poorly maintained and think wow what a pile of crap. so i think people in the dental field are judging me the same. i know alot of this may be true but its crippling me. last week i had to go to the ER for an absessed tooth an i would have never went if it were not for my wife dragging me there. and to talk to the people there was horrible cause i felt they were judging and laughin at me as well. and then to have to open my mouth and show the doctor ...blah. i was in tears. as i am writing this, yeah big man i know . ive been married 10 years and have two kids all with pretty teeth ( kids obviously took after the wife). and iam just worried iam going to loose my front teeth, like another thread on here i read and she will leave me or something. point is iam just in circles now about how to deal with this mental pain and mouth pain. my stepdad has been telling me to go see his dentist for a long time and i can just feel myself turing red anything its brought up and it just sucks. but the past two weeks are the worst pain ive been in in my life and i have to do something. its affecting my life,sleep,time with wife and kids cause iam a moody bastard,and now health.iam going to have to set up something soon cause i dont know what else to do. i was in a accident a few years ago and on percocet for a back injury and its out of hand the ammount of pills i take a day the past two weeks cause of my back teeth.i just dont know how to go about talking to the dentist without seeming like a baby. after all iam a grown man with tatoos some in some hardcore places that hurt like hell so how could i not go to the dentist. so again what am i to do? how do i talk to him without crying like a baby, or the lady at the desk i feel like everyone is just staring at my mouth. well sorry to ramble i just have no where else to turn cause i cant go on not eating (day 2) and in pain. thanks again for reading and dealing with my major case of whine ass.

 

[carole]

There is something about being in a dental chair that turns most of us into quivering wrecks. You have had bad experiences when you were younger, so common sense says you don't want to do that again.
The reality is that we need dental treatment to feel good about ourselves, it effects us mentally as well as physically as you have stated.
A lot of people on here have e mailed dentist office's explaining as you have done here how they feel and their fears. If you feel you could do this then you can see what response you get back and then decide which one you would like to try.
There has been a lot of success for people doing this and they have found dentists that they can trust and work with.
I wish you well in your search.

 

[Banned]

thanks a bunch. you seem to have it all together from reading alot of threads and your responses. iam so nervous about the whole thing but it has to be done. like i said my stepdad wants me in with his guy cause he has seem him for 19 years or so and swears by him. iam just one of those people that just knows everyone in the office is laughin at and talking about how iam the worst mouth they have seen. its just hard to stomache...

 

[45andAfraid]

I could've written your post easily!! I was in your exact position although I'm 45 pushing 46. I hadn't been to a dentist in over 21 years... except for my wisdoms... I never went at all. I tried.

From that point on, I avoided everyone and everything in regards to conversations, commercials, topics, everything about teeth toothpaste, dentists etc. It barrelled down to pain in my mouth that wouldn't go away (as they had typically in a few days) it was 2 weeks. Scared to the point of wetting my pants or vomiting or passing our (or all the above) I went to a doctor... NOT a dentist who clearly said.. I can't do anything for you... see a dentist! And that was what got the ball rolling for me. BUT... I have to credit my partner for taking on the initiative to call around, to talk to dentists because I simply would not do it. No way in hell! I just had to suck it up... cry my eyes out during my consultation...... here I am 6 months later and I"m half way through my journey to a healthier smile. It is SO MUCH BETTER and EASIER then I had ever imagined. I literally panicked for nothing the past 21 years.

 

[45andAfraid]

As for finding a dentist, you'll need to find the RIGHT dentist who will cater to YOUR needs and be empathetic to your situation.

They are here to help you get better, feel better and get your mouth on the right track. YOu said you have taken care of your teeth so you may not go through as much as I am. I never took care of mine. which left me feeling complete regret because of the crap I'm going through now but I"m looking forward to the final outcome so I can not withdraw from people anymore.

So anyway... you need to go to consultations. Be it 1 or 10 until you find the one that makes YOU feel comfortable, who understands, is caring, and you can TRUST them. You should not have to sit in the "chair" on your first visit.

What I ended up doing.... was going to my first one. I sat in the chair blubbering and gagging... he was an ass, but I listened to him, he told me to get a full mouth X-ray done. 3 minutes to do.
Then I went to a second guy.... and he was absolutely the total opposite. never once did he ask me to look at my teeth. But i gave HIM the full mouth X-rays and he based his opinions and options from that... never asking me to look in my mouth. But after the consultation. I had stopped crying, I was actually SMILING! He was the one .... so it took two for me. I lucked out because some people will go to 4 or 5 before finding theirs.

So email them if you need to, or call, but you must be completely honest with them and tell them how you feel and what you fear most. There are always work arounds for the things your most afraid of. And you do NOT need to have them look in your mouth. Some will even meet you outside the office if need be. Those are the ones who are compassionate and caring....

Best of luck to you mate! You're so not alone....

 

[mghstl]

Reading your post made my heart hurt so bad for you.
Like dozens here, I truly, truly know how you feel.
It took me months to even post on this forum. Because I knew, deep down, that THAT would be the beginning of my dental journey.
By registering and posting, I would be admitting to myself how bad things were.
I'm not a guy...I have kids your age...but I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
So, what can I do to help you? I can tell you what I did to get me to where I am now:
#1-Read the Journals here. You will find yourself in many of the stories here, and you will see that success is possible.
#2-Talk to your wife. I bawled my eyes out to my husband! Then I had a stiff drink and had him read my first post here. The written word is powerful.
#3-Search online for a phobic-friendly dentist who offers sedation.
#4- Contact one or two dentists via email. I could NOT pick up the phone! I "email rambled" about my phobia and asked them to reply to me via email. Some tried to call me, and I refused to answer. Terror! One replied via email, and that got the ball rolling.
#5-Get some antibiotics before setting up an appointment. Take care of any infection.
#6-Breathe deep. One step at a time. Breathe deep. Then hug yourself for coming here and putting your feelings into words. This place is an amazing godsend, and we will all be here for you.
If I could do this, after 20+ years of avoidance...you can too!
Stay with us.

 

[45andAfraid]

Reading your post made my heart hurt so bad for you.
Like dozens here, I truly, truly know how you feel.
It took me months to even post on this forum. Because I knew, deep down, that THAT would be the beginning of my dental journey.
By registering and posting, I would be admitting to myself how bad things were.
I'm not a guy...I have kids your age...but I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
So, what can I do to help you? I can tell you what I did to get me to where I am now:
#1-Read the Journals here. You will find yourself in many of the stories here, and you will see that success is possible.
#2-Talk to your wife. I bawled my eyes out to my husband! Then I had a stiff drink and had him read my first post here. The written word is powerful.
#3-Search online for a phobic-friendly dentist who offers sedation.
#4- Contact one or two dentists via email. I could NOT pick up the phone! I "email rambled" about my phobia and asked them to reply to me via email. Some tried to call me, and I refused to answer. Terror! One replied via email, and that got the ball rolling.
#5-Get some antibiotics before setting up an appointment. Take care of any infection.
#6-Breathe deep. One step at a time. Breathe deep. Then hug yourself for coming here and putting your feelings into words. This place is an amazing godsend, and we will all be here for you.
If I could do this, after 20+ years of avoidance...you can too!
Stay with us.

Well said!! And HIGHLY agree....

 

[Banned]

Reading your post made my heart hurt so bad for you.
Like dozens here, I truly, truly know how you feel.
It took me months to even post on this forum. Because I knew, deep down, that THAT would be the beginning of my dental journey.
By registering and posting, I would be admitting to myself how bad things were.
I'm not a guy...I have kids your age...but I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
So, what can I do to help you? I can tell you what I did to get me to where I am now:
#1-Read the Journals here. You will find yourself in many of the stories here, and you will see that success is possible.
#2-Talk to your wife. I bawled my eyes out to my husband! Then I had a stiff drink and had him read my first post here. The written word is powerful.
#3-Search online for a phobic-friendly dentist who offers sedation.
#4- Contact one or two dentists via email. I could NOT pick up the phone! I "email rambled" about my phobia and asked them to reply to me via email. Some tried to call me, and I refused to answer. Terror! One replied via email, and that got the ball rolling.
#5-Get some antibiotics before setting up an appointment. Take care of any infection.
#6-Breathe deep. One step at a time. Breathe deep. Then hug yourself for coming here and putting your feelings into words. This place is an amazing godsend, and we will all be here for you.
If I could do this, after 20+ years of avoidance...you can too!
Stay with us.

THANK YOU..seriously i teared up just reading your reply..an thank all of you. well i couldnt bring myself to make the apointment so i had someone do it for me...D DAY. tomorrow at 8:45. iam so nervous and scared and yet again embarrassed as to what they think or tell me. oh your a lost cause all your teeth are horrible and we cant do anything for you etc.. iam in knots thinking about it...

 

[beech23]

Good Luck Banned!

It great you got such a quick appointment, just think this time tomorrow you will be so much more informed! I wish you all the luck, just try focus on the end result. Not the journey there.

I have started a similar journey myself, having a not so good first experience last week with a dentist I am also having a consulation appointment tomorrow! We can do this.

What I can say from taking steps to start the journey, is that is that the nerves are torture, the fear and embarressment are tormenting however at the foundation of this all is you taking control. You choosing to address the issue. You choosing to the let the dentist into your journey. How powerful is that ! As difficult as it is to make the first appointment there is some sorta strange relief that accompanies it. Well done!!

I will be thinking of you tomorrow morning and I hope it all goes well!

 

[Banned]

Yeha iam on both sides of the fence. One part is iam glad its so soo so I dont have along time to get worked
Up waiting for it an the other half thinks damn this is fast what if it goes horrible ..i should put it off. Lol ive just been a wreck all day,havent got any work done today just been on my phone on this site reading an looking around. It just seems like there are so many threads here that I swear I could have wrote.i mean I dunno I feel like a baby iam suposed to be the strong father an husband yet I lay on my wifes lap last night balling in pain or just nerves thinking about someone looking into my mouth. An yet again finding a forum full of strangers makes things somewhat easier? Sigh what sence does that make? Like I said I just worry about the pain,pressure,judgrment an so many other things.

Now ive gone two days without eating an these percocents an tylnol are eatting my stomache alive along with a sore throat from what I can only imagine is from infection or me just clenching my jaw in pain.

Now for dumb dental questions, do I eat something before I go? Will I get sick from eating or not eating.? Last think I want is to worry about getting sick in there but with him poking around in there I dont know. Show I take a few pills when I leave the house so they kick in when I get there? Ahhh this sucks

 

[carole]

Try some toast in the morning, If you have some tablets and feel you need to take them, then do so. Whatever helps. The first appointment is the hardest to get to but once you have done it you feel so good and happy with yourself.
Because we stress about our teeth and getting them looked at we always expect the worst. The best thing to do is go in the morning and only have done what you feel you can cope with. The dentist usually only does a chart of your teeth and has a look at a first app. They might want to do an x ray but if you feel that is too much ask to do that next time. Don't worry you'll be fine.

 

[Banned]

Toast huh sounds like a plan..an as dumb as it sounds ill be thinking about the people on here an this site. So crazy how open an welcome everyone is on here to complete noobies.

 

[mghstl]

I know how freaked out you must feel about tomorrow, but I am so glad you got a quick appointment. Time delay can be a phobic's worst enemy.
So how did you choose this particular dentist? Remember...just because he/she is right for somone else, doesn't mean it'll be an unconditional good fit for you. But give him/her a chance! If it ain't right, hit the road.
Lots of people get past their initial "I can't express myself" by taking a WRITTEN letter telling your dentist about your fear/concern/phobia/whatever. Personally, I just cried and paced around "the chair" on my first visit, but because my dentist had a copy of my emailed fear, she was totally good with my need to settle down on my own time.
And I think it is very helpful to have a supportive person with you to do all the hand-holding you need.
First visits are almost always no more than you want them to be...You shouldn't even have to sit in the chair or open your mouth unless YOU choose to. YOU are in control. I still can't believe I opened my mouth on my first visit! It felt right and it was SUCH a relief; you'll know when it feels right.
Definitely let him/her know about any Rx your taking.
You'll be SOOOO OK!!!! You will feel SOOOO good when it's done.
I just spent all day in a new and totally different job situation. I was terrified! But all my fears were put to rest when I reminded myself----these people go to the potty just like me.
Best, best wishes...and kudos to your wife for supporting you.

 

[mghstl]

Forgot to mention...
Oatmeal, yogurt, creamed soup and mashed potatoes.
EAT SOMETHING!!!!

 

[brit]

iam so embarrased to go to the dentist for one fear is "the pretty lady at the counter with a beautiful smile" is judging me and just laughing at me. iam an automotive techinian and i see some cars that are just poorly maintained and think wow what a pile of crap. so i think people in the dental field are judging me the same. i know alot of this may be true but its crippling me.

You've received some good advice, I just wanted to pick up on this comment about your judging the poor maintenance of car engines. (you are judging the cars more than the owners right?)
Now I am one of those people who expects my car mechanic to do all the maintenance on my car and I have never worried that they might think the worst of me for this? After all it is their job, I am a 'lady' why would I want to mess around with cars between garage visits, that is the car mechanic's job to maintain my car, not mine, that is why I pay to get my car professionally maintained.

Dentistry is not really much different as it says here

Embarrassed? What dentists really think

Do you avoid the dentist because you're too embarrassed about the state of your teeth and what a dentist might say or think? You're not alone!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

and embarrassment is very common. Choose a dental office with older staff if it helps, older staff and dentists tend to have some dental work themselves. But even younger dentists should be aware of dental phobia and the avoidance patterns it can create so you should expect the majority of dentists not to judge. After all the more you have to fix, the more money they make.

Oh and I'm sure you can deal with the pain but the good news is that there doesn't have to be any with modern dental techniques with or without sedation. Do whatever it takes to get the care you need in a productive manner which enables you to then get on with the rest of your life and attend regularly for painfree maintenance.
Good luck. The first dentist you try may not be the one to help you. You have choices here.
Good luck.

 

[Aldridge]

I hope everything went well for you today. I often think it must be even worse for a big strong man to be nervous, because I guess everyone always expects you to be tough and macho about everything...which isn't logical. As for finding a forum full of strangers making things easier, sometimes it's easier to chat to strangers who are on the same wavelength...and strangers can soon become friends...

 

[Aldridge]

I was just re-reading Brit's post about the car mechanics and it reminded me, our dentist said to my husband last time he went to the surgery (after a much longer interval than recommended!) "Think of it as being like a car service. You wouldn't run your car for years without a service, so why do it to your mouth?" I'm rambling here, but I think that kinda shows that to a decent dentist, what they do is a professional service, and they won't judge you, they will just want to get things running better!

 

[Banned]

Yeah I know its something that has to be done for sure...an usually I just think poor car. This is too nice of a car to be run into the ground like this.



Well I just got home from my visit. Decided to take the day off just cause I am a head case I know. But I went in there with all this stuff I was going to say an let them know. An I juat couldnt get anuthing out. ...really disapointed in myself for just crying like a baby lol. I tried to explain what my fears were an that I had not been in hell 15 plus years. But I felt like crap in the waiting room with all the pretty office girls sitting there.

So I go back into the room an I tell myself iam not sitting in the chair right away an soon as I walk in I sit in the chair an explain.or try to in between tears lol what my current pain is then as the assistant wants to look in my mouth I stop her an warn her that its been a while an nothing in there is pretty. In fact iam ashamed about what she is getting ready to look at. So she looks an we talk she tells me how nice he is an is the most gentle dentist she has ever heard of etc. an as gay as it sounds ibkeep thinking about this site an the people on here. Not my wife or kids or friends.....but complete strangers whom I never met hah. Anywayhe makes his way in an we talk. Asks me why iam like this an what was the bad experince. Then makes alot clear to me that for years I have delt with this an had never went through the door. An I cant get better by someone dragging me through the door I have to walk through. So I let him look inside

 

[Banned]

Sorry phone died and he tells me what he thinks an what is going on with my teeth. Says that my wisdom teeth are all poking out far an one of the main ones hurting me happends to be a wisdom tooth that has a huge cavity in it an is half gone. Just raw nerve there. An tells me it has to come out its infected. So we can do it now or you can come back..........scared to tears I want to run out at the thought of him yanking it out on my first visit we sit for a moment....tells me how he does it what it feels like there will be zero pain just slight pressure ect. an it needs to come out no matter what day it is. Just remember I An I alone have to want it an walk through the doorway. So I say do it! With my fist balled up an legs shaking he walks me through what he is doing an going to do. Kinda pinches my cheek with his fingers an rubs them while he numbs it. Which I didnt feel at all. An continues to talk to me saying I need to relax that he can tell I try an keep my teeth clean for what I have they are not that bad. Being affraid of the dentist an not even brushing are two different animales an mine are pretty good all things considering. Yeah I have cavities an crowding but still not the worse thing he has seen....like I thought so anyway he does his thing talking to me asking if I feel this an that. Tells me he just seaprated the gum from the tooth an then went to pull it. Yeah a bit of pressure but aure as hell he was right couple mins an it was over with. I started the cold sweats but I think that it was nerves but I just had to post an let you know I did it...next visit is march 5 for a filling. An so my dental journey I think has begun. As crazy an dumb as it sounds I couldnt have done this without uou guys an this site. Yeah I know I havet really done anything but just this little bit

 

[Aldridge]

LITTLE BIT!!! You're amazing!