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Facing up to my fears

krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Seaside..

Aghh Im so sorry about this.. that is a total bummer for lack of better wording.. after you got up the courage to go. and a taxi ride over there. I sure hope they can work you in tomorrow . I know as working in a medical office scheduling if it is our fault we need to ask someone to reschedule we make every effort to make it the most convenient for the patient and prioritize them. I'm guessing if they are anxious sensitive and know this happened they will do everything they can to make sure it doesn't happen to you.
 
Judythecat

Judythecat

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Mar 7, 2018
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594
So sorry to hear you had a wasted journey, after psyching yourself up. This might sound daft, but perhaps there is a way to see a positive in this? The dentist was most likely running late because of emergency cases, which shows that he is caring, takes his time, and will go out of his way to help a patient in dire straits. Exactly the kind of dentist we all want!

Again, this probably sounds really stupid, but we had to bring our cat for surgery earlier in the year, and the appointment was 8am. I was so anxious and upset when they rang at 2pm to say she hadn’t been taken yet because of an emergency case. My partner said we should be reassured that the vet was committed to prioritising urgent care. It kind of resonated with me - he is wise! She had the surgery later in the day (which was actually having teeth extracted) and was very well looked after.

I really hope you can see the dentist soon, and that you feel confident you are in good hands.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Judythecat,

That is such a great way to put this... I agree 100% too. My dentist is an emergency dentist and there are times I wait quite a while. but I never mind and it always makes me feel better knowing he will focus and take his time and do what needs to be done instead of worrying about keeping time. Its always worth the wait for excellent care.. I do get though ,, after getting up the nerve to go to a new place and taking a taxi over which isn't cheap.. it might be a bit disheartening.. I sure hope they are able to get you in soon @Seaside
 
Enarete

Enarete

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I went in and there were several people sitting in the waiting room.
I thought this was a bit odd as the dentist had said surgery would be finished at 5.00.
The receptionist greeted me and then said, im really sorry but something has happened beyond our control which means the dentist is very behind schedule with appointments.
It will be over an hour before he is finished.
You are welcome to rearrange something for another time.
I was just struck dumb with this and then said that I would get in touch to arrange something and then left.
I got the bus home and have emailed about going back tommorow as it shows them as been open on Saturdays on Google.
I cant believe this happened after I had forced myself to do this.
So now I have to go through it all again tomorrow if the dentist is able to see me then.
Part of me is now worried about going back in case the same happens again.
This sounds really bitter, @Seaside, so sorry to read that. You haven't mentioned how you felt about the receptionist and the place overall and whether they seemed to try to "win" you over or whether it was more distanced. Did you feel they were really genuinely sorry for what had happened?

As to your feelings of having wasted time or fear of this happening again. I think there are still some benefits to the situation: you have seen the place and the receptionist which will give you a sense of familiarity for today and hopefully lower your stress at least a bit. Our minds love what is familiar and it reduces anxiety, so in this regard you did a step forward yesterday. You surely will experience anxiety today as well, but if you are like the most people, you would be nervous for the second appointment anyway.

The most important thing in this setting is this: do you wish to give them another try? Do you still consider working with them? I love the analogy of Mike Gow, one of our dentists on the advisory board. He mentioned first meeting with a patient being a job interview and him trying to get the job and become the patients' dentist.
So your potential practice run late yesterday and you had to reschedule. The question for you is still: do you wish to hire them? Are they still in the run for you? I am sure you will find out today, no matter how the visit goes. And finding out is all you want for now.

Keeping my fingers crossed for today and look forward to read your update! :grouphug:
 
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S

Seaside

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Nov 6, 2019
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Location
Bexhill
I got a reply back from the dentist yesterday morning saying that they are normally open Saturdays but this weekend they are having some refurbishment work done. The dentist said he could see me on Monday evening so Im going to do that.
I am pleased that the dentist has got back in touch and rearranged a time to see me.
At least now I have done the journey there and back, so I know where the dentist is and have been into the reception area so dont have to worry about that now.
I have been able to put my dental anxieties to the back of my mind again and had a great night out yesterday.
 
S

Seaside

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Bexhill
This sounds really bitter, @Seaside, so sorry to read that. You haven't mentioned how you felt about the receptionist and the place overall and whether they seemed to try to "win" you over or whether it was more distanced. Did you feel they were really genuinely sorry for what had happened?

As to your feelings of having wasted time or fear of this happening again. I think there are still some benefits to the situation: you have seen the place and the receptionist which will give you a sense of familiarity for today and hopefully lower your stress at least a bit. Our minds love what is familiar and it reduces anxiety, so in this regard you did a step forward yesterday. You surely will experience anxiety today as well, but if you are like the most people, you would be nervous for the second appointment anyway.

The most important thing in this setting is this: do you wish to give them another try? Do you still consider working with them? I love the analogy of Mike Gow, one of our dentists on the advisory board. He mentioned first meeting with a patient being a job interview and him trying to get the job and become the patients' dentist.
So your potential practice run late yesterday and you had to reschedule. The question for you is still: do you wish to hire them? Are they still in the run for you? I am sure you will find out today, no matter how the visit goes. And finding out is all you want for now.

Keeping my fingers crossed for today and look forward to read your update! :grouphug:
Thank you for your reply Enarete,
The receptionist did seem genuinely apologetic under difficult circumstances and offered straight away to rearrange for another time.
I decided to wait and get in touch when I got back home so I had a chance to think about what I wanted to do.
The receptionist was friendly and calm even though there were other patients in the waiting room that must have been there for a while and were having to wait longer to see the dentist.
I am trying to see the positives in this in that the dentist is willing to take his time with patients and deal with emergencies.
The surgery closing time was 5pm on Friday so they were working on until all the patients had been seen and the patients in the waiting room were willing to wait despite the situation.
Also I did have the positive recommendation from the taxi driver.
Yesterday morning I was thinking about trying another dentist near to where I live instead but then I had a reply to rearrange for Monday evening so I decided to go with that.
I would like to give this dentist the opportunity to show that they can help me.
 
Niall Neeson

Niall Neeson

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Apr 18, 2019
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Hi Seaside,

I’m disappointed for you that your first visit turned out like this and it’s natural to be disheartened Unfortunately it does happen. Not often. But it does happen. What I would say is that the reason we normally run over time with our appointments is because someone needs an extra bit of help in that moment. If you could consider that person could potentially be you some day it may help understand the dentist’s challenge.

At the same time, it doesn’t make it any easier for you and I know how big a deal this was for you.

I would suggest giving the dentist another chance. Your research and positive feeling about this particular dentist is more important in the bigger picture than a one off situation that may have been out of their control.

It may be worth requesting an appointment first thing in the morning or directly after lunch if possible as you can be almost certain to be seen on time.

Keep it up. You’re doing great and you’ll get there.

Niall
 
S

Seaside

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Bexhill
I went to see the Dentist on Monday evening.
We had a chat through things in the waiting room.
He really tried his best to put me at ease and let me explain my situation and feelings.
He went through how they could help me with anxiety and different ways of doing treatment.
Following this he then booked me in for a new patient checkup on this Saturday so that he could assess what is going on with the abscess and whether there is anything else needing urgent treatment.
He said that they wouldnt do any treatment at this appointment.
From this he will work out a treatment plan and tell me the options available.
He said at this stage they would be doing the minimum necessary to get things back to a healthy state.
He is willing to take the time with me explaining things and building up confidence.
He told me that now I am registered as a patient I can call them for a same day appointment if Im in any pain.
I have had a lot going on at work this week which has really helped but I think when I get to tomorrow my anxiety about Saturday will start to kick in.
Hopefully I can get through the first checkup without making a complete embarrassment of myself.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Seaside.

Great job on going to meet and talk with dentist. He sounds like a lovely person. I love that you met outside in the waiting room to make it more neutral. It seems he really values going at your place and making you comfortable!! That is beautiful!! Great job on setting up next appt for exam. I hope it goes as good as this meeting. Step by step!! Congrats !!!
 
F

frostgirl

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UK
Sending you good vibes Seaside! This dentist sounds like a good one.

Keep us posted

:hug4:
 
S

Spider

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Oct 26, 2013
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Pacific Northwest, USA
I just read through your journal. It is so encouraging for me to read stories like yours so thank you for taking the time to write it all down and share. I hope everything went well today- I believe we are many time zones apart so you may already be back at home. I really hope the dentist was kind and caring and you were put at ease. It takes SO much bravery to see a dentist who you have never met before. I'll be checking back for updates!
 
S

Seaside

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Nov 6, 2019
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Location
Bexhill
I have managed to get through todays dental checkup.
I had driven over in plenty of time and parked nearby.
I felt so anxious walking in to the dentists and waiting for my appointment time.
The receptionist welcomed me and gave me a treatment form.
Then the dentist came and took me into the treatment room.
I was able to sit in an ordinary chair for the checkup, this was the first time a dentist has looked in my mouth in about 20 years.
Then the dentist went through treatment options saying that I needed at least 1 filling and a number of teeth to be removed around the top gum.
He suggested I could have this all done in one go under general anaesthetic which he could refer me for.
I then asked about having sedation and he said that could be done at a private dentist over maybe 3 visits but it would be expensive.
He could also do the treatment a little at a time under the NHS which may take longer.
He has arranged a whole mouth x ray next and said to take some time to think about the options and decide what I want to do.
At the moment I really dont know what to decide, the thought of going to hospital and having a general anaesthetic for treatment absolutely terrifies me.
Maybe I should just ask for the abscess to be sorted out first and then come to a decision about the other stuff.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Seaside,

REally... congrats making it through this appointment ! It is a huge step forward.. and you were extremely courageous!! :welldone: ..

"Maybe I should just ask for the abscess to be sorted out first and then come to a decision about the other stuff "


To me.. this sounds like a totally great and wise decision. to start there and give your self time and maybe some more exposure to the dental world before going for the extractions right off. Thats just my thoughts. but seems totally wise and reasonable. taking one step at a time! and buying some time to think about those extractions and what you want to do there.

Really great job on all this! and so happy you did it!!! :perfect::grouphug:
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Hi Seaside,

congrats and well done on moving a further step forward! :claps::claps::claps: Your dentist sounds like a really nice one and having read your story it sounds like you already are further then you have ever been.

I understand you are not sure what to decide and also that the thought of going to the hospital terrifies you.

Now I do not enjoy telling people what they should do as everybody is different and you are the boss when it comes to the way you wish to be treated, but there are some things to consider when it comes to general anesthetic or even the approach of doing all treatment at once:

General anesthetic and having it all done in one go appears as a very attractive option as it would solve all your dental problems at once and would be most effective in terms of cost and time you and the treating dentist will spend, but in terms of dental anxiety, any approach to fix teeth without getting rid of the fear would bring you problems in the long run. The ideal scenario for your dental health (long term) is to get a check-up and a cleaning twice a year and as a nervous patient you get there through small steps and building trust with your dentist. Fear needs to get unlearned and as you can imagine, you can't just delete about twenty years of dental fear. So what happens to many people who got treated at once is that once their teeth are fixed, they stop attending because there is no pressure anymore and they are still as terrified of the dentist as they used to be before. Sadly teeth will most likely cause problems if not checked and cleaned regularly so it usually takes only few years until those people have to start from scratch again and fight all the anxiety again. You can prevent this by going in few steps and several smaller visit with the dentist you already feel comfortable with and trust. This approach takes longer and can be quite a hard work on both sides, you and your dentist, but will allow you to get used to dental visits in a gradual manner and serve you long term.

If you, decide you would prefer to get general anesthetic, it might be good to stay in touch with this practice have a good plan about how to prevent yourself from avoiding visits in the future.

All the best wishes, may your x-rays go well and give yourself a pat on the back :)
 
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