• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Fear always gets the best of me...

E

elizabeth67

Junior member
Joined
Aug 8, 2009
Messages
4
Location
New Mexico
Hi everyone,

I'm so glad I found this site. I've been reading stories and so many of them have brought me to tears. It feels good to find people who are going through the same thing I am, and even better to hear from people who are on the other side. For the first time ever, I do feel a small bit of hope that I will get through this.

So, my story: I'm a 41 year old woman who hasn't visited the dentist in 12 years (and that time, it was just an emergency visit to extract a molar that had abscessed). Before that, I hadn't visited a dentist since I was a pre-teen. The last major work I had done was when I was 12 and I have blocked most of it out, because I think it must have been traumatizing at the time.

I had a porcelain filling in a top front tooth that eventually discolored and then in my late teens, completely fell out. As a result, I haven't smiled with my teeth showing more than just a little in more than 20 years, which is a great stress to me. I have wanted to get it fixed my whole adult life, but my fear of the dentist makes it impossible. I have gotten as far as asking friends for their dentists, or shopping around online for a good one, but I've never made a call. The idea of making the appointment scares the living crap out of me.

I have another tooth that is broken and decayed a bit in the front bottom area, but it doesn't hurt. However, I also have a molar where the filling and the tooth have broken quite a bit and it causes me a lot of pain. I usually just take some OTC pain reliever and in a few days, it's gone. During the days when it hurts, I obsess about calling a dentist and having it yanked out, and fantasize about having my teeth fixed so that I can smile like a real person, but again... my fear always gets in the way. Once the pain disappears, I try to forget about it, but it's always there in the back of my mind, particularly when I look at myself in the mirror. I am told I'm quite pretty and I have never gone without love/affection/romance, but I have to cover my mouth when I laugh for fear that someone might see some of my dental issues and think I'm horrid.

My son who is now 7 noticed the top front tooth fairly recently and commented on it. This was a huge embarrassment to me, and now I feel compelled to do something about it, if only to show him that HE should not fear the dentist (I take him regularly, but even being in that office makes me nervous). The thing is, I'm so embarrassed about what the dentist or hygienist will say about my decayed teeth. I know there are way worse out there (I've seen the pictures!), but I still feel that mine are really awful and I'm terrified that a) the dentist or hygienist will judge me and then lecture me about how bad I am and b) that I will need to have so much work done that I will have teeth that aren't even mine and will look strange to myself and others.

Now, the molar that usually only hurts now and then has started to hurt more and more, and yesterday, my jaw began to become a little bit sore and swollen. I am pretty sure it's an abscess, and as such, now I'm really terrified because I know that I will have to go in to a dentist and I just don't know how to get the courage up to make the call and then actually go in. I keep praying that the pain will just stop and then I can put it off again, but I know better. In addition, if I'm truly honest, I do want to go get these issues all fixed, because I know that my self-esteem would improve dramatically if I could just smile.

Anyhow, that's my story and I really appreciate those who took the time to read this far. I hope that I can find the support and encouragement I need to get through this. I'm so scared.

Thank you,
Elizabeth
 
Hi Elizabeth:

Welcome to the forum. :welcome:

Thank you for posting your story. You are not alone, dental anxiety is very common and nothing to ashamed of. I am sorry you are in pain.

I understand the power fear can have over your life. I also had dental fear stemming from poor experiences at the dentist when I was a child. The good news is you can beat this fear.

One thing I can tell you is that avoiding the dentist will give the fear more power and control. It takes courage to make that call and face the fear, but you can do it.

I can also tell you from experience, dentistry is a far cry from what is used to be. The tools, techniques and options have removed the pain from the equation. I can guarantee you that the pain you are suffering from the tooth and the anxiety is 100,000 times greater than any you will ever have during dental treatment.

If your anxiety is great the dentist can prescribe you some anti-anxiety medications to take before the appointment. There are also options for oral or IV sedation.

Making the appointment will be the best thing you can do to beat the fear and break its grip of control.

You will be fine and beat the fear. You have the power to overcome this challenge and improve your life in ways you cannot imagine.

Blessings and Peace to you. :)
 
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Thanks, SD. I appreciate the response.

I did make an appointment to see a dentist tomorrow. I emailed him first and told him some of my history and he was very understanding. He said that they deal with patients with phobias and are not judgmental at all and that they would do everything to make my experience comfortable.

I'm still terrified and I keep trying to keep up the courage to go. I don't want to chicken out. I am so afraid it's going to go poorly (he or the assistants will be judgmental or cruel, or that the work I need will be ridiculously expensive and painful, etc). I just don't know what to expect and that makes me so nervous.

I'll post back about how it goes.
 
Elizabeth
That e-mail sounds very promising...why would they go back on what they have said..they are not likely to. Is this the same dentist you have been taking your son to see over the years? I guess not as presumably if you felt comfortable there, you would have maybe gone sooner...there must be sth about the way they treat him which doesn't make you feel comfortable?

Remember you are in control..if they do let you down..just walk out...they can't force you to do anything...you are no longer a child..you have way more rights than when you had those negative experiences in the past.
You can do it and it will be fine.:grouphug:There is no need for modern dental treatment to be painful btw but it could be expensive but maybe worth it as it is your quality of life at stake.
 
Brit,

This is a new dentist. My kids go to a pediatric dentist -- they only see children, so I don't have the ability to see them, even if I wanted to. They are very good with my kids! I'm only nervous when I'm there because even being in a dentist's office sets my anxiety off, based on past experiences.

I'm heading to the dentist in about an hour. Wish me luck. Ugh!

Elizabeth
 
I do hope all went OK for you but even if it didn't there is always another dentist out there so whatever the outcome a HUGE pat on the back for going.

Everyone here will support you and be thinking about you and it will change your life for the better once all is sorted!

I think most of us had bad childhood experiences. Mine was 5 fillings at the age of 5 - and I hadn't had enough anaesthetic!

Good luck xx
 
Well, I did it. I feel such an enormous amount of relief.

When I walked in, I almost walked back out but the receptionist saw me and greeted me warmly and made me feel better. While waiting, I began to cry just a little (I was so nervous and scared) and she helped distract me with friendly conversation. They put me in a room within just a few minutes and went very slow with me. At some point, the doctor came in and said he just wanted to say hello because he knew I was waiting. He was with another patient and took the time to do that, which really impressed me. He was super friendly.

His assistant took x-rays, which wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be... but I did have a pretty bad gag reflex so it was a bit of a challenge. I got through it, though.

The good news is that my teeth aren't as bad as I thought they were. The doctor actually stopped at one point and said, "Wait... you haven't been to the dentist in HOW long?" When I told him it had been 12 years, and then about that long before that, he shook his head and smiled. He said my teeth on the whole looked very clean and healthy, as did my gums. I have some definite issues that need to be addressed, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. That was a HUGE relief.

The bottom line is that I'll need a couple of crowns, a root canal, and two extractions of wisdom teeth. The total is about $5000 after the insurance pays its part, and I can do it in phases so it won't be too bad, I think. He also said they'll work out payment arrangements, if I need that.

I feel SO relieved and I just wanted to say that it's so much easier than I imagined it would be. I built it all up in my head to be this really horrible thing but once I was there and experiencing all of it, it wasn't so bad.

Of course, I still have to have the work done... and that's going to be a big challenge, but I feel like I've taken a really big first step and I'm proud of that. :)

Elizabeth
 
:respect:I am proud and so happy for you, Elizabeth. Your dentist sounds like a top notch, compassionate man. I think it's "safe" ;D to say that you took the hardest step by walking into that office today and going through the appointment. You have already beaten :devilish:fear.

All the best to you for future visits and I look foreward to reading of your successes to come.

Mona
 
Congratulations :jump: That's a great and quick result. You seem to have found a dentist who can help you....great when email paves the way like that.
All the best with the rest of the treatment.
:grouphug:
 
Hi, I am fairly new to this site, but you sounded so much like me, I had to
write and say congradulations for making the appointment.
I made my first call to the dentist Monday first time in about 8 years and I am going this friday.
This whole week it has been on my mind, and I'm sure friday I will be a nervous wreck.
Thanks for your story,
 
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