• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone with a fear of the dentist, dental phobia, or specific dental fears.

    It's a supportive space to talk to people with similar experiences, and get advice and information.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

Fear and shame.

D

Draftsman

Junior member
Joined
Feb 2, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Houston
Hello all. I'm 36 and living in Houston (gulf coast area) U.S.A.
I'm a CAD piping and structural Draftsman for a large oil company... I have 6 children.
Live a "normal" life i guess you could say.
The reason I'm here is because well.... I have neglected my oral health for most of my life.
Now I'm experiencing the results in doing so.
I have not been able to fully smile since I was about 18... I have MAJOR fears of dentists and mostly worried that I will be judged and scolded for being such a horrible person. I consider myself a clean person... Right? See this all stems back to when I lost my baby teeth around 9 to 11yrs old. My mom would tell us boys to go brush our teeth. I tried and seen blood come out and it really freaked me out. My older brother (by 7yrs) would constantly tell me that I was gonna have holes in my head and that all my teeth were going to fall out forever... Which caused me to shut down from brushing all together. My mom would say go brush... So I'd run the water and "pretend" brush.... She never checked. Never supervised. I remember going to the dentist maybe once as a kid... So since then I Ignored my teeth. Which have progressively gotten worse. I live in constant pain. My breath is terrible, depression often takes over...everything has come to a boiling point where my pain is absolutely unbearable.
I have to do something about it, but I fear it may be too late. The thought of showing my ugly teeth to ANYONE puts me in a state of shame and anxiety that I can't even begin to explain... Like I'm gonna walk in and the dentist is going to say "well you're an idiot and a terrible dirty filthy poor excuse for a human.... Leave my office."
I'm going to make a dental appointment for next weekend (when i have a good check) I'm just worried..... I feel ashamed that I let myself get to this point...
I have an abscess tooth right now as I type and it IS SCARING ME TO DEATH. I don't want to die of a stroke or sepsis....
I just want to be healthy.
I want to be able to smile a regular smile.
I want the pain and shame and embarrassment to go away....

Do any of you know of ANY dentist in the Houston and surrounding areas that would take me? And understand exactly HOW MUCH this problem has taken over my life, my job, my mental health.... I can't take being pointed at like a freak. Especially from dental professionals or strangers...

Thanks for hearing me out...
I wasn't sure what else to do.
Thanks again.

-Ac
 
Enarete

Enarete

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
3,234
Dear Draftsman :welcome:,

I am really sorry to read about your situation and also to read how much you are judging yourself for something that wasn't your fault. I can feel the pain and regret and shame in your post and it is really important for you to know that you haven't done anything wrong. On the contrary, your decision to change your situation means you are moving in the right direction.

I can't even imagine how scary it must have been for you to see the blood while you were brushing and then your brother's terrifying comments... it makes sense you stopped brushing altogether and haven't found the way back as your mom hasn't supervised you.

It is never too late to take care of your oral health and dentistry has great options nowadays. You might need a lot of work, but no matter where you are right now, being able to eat and smile and to live without pain is possible and a kind caring dentist will help you with this. Your fear of sepsis due to your abscess is not a rare one. In fact, this fear is so common that there is a post about it in the FAQ section here on the forum.

Most people who haven't been to a dentist for a while feel a strong sense of shame and feel afraid to have their teeth looked at and every dentist experienced in treating nervous patients knows it and should be happy to support you and make efforts to put you at ease. You might have read our article about embarrassment already. If you haven't yet, please take a look, you will find a lot of reassurance there.

Hope someone can recommend a dentist in Houston. I took a look into our recommendation section and haven't found any, this however doesn't mean there is none. You might want to take a look at practices in your area and see if any practice seems understanding to the needs of nervous patients. It might be a good idea to email them beforehand explaining your situation and your fears and see how they reply. Again, you will find a lot of ideas about how to approach this in the What Can Help Section.

All the best wishes and keep us posted
 
D

Draftsman

Junior member
Joined
Feb 2, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Houston
Enarete, thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it. I will continue to look for established dental practitioners in my area. That will be willing to hear my story and hopefully sympathize with the situation...
 
D

Draftsman

Junior member
Joined
Feb 2, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Houston
(Kinda gross update)
The abscess popped as I was leaving the office about an hr ago... I was rinsing my mouth out before heading home and took a peek. Noticed a white dot at the center of the bulge by my back tooth and used a long (new) q tip with lidocaine on it to apply and it burst... I spit the grossness out and repeated rinsing... The pain has sense subsided, going to rinse again since I've arrived home. On the hunt for dental practitioner now...
 
Dr. Daniel

Dr. Daniel

Well-known member
Verified dentist
Joined
Nov 2, 2010
Messages
2,001
Location
The Hague , Holland
Hi,

No doubt you are going in the right direction of facing your fear and treating your teeth.
The key factor is to find a dentist with whom you can build a trustful relationship. Take your time choosing the right dentist.
I would not worry too much about the abscess you are telling us about, a prescription of antibiotics should buy you some time (at least a few weeks) and I would suggest investing that time in finding the right dentist, having an appointment for a check up and hopefully a prescription for antibiotics. Only after meeting a dentist and allowing them to check your teeth can you say whether you see a chance of being treating with this specific dentist.
Please allow me to share with you a video I have made about how to find the right dentist for you.

On my website there are other videos which you might find relevant such as about embossment and emotional distress due to dental anxiety.

All the best.
 
R

ReginaPhalange

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2018
Messages
178
Location
UK
Sorry you're going through so much. I can't really add to what Enarete said so well, but they won't point at you like a freak. And from the fact it's taken over your life, things can only get better if you go. Even if you do need a lot done.
Like I'm gonna walk in and the dentist is going to say "well you're an idiot and a terrible dirty filthy poor excuse for a human.... Leave my office."
They won't even think that, they'll just see you as a potential patient, giving them the chance to do what they trained for years to do. It's like doctors, I can't imagine them telling someone they're too unhealthy and to leave the hospital.

I hope you find somewhere you're happy with. I just found a place on Google, they had a section on working with nervous patients which swung it for me. They seem to find a lot of job satisfaction in helping nervous patients!

The articles here helped me too. You can do it!
 
G

Gfan

Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Messages
24
I'm so sorry to hear all you are going through. I understand as I'm in the same boat. I'm a 38 yr old woman who has been afraid to smile for at least the last 3 years. I have broken teeth, cavities galore, and now a wonderful gap in between my front teeth. I feel like I've let everything go because I'm so depressed over the state of my teeth. From reading posts on this forum I am slowly working up the courage to make my first appt. I'm just so scared to hear the word dentures, but I really don't see any other options for me. Just know you are not alone!! Keep us updated on your journey. We are all here for you!
 

Similar threads

krlovesherkids777
Replies
5
Views
2K
T
P
Replies
5
Views
2K
Alexandra1973
A
panic
Replies
13
Views
5K
panic
panic
Top