Fear of toothbrushing

[Bina]

My 13 year old foster child has been 'brushing' her own teeth for a while, it took many years of encouragement to get her to this point. Only for me to find out that she goes through the motions actually holding the toothbrush away from the teeth or just barely touching the teeth. We have tried both manual and electric. I am beginning to suspect that this maybe a trauma related reluctance, not just usual beushing teeth is boring. Does anyone on here have any insight into this?

 

[letsconnect]

Hi Bina ?

Sorry to see that you've had no replies yet. I don't really feel qualified to give advice on this issue - but I can try asking a psychologist to give some input? Have you asked your foster child directly, and if so, what did she say?

 

[Bina]

We work with a psychologist already, I get so many different answers from the child I get the feeling she doesn't know herself... Yesterday she shared a memory with me which might explain it..
But I screwed up, because I am so stressed about the state of her teeth I asked leading questions, so now I don't know if it's a real memory or something made up to make me feel better. I think I will bring it up at our next session to see where it goes. X

 

[Enarete]

Hi Bina,

I'm afraid there won't be an easy answer to this without knowing her and her past and all that potentially can be going on. You mentioned it took many years of encouragement to get her to this point, so I was wondering how were things before? Have you faced any other troubles when it comes to having anything done in her mouth? How does she react during doctors appointments or at a dentist? Also, are you seeing a psychologist for this issues or is there anything else?

One thought that went through my mind was that it seems to be important for her that you do not find out; she prefers pretending to brush instead of letting you know she struggles. Also, you suspect she had made up a memory to make you feel better. Why do you think does she need to make you feel better?

When it comes to memories, it's not important whether they are true or not. It's a way of communication. Maybe truth, maybe part truth, maybe something to check waters. It doesn't matter.

I know this can be really stressful and you have this pressure on you, wanting to make sure she is healthy. It must be difficult to stay patient under those circumstances. But I am sure you haven't screwed up. You care for her and you are trying to help in the best way possible. It's ok to be struggling. It's ok for her to struggle and so it's for you. You can figure this out together.

All the best wishes

 

[Bina]

What a wonderful reply. Thank you. Quite right regarding the communication, something I knew but had forgotten. Yes we will work through it together.