Feeling alone, ashamed, and petrified :(

[PurpleOrchid]

First of all, I am very grateful to have found this site today.  For the past, hmmm, 15 years or so I have been living with this very private and internal fear of the DENTIST!   I am so amazed to read that I'm not the only one.  I really don't know where to begin (my hands are actually shaking as I type) the only person I have ever shared this with is my Mom and that was only about 2 months ago.. I think people will think I'm I'm just being silly and will laugh at me ...(boy it's hard to breath) I have not been to the dentist for about 20 years (yes, I know, that's awful) I can't help it, just the thought has me shaking, sweating, breathing fast, light-headed, sometimes actually sick...you name it!  I dont know what to do, that's the problem...it's gone beyond everything, it's the humiliation and the not knowing, but fearing the worst.  I know there is tons of work to be done, but I just can't be going back for work.  If I ever find the strength to go to the dentist, I just want everything done as fast as possible.  This fear hinders everything I do...I dont want to smile, I am very cautious when talking to people, I'm afraid to eat many foods ( and am loosing weight) I cry myself to sleep at night...it's also starting to affect my relationship with my husband because I'm afraid to get close and the stress just always has my mind consumed.  I just want to say thank-you!

 

[liberated]

Hi PurpleOrchid and  
You don't have to feel ashamed and as you have probably already found out you are definitely not alone.  

You have already made an important step by sharing your concerns here. I am sure that once you got in this company you will find lots of support here which will make you feel better and then perhaps encourage you to get in charge and to make the first babysteps in the right direction.

How did your Mom respond to sharing your "secret" with her?
Do you know what caused your fear? And what is that scares you most now?

Stay with us and keep posting and we'll take care of you.

 

[PurpleOrchid]

Thank-you!
I remember being 3 years old, sitting in the chair freaking out...the dentist was not very patient...also when I was very little I remember being in the room when my mother was having a root canal....that must be what started all this. As a child my parents would have to carry my to the dentist kicking and screaming and eventually I think just gave up on me. (hoping I'd "grow out of it")
What I'm most afraid of now?...I think it has to be the humiliation and knowing that when I eventually do go to the dentist it's going to be an emergency situation...how am I going to explain things at work?....what if all my teeth have to come out?...I can't go around without any teeth!...I'm also petrified of the pain! (just the smell when you walk in the front door is enough to make me fall over)
My mom's reaction....actually she was very supportive and is willing to work with me...she actually suggested hyptotysm(forgive my spelling)

 

[takingflight]

Hi PurpleOrchid and a warm  !

You are definitely not alone.  I can relate to how you felt just typing that message as I was in your shoes last summer.  Right now is the time to take a deep breath and congratulate yourself on getting to this point.  You are in control of how quickly or slowly you want this whole journey to be and we'll be here to help you as you get through it.

I waited over 17 years and was so sure that I was going to have to have most or all of my teeth pulled.  My history as a child always consisted of getting fillings with a very grumpy "old man" dentist who would yell at me constantly.  I was convinced that if I had cavities every 6 months that waiting that long would mean that my teeth were beyond repair.   I found, as many on here have, that things aren't always as bad as they seem.  I did have an extreme amount of work done but I didn't lose a single tooth.  There are always exceptions to that but a few of our posters that did need more extensive work and had multiple extractions are thrilled with their new beautiful, pain free smiles.  Ultimately we want to be able to smile without covering our mouths, eat the foods we enjoy and get through the day without having to take medicine to control the pain.  

Do you have someone who can recommend a caring, compassionate dentist or do you have one in mind?  When you do find one it is important to communicate your fears to them, whether it be via e-mail, over the phone or during a talk only consultation.  If they know how you are feeling they can take steps to help put you at ease.  I sent an e-mail as I knew that I would be crying if I tried to do it over the phone.  The right person treating you will make all the difference!

You can do this and there are plenty of people on here to add to the support you are getting from you Mom.  (That's a great source of support too, I spent many days crying on the phone to my Mom before each appt. and she made me feel much better!)

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing and how we can help!


Pam

 

[puppypusher]

Hi Purple Orchid,
yes I too am one of those who carries the not so fond memories of childhood dentistry.The dentist was nice enough but just didn't believe in numbing for cavities so all I could do was tough it out.Well once I was old enough to be on my own it was see ya later dentist. Good Luck with your visits.

 

[brit]

The dentist was nice enough but just didn't believe in numbing for cavities so all I could do was tough it out.

By definition..that means they were most definitely not NICE !

 

[Opoohwan]

... just the thought has me shaking, sweating, breathing fast, light-headed, sometimes actually sick...you name it! I dont know what to do, that's the problem...it's gone beyond everything, it's the humiliation and the not knowing, but fearing the worst. I know there is tons of work to be done, but I just can't be going back for work. If I ever find the strength to go to the dentist, I just want everything done as fast as possible. This fear hinders everything I do...I dont want to smile, I am very cautious when talking to people, I'm afraid to eat many foods ...

I say this in the most humble way possible, as I almost feel hypicritical trying to cheer some one up about dental fear. (Just posting to show even another person dealing with the same thing) I can just say dittos to your post. when I first had to go back to the dentist (3 visits ago) I (a 28 year old man) called my mother (who also has a phobia) bawling like a baby. My wife had to drive me to the dentist and I sat in the chair shaking. unlike you though, I had a great dentist as a child. I never had a bad experience. I know what you mean about the humiliation, knowing that people are politely not letting it show that your breath is horrible. My wife lets me know that kissing me is difficult. not letting your 2 year old son put his fingers in your mouth, and having to be careful because you worry that even kissing him on the forehead will doom him to your bad teeth. and with the foods, eating an apple and leaving blood on it is scary and frightening.

I wanted to post because I just discovered this website and reading other people telling about having the same situations have helped me. I am in no shape to say "you can do it, I did" because I have yet to beat it, but what I can say is "Lets do this!"

 

[PurpleOrchid]

Thanks everyone! Today, I actually feel like I can do something (not just yet, but getting the positive thought process is a tiny step)

 

[liberated]

What I'm most afraid of now?...I think it has to be the humiliation and knowing that when I eventually do go to the dentist it's going to be an emergency situation...how am I going to explain things at work?....what if all my teeth have to come out?...I can't go around without any teeth!...I'm also petrified of the pain! (just the smell when you walk in the front door is enough to make me fall over)
My mom's reaction....actually she was very supportive and is willing to work with me...she actually suggested hyptotysm(forgive my spelling)

Glad to hear that your mother was supportive. Once you open to others you can actually find lots of support. The best thing is that good dentists are very supportive too. A good dentist will not lecture you and judge you for your past, but (s)he will respect you and appreciate your courage to come. You would be surprised how nice and comforting the dentists can be.

Seeing the dentist doesn't mean that you will go in and get out without teeth. You don't have to be scared about any procedures before your first appointment. The first appointment is just to find out what needs to be done and discuss the options. No actual treatment is involved. You will find out what the state of your teeth is and what needs to be done and then you can decide whether you want it or not. You are in charge. Nobody can do any procedure to you without your permission. And you may be surprised that the state of your teeth is not as bad as you suppose. So don't worry about loosing your teeth until you get them checked.

You don't have to explain anything at work, but I am absolutely sure that if you could read others' people minds, you would be surprised how many of your colleagues are terrified of the dentists even if they don't seem like. I know what I'm talking about, because when I was scared of the dentist I thought I was one of minority and everybody around seemed ok with the dentists, but after I got over it and was able to open about it, I found out that most of the people around me are scared (and lots of them actually avoid dentists) and it's pretty difficult to find somebody who is comfortable with the dentist.

What about trying to go through some dental practices' websites? Some of them are very nice and you'll probably find out that a lot of things has changed and the dentistry is totally different from what it was like in the time of your last appointment.

 

[mikey]

, As, most of us have already said opening up about your fears is a great step twards getting your mouth in order!

There are many ways to make the dentist visit painless, first i would see if they offer nitrous oxide/laughing gas. Another is a perscription drug called valium or halcion or something related, those all relieve anxiety and gives you the *I dont give a $!%& feeling .

Best of luck and keep us posted

-mikey