• Dental Phobia Support

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Feeling frustrated with myself - need a bit of encouragement

N

Nameless

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2012
Messages
67
Location
England
Okay guys, I have been looking at some dentists in my area on the Internet (or within reasonable travelling distance) for ones that specialise in treating phobic patients like myself; I have had a bit of luck because I found one that seemed to offer gadgets and sedation that I felt comfortable with and was within reasonable travelling distance of where I live. I was also looking today at ones that were a bit closer to where I live so getting there wouldn't be too much of a hassle - they didn't exactly offer the gadgets I really was looking for (no mention of drill-alternatives :( :cry: :scared: or numbing gel :( :( :( ) but they were recognised for their sedation specialties and apparently they are the area's sedation specialists, which sort of made me feel more comfortable with it. I haven't contacted either of them yet and this is what I'm frustrated about.

The more I look at the websites of these dentists I feel a little braver inside and fell almost like an urge to at least try them because I know that they may be able to help; deep down, I want to see a dentist who specialise in phobics! I am petrified of the dentist but I know that there are people who can help me. I feel so embarrassed about being this way.........but when I look at the contacts page, the urge to contact them arises but I just can't do it. I'm driving myself up the wall with this because I feel like I could at least try and go to a dentist (I'll probably cry all the way through it though), but I just can't bring myself to contact them. This tortures me at times - I feel so bad about not getting in contact, I think I can do it but I can't bring myself to :(

What's more is I wonder how I can tell my parents about all of this researching I've been doing; they both know I am terrified to go to the dentist and, bless them, they have been trying to help and have always been there when I've cried about it, had panic attacks, they've always listened to my rants about it etc. and they have accepted that I made a decision not to go to the dentist out of fear. They have tried their hardest and I cannot fault them, but I have basically come onto this forum without their knowledge - they don't know that I am looking for a phobic specialist dentist because I just haven't got the guts to tell them!! I mean, they are both scared to an extent and they go to a dentist which they really like and they don't seem to have much of an issue with it; but then there is me who is absolutely petrified of dentists who needs to see a specialist and I don't think they quite understand how bad I've got it because we are sort of opposite ends of the fear spectrum. They offered to take me to their dentist but I just don't feel comfortable with her (met her once when my parents took me to talk to her a while ago), and so I dont think they understand my fear totally. But bless them, they are really supportive and everything. Sometimes I just cry and get all angry and super-mad at my self with frustration at not being able to do something I think I can try and do now :(

So yeah, to sum up I think I can at least try and go to a phobic-specialist dentist because I do want to at least try, but I cannot bring myself to do it because I'm too scared of what will happen :( Can someone please help me or give me some encouragement please, I really need it right now?

Probably havent made much sense, but thankyou guys x
 
I am nervous and at times phobic as are all of us on here, we understand how you feel.

The first visit will only be for the dentist to have a look, they may like to take an x ray too, but if this frightens you they can do that later. You could always go along and talk to a dentist if you can gain the courage to contact one.

You need to do things in your own time and at a pace that you can cope with. You really don't need a specialist as most dentists understand how intimidating and frightening going can be. I understand all dentists have the topical gel and if they are aware that needles bother us they use it.

You could try and email a few of the dentists you have been looking at and see what response you get back. If one stands out more than the others you can contact them and hopefully make an appointment.

People are nervous about different things at the dentist, so your parents probably do understand, they may fear different things to you. It is a hard thing to make the first appointment and attend it, but once it has been done it feels wonderful. Don't concentrate too much on the gadget side of things, gadgets don't make a good dentist, skill does.

I wish you good luck :clover::clover::clover: I hope you manage to find a dentist you like the look of soon. Let us know how you get on.
 
You have taken a huge first step by taking the initiative to research dentists. Carole makes some very good points. Gadgets are nice but not always necessary. A skilled and compassionate dentist does not need gadgets to provide 100% comfortable treatment. My dentist does not advertise to specialize in nervous patients nor does she have any of the newest most innovative technology but helped me overcome my fears of dentistry that I struggled with for my whole life just from her gentle chairside manner and excellent technical skills with performing dental work. In terms of drill alternatives unfortunately, there really aren't many available (trust me, the drill is one of my phobias and I have researched it already :rolleyes:). Laser dentistry is pretty expensive and is not an option for large cavities. Air abrasion is also only an option for small cavities in the early stages. I have heard the wand is great gadget (it's a calibrated injection system that delivers local anesthesia at one steady rate so that there is no pain) but many dentists can deliver 100% painless injections if they know what their doing. I can understand that you may want a specialist though so that you know you are definitely in good hands from the start but many people have visited dentists who advertise themselves as specialists and they were not Dr. Right for that person so just stay open minded. As far as telling your parents, I think they would be very happy for you and relieved to hear that you are taking steps towards finding the right dentist for you in your own time and on your own free will. It sounds like they already know about your fears and are supportive even if they may not fully understand or know how to support you in the way you need them to but now you have a way to tell them how they can help support you. Not sure if this is applies to you but if you are still a minor you may need parental consent to receive any treatment so that is also important to keep in mind.

Take all of the time you need to make that appointment....this has to be at your pace and you have to be ready to confront it on your own time. You have gone this long...waiting a bit longer will not hurt anything so long as you have no dental emergencies. Like carole said you may want to try sending an email if they have one...or you can always call and see what kind of vibe you get from them. If you don't feel comfortable with them, you don't have to make an appointment with them. You may be able to set up an appointment just for a chat but typically first appointments are only consultations so an exam and xrays..maybe a cleaning if you feel comfortable but usually no "actual" treatment takes place unless maybe there is an emergency situation. Personally, I have found that in scenarios like these you have to not think about it too much...just take a deep breath and do it..you've got nothing to lose! Best of luck!!! :clover::clover::clover:
 
Just chiming in........................
I found a dentist near my area that specialized in treating phobic patients, he offered IV and oral sedation, does the laser for small cavities, etc.
It TOOK me an entire YEAR until I made the appointment. I actually waited until pain from an abcessed tooth got unbearable before I made the appointment.
Something will motivate you to make an appointment (hopefully, not pain). The moment will come and you will make an appointment. When?? When you are ready.
Best of :clover: and many :hug5:'s!!!!
Jen
 
I am a person that fear dentist a lot too and absolutely understand your fear and I'm having a hard time to search for a good dentist. Wish you good luck for all your appointments.
 
Hi Nameless,

I don't know how much this helps, but you are certainly not alone in your dilemma. At the worst of my dental phobia, I thought about dentists and my teeth constantly, and it seemed like reminders were everywhere: tv commercials, dentist advertisements on billboards, movies, books, conversations. I knew I had to go to the dentist and I also didn't have any particular horror story in my past, but I'd been away for so long, and had so much work I knew I needed, that it was just impossible to think about going to the dentist, even while it seemed impossible NOT to think about the dentist.

The good news is, I went to a "normal" dentist that had good recommendations online, and she was so kind and gentle, and spent lots of time making sure I was comfortable and not in any pain, and now I'm able to go to the dentist without completely freaking out.

The bad news is, getting past that first step of making an appointment and actually letting the dentist look at your mouth, is HARD. I think everyone here has gone through just what you're going through: picking up the phone, putting it back down. Looking for dentists online, getting nervous, and stopping. Feeling like you can do it, and then not doing it... again. I did it myself for years. I think talking about it here and reading about it here on the forums helps a lot. Just be aware that the things you're doing ARE progress, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I'll echo what others have said here: a kind, compassionate dentist is worth all kinds of gadgets and devices. Phobics like us tend to focus on all the details, like what kind of drill is used, etc. But my advice, from LOTS of experience in the chair, is to start by looking for a kind dentist. You can make an appointment for just a consultation, and meet the dentist to just talk about your teeth. Just talk. That can be scary enough for phobics like us, so start slowly. You can tell her about your fears, maybe let her look at your teeth (just look), and get an idea of her personality, whether she has a calming presence, whether she's patient or impatient, etc. The dentist should be able to explain to you, calmly, what she's going to do, how things are going to feel, and make sure you know that you're in control the whole time. And then you can decide whether you trust her to make another appointment.

Make that your goal: just talking to a dentist. It might make it easier to contemplate, because a lot of us have fears that things are going to snowball out of control, and it's hard to imagine all the drills and needles and other scary things happening to us. So, see if you can make an appointment for just a consultation, and tell yourself that that's it. Like, literally plan to talk to the dentist, get some advice, and then never see her again. That might help make it feel less like the enormous life-changing event it feels like now.

I also wonder if you have a trusted friend or family member, someone you really trust, someone you can cry in front of. It might help to have a buddy on your side, to come to the appointment, or even help make the appointment. Also, it might sound silly, but many people-- even grown adults-- bring a teddy bear, blanket, or some other comfort object. Facing major fears can bring out the little frightened child in us, and it's okay to comfort that child with a little security blanket.

Good luck and keep doing what you can, and don't be too hard on yourself for not making progress more quickly. It's REALLY REALLY hard to do what you're doing, particularly all by yourself, so even little steps like picking up the phone or starting to dial (even if you hang up right away) count. You'll get there eventually, when the time is right.

Hugs to you, because you need lots of hugs: :hug4::hug4::hug4::hug4::hug4::hug4::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5:
 
Kudos to you for making the first step. Like others have said your first appointment will be just a look see, with some x-rays. If you don't like the practice you can take your x rays and go to another dentist. You are in control. I like the idea of asking for referrals and e-mailing the dentists before hand. In my areas consultations are free. You just pay for x rays.

I also agree with others. It is nice for a dentist to have all the bells and whistles, but a good gentle dentist may not need those things. Don't get me wrong sedation/GA has its place but in my opinion it should be used in difficult cases cases that involve a lot or really phobic patients. Never underestimate that power of a good staff. Like how I imagine comfort dentist who is in here. You can always try nerve pill before, or nerve pill and nitrous or just nitrous. Relaxation techniques or and iPod can help too.

So I guess my long point is dont rule out a dentist just because they cannot put you out. If you find some one good you can always get put out for the bigger more involved proceedures
 
I just wanted to chip in and tell you that you have done an amazing job so far, I know it may not feel like it but researching dentists is a huge step!!!

I developed an abscess two years ago on one of my bottom teeth. It wasn't until the end of August 2012 that I finally picked up the courage to call. Unfortunately I have a. a fear of the dentist and b. I really dislike calling people on the phone (In all honesty the only person I'm comfortable taking to is my mum, but now I'm rambling.) it took me two hours on my day off work sat with the phone in hand, dialing the number, hanging up, having major panic attacks and crying before I finally got the courage up to talk to the receptionist and all I was doing was asking her to send me information about the clinic. It can be frustrating. I emailed a few more dentists after the calling incident to save me the embarrassment of having to do that. In the end I went for a consultation at another practice and everything just felt right. I liked my dentist, he understood I was phobic despite not being a specialist he made sure I was comfortable every step of the way - stopping when I needed him to and the like. And this was after the fuss I had made phoning another practice! God you have no idea how utterly stupid I felt.

I agree with whoever said about taking someone/something in for comfort. I had my boyfriend in with me, I found it comforting to have him there making sure nothing would go wrong, to hold my hand and to make me laugh through my tears. I also had a stress ball, it is now dead, ripped to shreds all over the dental chair and floor, that poor dentist, he must still be finding pieces :(. I also have a small teddy called Travel bunny - as the name suggests he comes with me when I travel any great distance, he came with me on my dental journey - I'm 23 btw :redface: but he was a great help. With all three things in hand I got through 2 fillings and two extractions without any gas and air or anything to calm me down.

I made myself go to the practice I wanted to join. I then had no way of backing down from filling out the form to register nor could I say I didn't know when the appointments were. The thing to remember is that at all times you are the patient and you are the one in charge at all times. If you don't like a dentists method or attitude then you can chose not to go back and to see another dentist - that is for you to decide. It is daunting and it's worse when your relatives can't fully comprehend how badly the thought of the dentist scares you. But we all have our fears, and all, in the end, can acknowledge the fear of doing something we don't like doing - my brothers 6'6, pure muscle, has been in the army but you put him on a plane and the guys like jelly, not quite so intimidating.

I hope that my rambling in someway has helped and hasn't been pure non-sense, I do apologize if I haven't made sense, it's 4am here and I've not slept yet.

I hope that you can find a dentist who still has a smile for you after you've swore at him during treatment, tried to kick his lamp thingy above your head, shredded a stress ball all over the place, sat in the chair and cried even before he's said a word, almost been sick over his nice clean room and gone into shock. Congrats on taking your first steps to finding a dentist. I'm sure you can find the one for you x
 
Thanks everyone - I think the idea of taking a stress ball in would be a good idea as I think I would benefit from having something in my hands to squeeze if some part of exam/treatment (hopefully not the latter) stressed me a little bit. I really don't feel too comfortable with the idea of taking someone in with me though; although my parents are compassionate with me over this and do sympathise as much they can, I have kept a lot of my phobia to myself, like what actually scares me and why, because I am a bit of a privacy freak and will never feel comfortable with explaining this to a dentist when someone else is with me. It's not just my parents personally, it's absolutely anyone who I see or know! Also, I will probably cry all the way through the appointment (when I eventually make one) and, like I said before, I'm a freak for privacy and I cannot cry in front of anyone!! This is also what is intimidating me about making an appointment because I'm scared that I will cry so much and make a fool of myself :redface: and I feel even more worried about this because as a nearly-17 year old boy, I feel such an idiot crying because I usually am quite emotionally reserved and never ever cry about anything....but yet something seemingly so trivial as this and I think I'll be in floods!!!! I mean, I have cried a bit about this dentist phobia a few times before but I am scared that when I get enough courage to go then I will need a bucket to catch it all. Anyone else had this problem? :(

Thats why I am trying to do this whole thing on my own, it's because I'm too embarrassed to fully show how I really feel about this....I am a bit of a mess, yes. Well, I suppose I will get there eventually. I still feel that the dentist I found the last post looks okay to try, and honestly think I could try there at some point. So I have made my mind up to contact them at some point in the future: as people here have said, it is hard and yes haha I agree I am finding it difficult and am still quite frustrated at myself. But I know that I will get there one day and I will keep you all informed as to how I get on with it, some time in the future x
 
Good luck and best wishes to you, you will get there when you are ready. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Don't worry a few tears are a small price to pay for dental health, even if the few amount to a bucketful. The dentist will have seen it all and will do there best to help you. If you don't feel comfortable when you go to see one, find another.
 

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