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Feeling lost - traumatic experience, what next?

D

dfcAM

Junior member
Joined
Jun 9, 2023
Messages
1
Location
Canada
To start - this website and the posts on here are/were the only reason I was able to even consider seeking out help for my dental issues. However, things didn't work out, and I think I need support/advice/anything from others who know exactly what I'm talking about.

I'll try to condense everything down to explain where I'm at and how I got here. I am an extremely anxious person and always have been, but the dentist is next level - from the age of 8 to about 17 I pretty much ran the gauntlet of dental traumas (being held down in the chair as a kid for multiple extractions, having procedures done without anaesthesia, having teeth removed by force at home, having six extractions at once when they said they would take only four, having teeth shattered, and various other incidents) so as an adult I would rather do literally anything else than see a dentist or even think about my teeth. I hate everything about dental visits, the chair, being tilted back, the gagging, the blood, all of it makes my blood quite literally run cold and makes my head spin. My body just reacts with total panic - even though I can rationalize everything, I physically cannot calm down in a dentist's chair. The problem with that is if I perceive a dental issue, I'll ignore it until it is completely out of control and that's where I am now, at 28 years old.

Last year I worked up the courage to book an exam and was promptly asked by a dentist "what's your problem?" as I sat there actively having a panic attack in the exam room. I left there immediately and it was weeks before I felt ready to look for another office to go to.

I was eventually able to book in elsewhere for an exam and x-rays, and then for a "super deep clean" scaling under conscious sedation. This new dentist was really nice and gentle, which I had never experienced before, so I was hopeful that I finally had a dentist I could see regularly without being afraid/anxious. He told me the procedure was going to take several hours, but I would be chilled out from the sedatives and it would all be done at once. Day of, I go in having taken the sedative they prescribed, and I was also given a maximum Triazolam/"Halcion" dose there in the office. I was lying there in the chair with a pillow and blanket, feeling 100% relaxed - but my heart rate was super high, to the point where my dentist came in saying I needed to calm down (I was feeling completely fine, obviously apprehensive but not physically ill or panicked) but did so in a tone of voice that made it sound like he was blaming me, which was completely out of left field as he never spoke to me that way in our other appointments. Long story short, my procedure was cancelled on the spot and I was sent to the ER and given another drug to slow my heart down, plus some tests that came back normal. I didn't find out until later, through my own research, that the elevated heart rate is a rare side effect of Triazolam. The dentist would not see me again unless I went through an entire cardiac workup that would take months and months, which I declined to go through with, having learned that what happened to me was almost certainly a bad reaction to the drug I was given.

This happened in early 2022 and I have not contacted the dentist since, as I felt really betrayed and upset. Most of my resentment is towards the dentist himself, who made me feel as if it was my fault that everything went wrong. I feel like he absolutely should have known that what happened to me was a possibility, regardless of how rare that particular side effect is.

The procedure last year was supposed to change my mindset and help me start to heal from my phobia/trauma, but I feel like it made it so much worse, since the entire day descended into chaos like that. I still really need to have my teeth taken care of but I am TERRIFIED of the idea of having to have my procedure done with no sedation at all, knowing now that I can't take the drug needed for that. Going fully under is not an option for me, so I'm only left with the prospect of being fully aware of and feeling every bit of an hours-long procedure.

The dental office texted me this last week asking if I am going to come back, and I know I need to tell them I still need help, but the thought of that is beyond daunting. It feels like I'm basically guaranteed to have to suffer in order to get myself taken care of. I feel like a lost cause. What, if anything, can I even do in this situation? Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
 
Hello!

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m a fellow dental phobe who has had a few bad experiences too. I’m so sorry you went through so much trauma in your younger years with dentistry- it is really scandalous that these things happen!

Your story isn’t exactly like mine but I have had an incident of a deep clean not taking place due to a rather cold hygienist and a very panicky me! The build up hadn’t been great and I started to panic a little on arrival - saying I was worried - and she basically started to tell me off about my teeth (?) while I was shaking in a corner. I’m usually very polite but I told her she was unprofessional and it became this whole weird thing with the practice manager having to come in while I cried in the corner. Anywaaay I left that appointment thinking I was truly stuffed. Long story short- I found a different hygienist (a truly lovely lady) and got through the appointment. I say this because it may seem totally impossible to get through an appointment without a sedative but it might not be with the right support. I did actually panic a couple of times during some cleans initially but we just stopped, had a little chat and went back to it. She didn’t make me feel ridiculous for being anxious.

Whilst I continue to struggle with certain things and some dentists still really grind my gears, I can honestly say that there is so much out there to help people through the appointments. I also wanted to comment that if you feel betrayed by this dentist - call it a day. You are under no obligation to return if you don’t want to. This is your body and you are in charge ☺️ Perhaps try someone new, be open about what happened and discuss your options. What happened with the meds wasn’t your fault (you can’t control meds!) but even if you were less than calm, being told off isn’t going to help!

Reward yourself for trying and then begin again when you’re ready 💐
 
Hi dfcAM :welcome:,

thank you so much for sharing this with us, and so sorry to read how things got ugly when they were supposed to get better. Having that dentist blaming you sounds awful and incredibly invalidating. Being there must have felt so vulnerable and if you felt not panicky, that was probably already the first positive experience you ever had and then he destroys it like that. Must be even worse knowing that it was likely him to overlook something. I'd certainly be absolutely mad for months if not years, not to speak about what this did to your confidence in dentistry.

I still really need to have my teeth taken care of but I am TERRIFIED of the idea of having to have my procedure done with no sedation at all, knowing now that I can't take the drug needed for that. Going fully under is not an option for me, so I'm only left with the prospect of being fully aware of and feeling every bit of an hours-long procedure.

The dental office texted me this last week asking if I am going to come back, and I know I need to tell them I still need help, but the thought of that is beyond daunting. It feels like I'm basically guaranteed to have to suffer in order to get myself taken care of.

I understand that you can imagine having any procedure done at the moment and guess what: maybe even thinking of procedures is not a right thing to do right now. Maybe it's time to slow down and commit to only do what feels manageable. So here is a question for you: what is a thing regarding dentist that you could tolerate? How about researching webpages of dentists looking around and find someone who offers a chat (which alone may be stressful enough for now)? If I was you I wouldn't go anywhere unless the dentist explicitly offers having a chat, outside of treatment room and outside of the chair. Also, how about journaling about what are your fears, your worst case scenarios and how is this all making you feel?

My point is: no pushing whatsoever. There are kind caring dentists outside who are familiar with dental phobia, with trauma and with all other stuff around that and who will be willing to help you step by step, at your own pace and on your terms. It is okay if it takes some time to process and get there and the fact that you are here is another step in your journey.

All the best wishes
 

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