Feeling very low - some graphic content

[misty]

Thanks to this forum and the support of a number of friends, I was able to go to the dentist last Friday for the first time in many years. The problem that spurred me to go at last was a tooth that broke when I bit down on it. The dentist and office staff could not have been nicer or more patient with my many phobias, and I was able to go in tranquilized, have xrays taken, and come up with a plan of action for the one tooth (I asked the dentist if we could go very slowly with the rest of the needed work, even to the extent of not discussing it yet).

About half the tooth was left and nothing showed on the outside, thank goodness, at least for a couple of weeks. All that ended this morning when I was (gently) brushing the broken tooth, and the rest of it fell, leaving a stump. My poor little tooth, I let it down so badly.

I am devastated. The gap doesn't really show except in a wide smile (which I have no more of left), but I feel like a total skank, useless, ugly, stupid, and I fear that nothing will ever go right again. I have a long history of not being able to get effective help for my problems, being rejected by dental and other professionals, and all of the hope I had when I left the dentist's office is gone.

My dental history is extensive and full of pain (the usual sadistic dentist when young, who would pull baby teeth without anaesthetic, would say he was done drilling then would keep on going, etc.; orthodonture preceded by extractions and followed by wisdom tooth extractions; many painful experiences at the dentist, deep scaling followed by infection after infection after infection, etc.), and even here I have to avoid the negative stories for fear that I will be discouraged yet again.

My greatest fears are pain, not getting effective treatment, or getting treatment that makes things worse instead of better, and fundamental embarrassment that I have not done more when I could despite my history.

So now I have to face all of it, including having visible signs of my shame. For men I think it is different - for women I think there is no forgiveness for having a less than perfect physical appearance.

I guess I am hoping for support, because I am not seeing any way out right now of feeling like a complete loser.

Thank you for taking the time to read my words.

 

[Geraint]

Hello Misty, and welcome to Dentalfear Central. You have come to the right place here and I'm shure you will get lots of support here. You have already taken a big step in visiting a dentist. Hopefuly your future visits should get easier. Keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

 

[brit]

The problem that spurred me to go at last was a tooth that broke when I bit down on it. The dentist and office staff could not have been nicer or more patient with my many phobias, and I was able to go in tranquilized, have xrays taken, and come up with a plan of action for the one tooth (I asked the dentist if we could go very slowly with the rest of the needed work, even to the extent of not discussing it yet).

Hi Misty
Please don't be so hard on yourself....you have done really well to go to the dentist recently......the fact that they also treated you with kindness and compassion is also a great reason for self-congratulation.....I can understand that you are disappointed about what has happened to that particular tooth but the fact that you had a 'good experience' means you can build up the strength to go back and maybe discuss what your new treatment priorities are.  

My poor little tooth, I let it down so badly.
I am devastated. The gap doesn't really show except in a wide smile (which I have no more of left), but I feel like a total skank, useless, ugly, stupid, and I fear that nothing will ever go right again.

There is every chance that this dentist will be able to sort out your smile....if you give them the chance.....there's an English phrase which you may well use in the US too (you said office so I'm assuming you are probably in the US)....'there's no use crying over spilled milk' .....it is okay to grieve a bit though before moving on to make the best of the situation

I have a long history of not being able to get effective help for my problems, being rejected by dental and other professionals, and all of the hope I had when I left the dentist's office is gone.

 I'm hoping that given that you managed to go once and found them to be sympathetic.....there is every reason to still be full of hope....most true phobics find finding the right dentist the hardest bit...once they have done that, it gets easier....especially if finance is not a major issue.

My dental history is extensive and full of pain ......and even here I have to avoid the negative stories for fear that I will be discouraged yet again.

 We'd like to think there are not that many negative stories on here because its 2006 and dentistry should be virtually painless. Most negative ones relate tothe dim and distant past. There are definitely lots of positive success stories....if you browse through some historic threads in 'Success Story' or 'Support' you will realise this.
I have always been very fussy about where I seek dental treatment because I too had the misfortune to meet a sadist at the age of 10 who unnecessarily denied me anaesthetic for several fillings....I was able to choose not to go back there however and 34 years of painless dentistry followed in the UK.....so even in 1973 it was possible to get painless injections. Dentists such as the one you described from your childhood would have a hard job staying in business thesedays....
however hygienists do seem to vary a lot in their level of gentleness (recent bad experience in foreign country) so they need to also be chosen with care...remember if you are not happy, you can leave or reschedule -if they are willing to help you and take things at your pace, that's half the battle.....you can also use numbing agents for cleanings and in the US nitrous oxide is very common.

My greatest fears are pain, not getting effective treatment, or getting treatment that makes things worse instead of better, and fundamental embarrassment that I have not done more when I could  despite my history.

Pain - should be the least of your worries thesedays...especially if you opt for some kind of sedation option.
Wrong treatment - always a risk....how did you choose this dentist...personal recommendations tend to be the safest but not only route....see no reason to consider changing on what you have said so far

Treatment makes things worse - not very likely.
Embarrassment - very common fear....but it doesn't sound like the dentist you have found would be insensitive enough to make you feel bad.....if eveyone took care of their teeth 100% - he'd be out of business apart from orthodontics and other cosmeticy things.

So now I have to face all of it, including having visible signs of my shame. For men I think it is different - for women I think there is no forgiveness for having a less than perfect physical appearance.

It can probably all be fixed.....I know Americans laugh about European teeth....but honestly ....underlying health is the most important thing......but if your smile looks good, it can make you feel more confident.
I'm a pretty well-adjusted well-educated mother of two who benefitted from orthodontistry in my teens; and can honestly say I've never felt the need to go out and shoot myself for not fully losing weight gained in pregnancy, so why should you feel bad about any of your physical shortcomings? We're all only human. Ever read Naomi Wolf's 'The Beauty Myth' ? .....changed my life...do yourself a favour and stop reading Women's Magazines and watching tv adverts which  exist to make you feel inferior about every aspect of your life and promote a need for you to buy various products which are supposed to provide solutions to these so called shortcomings...its a bit like tooth bleaching...the latest craze in dentistry...and yes it looks great but I'm suspicious about the possible longterm effects of doing it...and so haven't succumbed and probably never will...

So I feel sure you are getting stuff out of proportion and not giving yourself the credit you deserve....simply move on from this point and make the best of it.....you could well have already found a great dentist   and that's the hardest bit. Keep in touch.

 

[melodyl]

He pulled your baby teeth with no anaesthetic? And he would say he would stop drilling and then keep drilling?

Not only is he a sadist, he's a sick dentist.

I hope he is no longer practicing dentistry on anyone.

melody

P.S. All the best.

 

[misty]

UPDATE

Well, it's been quite a while since I first posted, and I wanted to post an update on what has happened.

First of all, thank you to those who replied. I really appreciate the support and kind words. For those who were wondering, I'm sure the dentist I had in my distant childhood who was so awful is either long-retired or dead - I'm hardly a spring chicken.

As to what has happened: In the intervening weeks, I have had a root canal, a pre-temporary crown, and a temporary crown. Also a miserable cold, which actually is relevant.

The only way I have been able to get through the appointments is by taking 2 mgs of Ativan about an hour before each one (as requested by my dentist). All of us were counting heavily on this helping, and so far it has. One of the side benefits with that large a dose is that one forgets some of what happens in the chair - definitely a good thing in my case.

The injections have so far been the worst thing about the treatments. Even with the Ativan it is very difficult, even with the numbing gel first. The root canal was not bad at all, most likely because it was a simple tooth (only the one canal - my dentist does not do the more complex rcs and would have to send me out for those), and because the nerve was already dead. Otherwise, I don't know how it would have gone. I had only minimal pain afterward, for which I am profoundly grateful.

The permanent crown is due next week. I've been told that this will be an "easy" appointment - we shall see.

My dentist has recommended (firmly) that I go to a sleep dentist to have the remainder of the extensive work done. Cost is a big concern, and unfortunately this other dentist does not take my insurance (or any, apparently). I have told the dentist this and need to work (when I am not drugged to the gills) with his insurance lady to see what can be done. I would very much prefer to do the work piecemeal with the first dentist, but I sense that he is reluctant. Any advice on how to work with this type of situation would be greatly appreciated. I now, with Ativan and support, think that I can handle one tooth at a time, but that may be more than this dentist wants to deal with. I don't blame him, really, as it is his right to not have to deal with difficult patients, but I would really miss his gentleness and very positive outlook.

The reason the dreadful cold is relevant is that I feared for my temporary crown each time I sneezed or coughed, and I couldn't breathe through my nose so have no idea how I could have gotten through an appointment, even if the dentist would have seen me.

I am so tired of the soft foods diet that I have been on since this whole ordeal started. Usually I do some baking, making fudge, etc., for the holidays, but this year between the teeth and the cold haven't even begun any holiday preparations. Last night I had fish, which was great (sole). I've eaten so many eggs I'm beginning to sprout pinfeathers and am afraid for my cholesterol. (Eggs with taco sauce is now about the only food I can look forward to.)

I am still worried about and distrustful of the rest of my teeth, and wonder if I will go through the whole shame/fear/self-loathing ordeal as I work on each one. I don't think I can stand that.

So that's where I am. I never would have believed, before a few weeks ago, that I would get through having a root canal (though I know I have been extraordinarily lucky with this one). I've had a crown before, so was not as mystified about that. And thank goodness for Ativan and the kind people on this support form and the enclosing website.

Misty