Finally found a dentist that I thought I could trust but now I don’t know

[MissScarLett49]

I have about nine missing teeth I can’t afford to replace because of a previous dentist who was unethical and lied about the condition of my teeth because it was easier to pull them. I am terrified of the dentist. Even when I floss my teeth it makes me sick to my stomach. I am doing my best to brush my teeth and I try to floss but it is simply hard to eat anything.

Recently I found a dentist I thought I could trust and was able to help. But now I’m unsure I have told her that my back tooth one she has already fixed has been throbbing but she doesn’t seem to hear me, I’ve even told her assistant but nothing is done, and I think today a filling fell out. Before any of this happened she the dentist was acting mad at me which is making my phobia act out even more. I don’t know if the pain is all in my head ( lol)

I also just get even more anxious because I am paying out of pocket and I don’t think she understands how much courage and money it takes to just see her. I don’t know if I should just be blending all of my food and none of this pain would be happening would be happening if I just drank smoothies.

I know my teeth are my fault but I’m just so overwhelmed. Last time I went she said I had seven visits left and now I can count nine because two more teeth hurt. Just brushing one of them causes the worst throbbing. I don’t know how to advocate for myself without making the dentist mad

according to my last dentist I have also crossed the threshold and have waited to long to even get implants. so this pain is forever, anytime i feel even a twinge of pain in the rest of my body I have a full out panic attack because what if one of my teeth has infected the rest of my body and it’s spreading to my heart or my brain. If I had credit it would all go to the dentist but just hearing the noise of the drill and not being able to even get a dentist who is the best one I’ve ever seen to hear me.

 

[NervousUSA]

@MissScarLett49 I might be able to relate to this situation. My main fear of dentists is unnecessary treatment and being harmed by treatment, and this is from my experience. I have been lied to and had my teeth damaged by treatment. My experience with doctors/medical stuff has been similar. Some things that worked for me that might work for you. I got counseling and told the counselor my goal was to handle appointments better and get the treatment that I want/need, and also to communicate with the provider about accomodating my phobia/trauma issue so I could feel better at appointments and not get more trauma. This worked. The counselor was able to help me understand my phobia and trauma better, and then advise me on how to talk and negotiate with the provider. I was able to do a fairly low cost online counseling from a service called 7 Cups. Getting second opinions, and using telehealth dentists is another thing that has worked for me. I use Denteractive and The Teledentists to discuss my issues, treatment, and interactions with my dentist with a telehealth dentist. This helps me know what is normal, what to expect, and to understand things better so I can advocate for myself. I have also seen other dentists in person for second opinions, including specialists like a prosthodontist and an orthdontist. Finally another thing that has worked for me is switching dentists. Sounds like you already switched once, but if there are issues it might be worth switching again. I will definitely switch again if I need to. Hope some of this is useful, and I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation.

 

[letsconnect]

Hi @MissScarLett49 I agree with @NervousUSA that maybe it's worth switching dentists again. If you've had terrible experiences with dentists in the past, it's normal to be grateful if you finally get a dentist who isn't downright bad. But that doesn't mean that you couldn't find someone much better!

If you haven't seen it yet, there's a step-by-step guide to tackling dental phobia right here on this website, which also includes this page on finding the right dentist:

How to find a dentist for nervous patients

Discover how to find a dentist who is good with nervous, scared or phobic patients - and who to avoid!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Perhaps you could meet with some dentists in your area just for a quick chat, rather than a full exam, to see what they're like (once you've narrowed down potential candidates from personal recommendations and/or online reviews).

You might also find this Dental Fears Patient Form useful, as a way of letting your dentist know what is worrying you:

Downloads

Free worksheets and a questionnaire for nervous patients which you can use to let your potential dentist know about your fears.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

And no, it's not your fault - nobody deliberately sets out to make their teeth go bad - there are always factors at play such as previous trauma, lack of knowledge, or mental health issues leading to a lack of self-care or poor diet. Most of these are out of our control, so please don't blame yourself for being in this position