Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

[AJS]

Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

So happy to find this place - it's good (and sad) to know that I am not alone.

Long story short - I hadn't visited a dentist for about 10 years until a dental emergency (abcessed tooth leading to massive pain and almost tennis ball sized swelling in my mouth) this past April.

I have always been wary of going to the dentist, and I had a horrible experience 10 years ago with my dentist - I had multiple cavities that needed to be filled, and he did not administer the proper amount of novacaine. I did everything I could to get his attention but he just kept drilling away anyway. It was horrifiying, excruciating, and it pretty much kept me away from any dentist until things went horribly wrong.

Over the course of the past 10 years, I have had several of my teeth partially break. One of these, a back lower molar, became abcessed as I mentioned earlier. I had no choice but to go the emergency room (after a full day of foolishly trying every home remedy imaginable), and ended up on antibiotics and a week later had the tooth removed by an oral surgeon.

The surgeon removed that tooth but told me that I needed to get in and see a dentist soon to have my other teeth worked on/looked at. I was all ready to make an appointment but my courage slowly waned over the next few months, until I finally broke through my fear (with more than a little prodding from my wife) and made an appointment at the same dentist she has for next Tuesday morning.

At some point over the last 10 years, I think my fear of the dentist has morphed into an equally debilitating fear of what will happen when I go and they see my three other broken teeth. I am mortified of losing more teeth, and I do not have the money to get dental implants.

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with this fear/anxiety? Also, is it ever possible that a tooth that has 1/4th to 1/2 broken off can still be salvaged with a crown/filling/etc.?

Thanks.

 

[coolin]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Hello and welcome
I guess the best way to start is just to start. You've done a good thing just by writing it all down for us.

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with this fear/anxiety?

First you have to find the right dentist for you. I am guessing you are in the US/Canada ? Have a look at the dentist recommendation section.

Find a dentist for nervous patients

Has your dentist helped you overcome your fears? In our dentist reviews section, you can leave a review for them, or find a dentist near you who is good with nervous or phobic patients.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Ask friends and relatives too - but I appreciate you may not want to talk about dentists with them.

The next bit is to contact a dentist. Most of us find a phonecall hard to make - so emailing is good. That also means you can explain all your fears. See how they respond - and tell us about it - you have our collective wisdom to refer to

Take it slowly - don't try to rush. You just want a healthy mouth at the moment. Have treatment in small relaxed chunks with a dentist you trust.

Also, is it ever possible that a tooth that has 1/4th to 1/2 broken off can still be salvaged with a crown/filling/etc.?

I had a tooth that was about 3/4 gone - the whole root was there but only one 'wall' of the tooth was standing - if you know what I mean Two years ago i got a crown on it - and it has been fine ever since.

Good luck - and don't be a stranger

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Thank you so much for responding! I really appreciate the encouragement. My wife's dentist is very gentle and non-lecturing, so I took the plunge and made an appointment with him. I am glad to hear (though not glad you had to go through this!) that their is possible hope for saving my teeth. One (next to the molar I had removed from the abcess) is missing about 1/8th to 1/4th, another on the same side (one of the incisors I think) is probably about 3/8ths gone, and on the other side my front-most molar is probably 3/8ths gone.

 

[Mikey Boy]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

First off hi and To the forum

That experience you had as a kid must have been horrible I mean for that dentist to not realize that you are in pain and just keep on going is unacceptable just horrific I feel so bad for here's a Hopefully you never go through that again.

Overcoming you're fear is probley the hardest thing in the world to do i should know I haven't yet just starting my self just like you horrific past would rather not bring up but needless to say hopefully that will all change but I think one thing you could try is therapy I am currently looking for one myself therapy could help you in alot of ways if that might be something you might consider than I'd say ask around and also with overcoming you're fear this place really helps with that.

Keep us posted with how things go

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

First off hi and To the forum

That experience you had as a kid must have been horrible I mean for that dentist to not realize that you are in pain and just keep on going is unacceptable just horrific I feel so bad for here's a Hopefully you never go through that again.

Overcoming you're fear is probley the hardest thing in the world to do i should know I haven't yet just starting my self just like you horrific past would rather not bring up but needless to say hopefully that will all change but I think one thing you could try is therapy I am currently looking for one myself therapy could help you in alot of ways if that might be something you might consider than I'd say ask around and also with overcoming you're fear this place really helps with that.

Keep us posted with how things go

Thanks, and good luck to you as well. I've honestly thought about therapy of some sort to figure out why I have such a hard time dealing with the idea of going to the dentist. I consider myself a fairly smart person in almost every other way, but I have had a mental block for the longest time in terms of dealing with my oral health. I guess making this appointment was the first step - good luck to you as well in your journey. I'll try to keep everyone (who is interested) updated on my journey too.

 

[letsconnect]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Hi and ,

I did everything I could to get his attention but he just kept drilling away anyway. It was horrifiying, excruciating, and it pretty much kept me away from any dentist until things went horribly wrong.

I can really relate to your story since I had a similar thing happen to me as a teenager (except that I wasn't offered local anaesthetic in the first place ). It's very scary when this happens and it left me quite traumatised, as I'm sure you will understand.

I found that having a dentist who takes stop signals seriously and taking things slowly helped me a lot. You may be interested in this page:

Feeling Powerless (Loss of Control)

Feelings of helplessness and lack of control are very common when visiting the dentist. Find out how you and your dentist can put you in control.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

(actually, you might be interested in some of the other pages as well ).

Also, is it ever possible that a tooth that has 1/4th to 1/2 broken off can still be salvaged with a crown/filling/etc.?

Yes, it's often possible though it depends on whether the roots are intact, I think the question came up yesterday/today and you can find the answers here:

Is extraction always necessary when tooth breaks off at gum line?

My dentist states that the upper two molars that have broken off at the gum line must be extracted and some sort of appliance put in the top of my mouth. One of the teeth had a root canal and one did not. Can't a post and crown be put on these teeth? These do not bother me. When my daughter...

www.dentalfearcentral.org

It is really great to hear that your wife's dentist is very gentle and non-lecturing - that is a huge part of the battle won . Have you met her yet?

Keep us posted and thanks for joining our forum

 

[AJS]

Thanks! And no, I have not met my wife's dentist yet but I have heard very good things about him - gentle, non-judgmental, etc. And thanks for the link to that thread. I think all three of the teeth I am concerned about are probably borderline - they have been broken for so long. One for probably 6 or 7 years, another for 5, and another for 3. The remaining parts of each of these teeth are pretty strong and don't move around in my mouth, so hopefully, that's a good sign.

I am really, really freaked out about going on Tuesday but I know that I can't back out. The teeth that are broken are (I think) 28, 30, and 21. 31 was the tooth the was removed months ago due to the abscess.

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Hi AJS, and great job getting yourself scheduled for an appointment. That's a HUGE HUGE step and you should give yourself a big reward and be very proud of yourself! I hope your wife is super-supportive and willing to help you out in whatever way you need. A lot of people (myself included) go through their first appointment on their own, but don't forget you can lean on your wife (or a good friend) if you need someone to hold your hand, help calm you down, drive you to the appointment, etc.

On your first appointment you should expect the dentist to have a visual look around in your mouth, probably using a mirror and a blunt "probe". He's not going to jab you or poke around any sensitive areas-- they mostly just use the probe to get your tongue out of the way. He'll also want to get a set of x-rays taken, since that's critical for assessing the condition of your teeth. Lastly, you'll have a conversation about what treatment is recommended, if anything is a priority, etc. That's it! The dentist should be professional and compassionate, and although you probably think your teeth are horrible and ugly, he's seen much worse. Dentists see neglected, broken, rotten teeth all the time.

You should try to tell the dentist about your past experience and your fears-- you can even write it all down and bring a printout for him to read, if you're too nervous to talk. Dentists tend to be extra compassionate when they know you're phobic, and knowing your experience with not enough anesthetic will allow him to be extra-diligent about making sure you're numb.

You should not expect to be lectured or shamed about the condition of your teeth. Whatever has brought you to this point, is in the past now. The dentist is there to help you get better, and again you should be very proud of yourself for starting this journey. You also should not expect anyone to freak out or demand to work on anything right away. The purpose of the initial consultation is just to have a look and discuss your goals and treatment options.

Finally, remember that you are really in control in the dentist's office. The dentist can recommend certain treatments-- he can even strongly recommend certain treatments. But you are always allowed to say no. You're responsible for the consequences, too, but you can choose whether or not to do anything.

About your broken teeth: teeth are kind of like icebergs-- the big important part is below the surface. Your teeth may be broken on top and still be healthy below the gumline, in which case they can often be crowned and fixed up. I have a tooth right now that was broken almost below the gumline (no visible part of the tooth left at all), and I just had it treated and prepped for a crown, and it'll be fine. An X-ray will tell the dentist if that's possible on your teeth, but you'd be surprised what can be restored.

About your previous dental experience: this is HORRIBLE and COMPLETELY unacceptable! There is no reason you should not be fully numb before starting any dental work, particularly drilling. I have a huge tolerance for novocaine-- yesterday it took ten vials of the stuff to get me numb!-- but my dentist refuses to continue if I feel even the slightest pain. Make sure you work out a pain signal with your dentist-- raising a hand or a finger, or making a noise-- and get his assurance that he should stop immediately if he sees that. I think it's really important that you tell him about your bad experience, so he can be extra sensitive to any problems.

That can't be stated enough: you should never have any pain while the dentist is working. If you're not numb enough, the dentist should stop immediately and get you numb. (I have to admit that sometimes the shots hurt a little, although a skilled dentist can usually do these painlessly too). There's really no procedure that can't be stopped for a few minutes while you get properly numb.

Again, congratulations on taking the first steps! I think you'll find that the hardest part is all the worrying, and you'll soon be on your way to happier, healthier teeth!

Welcome!

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Hi AJS, and great job getting yourself scheduled for an appointment. That's a HUGE HUGE step and you should give yourself a big reward and be very proud of yourself! I hope your wife is super-supportive and willing to help you out in whatever way you need. A lot of people (myself included) go through their first appointment on their own, but don't forget you can lean on your wife (or a good friend) if you need someone to hold your hand, help calm you down, drive you to the appointment, etc.

On your first appointment you should expect the dentist to have a visual look around in your mouth, probably using a mirror and a blunt "probe". He's not going to jab you or poke around any sensitive areas-- they mostly just use the probe to get your tongue out of the way. He'll also want to get a set of x-rays taken, since that's critical for assessing the condition of your teeth. Lastly, you'll have a conversation about what treatment is recommended, if anything is a priority, etc. That's it! The dentist should be professional and compassionate, and although you probably think your teeth are horrible and ugly, he's seen much worse. Dentists see neglected, broken, rotten teeth all the time.

You should try to tell the dentist about your past experience and your fears-- you can even write it all down and bring a printout for him to read, if you're too nervous to talk. Dentists tend to be extra compassionate when they know you're phobic, and knowing your experience with not enough anesthetic will allow him to be extra-diligent about making sure you're numb.

You should not expect to be lectured or shamed about the condition of your teeth. Whatever has brought you to this point, is in the past now. The dentist is there to help you get better, and again you should be very proud of yourself for starting this journey. You also should not expect anyone to freak out or demand to work on anything right away. The purpose of the initial consultation is just to have a look and discuss your goals and treatment options.

Finally, remember that you are really in control in the dentist's office. The dentist can recommend certain treatments-- he can even strongly recommend certain treatments. But you are always allowed to say no. You're responsible for the consequences, too, but you can choose whether or not to do anything.

About your broken teeth: teeth are kind of like icebergs-- the big important part is below the surface. Your teeth may be broken on top and still be healthy below the gumline, in which case they can often be crowned and fixed up. I have a tooth right now that was broken almost below the gumline (no visible part of the tooth left at all), and I just had it treated and prepped for a crown, and it'll be fine. An X-ray will tell the dentist if that's possible on your teeth, but you'd be surprised what can be restored.

About your previous dental experience: this is HORRIBLE and COMPLETELY unacceptable! There is no reason you should not be fully numb before starting any dental work, particularly drilling. I have a huge tolerance for novocaine-- yesterday it took ten vials of the stuff to get me numb!-- but my dentist refuses to continue if I feel even the slightest pain. Make sure you work out a pain signal with your dentist-- raising a hand or a finger, or making a noise-- and get his assurance that he should stop immediately if he sees that. I think it's really important that you tell him about your bad experience, so he can be extra sensitive to any problems.

That can't be stated enough: you should never have any pain while the dentist is working. If you're not numb enough, the dentist should stop immediately and get you numb. (I have to admit that sometimes the shots hurt a little, although a skilled dentist can usually do these painlessly too). There's really no procedure that can't be stopped for a few minutes while you get properly numb.

Again, congratulations on taking the first steps! I think you'll find that the hardest part is all the worrying, and you'll soon be on your way to happier, healthier teeth!

Welcome!

Thank you SO much for posting this - I am 31 year-old guy that is sitting here almost in tears about how nice and helpful your post is.

My wife is definitely supportive but I don't think she fully understands how deep-rooted (no pun intended) my fears are. I told her yesterday how freaked out I am about Tuesday but she doesn't really get - she is sympathetic but said that I wasn't worried about my decay/broken teeth/etc., so why am I this worried now?

I tried to explain to her that I have been this worried and afraid for the last 10 years, and that's precisely why I never went. The fear of the dentist compounded into the fear of what the consequences of going to the dentist would be. Even after having the abcessed tooth removed in April I was able to convince myself "that was it", even though I knew it wasn't. Between my wife needling me on a daily basis to make an appointment and me finally taking an honest look at my mouth in the mirror, I realized that I had no other option but to make an appointment.

Anyway, I appreciate you providing a step-by-step of how things may go on Tuesday and beyond. I am embarassed and also ashamed because I know all of this is going to eat into the savings that I have worked so hard to build up through the years, but it easier knowing that I am not alone.

 

[bigg9058]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Hi AJS - Just wanted to say best of luck with your appt. I went back to the dentist three weeks ago for the first time in 7 yrs and I can tell you that the waiting and anticipation is the worst part (I'm still having the same feelings, maybe a little less, about the third appt I have in about a week). I was so embarrassed to go and have a dentist look in my mouth - but the dentist I found through my wife was so nice about everything. Having the right dentist really does make all the difference in the world.

Best of luck - and stick with it. It does (slowly) start to get easier.

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Hi AJS - Just wanted to say best of luck with your appt. I went back to the dentist three weeks ago for the first time in 7 yrs and I can tell you that the waiting and anticipation is the worst part (I'm still having the same feelings, maybe a little less, about the third appt I have in about a week). I was so embarrassed to go and have a dentist look in my mouth - but the dentist I found through my wife was so nice about everything. Having the right dentist really does make all the difference in the world.

Best of luck - and stick with it. It does (slowly) start to get easier.

Thanks! I'm terrified but ready to finally deal with this (at least I hope I am). I'm praying that I won't have to lose any more teeth - I honestly don't know I'll react if I do. Trying to not even think of that possibility.

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Alright, it's 24 hours away and I am getting really nervous. I've gotten to the point where anything other than more extractions will be okay with me (at least I am telling myself that now). The positives are that I am not experiencing any pain, even in my 3 broken teeth. A little cold water sensitivity for sure, but no general pain.

For my broken teeth, the intact parts of them are very strong and stable. I am really hoping there is enough there and in decent enough condition that they can save them! I might take a few pictures and post them on here to get people's thoughts on what I might be facing.

Any tips on how to minimize the anxiety for the next 24 hours? I have to find a way to be productive at work and be "present" when I am at home tonight.

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Alright, it's 24 hours away and I am getting really nervous. I've gotten to the point where anything other than more extractions will be okay with me (at least I am telling myself that now). The positives are that I am not experiencing any pain, even in my 3 broken teeth. A little cold water sensitivity for sure, but no general pain.

For my broken teeth, the intact parts of them are very strong and stable. I am really hoping there is enough there and in decent enough condition that they can save them! I might take a few pictures and post them on here to get people's thoughts on what I might be facing.

Any tips on how to minimize the anxiety for the next 24 hours? I have to find a way to be productive at work and be "present" when I am at home tonight.

Alright, here are the pics - these are the best I could get with a cellphone - it might be a little hard to see the cracks/breaks in the first two but they are more clear in the third. I swear my teeth aren't as yellow as they look in the third pictures, I turned the flash on for that one and that's how it turned out.

Any idea of what my panic level should be?

 

[coolin]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Well - it's official - I had worse teeth than yours when I went to the dentist after a 6 yr gap

They really don't look too bad - your teeth actually look like teeth - alot of mine were in bits and yet I now have an almost complete set with no gaps in my smile.
So whatever your dentist says tomorrow - you will have lovely teeth to look forward to That is what you have to focus on.
As for how to cope between then and now - do something that absorbs you, that you lose yourself in, exercise maybe, not too much alcohol (bad sleep and bad dreams). This time tomorrow you will know the plan and can focus on that. And tell us too

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Well - it's official - I had worse teeth than yours when I went to the dentist after a 6 yr gap

They really don't look too bad - your teeth actually look like teeth - alot of mine were in bits and yet I now have an almost complete set with no gaps in my smile.
So whatever your dentist says tomorrow - you will have lovely teeth to look forward to That is what you have to focus on.
As for how to cope between then and now - do something that absorbs you, that you lose yourself in, exercise maybe, not too much alcohol (bad sleep and bad dreams). This time tomorrow you will know the plan and can focus on that. And tell us too

Thanks for the encouragement! I am really trying to think that way - that at the end of all this I will be so much happier and more confident in myself. And like you said, just knowing the treatment plan will help - I mean, I will be terrified of every single step along the plan, but at least it will put some of my more extreme fears (oral cancer, losing part of my jaw, etc.) out of my mind and allow me have a 'finish line' to focus on.

Good call on the exercise advice - doing some miles on my exercise bike usually really helps me clear my mind and focus on what's important. That and spending time with my cat!

Thanks again to everyone who has given me encouragement in the past week - you really have helped provide perspective and helped keep me from just living this out in my head alone. I'll be sure to post with updates tomorrow when I get home from the appointment.

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

I'll second coolin's thought: my teeth were WAY worse than this (and frankly they still are). It's funny how we all think we have the worst teeth in the world. There's probably people out there who's teeth looked way worse than mine, too.

So, I don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of anyone reacting all crazy to your teeth. They really don't look all that bad. Beyond that, it's really hard for even a dentist to tell the extent of the damage without an x-ray. The x-ray will reveal non-visible decay, how deep it is, etc. The fact that you're not in pain *probably* means that there's nothing critical going on either, so you'll likely have the option of scheduling your treatment however you like-- right away, all at once, or over time.

I found that for the period leading up to the exam, I do better when I give myself detailed tasks and stay focused on them. Free, unstructured time is a real killer. So is trying to watch a movie or read a book. So at work, make a big old to-do list of everything you need to do today, and focus on knocking things off the list. At home, maybe you can find a project for the family to work on, or even a long, involved game like Monopoly. Or make another list of errands to run, pile everyone in the car and do them. And of course, you can just tell your wife that you might not be all that present tonight, so don't expect any really productive conversations, etc. The time will pass... Definitely stay away from drugs and alcohol, although a good dose of cold medication (e.g. Nyquil) might help you get to sleep.

Also do try to focus on how great you'll feel when it's all over, and less on the actual details of the experience.

Hang in there!

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

I'll second coolin's thought: my teeth were WAY worse than this (and frankly they still are). It's funny how we all think we have the worst teeth in the world. There's probably people out there who's teeth looked way worse than mine, too.

So, I don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of anyone reacting all crazy to your teeth. They really don't look all that bad. Beyond that, it's really hard for even a dentist to tell the extent of the damage without an x-ray. The x-ray will reveal non-visible decay, how deep it is, etc. The fact that you're not in pain *probably* means that there's nothing critical going on either, so you'll likely have the option of scheduling your treatment however you like-- right away, all at once, or over time.

I found that for the period leading up to the exam, I do better when I give myself detailed tasks and stay focused on them. Free, unstructured time is a real killer. So is trying to watch a movie or read a book. So at work, make a big old to-do list of everything you need to do today, and focus on knocking things off the list. At home, maybe you can find a project for the family to work on, or even a long, involved game like Monopoly. Or make another list of errands to run, pile everyone in the car and do them. And of course, you can just tell your wife that you might not be all that present tonight, so don't expect any really productive conversations, etc. The time will pass... Definitely stay away from drugs and alcohol, although a good dose of cold medication (e.g. Nyquil) might help you get to sleep.

Also do try to focus on how great you'll feel when it's all over, and less on the actual details of the experience.

Hang in there!

Thanks! I appreciate the advice as well as the analysis - who knows, maybe I am thinking things are worse than they really are. I guess when we live in our heads and basically spend 10 years worrying about our teeth and keeping the problems 'secret,' they tend to seem worse than they really are. Either way, though, I feel so much stronger going into this experience since I began posting here - just knowing that I am not alone in having this debilitating fear is reassuring. And reading so many stories here of people who have conquered their fear is incredibly empowering.

I am definitely going to take your advice RE: making a big "to-do" list to keep me focused/occupied on other things. And you last advice about focusing on how good I will feel at the end (rather than the details of the experience) is priceless - I am going to try really, really hard to do that!

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

Quick question - can filling be applied if a one wall of the tooth is completely gone, or am I looking at a crown or extraction as my only options? I believe these are teeth 20 and 28 in the pictures I posted, for reference. I understand that it's just a guess on anyone's part, but I just want to make sure that it's not even worth getting my hopes up for a relatively "easy" fix if one isn't possible. Starting to freak out a bit about tomorrow.

 

[thisisme]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

AJS - Respect to you, man. You have made the appointment, and you go tomorrow. You're almost there, and I bow down to you.

I haven't gained the courage to even make an appointment, even though tonight, yes, TONIGHT! I'm going to tell my mom. I'm in my 20s, but I can't do it by myself. I just can't. You are very brave for doing what you're doing, and I'm so excited for you because I know after tomorrow, you're going to feel so much better knowing you took the first step. In fact, I kind of envy you ...

... so you better come back tomorrow saying that you had a fantastic time!

This is you now:
This is you now on your way:
This is you during the exam:
This is you when you realize the anxiety was a billion times worse than the experience:
This is you posting about it tomorrow night:

You know it... and don't let yourself think anything else! (I need to take my own advice sometimes! )

 

[AJS]

Re: Finally making dentist appointment after 10 years, 3 broken teeth, and one abcess - first post

AJS - Respect to you, man. You have made the appointment, and you go tomorrow. You're almost there, and I bow down to you.

I haven't gained the courage to even make an appointment, even though tonight, yes, TONIGHT! I'm going to tell my mom. I'm in my 20s, but I can't do it by myself. I just can't. You are very brave for doing what you're doing, and I'm so excited for you because I know after tomorrow, you're going to feel so much better knowing you took the first step. In fact, I kind of envy you ...

... so you better come back tomorrow saying that you had a fantastic time!

This is you now:
This is you now on your way:
This is you during the exam:
This is you when you realize the anxiety was a billion times worse than the experience:
This is you posting about it tomorrow night:

You know it... and don't let yourself think anything else! (I need to take my own advice sometimes! )

Thank you so much, I've been having a rough night and this really made things a bit better. Good luck to you as well - I know what you mean about not being able to do it alone. I don't know about you, but that is one of the hardest things in the world for me - I am independent person who usually does things better alone but not when it comes to this phobia.

Good luck and thanks again!