• Dental Phobia Support

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First post - terrified phobia not recognised

R

rpj1977

Junior member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
11
Location
UK
Hello.

I've many medical conditions and have phobia of medical professionals as well as dentists. My dental phobia I attempted to get help with so very many times has always resulted in people (including dentists) telling me I'm just little anxious and to stop being silly and I'll end up dead if I don't sort myself out. The last time I saw dentist was September last year via community dental services with a social worker who spent three months convincing me to see them. I wouldn't let him near me (I was raped by a consultant in hospital on top of dentist issues and now won't allow men near my mouth) I'd been told it would be a woman and was terrified. Part of the PTSD I have means I dont show fear so appear to be fine whilst feeling terrified. They said I needed x ray and could see little problem I had, nice and easy to sort out and they won't be making any contact about my medical needs as they don't matter, and kept smiling and nodding at me - he didn't understand I find that frightening. The social worker told me not to tell them I'd been raped as it wasn't relevant, but it is.

The thing is i sat the other end of the room. All he could see was the remaining four teeth at the front, all of which have tissue stuffed in to hide how bad things are, all the others have rotted now below my gums. I've diabetes and need to eat every two hours or very ill, one of the meds I'm on means teeth fall out as well as as condition that means I cannot have local anaesthetic (it doesn't work) and am too ill for general -when younger I was seriously injured by dentist putting his knee on me and yanking to remove teeth. I agreed to x Ray eventually but was terrfied as it meant going into hospital and I'm terrified of there too. Social worker said they'd help. However, a week later they said I'd coped so well they wouldn't anymore and I needed to go with family/friends (my family are also abusive and I've no friends) and was being discharged altogether as don't need qualified help as better now. When I got upset they said I definitely didn't have phobia and was just letting little fear everyone has get out of control and was being silly. They advised dentist not to make contact re any of my conditions and the referral has now been withdrawn as I no longer qualify as no phobia just little anxiety. I complained but was told I didn't need social worker just family or charity worker to help (I've neither and spent months building trust with the social worker).

Currently I'm not able to eat or even drink as my remaining teeth are breaking down. I can't even get out as I'm terrified. I saw a GP last week who smirked at me when I said about being phobic. The one person in real life I told likes to jokingly say I don't like dentists and how silly I am being to random people. I've no money for therapy and there's no dentists available locally (not even private in my county) never mind any who are phobic friendly and obviously the community service don't understand my needs at all. I've been ordering antibiotics online and am experiencing increasingly severe anxiety and depression - I already had these but this is making them worse.

I don't know when I'll come back, if anyone replies. It's taken days to write this as even the word dental sets off my anxiety.

Rach.
 
Hi Rach This all sounds awful for you. It sounds like you have been badly let down. I think if I were you, I would get someone to help you construct a letter (Citizens Advice Bureau can help with this in UK) setting out what you want the GP/Community Dental Service to do to help you right now. It sounds like you would need treatment under heavy sedation/General Anaesthetic so that would likely have to be done in a hospital in the UK which may well fall under CDS remit. You sound like exactly the sort of person CDS should be helping. It seems it was the social worker who decided you no longer needed any support rather than the dentist. What is it you want? Extractions and dentures? Decide what you want to happen and then put it in writing. Best wishes.
 
Honestly I just want it to go away - I know that's totally unrealistic!!

We don't have cab or similar here anymore (am very rural in Wales).

I can't have sedation. That's part of the problem. I can't have any anaesthetic at all. General I'll very likely die, local doesn't work due to my illnesses, I can't take diazepam or similar either same reason. It's why it was so important the social worker understood my needs and so did the dentist. The CDS here is referral by mental health trained worker only to ensure phobia is genuine and they were mine, they decided not phobia after all so referral was dropped as don't qualify and I was told to get a general dentist South Wales (am in mid and too disabled to travel). They accept referrals for complex medical needs but that requires consultant letters and I don't have any anymore since our hospital was downgraded and I cannot travel.
 
Sorry by they in the last bit I mean CDS only accept consultant letters and I don't have any anymore. I certainly cannot travel to a general dentist in South Wales - that's hours each way and I've not been more than a mile from my door in years due to ill health.

CDS is extremely hard to get to accept patients here due to lack of dentists. All emergency appointments via nhsdirect are all several hours drive away.
 
Dear rpj1977,

I am terribly sorry to read about what you have been through and I can't even imagine how much courage it took for you to post here. It's shocking for me to read how so many professionals let you down and the thing I understand the less is how anyone can just state you are not phobic under this circumstances. :( I am also shocked that anyone could believe your history was not relevant. Any mental care provider or a d-care provider working with phobic patients should be clear about some patterns that people with your history can display, such as appearing compliant and calm while being in panic, I just can't grasp how wrong things went for you.. :( What happened to you sounds so painful, I can't even imagine how hard it is for you to gain trust and how much time it must take.. I am also really sorry you do not feel able to eat and drink...

I do not understand much about how the system in UK work so can't serve with any advice regarding this, however I want to refuse to believe that there is no help for you.. there just must be some possibility.
First of all, is there currently any person in your life you feel safe to talk to? Someone who has compassion with your situation?

By the way, this is the safest place you can be and even if it's "only" an online forum, we are here to listen, so feel free to vent and write here whatever is on your mind. We also won't ever question anything you say of call you silly, because you are not. I believe you are very brave and courageous and certainly have an incredible amount of strength, even if it doesn't feel like it. Peer support and being here to help you cary any heavy thoughts is the very least thing we can do for you.

All the best wishes and may you find help soon...
 
There's no one I trust at all. I thought I could and mentioned it to someone but they like to make jokes about me not liking D people and how pathetic it is and how she can magically cure any phobia, she's always going on about her appointments to me - nothing nasty but it really triggers me. Took months for me to ask for CDS referral. I live somewhere very rural in Wales and it's horrendously hard to get appointments here.
 
You have demonstrated considerable courage posting here.

Well done.

You are facing a difficult situation.

I do not have any advice for you. Any encouragement I can send would sound trite.

I can definitively say this: you are not alone, and you are on your way.

Action is indicated. Good luck. Keep us posted.
 
rpg1977,

I am so sorry as well for all you have been through is so much for one person and then to be really invalidated and misunderstood by the people you thought could help you would be very discheartening , I would basically feel crushed after what you went through.

The fact you get up enough energy and courage to come to DFC and post and put things out there to get help shows a very resiliant spirit . After all you have been through , you have some strength , even if it feels like a big mountain is on top of that strength I hope that somehow a few people can lighten that load so it doesn't feel so heavy and crushing .

I hope you can somehow find some resources , emotional and physical/dental. I don't know much else to say but I do know how past trauma affects dental .. and the panic that sets it and I wish more people would recognize this and how to help. and very least validate and show some empathy and compassion for you, for us, for all!

You have a caring community here that understands.
 
There's no one I trust at all. I thought I could and mentioned it to someone but they like to make jokes about me not liking D people and how pathetic it is and how she can magically cure any phobia, she's always going on about her appointments to me - nothing nasty but it really triggers me. Took months for me to ask for CDS referral. I live somewhere very rural in Wales and it's horrendously hard to get appointments here.

Really sorry to read this. I know how hard it is to talk about this to anyone and then how important a compassionate reaction of the person is...
Is the person you are talking about aware of how awful this is for you? And how triggering?
Not having anyone to trust sounds really hard.
 
I've tried explaining but I don't show my distress at all. That's the problem. Words just aren't enough to convince someone. It's the same with my mental health issues - I look and appear calm so I must be, but actually I'm really struggling.

I don't actually see the person anymore because I got sick of her constant jokes - EDIT just realised I last saw her in October of last year!! Before she was always referring to it though.
 
Dear rpj1977,

God, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. The lack of proper support for you is horrifying.

I can empathise with some of your experiences with the professionals, although clearly my experiences are different. I really feel for you and wish I had some magic wand for you.

But yes, I also think you are very brave indeed to reach out. And you are far from being silly. I think some people don't engage the brain before they open their mouths, and you don't deserve to be dismissed like that.

I have no magic answers, but you aren't alone in experiencing extreme fears like that. I hope you can find some better support than you've had to get you through this.
 
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