Follow my journey through dental phobia

[Tryingtoovercome]

I decided to start a journal so that
1) I can look back on this
2) you can follow along with me
Other journals have been so inspiring to me and I'm hoping mine can be too!
So I'll start with a little background before I catch you up to where I am now.
I have dental phobia and have since I was 5. I have bad memories of dentist shoving X-rays in my tiny mouth and making me gag and having terrible bedside manner. So that kept me away for YEARS.

I decided in May 2017 (22 years old) to schedule my first appointment. I had a bottom molar on each side of my mouth with holes in them and hurt so bad to chew. I could barely eat. It was almost impossible. the appointment went well, I wasn't able to get all of the X-rays they wanted (they wanted a full mouth series and a lot of my dental phobia stems from gagging and not being in control so it just wasn't going well) so I settled for X-rays of the two bottom molars and a panoramic X-Ray and then a cleaning and exam. The cleaning went well because the hygienist was gentle and caring. The exam was okay as well however the dentist said I needed a root canal on each of those bottom molars and my wisdom teeth out before we could go further with any treatment at his office so he referred me out to an endodontist and an oral surgeon for those treatments.

that seemed like an impossible task. There was no way in hell I would let someone do root canals and take my wisdom teeth out. No way. I never got the courage to call the specialist and I left my mouth as is even though I was miserable most days, couldn't eat or chew on those teeth, wisdom teeth were hurting and infected. I didn't care. It was better than letting a dentist in my mouth.

June 2017
One of those bottom molars was hurting me so so bad. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get the pain to go away. I was absolutely miserable. I knew I had no other choice but to get it looked at. So I went to an urgent dental care office and they told me I needed a root canal. I asked the dentist if at any time I wanted to stop and just have it extracted would that be an option and he said yes. I felt in control of the situation so I told him to go ahead with the root canal and if it was too painful or uncomfortable he would stop. Long story short, I was able to get the root canal done on that tooth with no problem! It was painless and not nearly as bad as I had imagined. So I asked him if he would do the molar on the other side that needed it as well and he did. So by July 2017 I had both of my molars fixed and I could eat again!! It was so worth it and amazing. I never ever thought I could get a root canal let alone two ever!! But I still had a long way to go because I needed 3 wisdom teeth out, one being sideways, and then to finally tackle my treatment plan. But the thought of getting my wisdoms out scared me so much. It just seemed impossible. So even though they hurt me sometimes and were infected, I let it go.

January 2018
Couldn't take the pain of the wisdom teeth any longer. Went back to urgent dental care. They took my bottom right out with no problem. I felt soooo much relief and I was so proud of myself! What felt impossible ended up being so simple. I spent years in pain just for it to be resolved in a few minutes. I scheduled to have my other two out the next week. One being sideways so I was a little nervous about that.
a week later went to get the other two out. The sideways one had to be sectioned with a drill in half and then taken out in two pieces. As scary as that sounds, it was super easy. The top one came out with no issue and now I had all my wisdom teeth out!!!
If you were to tell me just months earlier that I would have two root canals and all my wisdom teeth out I wouldn't have believed that AT ALL!! I decided to get my treatment plan done at this place since I was comfortable here at this point. So next appointment was for cleaning and exam.
Treatment plan came back and there was a lot of work to do. 12 fillings, and front teeth needed crowned since they already had really big fillings in that wouldn't last forever. I decided to knock some of the fillings out.
so while the dentist was drilling one of the teeth he stopped and said, he's sorry but he had to drill way more enamel than he imagined and the tooth wasn't savable. He said it would need extracted and I could either do a bridge or implant to fill the gap.
for some reason, that event set me back. What was suppose to be a simple cavity filling turned into me losing my tooth and needing more extensive work done. Plus I got pregnant shortly after that so I never went back. The tooth is visible if I smile really big but normal smiling and talking it isn't visible so I wasn't extremely worried about it.

January 2021
I decide to tackle my dental issues again. Even though I was super scared, I knew if I just left things the way they were, they would only get worse. Plus I had some pain and pressure in my upper canine So I go back to urgent dental (they don't require an appointment you can just walk in which helps me because I HATE the anxiety of waiting for an appointment plus I knew it would be a different dentist this time since the dentist that messed up my tooth left ) and he says first things first, you need a root canal on your canine and the tooth behind it due to infection. Great. So he scheduled me in first week of February. Now mind you, I have a bad gut feeling about this dentist for some reason he just seemed so new and inexperienced and I didn't feel like I should get my root canal done by him. I told my husband even, that I didn't think he was a good dentist but then again I wasn't sure if it was just my anxiety getting the best of me and wanting me to chicken out so I showed up. Long story short, he started the root canal and got to the part where he's alternating working files with a drill and one snapped off in my tooth. So he closed the tooth and explained to me what happened and referred me to an endodontist.
it constantly feels like one step forward, two steps back at this point.
I muster up the energy to call the endodontist but they are all booked until March 16 so I take that appointment. In the meantime, I knew I had to find a dental home to complete my treatment plan so I decided to search the internet for a dentist that I felt I could go to. My requirements were the practice needed to be up to date on technology, credible, years of experience, and used digital impressions instead of putty because traditional impressions scare the crap out of me!!!

February 17
So I find one, and have a consultation. The consultation went well. They took a bunch of pictures and asked what my goals were. She said since my two front teeth need crowns and my canine and the one behind it will need crowns after my root canal with the endodontist, she just said it's best to crown my top 8 front teeth so they all match and with my history of decay it's best. I agree. Plus she's not the first dentist to suggest I need my front teeth crowned. So she schedules me for my first exam, full mouth series of X-rays and a cleaning. A two hour appointment.
I was sooooo nervous about this appointment. Super nervous about the full mouth X-rays and gagging, super nervous about what all my treatment plan will entail since I haven't had one in three years and didn't even finish that one, and just the shame and embarrassment since this place was so advanced and pretty I just felt I didn't fit in. But I was going to show up. And show up scared. Because I was determined to get my mouth in better health.

March 11
First patient appointment is here. Super super nervous. Wanting to cancel the appointment Atleast 10 times. Scared the X-rays will gag me, scared my treatment plan will say I need a million more root canals, scared I'll panic and look like a fool. But I show up scared (it's a reoccurring theme and statement here because I found a quote once that said show up even if you show up scared and I constantly repeat this to myself).
I walk in and they take me back and ask me how I'm doing. Usually I try to hide the fact that I'm nervous but I just read something on here the night before from a dentist that said to be honest and tell them you're nervous so they can better help you. So I did. I told them I'm really nervous. They were so gentle and kind and reassured me everything would be fine. The cleaning was first. I was shaking in the chair. The hygienist was so sweet. She asked me why I was nervous and I told her because of embarrassment and just loss of control and all of the tools and suction in my mouth is all overwhelming. She reassured me I have nothing to be embarrassed about. She's been doing this for 15 years and has seen many many mouths and she is not worried about the past we are going to focus on today and have a new start. She walked me through the entire process and the TVs were also a nice distraction. By then I was feeling a lot calmer. Next came X-rays. I told the assist I'm really worried about gagging so she's super nice and says don't worry I have a few tricks and we got through the X-rays okay! She was so sweet and calm, I couldn't have done it without her being patient with me and understanding.
last came the exam from the dentist. My treatment plan consist of
1)getting those two root canals done (scheduled with the endodontist for March 16)
2) get two molar extractions. One is broken the other has so much decay and is not worth saving plus it doesn't have its partner at the top so it's super erupting
3) five fillings
4) crowns on top 8 teeth from premolar to premolar.
5) implant for the missing tooth behind premolar. Could do a bridge but she doesn't want to compromise the other good teeth by shaving them down.
She said all of these aren't in any specific order as all of them are important to get done and probably want to use my insurance for the more expensive stuff before it runs out. So I scheduled to have two of the five fillings done next visit. I want to start small and kind of go from there

So I'm pretty much up to date now. I can't wait to document this journey. I just can't wait to get to the point where I'm going every 6 months for a cleaning. I can't lie, that seems so far away and almost in achievable but I'm just going to keep pushing....

so tomorrow March 16 I have an appointment at 9:20am to finish this root canal. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Ready for the root canal to finally be over but nervous as I always am before dentist appointments. Nervous that somehow he'll decide that he can't work around the broken file and I'll need to get it extracted. It's in the front so that would be devastating. I wonder will I ever NOT feel nervous before a dental appointment?

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

Had my root canal earlier today! It went so well. I can't lie, the endodontist office was not phobic friendly. I guess because they are a specialist they don't cater to phobic patients. They know people are pretty much forced to come here and they don't need to spend their time and money attracting new patients. So I was really nervous at first however they were so kind and said they had a nervous patient earlier and they are use to seeing nervous patients. The endodontist had to try to get a broken file out of my tooth and then finish the root canal on that tooth and the one behind it. He did all of that in less than an hour. It wasn't bad at all!! I'm so proud of myself for getting through that.
now back to my new dentist next week to start on my treatment plan. First will be two cavities in the same quadrant.

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

Had two fillings done yesterday.
I was really nervous for this appointment. Not sure why but I was shaking in the dentist chair.I told the dentist I was nervous and he said anything I can do to make you comfortable just let me know. That helped me feel a bit better. He prepped the fillings then said for this next part (filling them with composite) I want to use an isolite To keep the area dry. It is a device I've seen before and looks scary because of my gag reflex. We tried it but it was just too big and bulky in my mouth and I couldn't tolerate it.He said, how do you tolerate the dental dam? I said I can tolerate that fine so we used that instead and it was much better. I'm so happy he was willing to work with me and make me comfortable. Afterwards, he told me the treatment coordinator will call me tomorrow to discuss what's next.
I've had dental visits every week or every other week since February and it's been pretty mentally draining. I'm losing motivation but I know I have to keep going.
the biggest procedure I need done is 8 crowns across my upper front teeth. Teeth 5&6 were Root canals and teeth 8 &9 have huge fillings and are not strong enough and some of the bonding is chipping. So because those 4 need crowns she said it was best to just crown/veneer the other 4 to match and make everything look good aesthetically. I'm just really nervous about this! Not sure if they'll want to do that next or what.

 

[TheWolfess]

Whoa, you have a long road behind you! Maybe look at how much you already did, instead of thinking about how much you still have to have done?
I'm in a similar situation to you - with both lower molars and wisdom teeth to be extracted in April and a lot of fillings, and perhaps some root canals to be done.
You are great for sticking with your plan and going to the dentists so often lately, especially after putting it off before. Being your age I know it seems like we have a lot of time, but if you take care of it now - imagine you being in your thirties, going for a checkup every six months, doing occasional filling once a year. I actually set myself a goal to take care of my health overall and get it straight before I turn 30. That gives me a lot of motivation, but it is still a long enough deadline that I don't have to stress about not being able to do it in time. Maybe do something similar?
Let us know what you'll have done and when. Oh, and if they didn't do it at the office - take a photo of your teeth so you can look at them changing for better with each visit.

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

Whoa, you have a long road behind you! Maybe look at how much you already did, instead of thinking about how much you still have to have done?
I'm in a similar situation to you - with both lower molars and wisdom teeth to be extracted in April and a lot of fillings, and perhaps some root canals to be done.
You are great for sticking with your plan and going to the dentists so often lately, especially after putting it off before. Being your age I know it seems like we have a lot of time, but if you take care of it now - imagine you being in your thirties, going for a checkup every six months, doing occasional filling once a year. I actually set myself a goal to take care of my health overall and get it straight before I turn 30. That gives me a lot of motivation, but it is still a long enough deadline that I don't have to stress about not being able to do it in time. Maybe do something similar?
Let us know what you'll have done and when. Oh, and if they didn't do it at the office - take a photo of your teeth so you can look at them changing for better with each visit.

thank you so much, I needed this motivation. Thank you for the tip of taking photos of my teeth! I love the reminder

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

I have an appointment tomorrow to get my two root canaled teeth permanently filled and then to talk about the next step as far as crowning my top 8 teeth.

it's been about 2 1/2 weeks since I been to the dentist because they are so booked and it's hard to get in at a time of day where I can go. I enjoyed the break but now I feel nervous again.

I'm not so much nervous about getting the root canaled teeth filled that will be an easier visit. I'm just nervous about what's to come. I'm really really nervous about having 8 of my teeth shaved down for crowns.

also, I chose this dental office because of how advanced they are. They use so much technology such as digital impressions, the wand anesthesia, etc so I figured it would help me feel so much better but the last time I went, they wanted to use an isolite and I could not handle it at all so they switched to a rubber dam. I've never had cavities filled Like that, usually they just used cotton rolls to isolate the tooth so that was a lot for me. I figured a cavity filling would be a simple visit but it turned out to be a very anxiety inducing visit as I wasn't counting on having those contraptions in my mouth.
I'm thankful that the dentist was Atleast nice enough to switch to the dam for my comfort. He said some people love the isolite, some hate it. No big deal. But I guess I'm scared they're going to try to use it again tomorrow. I feel like a baby for not being able to handle it and I feel like a burden for asking them to use the dam instead.

 

[TheWolfess]

I know ow what you feel. Those contraptions, be it rubberdam or isolate can be intimidating. I was scared when they fixed the rubber dam in my teeth for the first time because I thought they may break under pressure.
I know it's not ideal, but you must consider that with dam in place, your dentist will have better visibility of the tooth he's working on. Also, he doesn't have to see your other teeth so he can focus on the one.
The only thing I can thing about is to maybe close your eyes? I know it won't take away the feeling but maybe it'll be a little easier?

Also, I too had a longer break from visits (due to Easter) but I have a big procedure scheduled next week and honestly I don't want to do anything else until that one is past me. I realize though I'm probably gonna be scared more when I go in after the break. That's the thing with phobia I think. When you face it often, it gets easier but then it grows back again as soon as you give yourself a break.

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

I know ow what you feel. Those contraptions, be it rubberdam or isolate can be intimidating. I was scared when they fixed the rubber dam in my teeth for the first time because I thought they may break under pressure.
I know it's not ideal, but you must consider that with dam in place, your dentist will have better visibility of the tooth he's working on. Also, he doesn't have to see your other teeth so he can focus on the one.
The only thing I can thing about is to maybe close your eyes? I know it won't take away the feeling but maybe it'll be a little easier?

Also, I too had a longer break from visits (due to Easter) but I have a big procedure scheduled next week and honestly I don't want to do anything else until that one is past me. I realize though I'm probably gonna be scared more when I go in after the break. That's the thing with phobia I think. When you face it often, it gets easier but then it grows back again as soon as you give yourself a break.

luckily I have no issues with the dam.I can tolerate that fine and the dentist switched over to that from the isolite and I was fine. I just hate that isolite lol
Good luck on your big procedure. I know the anxiety you feel. I'm sure it will be just fine! Usually our fears are much worse than the procedure itself

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

So I had my appointment yesterday...
The appointment was to permanently fill two teeth that an endodontist performed root canals on and to have a consult afterwards to talk about the next steps in crowing my 8 teeth.

well the appointment went much different. Which makes my anxiety worse because I mentally prepare myself for certain things and I hate when they throw other things my way unexpectedly.

so the dental assistant says, you'll see the dentist a little later to fill your teeth, for now we'll talk about your smile design. So she had the cosmetic dentist who will be doing that come into the room and had me smile and took some photos. She determined my smile was too gummy plus the gums were inflammed from the fillings that have been along the gum line for years. She says first, I'll need to see a periodontist for crown lengthening. So she mocks up my teeth with bonding to show how my teeth would look lengthened.

they looked good, much different than what I'm use to seeing in my mouth my whole life lol. I didn't LOVE it. Maybe because it was just so different plus it was just a mock up with bonding so in no way did it look like the final result would from a lab but it gave me an idea. So there goes another $5000 roughly to have this crown lengthening. I'm already spending the price of a car to have these teeth crowned.

So her plan right now is to prep my teeth. Put me in temporaries, the periodontist would use my temporaries as a guide for the surgery, temporaries go back on as my gums heal for 3 months. So I'll be in temporaries for bare minimum 4 months and I'm not looking forward to that at all.

the periodontist can't get me in until May 25 and that's just for the consult.

besides the anxiety of these upcoming procedures, I'm also feeling like I'll be in debt the rest of my life and it's all my fault for not taking care of my teeth in my teenage years and early 20s. Now I'm paying (A LOT) for it.

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

Have my consult with the periodontist in about an hour. Im soooo nervous. I know it's just a consult but I'm still super anxious.
Having a 4 week break between appointments hasn't helped I think it almost makes it worse. I've had a lot of time to ponder and think. I've realized I'm terrified of crown lengthening and really don't want it. Plus with it being summer time, I have alot coming up, a vacation and plus trying to work around my work schedule, I don't have time for such a painful and swollen healing process right now. I started this journey in February thinking winter is the perfect time to get this stuff done but here we are almost June and I still have two MAJOR procedures to do. I just want my teeth to be healthy, functional and look well. I believe my dentist wants me to get crown lengthening for looks but also to give her more tooth structure to work with. I just wish she could work with my teeth as is. I'm almost tempted to look else where but I don't think I can find an office that is modern and gentle like hers.
I hate the anxiety I feel before appointments. I wish I didn't have to feel it, its almost worse than the procedures themselves. The up all night, anxious, can't eat, shaky, worry feeling.
oh well, I'll report here after my consult.

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

Soooo my consultation went okayish.
the dentist was really kind. She explained to me all about crown lengthening and what the procedure will entail. She also recommends getting my two molars on the bottom pulled as well. I explain to her that I'm already in a treatment plan with my dentist and that will happen eventually. She explains that it isn't necessary just recommended since I'll already be there.
so the dentist leaves to type up my treatment plan and said the office manager will be in to explain it to me. The office manager comes in and the treatment plan for the crown lengthening on my top teeth and the two bottom extractions is $9,000. I ask her what the price would be for just the crown lengthening and that's where the appointment goes downhill
She basically says why would I want to know that. The molars need extracted and that what's the point of doing an esthetic crown lengthening if I have two decayed molars.
so I explained to her that I'm in a treatment plan with my dentist who explained the molars need to come out eventually but not now and that I was referred here by her, I'm not here to get esthetic work I'm here based off of a referral from my dentist. Also, the crown lengthening as explained by the periodontist was more than just esthetic it was functional as well. (Also, I didn't mention this to her but the molars are one on each side which would have my ENTIRE mouth numb and that gives me major anxiety on top of how the hell am I going to eat after crown lengthening of my top teeth and teeth extracted on both sides of my mouth!? The recovery sounds brutal)

So after all that she finally stopped pressuring me and just gave me the price for the crown lengthening (which is exactly what I was referred for). That price was $7000.
That's one thing but then on top of the crowns I'll have to pay for, the extractions I'll eventually need and a few more fillings, I can't afford it. That's upwards $25,000 total. I just don't have that.
So now I just feel like I'm right back at the beginning. I have to call my dentist to let her know how the periodontist visit went and to move on but I can't go forward with this and having that conversation is going to suck and be super uncomfortable. At this point, I just want to move on with the extractions and The fillings I need and I guess save up for the crowning of my top 6 teeth. I'm sure that will take two years or more. Idk how she's going to take that. Plus she refers all extractions out anyway and her referrals seems expensive. I just honestly don't know where to go from here. I feel at a loss. I feel defeated.

 

[Tryingtoovercome]

Called my dentist office today to let them know I couldn't afford the crown lengthening and getting the crowns done right now. Told her I was going to focus on extractions and fillings and then save up for the expensive stuff. They were really nice and understanding about it. Now I'm not sure where to go from here. I could
1) call the periodontist office to see if they can do the extraction. I just have anxiety about that since they gave me such a hard time about not following their exact timeline with treatment and shamed me on my choices. I really don't want to go back to that office but I've already established myself there with X-rays and stuff and it would be the easier route
2) or I could search for a new periodontist but I would have to start over with the consult and exam etc and im not sure if I should go periodontist route or oral surgeon route.
I'll spend a few days asking around and coming up with a game plan

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Trying to overcome

Just read your journal so far and love how far you've come! You have done so much, and so much positives. and a few challenges .. take it step by step.. I know when you get those big plans (and big prices ) from dentists it can feel so overwhelming. Enjoy all your past victories and every victory along the way.. you are doing amazing. nothing wrong with taking it how you can.

I totally understand and have been given 40-50,000 price tags its like stops your in your tracts a bit.. Do what you can , how you've been doing it. you are doing amazing!