Getting a new dentist - too afraid to phone!

[hatemyself]

Hey guys.

I want to change my dentist because I have a lot of bad memories from my current one. I've selected a couple of dentists which look good but the thought of picking up the phone terrifies me.

I want to talk to the receptionist about my phobia but I am afraid they'll laugh at me or belittle it.

And the thought of actually going to a new dentist and talking about my fear... I just feel like I can't do it. I just can't.

Everytime I go to the dentist I'm just gripping the armrests and gritting my teeth and willing it to be over. It's like being tortured. And now I'm willingly going and taking myself to a new torturer!!

Anyone feel the same? Any advice?

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Hello there,

I just wanted to encourage you, you have really taken a huge step in first recognizing your feelings, not ignoring them but wanting change and wanting to take steps... that is huge !

i've been through many dentists in my life and had 2 really good ones, including the one I go to now but it took alot of stepping out to do that and mostly because I just had to.. otherwise I still would procrastinate..

The call is really intimidating, it is.. and hard to make the first call. you are sooo not alone in this.. because you don't know how they will react . Did you do any research to find if they specialize at all in anxious patients and how? one thing I would encourage if a call is too hard is email.. or fb message them. and put out that your are anxious and see HOW they respond. are they short with you, or are they engaging and compassionate? I believe you will get an intuitive feeling and maybe even they will offer a call or ask for your number, but either way, when you find the right dentist you will know that first call was worth it .

Also you get a good taste for the office when you talk to the receptionist. The place I go now, when I first called the receptionist is such a sweet and caring person , She really was helpful and put me at ease, as did every person including the dentist. and no matter how nervous I would be walking in I now walk out much better and have gotten to a place of trust even though anxiety still kicks in certain ways..

All to say.. I know they are out there and it is hard but worth it to take the step and just keep trying, and pay attention to the signals and vibes you are getting when you email and call.

Let us know how it goes!

 

[Carys]

Very good advice above, but I was going to say - why not email instead? Sometimes people find that easier to put things down in the written word, and not face the immediacy of 'how will they react/what will I say when they say...'.

 

[hatemyself]

Thanks guys... I just phoned a couple of places now and they sounded ok, the one I really wanted to go to is only accepting NHS patients in April and I need a check up now!!

I am crying now because I am so scared. I wasn't sure what to say on the phone.

God if I'm like this and I'm not even at the dentist's think about what I'm going to be like when I'm there!!

This is such a nightmare. I want to die.

I hate myself.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Dont hate yourself! do you see what you just did!? You took a huge step and called not one but a few places, you have built some momentum to go off of, even if you don't go to them.. even if you have to call a few more to get a greater peace, you did it! Thats huge.. it is a big step but you will be so relieved and the right dentist will know how to put you at ease and help you!

You can get through this, one step at a time... don't be hard on yourself! There are really sweet dentists out there who really care and know how to help anxious patients .

You are here , and you made calls.. those are 2 huge steps!

 

[hatemyself]

Thank you so much... I'm crying an awful lot now. I've made a decision. I'm going to not go to the dentist for a little while, and wait till April when I can go to that new dentist.

I thought I was doing myself a favour by pushing myself into the torture chair, but the truth is I think my mind needs to heal a bit before I go and scare myself again. No dentists for me for a little while, hooray! My state of mind is more important than my teeth.

I just can't face it right now. I'm just not strong enough. I'm so weak and awful. I wish I wasn't alive sometimes.

Sorry for the graphic imagery. Thank you for your kindness. That's the depression talking.

 

[Carys]

Good stuff,you have already started calling! As the previous poster said, what a big step. You know, you can go to the dentist and just be looked at and not have anything done - you can even go to the dentist and sit and acclimatise yourself to the surroundings. What I'm saying is, there can be a number of small steps to desensitise yourself to the fear you are feeling.
What do you say? You are honest - I am absolutely beyond terrified, I need some help to reintroduce myself to the world of dentistry bit by bit. I can honestly honestly tell you that you will look back on this and feel such pride once you are into regular check-ups and have moved forward. I was an 'avoider' for many years, and since coming here in 2012 (a need for an extraction took me back to the dentist) I have had lots of things done, including cosmetic issues, a crown, a root canal, regular cleans, fillings redone...etc. I can tell you that at the moment this seems outside your grasp, but your fear of it has grown it massively out of proportion with the actuality of what happens. I know you probably won't believe me that you can move on without the future of dental visits being a nightmare (I won't deny, its not something I actually enjoy and I do still have odd panic attacks LOL !!!) but it can become something which you can tolerate.

 

[Carys]

Hi, I posted at the same time as you above. I am so sorry you are feeling so terribly low and clearly depressed. I hope you have some support around you, and I don't know if you have mental health professionals who are involved - but just felt concerned about the depth of your depressed vocabulary.

 

[hatemyself]

Good stuff,you have already started calling! As the previous poster said, what a big step. You know, you can go to the dentist and just be looked at and not have anything done - you can even go to the dentist and sit and acclimatise yourself to the surroundings. What I'm saying is, there can be a number of small steps to desensitise yourself to the fear you are feeling.
What do you say? You are honest - I am absolutely beyond terrified, I need some help to reintroduce myself to the world of dentistry bit by bit. I can honestly honestly tell you that you will look back on this and feel such pride once you are into regular check-ups and have moved forward. I was an 'avoider' for many years, and since coming here in 2012 (a need for an extraction took me back to the dentist) I have had lots of things done, including cosmetic issues, a crown, a root canal, regular cleans, fillings redone...etc. I can tell you that at the moment this seems outside your grasp, but your fear of it has grown it massively out of proportion with the actuality of what happens. I know you probably won't believe me that you can move on without the future of dental visits being a nightmare (I won't deny, its not something I actually enjoy and I do still have odd panic attacks LOL !!!) but it can become something which you can tolerate.

Thanks Carys. I will take these small steps, but right now I just can't. I can't even look at dental practices. It's got to the point where even the mention of dentists sets me on edge. I was seriously rethinking my friendship with this guy because he said his dad was a dentist and that was all I could think about. I'm starting to hyperventilate even typing this out.

Do you think it's ok if I take a break from dentists? Like I said I'm just not strong enough to face it right now.

Also I am going to buy some rescue remedy from the pharmacy today. And go back to the docs about suicidal thoughts. Because those are fun.

 

[Carys]

Yes, I definitely think you must see your GP. I think there is more going on here for you than just a dental anxiety, and its very hard to deal with a phobia of such magnitude when you are contending with feeling depressed and having such thoughts. Of course its always ok not to go to the dentist. Our body, our lives, our choices...and by the sound of it you just needed a check-up anyway? People generally end up going eventually when they have an urgent need or realise deep down that they are ready to deal with their fear. Why not just take your time and find the right person for you, who can really help your phobia.

 

[hatemyself]

Yes, I definitely think you must see your GP. I think there is more going on here for you than just a dental anxiety, and its very hard to deal with a phobia of such magnitude when you are contending with feeling depressed and having such thoughts. Of course its always ok not to go to the dentist. Our body, our lives, our choices...and by the sound of it you just needed a check-up anyway? People generally end up going eventually when they have an urgent need or realise deep down that they are ready to deal with their fear. Why not just take your time and find the right person for you, who can really help your phobia.

Thank you Carys It's such a relief actually, not having to go anymore. I realise I am torturing myself really, with all these images and the way I'm forcing myself to go. It's not very fair on me! So I'll have a break. Phew.

Thank you again!

 

[takingflight]

I'd love to see you have a new name in the future - perhaps lovemyself. I'm so sorry that you are having a difficult time right now and I assure you, you are most certainly not alone. I can see from the prior posts that you have received some excellent advice/responses from some of our very helpful and understanding members. I don't really have much to add that they haven't said but I would like to share this link as you may find it useful with the anxiety/depression aspect.

https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/help/depression/

Please, please, if you ever find yourself contemplating hurting yourself reach out to someone, whether a health professional, family or friend or even call one of the numbers in the link. Your life is important and as Carys mentioned, if going to the dentist is causing this extreme of an emotion right now then put it off until you feel ready to deal with it. From someone who didn't go for 17 years and thought they would never sit in a dental chair again, it can be done. You'll get there on your terms and be back to share your success story, I'm sure of it!!! All the best to you!

 

[hatemyself]

Thank you so much! I'm so sorry for my awful choice of words... that's what depression makes you think I guess

I will indeed share my success story one day, you'll see!

Getting these lovely responses from you all really encourages me and more than anything makes me want to give back the love and care you've given to me to other people on this forum and in real life.

<3

 

[Superscared32]

It took me a whole year and a lot of pain to finnaly call the dentist. Just know they deal with people who have dental fear everyday and they won't laugh. If they do you shouldn't give them your business anyway because you don't need that kind of negativity. I just got an appointment in Nov and I set it all the way until January 10th so I could prepare myself for the surgery. Now that time gets closer I am stressing out!

 

[hatemyself]

It took me a whole year and a lot of pain to finnaly call the dentist. Just know they deal with people who have dental fear everyday and they won't laugh. If they do you shouldn't give them your business anyway because you don't need that kind of negativity. I just got an appointment in Nov and I set it all the way until January 10th so I could prepare myself for the surgery. Now that time gets closer I am stressing out!

I think you're very brave to even consider it! Maybe the fact that you've had the year and you feel ready now means that you've come to terms with it in some way? I always find the thinking about it is far worse than the doing... I wish you the best of luck, my advice is to get a morning appointment then do something fun the rest of the day so they day isn't dominated by the appointment. And I comfort myself by thinking that if I can't go through with it on the day just say to the dentist 'I'm sorry but I'm too anxious to go through with this, can I reschedule?' and they'll say yes. Good luck man

 

[Carys]

Wellllllllll, I don't want to hear you 'dissing' yourself again! You have given perfect advice here and I concur that 'time to come to terms' can be helpful and the morning appointment thing...YES!!! I detest afternoon appointments as you are pacing around all morning.