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Haven’t been to the dentist in 8 years

M

maliasheart

Member
Joined
Dec 27, 2019
Messages
35
Location
Germany
Hi guys...

I guess I should start with stating three simple facts:
1. I am a hypochondriac
2. I haven’t been to the dentist in 8/9 years
3. I cry just thinking about going to the dentist

before I start listing all that is wrong with my teeth, I guess I just say that I already made an appointment, however, it’s a whole month away and I’m scared the cavity that prompted me to make an appointment is going to get so much worse until then.
I have always hated going to the dentist because I had to have two teeth extracted when I was a child, even though I don’t remember the cavities being that bad. That one experience was enough for me to put off going to the dentist for years and years and even though at this moment my teeth don’t hurt (and haven’t even once in the 8 years) I know it’s time to go because I’ve got some visible cavities (but they’re tiny - except one) and I’m scared all my teeth are going to break off at any given moment.
i just can’t stop worrying that the dentist is going to take one look at my teeth and go “yeah, they’re gonna have to be extracted,”. I convinced myself that even though the cavities aren’t bad or even the teeth that look healthy, aren’t healthy at all and they’re all very bad and I’m gonna end up with dentures at 22. I keep drinking very cold and hot drinks to check if my teeth are sensitive to it, I keep checking with a mirror and a flash light, I lost some pounds because I’m too scared to eat and it’s just overall a very bad mental time for me.
For the majority of the 8 years I’ve brushed once a day (which I know is very bad) and not flossed once, but ever since I started being extra aware of my teeth I’ve been brushing twice a day and using mouthwash three times a day. I’m even trying to floss even though no one ever told me how to do it properly. Since I started brushing twice a day, my gums started bleeding and it sometimes hurts when I push on them but I do feel like they’re starting to calm down.
I just feel very ashamed and embarrassed for putting myself in this situation and I feel like I deserve bad teeth because I was the one who put off going to the dentist.
I know the one cavity I really worry about isn’t that big but it’s still bigger than the ones I’ve had for at least 5 years. And yeah, I know that’s a long time but they haven’t grown at all and they don’t hurt but I still worry they’re gonna have to pull my teeth out.
God, I have no idea how I’m going to survive another month before my appointment and I can’t even begin to imagine how I’ll manage to go through my appointment.
i’m really sorry if i’m being annoying, i’m just really scared and I feel like i’m going crazy
 
Hi maliashearth :welcome:,

let me first reassure you that you are not annoying at all and you are in the best company here with all your feelings and worries. Feel free to vent and write and share and also to read around and see how others here came along. You might find out that you are not alone and find some encouragement.

I think you are being very brave for scheduling, give yourself a pat on the back. I can also reassure you: you won't need dentures at 22. How do I know? Believe it or not, the most people think they need more treatment than they actually do. The fact you haven't had a professional opinion for some time (and your hypochondria as well) just makes you more prone to worrying. The fact you are not in pain is a good start for now.
Does your practice know you are nervous? Do you feel they might be understanding?

Well done on brushing and flossing and that's the only thing that counts for now. The most people (even dentists!) had a phase of not perfect home care in their young adulthood so don't be too hard on yourself.

By the way, decay needs a lot of time to develop and to get worse. You can find some details about this here.

All the best wishes, keep us posted and again, feel free to write as much as you like :grouphug:
 
Maliasheart,

Hello and Welcome to DFC!! I second everything Enarete said ... You are in really good company here and not alone in your worries and fears.. You are very brave with making an appointment even though you are so scared they will all need to come out.. that is the defination of courage, being scared and doing it anyways.. which is what you did.. I think the "what if's " can be the worst.. I"ve been a great catastrophizer myself when it comes to thinking of how things might turn out at appointments then go and get greatly relieved .... I think too like Enarete said the fact you are not having pain is a really good thing. Anyays wishing the best for you and that you get a good anxious friendly dental team that treatsyou with much kindness!!
 
Hi maliashearth!

You are not being annoying. You have a genuine fear that everyone here understands or relates to. Congrats on making the appointment. That is so hard to do (I remember making mine like yesterday!) but you did it.

If you’re 22, I’m guessing your last appointment was when you were 14. I stopped going at 14-15 too. I didn’t start going back until I was 31. I know how easy it is to imagine the worst case scenario with your mouth. If it helps at all, many people (myself included) overestimate the amount of work they’ll need. For me, I had a realistic list of what was wrong with my mouth and an unrealistic list of what I feared was wrong with my mouth. It turned out to be much closer to the realistic list.

You’re in good company here. Post as often as you need to. ?
 
Maliasheart, Welcome and hi.
You are going to get through this month of worry because you are here. :)
All the support you may need and wish for can be found here. You cannot ask anything too trivial and certainly nothing annoying.
Please don't feel alone. :)
 
Hello,

i definitely didn’t think anyone would reply to me but you did and I just want to say a big thank you. I woke up in a pretty good/stable mood today and then I saw your messages and a flood of tears just came out of nowhere - they were the good kind of tears tho!
Another good thing - my gums, as of today, don’t bleed or hurt anymore when I brush my teeth! There’s only a specific spot over my wisdom tooth that bleeds a lot when I focus on that area too long and I think it grew wrong or something because it hurts when i press on the tooth/gum but there’s no cavities or anything.
None of my teeth feel wonky/loose or weak or anything but I’ve read so many stories where people bit into something and their tooth broke off and I’m absolutely freaking out even when I’m eating soft food so I stop after one or two bites because the fear is just too overwhelming. I’m also prone to eating disorders so this is not exactly a good situation to be in.
The place where I have my appointment is actually in a hospital made for college students, so if you’re in college, you go there. There’s a bunch of dentists and I initially wanted the female one who looked at my teeth in june (we have to parttake in a full health check in order to be able to finish the semester) and she told me my teeth look fine I just need to floss but obvi they don’t ~look~ fine if I just found cavities in at least 5 teeth so?? But the woman was very nice and calming and that’s why I wanted her but the nurse (who is in charge of making all the appointments) gave me to a man who wasn’t there at the time so I couldn’t see him. I’m scared of men tho due to my father being abusive so we’ll see how that goes. The nurses all seem nice but again, I’ve only been there for like five minutes top. I plan on letting them know immediately that I’m very scared so they know to be careful and gentle. But I’m still very scared.
Again, thank you for your patience and support and hope I won’t be too annoying and hard to handle in the weeks before my appointment.
wish you all a very nice and carefree day!
 
Glad you feel a bit better now and that we could surprise you with replies :)

It is not unusual for gums to bleed and be tender if you haven't flossed for a while however as flossing removes bacteria that cause the bleeding in the first place, things calm down after some time. It sounds like this is what had happened. Gums around wisdom teeth can act weirdly depending on how your tooth is placed there so try not to worry about it too much for now, just keep on keeping it all clean.

If your teeth were ok in June, chances are they are ok now as well. I am not sure what makes you believe it is cavities that oyu find, but be aware that locating cavities as a lay person can be tricky. Not everything that is black on a tooth is decay and needs treatment (however being scared of dentist often makes us think so!)

Glad you are happy with your dental clinic in general and sorry to read you were assigned to an unknown male doctor. I know "fighting" for rights and preferences is not easy in this situations, but if any possible, I would encourage you to try to get to a female provider if you know it would make you feel more comfortable. The way to deal with dental fear always starts at having a provider you feel comfortable with.

May I ask you what it is that worries you about dental care? Is it more about the visit and what will happen or purely worrying about what they will find?

All the best wishes and keep us posted
 
It’s me... again

after reading your last message, I’ve been trying to keep myself busy and distracted but I feel like I’m gonna lose a tooth or two and I’m just very sad.

i’m still brushing and using mouthwash and I do floss but I’m still learning how to do it properly so I don’t do it everyday.

two or three days ago, I noticed two of my teeth having a gray/darkish tint to it and I knew this for years, at least since my last dentist visit as they both have fillings but I’m just very scared that they’re rotting because I can’t remember if the tint grew or if it stayed the same and also the gums around one of the two teeth feel very weird and kinda painful (there’s a tight kind of pressure feeling when i push on it with my tongue) and if i push on one side of the tooth it feels like it pops or moves but if I try to move the tooth with my fingers it doesn’t move or I don’t notice it moving. There’s also what seems to be a cavity under the filling so that doesn’t make me feel better either. I’ve been absolutely obsessing over this, I keep running my tongue over it and pushing on my tooth and I just can’t leave it alone. I’m so scared my tooth is dying and it’s going to fall out before my appointment or they’re going to have to take it out OR it’s advanced gum disease.

i think i’m going to take your advice and try to get a female dentist but I think I’ll do that after the appointment next month because I’m not comfortable waiting any longer than that. To me a month feels like a whole year right now.

i think i’m scared of both? I fear my dentist talking down to me, belittling me or anything like that. I’m generally a person that wants to please other people all the time and this plus my fear for my dental health feels like it’s going to kill me right then and there. And it also goes without saying that I’m scared of what they are going to find. I’m fine with fillings because I know I need them but root canals? Extraction? I don’t think any of my “cavities” (if they even are cavities, as you said) are deep or big enough for that but what do I know? i’ve already lost two teeth due to poor dental hygiene as a kid and admittedly brushing once a day and not going to the dentist in nearly ten years is not doing me any favors but oh god pleasei really don’t want to lose any more teeth. And having gum disease essentially means your teeth are in danger of falling out right? I’m so scared, I can barely function as a normal human being.

Thank you for listening and replying with good advice, I appreciate it more thank you think.
Hope you have a nice day, x
 
It’s me... again

after reading your last message, I’ve been trying to keep myself busy and distracted but I feel like I’m gonna lose a tooth or two and I’m just very sad.

i’m still brushing and using mouthwash and I do floss but I’m still learning how to do it properly so I don’t do it everyday.

two or three days ago, I noticed two of my teeth having a gray/darkish tint to it and I knew this for years, at least since my last dentist visit as they both have fillings but I’m just very scared that they’re rotting because I can’t remember if the tint grew or if it stayed the same and also the gums around one of the two teeth feel very weird and kinda painful (there’s a tight kind of pressure feeling when i push on it with my tongue) and if i push on one side of the tooth it feels like it pops or moves but if I try to move the tooth with my fingers it doesn’t move or I don’t notice it moving. There’s also what seems to be a cavity under the filling so that doesn’t make me feel better either. I’ve been absolutely obsessing over this, I keep running my tongue over it and pushing on my tooth and I just can’t leave it alone. I’m so scared my tooth is dying and it’s going to fall out before my appointment or they’re going to have to take it out OR it’s advanced gum disease.

i think i’m going to take your advice and try to get a female dentist but I think I’ll do that after the appointment next month because I’m not comfortable waiting any longer than that. To me a month feels like a whole year right now.

i think i’m scared of both? I fear my dentist talking down to me, belittling me or anything like that. I’m generally a person that wants to please other people all the time and this plus my fear for my dental health feels like it’s going to kill me right then and there. And it also goes without saying that I’m scared of what they are going to find. I’m fine with fillings because I know I need them but root canals? Extraction? I don’t think any of my “cavities” (if they even are cavities, as you said) are deep or big enough for that but what do I know? i’ve already lost two teeth due to poor dental hygiene as a kid and admittedly brushing once a day and not going to the dentist in nearly ten years is not doing me any favors but oh god pleasei really don’t want to lose any more teeth. And having gum disease essentially means your teeth are in danger of falling out right? I’m so scared, I can barely function as a normal human being.

Thank you for listening and replying with good advice, I appreciate it more thank you think.
Hope you have a nice day, x

Something I’ve learned and try to remind myself daily is to take everything in stages. The first stage was make the appointment. The next stage is go to the appointment. The third stage is unknown. It is so easy to fall into a slippery slope fallacy. “I’m going to go to the dentist, and they are going to tell me I have gum disease, all my teeth are falling out, and I’m going to have to wear dentures.” We were all young once and eating a ice cream at 2am without brushing our teeth. Live and learn. From what I read, it doesn’t sound like your teeth are about to fall out, but as a phobic, I know how quickly it is to jump to that conclusion.

I like to please other people too, and I knew (having not been to a dentist in 16 years) that I couldn’t do that. I am used to being a top student and overachieving employee, but this? This is one area that I didn’t achieve in. There was no judgment or belittlement. The whole thing actually felt really normal. I tried to remind myself that they are doing you a service. You are the customer and deserve to be treated as one.

If I clench really hard, I can hear teeth click. I’m not a dentist, but I read on here that teeth need to withstand the pressure of eating, so they do “pop” or “move” and that may be the sensation you’re experiencing.

I know the feeling of being so scared that you can barely function. It is an awful feeling. Getting past the first appointment will be a huge relief, and until then, just remember to take things in stages and post as often as you need to.
 
So... yesterday on New Years’s Eve a very tiny bit of my filling fell out and when I say “tiny” I mean so tiny that I wouldn’t even notice it if I hadn’t been obsessively checking my teeth for the past month. The filling is quite large and I’m scared they won’t be able to put in a new filling or that the tooth beneath it is so decayed that they won’t be able to save it at all. It’s the same tooth that has the weird feeling gums and a bluish tint to it. I asked my grandpa and he told me amalgam sometimes tints the tooth but I don’t think it’s that.

i’ve also been talking to my brother (who hasn’t been to the dentist in 10 years) and he told me that once he went, he needed a crown, a couple fillings and a good cleaning but it was nothing bad. But I also know he has a great dentist and because we don’t live in the same country, I obviously can’t have the same one.

Honestly, I just can stop thinking about the moment they tell me one or more of my teeth are going to have to be extracted. It’s exhausting and I can’t keep living like this. I still have 23 days until my appointment and it somehow feels like too long.

happy new year to everyone reading, I hope 2020 is good to all of you, x
 
Hi maliasheart and happy new year :)

sorry to read about the filling.. you are already stressing yourself enough and then that tooth..

I have no idea what the tint is. If you feel like posting a picture of it to see what our forum dentists say, feel free to do so in the Ask a dentist section. It seems to me like your fear of extractions despite no real evidence for it (even a dentist telling you your teeth are ok recently) might be a part of your memory of those two extractions in your childhood. Maybe you could ask someone who was with you back then, what exactly happened and why the teeth had to go? You mentioned you can't remember the cavities being that big. If I had such an experience, I would most likely worry about extractions too. It has something of "teeth can look healthy and need to be extracted anyway," however that's actually not true.
 
Hi maliasheart and happy new year :)

sorry to read about the filling.. you are already stressing yourself enough and then that tooth..

I have no idea what the tint is. If you feel like posting a picture of it to see what our forum dentists say, feel free to do so in the Ask a dentist section. It seems to me like your fear of extractions despite no real evidence for it (even a dentist telling you your teeth are ok recently) might be a part of your memory of those two extractions in your childhood. Maybe you could ask someone who was with you back then, what exactly happened and why the teeth had to go? You mentioned you can't remember the cavities being that big. If I had such an experience, I would most likely worry about extractions too. It has something of "teeth can look healthy and need to be extracted anyway," however that's actually not true.

I don’t know if my hypochondria is just blowing this bluish tint out of proportion because it really has been there since my last dentist visit, or if it’s actually a sign that my tooth is dying. I’ve been reading posts on the forum a lot lately and it’s both calmed me down and made me more nervous because there’s cases of root canals failing, teeth falling out and I’m just constantly on the edge. And now a bit of my filling falling out and I’m just about to lose my sh*t. The filling fell out where I noticed a thin black line that I think is a cavity but the tooth that it exposed looks normal to me. As I mentioned, the filling is large and I don’t know what is below the majority of it and if it is decay, I don’t know if they are gonna be able to save it. I know I’m one to always jump to the worst possible scenario but I just can’t help it.

I’m having x-rays taken before my appointment so I guess the dentist is gonna get a good idea of the state of my mouth and hopefully, no teeth being pulled aside from that wisdom tooth that’s been acting up every now and then.

i feel so stupid and irresponsible for not going to the dentist in so long. I’ve read someone’s story, who also hasn’t been to the dentist in 8 years, and they had to have 6 teeth pulled out. I can’t stop thinking that the same is going to happen to me.

this time of the year is supposed to be happy and hopeful and positive but I’ve just been a crying mess this whole time.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, x
 
i feel so stupid and irresponsible for not going to the dentist in so long. I’ve read someone’s story, who also hasn’t been to the dentist in 8 years, and they had to have 6 teeth pulled out. I can’t stop thinking that the same is going to happen to me.

Was this person as young as you? Did they receive dental care in their childhood and early teens? Have they been brushing during the time of not seeing a dentist? Was the 6 teeth extracted a good news or the bad news for them? How are they now?

It is good to be careful who you compare yourself to.

Anyway, my heart goes to you. We all have felt like crap during the waiting time and I would say it is the worst part of dealing with dental anxiety. You will be fine. You will most likely lose it, feel like crap and suffer from terrible anxiety with all that accompanying thoughts and at the end you will be fine and relieved. I will keep my fingers for you to find ways to distract yourself, keep yourself busy and do things that actually make you feel better.
 
The person didn’t mention if they brushed their teeth or how old they were, but you are completely right - I shouldn’t compare myself to others.

the tooth I’ve been most worried about does have some brownish stuff under and/or around the filling so I think there’s decay under it and that’s why a bit of the filling fell out. However, in June the dentist did poke around my filled teeth and she told me they are fine so I’m still holding out hope that the decay is small and I’m gonna be able to get away with another filling. Worse case scenario, I might get a crown but plenty of people have crowns and they worked just fine for them. I worry a little that root canals or crowns would fail for me but I recognise this as my anxiety and will just not think about it anymore.

I do have a question...my appointment is on a friday three weeks from now and I’m wondering if that’s too long to wait? Should I walk into my local dentist’s office with a “part of my filling came out” and see if they can fit me in in the next few days? I’m not having any pain as of right now but I’ve read that a tooth can start hurting over night and I’m just too scared and paranoid and obviously too aware of my own teeth and every little twinge feels like it’s gonna need a root canal or extraction.

My family keeps telling me to calm down and there’s no need to worry because what’s happened happened already and I can’t change but I made the right choice to make an appointment and just wait and see what they tell me. But I made that appointment on 17.12. and I don’t have it for another three weeks and it just feels like my tooth’s gonna give up on life until then.
 
The person didn’t mention if they brushed their teeth or how old they were, but you are completely right - I shouldn’t compare myself to others.

the tooth I’ve been most worried about does have some brownish stuff under and/or around the filling so I think there’s decay under it and that’s why a bit of the filling fell out. However, in June the dentist did poke around my filled teeth and she told me they are fine so I’m still holding out hope that the decay is small and I’m gonna be able to get away with another filling. Worse case scenario, I might get a crown but plenty of people have crowns and they worked just fine for them. I worry a little that root canals or crowns would fail for me but I recognise this as my anxiety and will just not think about it anymore.

I do have a question...my appointment is on a friday three weeks from now and I’m wondering if that’s too long to wait? Should I walk into my local dentist’s office with a “part of my filling came out” and see if they can fit me in in the next few days? I’m not having any pain as of right now but I’ve read that a tooth can start hurting over night and I’m just too scared and paranoid and obviously too aware of my own teeth and every little twinge feels like it’s gonna need a root canal or extraction.

My family keeps telling me to calm down and there’s no need to worry because what’s happened happened already and I can’t change but I made the right choice to make an appointment and just wait and see what they tell me. But I made that appointment on 17.12. and I don’t have it for another three weeks and it just feels like my tooth’s gonna give up on life until then.

Update: I think it started hurting. There is a dull ache that I can’t pinpoint but I think it’s above the devil tooth. I can’t tell if it’s because my flossing irritated my gums or because it’s an abscess. I feel like there’s only pain when I focus on it or poke around that side too long but I can’t be sure and also don’t want to risk it.

This is getting harder and harder each minute, I swear.
 
So lmao okay... I had a panic attack yesterday because I was sure my teeth are all gonna fall out and my family decided to take me to the local dentist today.

i just came out a few minutes ago and he dragged something across my wisdom tooth and put some medicine on it and then I also told him about the filling that came off and he dragged another thing over all my fillings and he told me that as far as he can tell nothing seems to be wrong and that all my fillings are smooth on my tooth, whatever that means. He said a few times that he thinks nothing should be bad enough to pull my teeth out so that’s great I think.

He’s a very nice and calm dude, I came, sat on the chair and immediately started crying and he gave me a few minutes to calm down all the while saying that I’m welcome to take my time even though the waiting room was overflowing with patients. He also kept reassuring me and telling me to be brave. Even after the whole thing was done and I was leaving he said “just be brave!” and I was just crying the whole time like a little baby lol.

anyway, I guess that means I can patiently wait for my appointment in three weeks without thinking all my teeth are gonna have to go.

Can I still post there until then?
 
So lmao okay... I had a panic attack yesterday because I was sure my teeth are all gonna fall out and my family decided to take me to the local dentist today.

i just came out a few minutes ago and he dragged something across my wisdom tooth and put some medicine on it and then I also told him about the filling that came off and he dragged another thing over all my fillings and he told me that as far as he can tell nothing seems to be wrong and that all my fillings are smooth on my tooth, whatever that means. He said a few times that he thinks nothing should be bad enough to pull my teeth out so that’s great I think.

He’s a very nice and calm dude, I came, sat on the chair and immediately started crying and he gave me a few minutes to calm down all the while saying that I’m welcome to take my time even though the waiting room was overflowing with patients. He also kept reassuring me and telling me to be brave. Even after the whole thing was done and I was leaving he said “just be brave!” and I was just crying the whole time like a little baby lol.

anyway, I guess that means I can patiently wait for my appointment in three weeks without thinking all my teeth are gonna have to go.

Can I still post there until then?

Oh hell, this just doesn’t end, does it?
well, I told you guys that the doctor put some kind of medicine on my tooth/gum, covered it with something and then put gauze over it. After I took out the gauze, my gums looked normal. I’ve been away all day and haven’t been checking my gums but I peeked a look today after brushing and the gums above my tooth are freaking white. Did I have a chemical reaction or something? Is this dangerous? It doesn’t hurt to brush around that area or anything. Should I wait a few days or go back immediately?
 
Maliasheart,

:welldone: Congratulations on going through this appt and making it!! It sounds like pretty great news that your teeth are going to make it without being pulled and he didn't see anything wrong with your fillings. Glad he was nice and calm with you and encouraging you to be brave.. well.. you totally are brave to face this today in the first place.. ! It must be somewhat a relief to hear things aren't bad and that can get you through the next few weeks. I encourage you to write here all you want and everytime you want support . we are here for you... I know this is how I made it through the last few years of appointments and the in between.. Can you call your clinic and explain this and they can let you know if it sounds like it can wait or they'd want to see you sooner? maybe give it a few days to see if it changes or calms down? never hurts to call though.. ?
 
Maliasheart,

:welldone: Congratulations on going through this appt and making it!! It sounds like pretty great news that your teeth are going to make it without being pulled and he didn't see anything wrong with your fillings. Glad he was nice and calm with you and encouraging you to be brave.. well.. you totally are brave to face this today in the first place.. ! It must be somewhat a relief to hear things aren't bad and that can get you through the next few weeks. I encourage you to write here all you want and everytime you want support . we are here for you... I know this is how I made it through the last few years of appointments and the in between.. Can you call your clinic and explain this and they can let you know if it sounds like it can wait or they'd want to see you sooner? maybe give it a few days to see if it changes or calms down? never hurts to call though.. ?

Hello and thank you for your kind words ?
I brushed my teeth this morning and the white stuff came off. However, it looks like this ‘white stuff’ WAS my skin because now another layer of gums is exposed underneath. It did bleed a little while I was brushing but it’s not particularly painful or anything. I am keeping the area clean with saltwater and a non alcoholic mouthwash but I’m still scared of what this could be. Is this periodontal disease? Am I having an infection that’s gonna reach my root canals and I’m gonna have to have my tooth pulled?
 
Is this periodontal disease? Am I having an infection that’s gonna reach my root canals and I’m gonna have to have my tooth pulled?

You got a great reassurance from a dentist yesterday. You can really relax now and wait for your next apt. It is highly unlikely that anything severe is lurking anywhere. And infections do not work like what your anxiety is telling you. Nothing works like dental anxiety or hypochondria is telling you actually.
 
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