• Dental Phobia Support

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haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

avedic

avedic

Junior member
Joined
Nov 19, 2011
Messages
11
Location
tennessee
Hi everyone. I'm new. My name is Sean and I found this forum the way I imagine many did...via Google. I'll try to be brief. I just have some things I'd like to say and a few questions. I barely know where to begin. First of all, I'm a guy and 28 years old. I'll try to be as brief as I can.

I don't know when my dental phobia started. I never had a bad experience at the dentist. While in highschool, my parents underwent financial hardship and going to the dentist became a thing of the past. I'm sure that set me up for failure later in life. But, otherwise, I never had any reason not to go to the dentist.

The last time I went to the dentist was when I was probaby 17 or 18. A decade ago...
During the first few years in college, I had very poor dental heigeine. I would forget to brush often. I never flossed. I drank copious soft drinks and sugary candies. If I could go back in time, I'd smack myself on the head. :/

This lifestyle continued out of college for several years. I never went to the dentist and I barely cared for my teeth and gums. Over time, I began noticing changes. My gums were receding. The front bottom ones especially. I also started noticing cavities here and there. Then, one night while eating out with my girlfriend, I complained that the food was crunchy. Turned out it was my own tooth, the furthest back molar, crumbling away. Over the next few weeks, the crown basically crumbled away, leaving a decaying root in it's wake. It looked awful. The fear increased. But....it didn't hurt. At all. I thought, well, it broke off...no big deal. Whew...

Cut to a few years. It's now 2010. My gums are much more receded. I begin brushing, flossing, and using mouthwash religiously. I begin realizing how stupid I've been for putting off going to a dentist. My front teeth, top and bottom, show signs of recession. A few teeth have it much worse. The worst tooth, a bottom front tooth, has receded the worst...1/4". the gum has shrunk back a quarter of an inch.... :( Several other teeth have as well. And I still have several cavities. Based on my own observation, I'd guess 8....but, I know there are some Im not seeing...between teeth and whatnot. A lot more to worry about...

Oh...and that molar that crumbled. Well....about a week ago I woke up with a TERRIBLE headache, unline anything I've ever had. It was migraine feeling. At first I thought nothing of it, besides being annoyed. However, 3 days later, it had not let up one bit the entire time. I had barely slept. Ibuprofen and Excedrin Migraine did NOTHING...not even a dent. I tried everything in the world to allieve it to no avail. I also noticed something...a small irritated lump on the roof of my mouth...a half inch away from the crumbled and rotting molar. Great....

So, I begin a full 6 hour hypochondriac google/wikipedia session that confirmed my worst fear: an abscess. I finally got the one thing I dreaded more than anything. I knew this would force me to see a dentist. I have no pain whatsoever in the tooth. However, I figure, 5 years of rotting has probably deadened every part of it and no pain is left to be felt.

But....I kept reading online. The more I read, the more it became strikingly obvious that I had an abscess. If nothing else, my mouth is only getting worse. I knew I had to do something.

But...this is my #1 fear, period. I cannot describe how scared I am right now. Last spring, I actually became suicidal and tried to kill myself. I was admitted to a mental hospital for a required 72 hours. It worried my parents greatly. However...I never was able to tell them the real reason I felt suicidal: my teeth and gums. I'd rather kill myself than go to the dentist and begin the process I've only had nightmares of. But, when I realized the severity of abscess complications, I mustered up the courage I had, and just tonight....I finally told my mom about everything. I'd been hiding this for 10 years...and I finally told the first person I had ever told. I told her about the cavities, the periodontal disease, the abscess. I cried and shook....and still am. It's my worst fear...coming true right before me. I feel like I'm about to pass out every other minute. I'm certain they're going to have to remove all or most of my teeth. The pain and embarrassment are so huge it overwhelms me. I feel almost humbled by the fear...it rules me. It tried to kill me. When I told my mom, she said we'd go to the clinic together tomorrow morning. It's a Saturday, and the dentist office isn't open. The fear of septic shock or brain abscess is driving us to go to the clinic tomorrow...hopefully to be put on antibiotics until I can have a dentist examination. And that's the part I'm really dreading. I've read about dentists that berate people for poor hygiene and those who are cold and sterile in their personality. I cannot handle that. I am 100% certain I will pass out at the dentist. I feel so stupid and embarrassed and sad and scared and worried and angry all at once. This hurts bad. I want to back out. I want to tell my mom...I overreacted, it's ok now. But, I know that won't work. She's now worried about the septic shock...and so am I. There's no turning back. But, I feel overwhelmed. And on top of all this, I lost my job a few months ago when the company I worked for went under...and I have no dental insurance whatsoever. Is there anyone else out there who's had a very similar dental history and it turned out ok? I can't imagine that right now. But, I am so happy I found this forum. I hate feeling this alone and miserable. Just knowing there are others helps the tiniest bit. I'm just so scared. I'm a 28 year old guy who is normally happy and in control of my life. My friends would be shocked to see me like this now. I'm literally crying typing this. I just feel helpless. I'm sorry to rant so long....I just needed to get something out. Thank you if you read this. It means alot.

Also....very last question...I live in Johnson City, TN. If anyone can recommend a caring and good dentist close by, I'd be so grateful. Thank you....
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

I can't personally recommend anyone as I am not even in the USA but you could do a google search.

It is unlikely that a sedation dentist interested in helping phobic patients would berate you. It might be a good idea to ask around in your local area to check out their reputation.
Good luck
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

HI Sean,

You've made a couple really big steps:

-You are facing your oral health straight on now- no more denial that you have some issues. I remember always having this underlying uneasy feeling that I couldn't put my finger on that something was very wrong in my life and after nightmares of my teeth all shattering, I realized not seeing a dentist was adding a lot of stress to my life....but which was worse, getting treatment or living with pain, bad teeth/gums, embarrassment.

-You sought a support person in your Mom, who loves you, is concerned about you and will "encourage" you to get the dental care you need. The secrets out now, you can have the emotional outlet you need, talk to her until she doesn't want to hear about it anymore.....that's what I did with my husband, perhaps see a therapist specializing in phobia. I used Dr. Mike Gow from the forum here who helped me tremendously with hypnosis and working through my fears. Yes I am US and he is Scotland- skype is a wonderful thing. Dr. Daniel who has a psychology background as well as being a dentist is awesome as well. PM either of them.

-You posted here, which actually has some evidence based proof that seeking advice and help from a support group, with lots of people who have faced similar fears, phobia who have overcome is a big help. We are here anytime, if nothing else writing your fears down is very therapeutic. We even have dentists here that make it easy to ask any question because we all know that communicating when at the dentists office can be extremely difficult when you are terrified, but not having answers to questions makes the situation seem more out of control.

It's pretty unusual to be 28 and lose all your teeth, one abscess and one broken tooth does not equal dentures- so until you see a dentist and get a treatment plan, try not to think about the worst.

rp
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Hi, Sean!

Lovely picture!

I'd just like to say that problems like yours are not uncommon: People move away from home and get new habits that may not be so good for the teeth. That's how my dental problems began, but it doesn't help to beat yourself up over it.

A good dentist will not judge you. They see bad teeth all the time and it's their job to fix them. It's as simple as that. My dentist certainly doesn't judge me, on the contrary, she says that she'll miss me when she's done repairing my teeth (she's an endodontist, a root canal specialist, so she can't be my regular dentist after I'm done with my root canals).

You are going to feel so much better once you know the extent of the problem, and have found a competent and caring dentist to help you.

Be glad your mother is there to help you!

Good luck!
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Thanks you everyone for the replies...

I'm not overly worried about the abscess....as it isn't painful and it's on a way back molar. They can pull it all they want...it's gone.

However, I know I have at least 8 cavities. They aren't horrendous...the teeth aren't black or anything. But, there are the telltale darker dots here and there that don't scrape away. Do they pull teeth that have decay? I keep reading so so so many conflicting reports online, it's driving me up a wall.

But....the main thing that scares me, that I totally forgot to mention in the previous post...I know i have periodontal disease. My molars are honestly not bad...the gum line looks ok...though who know what damage is raging underneath. However, my lower front teeth do have recession. The teeth look longer. It's not yet at the point where I can't eat. I also try wiggling them ALL THE TIME...and so far(cross fingers) I can't detect movement. But, just looking at them, my main thought is..."What's holding these things in???" My lower front gums seem super thin anyway(genetics). It just bothers me that I might find a dentist who wants to just pull them.

I write and record music...and sing alot. The idea of that being taken away is the most painful thought in the world. I go in on Monday....its Saturday night...can't sleep.

I'll try posting a photo of my mouth...maybe that will help others be able to tell me what to expect. :( Thank you everyone!!!!!
Regardless of what happens, I hope to become a regular here. I knew the internet had to offer support like this...it's one of the best things about 24/7 connection...
Thank you again..photo coming soon! :(
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Hi there...

You sound like you're on your way to what my mouth is currently at.. I'm SOOO glad you are nipping it in the bud now rather than waiting much longer.

I haven't been in 21 years and am now faced with implants and partials. I'll be lucky if my dentist can save 1 or 2 of my teeth, which I think he's gonna attempt to do.

First thing is congrats on coming here and posting. Second, take baby steps and find that one dentist you can truly trust and feel absolutely comfortable with.

Thirdly.... STOP googling and STOP youtubing... DON"T DO IT!! It's the worst thing you can do because all it does is feed into your fears. Come here instead (as I've told someone else on here).

I was petrified of going... I still am sorta... but I'm well on my way to a healthier smile and better eating habits. I have extremely low self-esteem due to my teeth/lack of oral hygiene etc. I don't socialise at all, avoid conversations etc. This is all gonna change now and that's what I look forward to and this is what you should too.

You may be so lucky and just need a deep cleaning and some periodontal care - fillings, couple root canals can crowns... only a consultation can tell you this. I left it too late... WAY too late but I can't change the past but I can fix my future.

Hope you stick around and keep posting. :XXLhug:
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

45andAfraid,
Thank you for the reply! I hope nothing but the best for your own issues.
Teeth are so odd....SO many things can go wrong. Sometimes I just wish we all had 2 teeth...one on top and one on bottom...that both covered the entire gumline. Almost like welding together all teeth. That way, maybe they'd be a bit more sturdy and reliable. :/ All those spaces make it so easy for bacteria to do their thing.

I tried taking photos...but my camera isn't that great. I'm about ready to sterilize a safety pin and plunge it into my pockets to see just how deep they are. Bad idea, probably? lol...I just hate waiting. The waiting is what sucks most....that and google/youtube/wikipedia, as you mentioned. Wikipedia was practically made with hypochondriacs in mind.

I'll let everyone know what happens. Hopefully it will benefit someone else someday.
All this sure does humble a person though. It's made me WAY less judgemental of other people. I guess that's just something that happens when you grow up too...but it also makes me feel so bad for those going through (any)medical problems. It's funny...I used to consider myself rather conservative. I thought things like National Healthcare was "obtrusive" and "anti freedom." I so so so disagree with that mindset now. After my own grandmother suffered years of cancer treatment, and bills bills and BILLS, and after my own fears of paying for this dental work and having no job or insurance(lost both when the company I worked for went under a few months ago). It's all put things into perspective. Now, I would be HAPPY to have a full 1/3 of my paycheck(even though it wouldn't have to be that much) go toward a national healthcare program...if it meant that anyone who needs care, gets it. I'd sacrifice vacations, cars, a big house...etc. The happiness that comes from knowing others don't have to suffer or fear or worry about paying or don't put off going because they can't pay....knowing you're providing the safety net people NEED to live a fulfilling life is worth anything I can give. It bothers me that people see that as taking AWAY freedoms... How could anyone be ok buying a new car KNOWING there are people in abject misery who just need a little help?

Sorry to rant on an unrelated topic. It's just....this whole thing has really really humbled me. I'm trying my hardest to be less judgmental and to focus on others more. It's what I would want from others...so why not give back as well? I guess thats one good thing to come of this....
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

I'm not a dentist, but your teeth don't sound too bad at all.

Only a dentist can see you in person and take some x-rays, can make a proper diagnosis. Once they have made a diagnosis, you get to choose what you want to do about it. Nobody will pull out your teeth unless you want them to.

Dark spots on teeth aren't necessarily cavities, and slightly receding gums isn't the same as periodontal disease.

Even in a worst case scenario, your tooth problems can be treated.

One step at a time: go and have it looked at, then you can worry!

;)
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

ok :redface: :) Part of me is relieved to finally be doing this. The pressure has built up far too long. But, the waiting is awful. :o
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Yep the waiting is what is called Anticipatory Anxiety... (AA)... I learned all about this when I spent 2 years working my way up to getting over my fear of flying. I've now taken 15 flights and I'm perfectly fine with flying....

So yes, the waiting leading up to appts attached to fears and phobias is FAR WORSE than anything because our minds conjure up so many scenarios that we literally frighten ourselves rather than the actual appt frightening us.

Our minds are a mystery.... and I've come up with a ploy to take that AA away and that's to make fun of it or make light of the situation. I think of the outcome and I think of how I felt at my first appt and how SOO NOT BAD it was and how EASY it was and it pushes me through.

You'll realise that too. :)
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Sorry to rant on an unrelated topic. It's just....this whole thing has really really humbled me. I'm trying my hardest to be less judgmental and to focus on others more. It's what I would want from others...so why not give back as well? I guess thats one good thing to come of this....

That happened to me too, thanks for putting it in better words than I could. All those pain meds, sleeplessness and expense was actually good for something.

:)
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

What's funny is....10 years ago, the last time I went to the dentist...I was scared to death as well. They even prescribed me some sort of anti anxiety drug before coming in. It did nothing at all :( but I went in anyway. I was certain I had HORRIBLE teeth...and an hour later, I left with the dentist saying I had a wisdom tooth that was infected and needed out, a tooth that had gingivitis, and a cavity. I felt SOOO relieved it was just that. But....now it's been 10 years. I know I overreacted the first time...but this time, I'm older and understand the consequences much more. I'm sure the problems will be worse this time. However, as long as I can keep my teeth, I'll be ok. That's my #1 fear. I sign in a band...and the idea of losing the ability to maintain that is scary as anything I can think of. That's my life. Sorry to keep posting...lol...I know I'm a hypochondriac. I'm just so glad I found this place. All of you seem amazing.
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

The AA stuff seems interesting...
What's funny is...I have this weird idea that if I think positive thoughts, the universe will respond with an "equal but opposite force" and will result in a very negative initial consultation with the dentist. Like, if I think that I'm overreacting and that it won't be that bad...that somehow when I go, it will be WORSE than I imagined. And equally, I feel like if I think negative thoughts...and worry...then, when I go, the outcome will probably be better than I think. Then, I start worrying that by thinking negative thoughts, and realizing whey I'm doing it, my conscious mind will pick up on the fact that I'm basically tricking myself, and will adjust accordingly.

Hypochondria is the worst thing ever. I seriously wish I knew how to not let it control me. I've tried every prescription I could get or find. It's such an annoyance in life...
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Not a dentist, but all sounds very fixable. Because you are young could be the recession is not from typical gum disease overall but from the frenum pulling at the gum margin. Its that little muscle attachment located between lower front teeth and lip. It is normal to have a frenum, but if it pulls on the gum, recession can occur -easy fix with laser surgery/graft- had mine zapped off on top because it caused a gap.

I've had mega dental work the last two years, I sing (hobby), and managed to only miss a few weekends at the mic.

rp
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Do they pull teeth that have decay? I keep reading so so so many conflicting reports online, it's driving me up a wall.
(

No. Not if behaving ethically. The one with the abcess can probably be saved as well.
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

It's funny...I used to consider myself rather conservative. I thought things like National Healthcare was "obtrusive" and "anti freedom." I so so so disagree with that mindset now. After my own grandmother suffered years of cancer treatment, and bills bills and BILLS, and after my own fears of paying for this dental work and having no job or insurance(lost both when the company I worked for went under a few months ago). It's all put things into perspective. Now, I would be HAPPY to have a full 1/3 of my paycheck(even though it wouldn't have to be that much) go toward a national healthcare program...if it meant that anyone who needs care, gets it.

This is just a standard European mindset even for most of those on the right of politics. Canada is similar I understand.
It does not cost a third of your paycheck nothing like as it doesn't usually run for profit. You would not be doing it just for others either. Everyone pays in a little all the time and then when your personal 'time of need' arrives which it will - for some sooner than others -, the pot is there for you. No one ever declares medical bankruptcy in the UK i.m.e.
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Thanks you everyone for the replies...

I'm not overly worried about the abscess....as it isn't painful and it's on a way back molar. They can pull it all they want...it's gone.

However, I know I have at least 8 cavities. They aren't horrendous...the teeth aren't black or anything. But, there are the telltale darker dots here and there that don't scrape away. Do they pull teeth that have decay? I keep reading so so so many conflicting reports online, it's driving me up a wall.

With all the dentist's I have had, the good and the bad, I have never met one in personal experience that would pull a tooth just because it had some decay. I have only ever lost teeth that were beyond all repair - if a dentist suggests extraction on a tooth and you don't agree, it is within your rights to get a second opinion to make sure it's in your best interests.

I lost my tooth that had a dental abscess because it had already been broken terribly for a couple of years. If I understand correctly you have an appointment tomorrow which is good. I let my abscess flare and geez, did it hurt. I ended up on IV antibiotics and a swollen face. That's what finally ended me back in the dentist's chair.

I do personally have a few dark spots on my teeth - they aren't cavities in my case, just natural discoloring. You won't know for sure yourself until you go in and have x-rays and a exam.

If it makes you feel any better, I get to chose between a flipper, a partial, or implants for my upper missing teeth and I'm only 31. I still need a good number of fillings but I'm not losing the vast majority of my teeth soon, and I hope the same for you. :XXLhug:
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Hi Sean,
As norwegianchick said, lovely picture! Hope all goes well for you today. I always do what you mention; focus on the worst case scenario in the hope that anything better than that will seem brilliant, even if it isn't really! I'm not sure whether it's a good idea or not. It certainly makes the waiting worse and I'm a nervous wreck by the time my appointment arrives. Guess I'm naturally pessimistic. Maybe you are too! Anyway, I'm rambling, as usual, and I just wanted to wish you good luck.
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

Thanks everyone. It's now T-minus 2 hours. My heart is audibly beating in my chest and I feel really short of breath. This is insane...never been so nervous in my life. There's really nothing I can say or do now...it's about to happen. Going in for an overall exam and xrays. Man...I so so so hope I don't have significant bone loss beneath my gums. That's my #1 worry right now. This is so crazy... :confused::(:o:cry::shame::scared::sick:
I suppose I'll let everyone know how it went. Assuming I'm able to pull myself together afterward. Gah....too much to think about.
 
Re: haven't been to dentist in decade. just got an abscess. im a nervous wreck

one hour. oh my god. :( :( :( my face is ghost white lol...pale as a sheet
 
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