Haven't been to the dentist in about 8 years

[Scared210]

Before I begin please do not judge. Growing up as a child I was not forced to brush my teeth because I told my mom the dentist would always hurt me so I stopped going all together. I stopped going when I was in the fifth or sixth grade, now I am 18 and in college. I started brushing my teeth once a day during either my sophomore year or junior year of high school (I don't really remember). They are really yellow and my breath stinks obviously, I am extremely terrified of the dentist. I don't even mention it to my mom. When I used to go as a kid, I had a crown put on one of my molars. Today it chipped off and my gum is sensitive from where the crown had been for 8+ years so I had to tell my mom. I haven't had any pain over the years, or from what I remember anyways. I am eating fine. My wisdom teeth are in but I don't think I need my right side out though because I think there's enough room. My bottom 4 front teeth are in bad condition on the inside part of my mouth. I think they might have tartar build up, I'm not sure. My gum on my right side of my mouth is pink but the left side is pretty red (same with my bottom front gum), my top gum is halfway between red and pink. One of my front teeth on top has what looks like food stuck in between the tooth and the gum, only I know for a fact it isn't food. I also still have some baby teeth, is that bad? Will they pull them too?! Oh and when I brush my teeth there is no blood, maybe I'm not brushing hard enough? I don't know. My mom is going to make an appointment since my crown chipped. She feels extremely bad because she knows she should have made me go. I am extremely scared, I cried when she said she was going to make an appointment. I hate the dentist and always will. I'm afraid that I'll have to get dentures or a bunch of teeth pulled out. I'm extremely embarrassed too because of how old I am and how disgusting they are. My self esteem has been low my whole life from middle school til today. I'm sure my friends know and are just too nice to say anything. Every time I smile or laugh I try to hide my mouth somehow. Do any of you have any advice? Will it hurt when I go? Can they give me gas instead of just numbing me up? I feel like crying just thinking about it! College is just about to start so it's stressing me out.

 

[Frida]

Hi I'm 38 and have not been to the dentist in about 10 years. I am pretty, usually out going and do a great job of hiding my teeth when I smile. I am currently working on getting the courage to go. So as for you you are very lucky you have your mom to help you. It is also good that realize all this and you are young and are going to take care of it. Going on this site will help you see that you are not alone. Look to your mom for support and it will all work out. Good luck. Ps. I cry overt teeth all the time. I feel embarrassed that I didn't take care of this. The dentist will do what ever it takes to help ease the pain. Be honest with them about your fear.

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

I've been exactly where you are, and know just how terrifying and embarrassing and awful it feels. It does get better, it doesn't hurt, and you're not a terrible person. I was just posting to another part of the forum about what I wanted to hear (but didn't) all the years I was avoiding the dentist, and it completely applies to you, so here goes:

What I wanted to hear was the advice I see dispensed here, but almost nowhere else: it's not too late. You're not alone. Lots of people have the same fear and phobia, and have gotten through. You are not broken, even if your teeth are. And they can be fixed, without pain or judgement, and with compassion and kindness. Yes, even that tooth that scares the crap out of you. Yes, even if you have a bunch of them. Yes, even if you can't handle needles/the smells/gagging/anxiety/toothpaste commercials.

I know, this feels like the worst moment in your life, and in some ways it might be, because it's a horrible fear to and shame to have to carry around, and getting into that chair the first time takes a huge amount of courage and it feels like you're going to die. But in another way, it's very very unspectacular. Dentists see people like you all the time-- every dentist, every day. Seriously, it's extremely common, even though it feels like you're the only one. You're not. And, we see hundreds of people on this forum day in and day out who are right where you are, and lots and lots of us get through and will tell you that life is soooo much better once you get over that first big hill, and many of us have gotten through and fixed our teeth up and are living "normal" lives. (And lots are still trying to work up the nerve to get started, and reading posts for inspiration, and that's fine too. Each journey is different.)

I will tell you personally that for most of my adult life I never brushed my teeth at all, for close to 20 years, and never saw a dentist in that time. My teeth were jagged and broken and ugly and painful. I thought the world would end when I went back to the dentist almost two years ago now, but she actually smiled and was friendly and wasn't the least bit shocked. After that it was like a huge weight had been lifted, and going to the dentist was still scary but nothing like the terror I thought it would be, and in all honest a couple of the procedures hurt a little bit for a few seconds, but almost all of the work was completely painless even with just local anesthetics (e.g. "novocaine"), and now my smile is normal and my teeth feel great. And I've seen this same story here many times from people who would rather die than go to the dentist, so it's not just me either. You can read my journal if you want, or any of the journals or success stories here, to help feel less alone.

Okay, all that said, let's talk about your teeth. I'm not a dentist, but nothing you've described sounds shocking or terrible. We phobics always hyperfocus on our teeth a lot, and usually assume the worst. But most people are really surprised by how much better the actual diagnosis is compared to their fears. Usually, broken crowns can be repaired, and that thing that looks like food stuck up near your gum can be repaired and restored, and the rest is probably just some routine cleanings. That's a very vague guess based on not a lot of info, but having had all of these conditions myself, none of them were as awful as I feared.

(By the way, you should be very proud of yourself for sharing all the nitty gritty details here. That alone takes a ton of courage, and hopefully it helped a little just to put words to it.)

Lastly, that first appointment. Usually the first appointment is a consultation only. The dentist will need to look in your mouth with a light and a mirror, but he won't start poking at things or do anything that might hurt you. Just to reiterate, I know you think your mouth is the nastiest thing in the world (well, I sure did), but the dentist actually won't be shocked or angry. It's just some teeth that need some work. He also shouldn't scold you or lecture you or judge you. Dentists used to be all judgy, but most these days are much kinder and truly interested in helping you, instead of treating you like a child.

The dentist or his assistant will also want to take x-rays to see what's going on. The x-rays won't hurt, although they're a little uncomfortable because you have to hold a big thing in your mouth for a few seconds.

From those two things, the dentist will have a talk with you and your mom (if you want-- you don't have to share any of this information with your mom if you don't want), and tell you what treatments are recommended. No matter how bad your teeth are, you probably won't have any actual work done at the first appointment. (If you're in pain from the broken crown, you might want to get that taken care of-- but you don't have to). My big fear was that the dentist was going to immediately want to start drilling and pulling, and I wasn't ready for any of that. Even though I had some teeth in some really bad shape, nobody pressured me to treat them right away. You don't have to make another appointment right away; you can take the recommendations and deal with it after you've calmed down a bit. The exam usually only takes a few minutes, and the x-rays maybe 10-15 minutes more. And then you're going home and feeling a little better and a lot tired.

This will sound a little weird, but if you have a childhood blanket or teddy bear or whatever that you snuggle when you're alone and scared, you might want to bring that with you to help keep you calm. Having something to squeeze or hold really helps a lot, and even though you're an adult, we tend to revert a little bit when we get to the dentist, so there's nothing wrong with having a childish thing to grab and hold. I'm a grown man in my 40s and I've done this. You might also cry, and that's okay too. You have my permission. Nobody outside the dentist's office has to know. As much as this isn't as horrible as your imagination says it will be, it's also a really scary thing to face, so it's okay to be a little bit of a baby. It's completely normal. (Yeah, the dentist is used to adults crying and hugging their blankie too!)

Let's see, a couple last thoughts. First, you are an adult, even if you're going in with your mom, and you are in charge of what gets done. The dentist can say, "I really really strongly recommend you make an appointment to do X." And you can say, yeah, thanks, and then not do it. You can say right to the dentist's face, "I don't want to do that today" and no one will get mad at you. I want you to really remember that and keep it. If the dentist says, "Let me just fill this cavity real quick" or whatever, you can say no. No reason, just can't do that today. Even if you don't want to open your mouth at all. (The dentist can't do much for you if you won't open your mouth, but some people can only handle sitting at the dentist's desk or in a conference room and talking before they can even handle the first exam. You can do that.) Most people are surprised that they manage to sit in the chair and let the dentist look. But you are in complete control, all the time. You don't have to go to your mom's dentist either. If you don't like him/her, you can go find one that you do. Other thought, regarding gas/sedation/etc. versus just local. You can discuss this with the dentist too, during the exam. I had major major work done and never more than local anesthetic, and I will tell you that it really works great and doesn't hurt at all. And after the first couple of procedures, I learned to trust that there wouldn't be any pain, and my anxiety went way down. But some people swear by sedation, and sometimes it lets you get everything done all at once in a visit or two. Again, entirely up to you. Most phobics assume that the only way they'll ever get through it to be unconscious. But most people find they can do just fine with regular anesthetic, and there's no pain at all. So it's an option.

I wish you strength and courage and lots of compassion and kindness from your mom and dentist. The time leading up to my first appointment was probably the scariest time in my whole life, but I swear that once I got in the chair, everything else was so much better, even when I was having work done. Modern dentistry is SOOO much better and SOOO painless and gentle compared to how it used to be, and a good compassionate dentist can really help you turn your life around. It does get better.

Hugs for you!

 

[voldemort31]

Im in the same position as you currently and I have been having alot of anxiety about my teeth. I know i have cavities and I know I need to go. How did your return go? Im very scared of dentures and Im only 17 and embarrassed and I feel alone.