Help needed

[Jax1]

Very new here and very terrified but desperately need to go to a dentist. I have not been to a dentist for about 10 years, I only went then as I had toothache so bad I couldn’t cope with the pain. Apart from that I have never really been even as a child I was not made to go. I’m in my early 40s and my teeth are awful, cause me distress every day. My breath is awful, I dread talking to people. I have numerous rotten molars and wisdom teeth that are rotten. My front teeth seem to be getting more and more crocked each day, I try so hard not to smile any more. Yet I still can’t bring myself to see a dentist. I always think maybe next week or next month but I never do it. How on earth can I overcome my fears?

 

[Scared all the time]

Very new here and very terrified but desperately need to go to a dentist. I have not been to a dentist for about 10 years, I only went then as I had toothache so bad I couldn’t cope with the pain. Apart from that I have never really been even as a child I was not made to go. I’m in my early 40s and my teeth are awful, cause me distress every day. My breath is awful, I dread talking to people. I have numerous rotten molars and wisdom teeth that are rotten. My front teeth seem to be getting more and more crocked each day, I try so hard not to smile any more. Yet I still can’t bring myself to see a dentist. I always think maybe next week or next month but I never do it. How on earth can I overcome my fears?

over coming your fears isn’t an easy thing to do, but you made a good first step by coming here for help ? everyone here is wonder and supportive. Do you have a specific fear of the dentist?

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Hi Jax1,

I agree with @Scared all the time , coming on here is such a great first step. Acknowledging where you are at, where you've been and where you want to go! I avoided the dentists for years too, only going for damage control until age 30 and even after. Ashamed and afraid to step into any dental clinic.. I was really blessed to find a really sweet gal just out of dental school for my first dentist I trusted.. She was so kind and really helped me alot. I really hope and believe you can find someone the same. There are alot of dentists now who are very anxious friendly and want to really help you and make you feel comfortable.. I have used FB as a intro point and met a few friendly dentists on my journey, in sharing my fears and issues and seeing how they reacted and what they said.. I encourage you to do the same .. baby steps.. maybe start by fb or email, then a small visit to see the vibe of the dentist or clinic and how they treat you,,at your pace you can choose how to proceed. In the meantime, we are here to support you!! You deserve the best of care!

 

[Jax1]

over coming your fears isn’t an easy thing to do, but you made a good first step by coming here for help ? everyone here is wonder and supportive. Do you have a specific fear of the dentist?

I hate anything really that involves strangers being close to me, I don’t go hairdressers or doctors or anything else either. I hate feeling so out of control people doing things to me. Obviously pain is a worry, I’m terrified of having teeth extracted. The whole thing of sitting in the chair just fills me with dread!

 

[Enarete]

Hi Jax1,

I second everything said above...
So sorry to read about your situation and how much it is affecting you every day. Given the fact that you struggle with other things that involve strangers being close to you, it is no surprise that scheduling a visit is so hard.
Having said that, it is ok and a very important thing to be able to say what it is you struggle with the most. It is also a good approach not to try to push yourself into anything that seems impossible at the moment (you have done that often enough in the past), but to find a next small step that you feel able to go. There is no one big way to overcome the fear, it is rather a journey of thousand small steps. If getting people close to you is your fear, then please do not allow any dentist to get anywhere near you unless you have build enough confidence and familiarity to allow them to. Any dentist familiar with working with nervous patients will understand that, give you time and ensure you are in full control of what will be happening.
May I ask you about where you are at right now regarding looking up practices to see what is out there?

 

[Jax1]

I have not really done anything to find a dentist, my husband does not understand my fears and this makes it harder. Last time I went to a dentist it was so rushed I felt so scared, so under pressure and uncomfortable that although I went a couple of times I didn’t see the treatment through, but I will admit it didn’t hurt. I’m terrified of getting an infection and just having to go to any dentist to be treated. I believe I do need some extractions and the thought of that is just so awful a thing to go through. I’m in the uk and definitely can’t afford to go private so feel I’m quite limited as to choosing.

 

[Dg6300]

Considering the mental and physical strain you are under, I encourage you to contact your employee assistance program or local crisis/non-emergency line (211 in most of America, google otherwise).

 

[Enarete]

I understand that a usual NHS dentistry might not be able to offer you as much time and attention as a private dentist, but there might still be options. I am not too familiar with the system there, but let me share a link to our article about special needs, which severe dental phobia can be seen as.
Sorry to read that your husband is not supportive. Being scared of the dentist can be a lonely place to be. Sadly, people who have no issues in this area sometimes find it hard to understand how it feels, which can be really discouraging. Glad you have reached out.

 

[Jax1]

I have been doing lots of reading, other posts on here and the advice pages, lots to think about. I still am worried about even saying to my husband that I need to go dentist. I still don’t know how to find a good one, and one that takes new people. Seems such a big thing to do, where to start?!

 

[Ilovemydentistreally]

Hi Jax1, good news is you have already started.
To find a good dentist, prioritize yourself and your own needs. Look for possible "good fits". There are many.
Don't feel you need to rush in to any commitments. If you feel harassed or out of your depth, just say so. Voicing your fears is brave. Honesty is a good start to any relationship, including professionals like dentists.
Have a tentative look around, trying not to put pressure on yourself. You might get lucky and just feel right about a place, from the first point of contact. Or you have some options to look around.
Crucially, you are in control of what you commit to.
You have made good progress already. I hope you can agree that you already deserve credit.
I wish you well in your endeavours.

 

[Enarete]

I can see how telling your husband might be difficult, especially if he didn't prove himself as particularly understanding. Is there any reason you feel makes it necessary for him to know for now?
The part about searching dentists - it can seem like a lot, but the biggest part is to take a look at the internet and see how your overall impression is and whether there are practices you feel you might be comfortable with. We have an article called "Where do I begin" here, if you like taking a look. The part about them taking people comes next.

The most important part of the process however, is to allow yourself to go at your pace and stay kind to yourself. No pushing. You can go at your pace and if you need a bit of time for that, that's ok.

 

[MissM250]

Hi!

I wanted to say, I'm here to listen. I have my first appointment in 23 years in April.

We can do this!

<3

 

[Jax1]

Thank you, I hope all goes well for you. Did you find it hard booking an appointment?

 

[MissM250]

I did. It took me many tries, with different offices. I finally found one that took my pain seriously, and made me feel safe. I've been trying a couple years on and off, and these folks came highly recommended.