HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

[victorine]

Hello,

I am 30 years old and I had in the last 16 years only emergency visits at the dentist's. I had some root canals, a couple of fillings etc and two molars extracted without sedation...
My phobia started when I was four year old. I had four little cavities on my molars and the dentist told me it won't hurt: "It's just like when your Mum uses the vacuum-cleaner on the carpet."
He LIED to me, it did hurt a lot and of course I cried loud.

Later I had very sympathetic female dentists, but I went just when it was necessary. For five years I thought about to go on and have the other cavities fixed ( upper front teeth ) but I cancelled my appointment.
After a couple of months I rang the dentist's office but they told me my dentist had moved back to her home town. ( Which is really, really far...) I didn't want to see another dentist.
My problem is that I have two cavities on my upper front teeth ( on the back actually ), both are visible
I haven't really smiled for 5 years. I am very embarrassed because of my front teeth...I always try to hide them but it doesn't really work for exemple when I sing...

I have a new job and I won't like when people notice my teeth and talk about them...That's also a reason for getting my teeth restored as soon as possible.

And another reason:

Now I am in love. I met him first a couple of month ago. He is fantastic! I have even moved to him very soon, we are planning babies together and I adore his Mum! ( I was married before and divorced because of my ex-mother-in-law...)

He asked about my teeth two weeks ago, without any criticising. I told him about my phobia, but first I had my regular panic signs as usual when the topic is the dentist. ( I never liked to hear stories about dentist's visits...) At first he was surprised ( never met any REAL dental phobic people ), then he acted very sympathetically and told me he would come with me to ALL my future appointments.

So I browsed on local forums and I find a dentist in the town where we live who offers conscious sedation. I rang him but wasn't impressed. When I mentioned I'm a dental phobic the dentist just told: "Umm,yeah. We could do the sedation." Plus, he couldn't give me an appointment because he was very busy, on a conference...

Now I decided to see another dentist. A lot of people posted good comments about him, my boyfriend and his daughter also recommended him.

Tomorrow we will check the dentist's office and ask for an appointment.
I really hope I can overcome my phobia soon and I can smile again...

 

[MC]

Re: New job, new boyfriend...time to overcome my dental phobia

Sounds like a success story in the making! That's wonderful!

I know for me, I finally visited the dentist for the first time this week. I was a complete wreck when I got there, but now that it's over, I am elated! I have so much confidence and I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.

You are so incredibly lucky to have a boyfriend be understanding, compassionate and supportive. I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I could have NEVER told my ex about my phobia. He would have criticized me to no end. (he criticized my entire life actually.... I sat and thought about it. There wasn't a thing left uncriticized or negated). That is SO wonderful he's willing to goto your appointments with you. I couldn't let anyone go with me. But that's part of me dealing with my phobia. He's a keeper for SURE!

Remember, you need to find a dentist that works for you. So if your BFs dentist doesn't feel right, that's ok. And with how wonderful he sounds, I am sure that he would understand if you want to see someone different. BUT, if that dentist comes recommended by two people, that is certainly a good indication.

Best wishes!!

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Thanks MC

I think that also helped me alot that I was able to write / talk about my phobia here.

I know, my boyfriend is really wonderful with his support, and my Dad is also really happy about these news.
( Dad tried several times to convince me seeing his dentist but it didn't work. I forgot to tell my Mom was a dental phobic as well... )

Thanks for your support!

 

[MC]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Of course! I know being able to talk about it here amongst other people who understand COMPLETELY where I am coming from made it much easier to talk about and start to grasp. A number of people on here gave me support I could not find elsewhere. I am the child of a dentist, so turning to family was not an option at all. And I was so embarrassed I couldn't tell my friends. I didn't even tell my best friend until about a week before the appointment, and I scheduled the appointment 4 weeks prior to when I went in!!!! (I was waiting for my dental insurance to kick in).

Here are my stories if you'd like to read.

My dad is a dentist and caused a lot of the fear and anxiety...

Like so many of you, I've been lurking the last few weeks and many of your stories have helped put my mind at ease. Mostly that even as an adult, I'm not alone. And I've caught myself saying, "I feel the SAME EXACT WAY." But I was so ashamed to talk about it. And being amongst other phobics, we...

www.dentalfearcentral.org

Living proof brushing twice a day keeps the dentist away!!!!

I went to the dentist for the first time in 24 years today. It took everything in me to walk through that door. Here's my first post here on this forum. My Dad is a Dentist. It started about an hour and a half before my appointment where I suffered some rather bad intestinal cramping and...

www.dentalfearcentral.org

 

[Kim]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Really pleased to read your thread victorine, although you will be taking small steps to start with, you will be amazed at how far these will get you in the end, and with a supportive boyfriend to hold your hand, seems tome like you have got it made

Good luck to you sweetie.

Kim

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Thanks, Kim I will need the luck!

Actually I think I did the very first step today: we checked the dentist's office together, but that was in the morning, before they opened...I was quite relaxed but held my boyfriend's hand all the time when he showed me round.

I have to ring the dentist today or latest tomorrow in the morning to make an appointment, hopefully he has a nice voice...

That's funny I know, but I'm not the visual person/ visual learner...I'm an auditive type and if someone has an unpleasant voice that can frighten, even irritate me.

At the dentist's I have absolutely no problem with the needle, better five shots then the pain. But the sound of the drill drives me crazy. Of course I can't help, the drill will be used but at least hopefully the dentist's voice is calm and nice.

So...Now I need some courage to move on.
Thanks for your support

 

[MC]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

I'm sure you'll find the strength to make that phone call. I had an out of body experience when I did it, and when I went into the office. So best wishes to you.... you can do this!

As far as the drill, many dentists will allow you to bring an iPod or other source or music to drown out the sound. I'm the opposite. I HATE needles, but I don't mind the sounds as much. Even when I had my teeth cleaned last week, and the hygienist polished my teeth at the end, I was ok. It's so interesting how all of phobias show their signs.

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

I did the call and I think he could be the right dentist AND the right staff.
The only problem is I agreed to an appointment which actually doesn't fit my working hours. ( 8 AM- 4PM) and the appointment is 20 September 7:30 AM which means I could be late for work...( That happened twice since I started work in 2005...)

I was SO nervous that I couldn't say I need an afternoon appointment.

But that also has an advantage: we plan tomorrow to visit the dentist's office with my boyfriend and ask for another appointment. So I can meet the staff and this is another step

First I talked to the dentist and later to his female assistant ( she gave me the appointment ). His voice was more then OK. She was also very nice, answered all my questions. When I asked if the dentist was OK with dental phobic patients she answered yes,
"You will talk about your dental status and the alternatives first and the doctor will explain you what would be done. "

That was really amazing!
I would like to have alternatives and have the right to choose. ( I also believe I DO have alternatives. )

As for the music: thanks MC, I will ask it later because it could help alot!

Another shameful fact about me: I am a pediatric nurse ( although I have been working at Customer Services in an automotive company for a couple of years...it has financial reasons why I quit nursing...) , so I am used to do i.m. and s.c. shots...and I don't fear them either.

People ofthen think ( and some of them also say ) that a nurse mustn't fear doctors and/or dentists...Nurses MUST be brave and become the best patients.

I feel much better now. But I still need luck for tomorrow.

 

[carole]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

I wish you GOOD LUCK for tomorrow. The dentist sounds lovely and so does the other person you spoke to. I think you will be okay there, they sound very sympathetic and able to cope with nervous patients.

Congratulations on finding that special somebody he sounds lovely too, things are looking good all the way around you at the moment. You lucky girl

I'll send you some of these for you appointment

WELL DONE FOR GETTING THIS FAR

 

[MC]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Agreed with Carole! I think this is a huge success story in the making! YAY!!!!!

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

MC, Carole, I am very-very thankful for your kind responses.

So, next step is DONE, too.

We just came back from the dentist's.
I could have a look at the office inside, it was not just clean but also nice, with a warm brown furniture. I met the dentist and his assistant and they are both very nice and sympathetic. He is tall, and looks very like my favourite teacher from university. The assistant called me instinctively on my favourite nick name, I was really pleased about it.

I also told them I had dental anxiety but they were OK with this, too. They both smiled at me all the time.

As for the time in the waiting area before: my boyfriend sat next to me, he was fantastic as usual. But surprisingly, I had NO visible panic signs.

We changed the appointment, it will be on the 26th in the afternoon ( that's quite late but I have to survive it...Of course that must be the worst when I will be informed about the alternatives. And I hopefully DO HAVE alternatives....OK, there are some good signs and experiences: no pain- no toothache in the last 5 years / no broken teeth / no cold-warm sensibility / no gum problems / 2 huge tooth-colored fillings after root canals- both upper front teeth - and I still have them after 15 and 13 years, I haven't even broked them or anything.)

I think it did work really well.
But I know exactly that I hadn't be able to go this far without your kind support and my BF's help.

 

[Kim]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Hi again Victorine, and what a VICTORY So glad you have been able to meet with the dentist, and you obviously have a good feeling about that and the whole place it seems.

I wish you well for your next step.

Take care.

Kim

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Thank you, Kim

It's soooooooooooo good that you are all so nice and supportive here ! For me it's a whole new world - I just talked about my phobia to four very close friends of mine, my Dad of course and now my boyfriend till now.
I was really ashamed because anyone mentioned the dentist I either changed the topic or simply left the room if there were more people...
( Some people might think I was just rude..)

Some of my friends tried to convince me, told stories about dentist's visits which weren't bad etc...but then all gave up.

I just called my Dad and informed him that I have an appointment at the dentist's. He could hardly believe it but he is very proud...( Okay, he has no phobia and he is extremely lucky: at the age of 73 he has just 6 crowns and all his own teeth...)

Thanks again for all your kind help!

 

[MC]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Yay Victorine!!!!!!

I know I am grateful too for this forum. As I have said, I didn't have anyone to turn to, so it is comforting being around those who completely understand.

My whole world changed last week after my appointment. The stress is gone. The fear of embarrassment is gone. The humiliation is gone. I am SO happy. And being that I need to do everything I can to get all of confidence back after breaking up with my ex, this was one more step towards that!

Great job!!!!!

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Hi MC,

breaking up with the ex... I also had some hard time...I had a mother-in-law from hell so we divorced when I was 27. My ex didn't criticize me so often but his mother did it all the time. Sometimes because of my looks - she didn't like my hair, my teeth, anything...
My ex didn't know exactly about my dental phobia. I didn't trust him enough and I felt embarrassed alot. He came just once with me when I had my last emergency visit at the dentist's in May 2007. It started with a root canal but on the next day that molar had to be extracted , that time I had fever and half of my face plus my throat was swollen..it was an abscess of course.
My ex never asked if I would go again to the dentist to have the other teeth fixed. He never cared. The same happened to my car which my ex used for a long time, but he always forgot to tell if something wasn't OK.

Although my greatest wish is to become a mother I am happy I don't have any children from my marriage.
( Anyhow, first my teeth must be fixed...after I will be ready for pregnancy. )

But that can be no problem. I will have my teeth fixed, because I can do it
And of course I know, finally I met someone who not just loves me but also cares about me...both physically and mentally...

Is it okay that haven't had ANY panic signs today except for my trembling voice?
I'm just very surprised. I didn't think I can manage it so far.

Thanks for all your help

 

[Kim]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Both you victorine and MC will have put a wee smile on a lot of our faces for the fact that you have found strength and encouragement from DFC and all the wonderful contributors. Getting through stressful times is difficult enough as it is, so to find a little 'bolt hole' where you can come on to and seek help, advice encouragement, hugs and not one ounce of judgement whatsoever is in my book fan-bloomin'-tastic.

Well done you ladies for getting to where you are today

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Hi Kim,
Of course we had found strength and encouragement from DFC and the members

I'm more happy then ever before with my boyfriend ( I never loved anyone so much ), and he couldn't be more supportive.
There's just one thing: he is not a dental phobic. He had dental anxiety earlier but wasn't a phobic. So he tries to understand me but sometimes he is really surprised. ( but not criticising )

You can all understand my fears and I can openly talk here. That's really a great help.

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Here I am again with some news.

Today I made a couple of before-photos included some which I took with a mirror from the upper inside. ( Looks not nice...Decay PLUS tartar.. in the middle...)
I'm not a dentist but I think it will be quite OK with my molars, both upper and lower teeth.

Another step I made:

I simply can't wait for two incredibly long weeks. Okay, that sounds funny, how could I wait five long years? And how did it become now so urgent?

Anyway, I called another dental clinic who are specialized for dental phobic patients, they also offer conscious sedation. I got an appointment for THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!!!It will be the 14th September at 3:30 PM.
They will just take an X-ray first, explain the alternatives and inform me about the prices. After it I can decide about the steps, sedation and all the other things...

Wow, that's such a thing which I can hardly believe! I don't have to wait more then 46 hours...

 

[carole]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

It is good that you have choices, how brave you are being, five years with no dentist and now you have two to choose from, I wish you all the strength you need to get your mouth seen to, Good luck Look how far you have come, a little bit of support can go a long long way. Well done

 

[victorine]

Re: HELP!New job, new boyfriend...I have to see the dentist after 5 years...

Hi carole,
and many thanks for your kind words !

I realized yesterday why it became so urgent with my teeth.

That happened to me once four years ago, just it wasn't about dental phobia but about fear of DRIVING.

I had my driving license at the age of 24 ( quite late..) and I was always in panic when I had to drive a car
( even mine ). Two years passed and I just drived to the mall sometimes and that was all. All the time I had nightmares about injuring other people and myself with my car, causing accidents etc.

Then I met a very special collegue who became not just a good friend but I loved him as he would have been my elder brother. ( I'm an only child so I just can guess how it could be, having an elder brother. ) He taught me how to drive, step by step. In a couple of months I could drive all by myself more and more...The panic and anxiety were totally gone, now I enjoy driving!

So maybe I can overcome my dental phobia too...I don't think I would enjoy dental check-ups, but anyway..now I'm very proud about the appointments and that I finally decided: I don't want to hide my smile anymore.

Thanks for your kind support!