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Hit the panic button and there's still a week to go

The1701

The1701

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2015
Messages
263
Location
Edinburgh
Thank you krlovesherkids777 for both the advice and the cat picture - they are so cute, I so wish dentists would get thera-pets in as it would make a huge difference, even if they just wandered about the waiting area although I guess this isn't always possible in case folks have allergies.

Your advice was really helpful though and having slept on it (or attempted to, really didn't get much sleep last night at all as my brain was churning all night) I feel I have a better understanding of what is going on with my muddled head.

I am aware that I was hearing things through my anxiety filter:

What the dentist said: "I am moving into another field of dentistry so will no longer be practising general dentistry"

What anxiety brain heard: "I'm sick of this job, I no longer want to work with you as you are hard work and I've had enough."

What they were really saying: "I want to develop my career by doing something new"

I also recognise that they have thought carefully about how to hand over all their patients and they do have a sensible suggestion of me having a further appointment to meet with the suggested replacement whilst my current dentist is present.

The problem I am having with this is that anxiety head needs to be the one in control of the situation and I don't feel in control. The other BIG problem is that the date we booked for the meet/greet/handover appointment needs to be changed as I have another engagement in the evening and I honestly think doing a meet and greet with a new dentist on the same day is a very bad idea as I am likely to be very shaken up afterwards.

The problem is I am too terrified to ask to change the appointment as I feel I will be annoying them after they have gone to all this effort. Added to that there isn't a very big time window for me to get another appointment - they are leaving in June and the appointment booked yesterday was the end of May (the earliest they could find).

The other worry is that I could see they were hesitant about the recommendation, they said that their direct replacement was a relatively new dentist and as such they didn't think they would be suitable for me which of course I interpreted as "I wouldn't want to give them a pain in the ass like you when they are so new to the job." They also mentioned a "plan B" which I took to mean that they aren't sure it will work out with the first recommendation as I am too awkward, too high maintenance and too much of a bother.

So the immediate problem I need to tackle (and soon!) is how I go about asking for a new appointment that fits in with their schedule as well as my own. Which is a pretty major hurdle given that it took me a month to re-arrange the last appointment after being ill.

:frantic:HELP, HELP, HELP!
 
Enarete

Enarete

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
3,092
The 1701,

sorry to read about your situation, what a bummer! Having to change dentists is a nightmare :(

I see you are from Edinburgh.. well my only advice for anyone who lives in Edinburgh is to check Craigentinny Dental Practice. One of their dentists, Fraser Hendrie, wrote a lot of articles here on the site. They offer NHS and private treatment, have an amazing e-course beat your dental fear and offer a free e-mail consultation with a dentist. You can't fail with them.

Hope you can soon find a practice you will be happy with and stay long term. Keep us posted.
 
Enarete

Enarete

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
3,092
Thank you krlovesherkids777 for both the advice and the cat picture - they are so cute, I so wish dentists would get thera-pets in as it would make a huge difference, even if they just wandered about the waiting area although I guess this isn't always possible in case folks have allergies.

Your advice was really helpful though and having slept on it (or attempted to, really didn't get much sleep last night at all as my brain was churning all night) I feel I have a better understanding of what is going on with my muddled head.

I am aware that I was hearing things through my anxiety filter:

What the dentist said: "I am moving into another field of dentistry so will no longer be practising general dentistry"

What anxiety brain heard: "I'm sick of this job, I no longer want to work with you as you are hard work and I've had enough."

What they were really saying: "I want to develop my career by doing something new"

I also recognise that they have thought carefully about how to hand over all their patients and they do have a sensible suggestion of me having a further appointment to meet with the suggested replacement whilst my current dentist is present.

The problem I am having with this is that anxiety head needs to be the one in control of the situation and I don't feel in control. The other BIG problem is that the date we booked for the meet/greet/handover appointment needs to be changed as I have another engagement in the evening and I honestly think doing a meet and greet with a new dentist on the same day is a very bad idea as I am likely to be very shaken up afterwards.

The problem is I am too terrified to ask to change the appointment as I feel I will be annoying them after they have gone to all this effort. Added to that there isn't a very big time window for me to get another appointment - they are leaving in June and the appointment booked yesterday was the end of May (the earliest they could find).

The other worry is that I could see they were hesitant about the recommendation, they said that their direct replacement was a relatively new dentist and as such they didn't think they would be suitable for me which of course I interpreted as "I wouldn't want to give them a pain in the ass like you when they are so new to the job." They also mentioned a "plan B" which I took to mean that they aren't sure it will work out with the first recommendation as I am too awkward, too high maintenance and too much of a bother.

So the immediate problem I need to tackle (and soon!) is how I go about asking for a new appointment that fits in with their schedule as well as my own. Which is a pretty major hurdle given that it took me a month to re-arrange the last appointment after being ill.

:frantic:HELP, HELP, HELP!
Aah, haven't seen this reply of you before, things make more sense now.

I am amazed about how reflected you are on what is going on in your head, that's a great thing and gives you a bit of distance to think about what is happening.

First of all, patients rescheduling is something really normal. Just try to take their perspective for a moment. Can you imagine how much is going on now with them and how many patients they have who are in a similar situation? The most people have a life and a job and agenda and rescheduling an appointment is just a part of life. This goes both directions - patients calling in wanting to reschedule and the practice calling out rescheduling. Also, you take your appointments very seriously and see it as a high priority to attend while a lot of people do not see it this way. Your practice will be used to having people calling in rescheduling several times and they won't thing anything bad about you if you get in touch. The best idea would be to find a way of communication you feel comfortable with (email? phone? going in in person?) and then get in touch. Reading your previous posts it seems that rescheduling is 'your topic' and something you usually feel uncomfortable with. It also seems that our practice is really lovely and showed understanding as you got in touch with them last time..

Your interpretation about the young dentist not being suitable for you is very interesting. What I read there is more them wanting to make sure you are in good hands and have someone who is patient and caring and not being sure whether the new dentist will really be this way. If a dentist is skilled with the dental stuff, it's easier to focus on the psychological part of things that's why young dentists sometimes aren't too good with phobics. It's like if I can see worry and wish for you to get the best care possible.

Hope this makes sense (having a cold and lacking focus a bit). Let us know your thoughts.
 
The1701

The1701

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2015
Messages
263
Location
Edinburgh
Thank you for your input @Enarete I do have a massive block when it comes to rescheduling, I think in this case I am worried that we won't be able to find anything suitable - I had that problem once before when I tried to reschedule an appointment and it turned out there was no other date suitable so I got myself in a big knot for nothing. I'm also conscious that the current Dentist is going to considerable lengths to help me find a suitable replacement Dentist so I don't want to seem ungrateful by mucking them about.

I do see your point regarding the younger dentist, from my point of view I see myself as a "problem patient" that no one wants to deal with and this current situation is dredging up the feelings of rejection I had when I first searched for a dentist - I emailed about 5 practices back then and most of them said they were unable to help. I interpreted this as "they don't want to deal me because they know I am a bad person." I have massive issues with self esteem and rejection which are so deep seated that I don't think I will ever get over them.

I have set myself the task of phoning the practice reception on Thursday to see about rescheduling, I have a number of big tasks to do at work this week and I need to devote my concentration to them before I can consider handling dental things. I would email them however I did that before and they didn't answer me so I ended up phoning them (I had waited 4 days for a reply so can only presume my email went into their spam folder or something).

I realise I am overthinking it and creating problems that don't yet exist - my brain is already running through the "what do I do if there's no suitable alternative day to see them" which I don't even know will be the case yet! I'm trying to take a step back and deal with the "here and now" issue however it's just so easy to get carried away with the "what if this, what if that......"
 
The1701

The1701

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2015
Messages
263
Location
Edinburgh
Well there's good news and bad news!

Good news is I managed to phone the practice and ask to reschedule and @Enarete was right, they were absolutely fine about it - they did not make me feel bad or annoying at all so I am really chuffed about that.

The bad news is we really struggled to find anything that fits with my work schedule and I've ended up booked in the day before my current dentist leaves.

I then got myself into a bit of a panic-stricken state and fired off an email to the dentist which basically said "Eeeeeeeeek!" this was a pretty dumb move on my part as for one the dentist probably has a million things to do in order to complete their handover ahead of moving on and doesn't need "Eeek" emails from me also Easter is a public holiday here which means the email is going to sit there until at least Tuesday of next week at the earliest meaning I will now wear away what remains of the hall carpet waiting for a reply.

Anyway right after I hit send I went for a run to clear my head (ideally I should have left the email in draft until after my run but hey it's always easier to be wise after the fact isn't it). Whilst running I allowed myself to explore the fears and I think this situation has echos of the previous time I had a dentist and then had to switch (to cut a long story short it didn't go at all well and I didn't go back for 20+years) and I am worried that history will repeat itself.

I explored this train of thought and ended up having a bit of an epiphany moment - I think I have an in-built mistrust of females, this probably sounds very odd coming from someone with my history however when I thought about it some more it does make sense (to me anyway). When I thought about it some more I realised that the only people who I can honestly say I have true trust in have been my partner, my Grandad and a male police detective that worked with me in the run up to the trial of the people responsible for assaulting me (the most vicious of which was the woman).

Whilst all this self reflection is good it doesn't help get me out of the pickle I am in!
 
The1701

The1701

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2015
Messages
263
Location
Edinburgh
Good news!

I got the chance to meet with the suggested replacement dentist for a chat ahead of a joint appointment with my present dentist, I was so nervous that I seriously considered bailing on it and cancelling my next appointment.

In the end I decided to meet them as I figured I should get a vibe for them before running away and hiding under a rock for another 20 years.

Anyway to cut to the chase the meeting went OK, I was horribly anxious however they didn't push things and genuinely sounded like they were listening to me and understood what I was saying (even though I was most likely babbling pure pish).

I'm still really anxious about the change however the level of anxiety has dialled down from where I was before meeting them. Fingers crossed I can keep it on a lower level and don't flip out at the next appointment.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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The 1701

Glad the meeting went well, I just had a switch in December when my old dentist went to only do the all on 4's at an implant center so switched to his partner. I was quite nervous myself and it turns out I love the guy too. I'm feeling more and more comfortable each time.. had quite a bt of work already so plenty of opportunity to earn trust. I hope the new one works out just as well for you. It takes time and experience to build up that trust level and bring the anxiety down.
 
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