Hit the panic button and there's still a week to go

[The1701]

Well I'm off to a bad start, the bus I usually get is running 15 minutes late now I am usually early on that bus but if it's already late then it will only get worse so an getting 2 buses and hoping they connect ok. Not doing anything good for my nerves though!!!!!!

 

[The1701]

Just made a connecting bus (literally just) so am now sweating like crazy and crying as I just sat down on the bus and got a call from a friend who is upset as their Mum is in hospital with a very poor prognosis. I really need to get it together!!

 

[The1701]

So according to the bus tracker service I should arrive 5 minutes ahead of my appointment time. Just enough time to try and work a miracle makeover. This was not a good day to wear mascara that is not waterproof. Got my music on now to try and calm me down. Trying to remember to BREATHE

 

[The1701]

Arrived with 10 minutes to go. Promised myself one more song then I'll go in and deal with the mascara incident.

 

[The1701]

Well I'm out and it went ok in the end. Got cleaned up ok and seen on time, didn't actually need as long as had been thought so I got a discount for today and the even better news is that the ugly reminder of the assault (broken tooth) just needs a new filling put in. Even better is that when I add today's discount to the money from Grandad I have enough to pay for it. Feels like fate so have booked it for next month. Off to see my friend now and offer them support.

 

[The1701]

Taking some time to reflect back on yestersay, feeling strangely calm about the fact I've booked myself in for a filling. Almost couldn't believe I'd done it until I found the printed estimate in my bag this morning. I'm really going to do this, I'm finally going to get that eyesore sorted. I'm going to do it, I really am.

 

[aliwade]

Taking some time to reflect back on yestersay, feeling strangely calm about the fact I've booked myself in for a filling. Almost couldn't believe I'd done it until I found the printed estimate in my bag this morning. I'm really going to do this, I'm finally going to get that eyesore sorted. I'm going to do it, I really am.

Fantastic. Well done you. I am off to the dentist this afternoon for some treatment under sedation. Feeling so anxious already.

 

[Sevena]

You are! Well done

 

[Tink]

Taking some time to reflect back on yestersay, feeling strangely calm about the fact I've booked myself in for a filling. Almost couldn't believe I'd done it until I found the printed estimate in my bag this morning. I'm really going to do this, I'm finally going to get that eyesore sorted. I'm going to do it, I really am.

Well done!

So glad to hear it went well for you yesterday.

And yes, you can do it! You really can!

 

[The1701]

Thank you everyone, your support has been wonderful. I'm away in the Highlands now for a chilling out weekend of hillwalking with my hubby and then hitting the Fringe Festival with a group of friends next week so am going to properly relax before the filling next month.

Not sure what to expect at the filling but the fact that I really want to get it done now rather than need to makes me feel a bit more confident about it.

I've also scheduled the appointment slightly later so there's less chance of any travel nightmares again although I had forgotten I would be travelling in Festival traffic and that will have finished by the next appointment.

Onwards and upwards (hopefully!)

 

[The1701]

Clearly I am getting better with this whole dental phobia thing as I am starting to see the funny side.

Today I had what can only be described as a back-handed compliment from my "no nonsense" friend. She is aware that I've been getting some dental work done after a gap (which I have explained away as being down to a lack of funds). My friend commented on the fact that my teeth are looking better these days and then said, "are you going to do anything about that black tooth?" I told her that I've made an appointment to get the filling replaced with a white filling so it should look better and she then said, "thank goodness for that because you look much more natural when you smile properly rather than grimace to hide your teeth but that black tooth really does ruin what could be a lovely smile." Normally I would have bust into tears but today I just laughed it off and said, "thanks for that, I think!"

At the same time she has made me think just how awful it is, I finally had a proper look at it when I got home and it really is dreadful. I mean I knew it was bad as I get glances of it every now and again but I've never had the guts to have a proper look at it for many years. I'm going to try taking some photos of it so I can do a "before" and "after".

I'm really pleased with myself that I'm finally able to let someone work on it, it feels like a very positive step to taking my life back.

 

[Sevena]

Yep, it stops becoming this black cloud hovering behind you that you're too afraid to look at, and instead just a normal issue that you're in the process of sorting. It's a big relief when you realise that

 

[The1701]

Still getting there, slowly but surely. I'm a lot less scared about going to get it done as to date there have been no flashbacks of the assault during any of the cleaning appointments which is good but I haven't been able to do anything about the hypervigilence despite the fact I've made my mind up that this dentist is safe. I just cant seem to turn off the "red alert" mode which is annoying me as I feel the poor dentist must be awfully put off by watching me twitch away whenever he moves near me.

 

[Sevena]

In time, the fight or flight state of mind should ease. Or you might always be a bit twitchy at the dentist. Don't worry about it though, and don't worry about the feelings of your dentist. He's used to it. And besides, his job is to use all those drills and stabby tools all day. He gets paid to wield torture devices! Do we really need to be feeling sorry for him?

 

[The1701]

And besides, his job is to use all those drills and stabby tools all day. He gets paid to wield torture devices! Do we really need to be feeling sorry for him?

Thanks Sevena - that made me chuckle! You are quite right but it does annoy me as I think, "oh come on woman stop quivering, there is no danger here" but hey you are right I am a paying customer so I am sure he can put up with it.

 

[The1701]

Well I finally got around to taking a picture of the ugly tooth, I will post it in the next message so if you don't want to see it you can look away now. This is one of 3 teeth that were badly damaged during an assault back in 1984, I did get taken to the dentist at the time but was in too much of a state to be treated (they gave up when I kicked the dentist in the chest - poor chap, I still feel awful about that). I went about for many years with them loose in my mouth and eventually the teeth have died. In 1992 the bicuspid died and abscessed which is when I returned to the dentist for emergency treatment (frog marched in by my Grandad) I had RCT and then a crown fitted. I'm not entirely sure why this one was filled rather than RCT, I didn't ask much about what treatment he was doing at the time as I was having enough problems getting through the door.

Anyway about 5 years ago a bit of this tooth fell off during a dinner party when I bit into an unpitted olive (mistakenly thought they had all been pitted but it seems one escaped and I found it). For many months I didn't dare look at it as I could feel there was a bit missing. I did start to notice it showing up in photographs and started to change the way I smiled so as to hide it (hence my friends mention of the "grimace" smile). It all came to a head when my Mum wanted us to have a family portrait done and that's when my Grandad gave me some money to fix it and offered to come with me to hold my hand again. Unfortunately he passed away before I got anything sorted.

But now thanks to all the support from everyone here I am finally getting myself to a dentist and going to have it fixed. Surprisingly all I need is a replacement filling which is such good news as part of the reason I put off going was because I thought it would be pulled and having a black, broken tooth was better than no tooth as far as I was concerned.

 

[The1701]

And here is the "before" picture of the tooth, hopefully it will soon be followed by an "after" picture

 

[The1701]

Well after being borderline excited about getting the tooth fixed up at last I am now back to petrified. I started reading a bit of background info on fillings (having not had one during the 21st century I thought I would see what I am in for) I wish I hadn't now! I started to read and then do a google image search for the dental dam as I had seen someone else post that this was very difficult for them and this poster has a very similar history to me (in terms of the reasons behind the phobia) and I am now really scared. I have no idea if the dentist even plans to use one but I am swithering by the second between "I should at least try" and "they better not come near me with that thing".

I was awake most of last night turning it over in my head to the point where I thought about cancelling the appointment but then I got really down as this means so much to me and I had been really pleased with the idea that I was finally getting something really positive done.

SSOCEA gave me a really good suggestion on another post here - https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/f...-fillings-general-practice.20304/#post-161039 - which I think I may mention to the dentist to see if they are ok with it. From reading other positive posts about use of the dam I really should at least try but in a controlled way where I am in charge.

I have another 2 weeks to think about it (torture myself) but I really want to go ahead, I just need to find the strength to dig in again and come out the other side smiling.

 

[Sevena]

If there's one thing this forum has made me certain of, it's that I wish I could ban some of y'all from Google

I've never had a dental dam for a filling. Ssocea's suggestion is a good one. Ask the dentist about it. They may not be planning to use one at all.

Well done for not cancelling the appointment. I know how tempting it can be

Remember, you're not going to be forced into a single thing on appointment day. Though it's scary, nothing is *actually* beyond your control. You don't have to do a single thing you don't want to, and that includes dental dams. You've got this!

 

[The1701]

Awwwww I know but I was all "well let's see what I'm in for" as it is bound to have changed in the 20+ years since I had a filling and then it was a case of "what's this dental dam all about". I have to admit I saw the images and just freaked.

The main reason I didn't cancel the appointment was that it was 3am and I thought that no sane person emails at 3am, so I decided to wait till 9am and see if I felt the same. When 9am came and I was still swithering I looked up the date/time poised to email and say I was putting it off and I realised that the date I picked is my Grandad's birthday and I felt a little bit of hope like maybe that was a wee message from my subconscious that he will be "with me" on the day for support.

Anyways it was another restless night last night mulling it over again but I'm sticking with the appointment and I will take it one step at a time, I don't seriously think that a dentist specialising in phobic patients would try to slap a dental dam on without asking if it is going to be a problem first and it was never mentioned. The only thing he asked was if I would be ok with needles but also said I might not need to be numbed as the tooth is dead. So I could well be worrying over nothing.

Hopefully I am now so tired that I wont be able to stay awake and worry tonight.