Hit the panic button and there's still a week to go

[The1701]

You are both quite right Tink & Spike1969.

I paid £121 to get that eyesore of a tooth fixed and I actually think it was a bargain considering the difference it has made to my life. I have been postively beaming like a Cheshire Cat at everyone I speak to today, I'm sure they think I'm demented but I don't care!

I do think that it is important to bear in mind that there is a difference between something being expensive and a rip-off. Although my Dentist is not the most expensive in town it does take a fair bit of scrimping and saving for me to be able to afford it but that is my choice to do so and I am satisfied that I get good value for money. I have never felt like I am being sold something I don't need just so they can make a profit and have even had one bill discounted because they didn’t take as long as had been planned for – definitely not the action of a “rip-off” Dentist.


I am also confident in my Dentist’s expertise – I know I jokingly referred to the broken tooth as a “train wreck” but it really was in very bad state after being damaged twice and I was honestly expecting to have to face up to having it removed. When I had previously managed to get to a Dentist with help from my Grandad the Dentist had wanted to extract the tooth and replace it with a partial denture it as it was deemed to be beyond saving due to the fact that I had been muddling on with it loose in my mouth for about 7 years and it had got into an increasingly worse state. I knew I would not be able to cope with an extraction and my Grandad backed me up as he wasn’t keen for me to get a partial denture at such a young age. It took quite a bit of persuading from both my Grandad and I before the Dentist I was seeing at the time agreed to attempt to shore up the tooth as best he could on the proviso that it might not work and that if it did work at all it probably wouldn’t last long. I have to give credit to him though as it lasted a good few years before it succumbed to damage a second time, by that point though I was suffering really badly with PTSD and I had no idea how to even begin to explain my problems to a new Dentist. I tried in vain to locate my previous Dentist despite the fact I was now living over 200 miles away but the practice had closed altogether and I couldn’t find where he had gone so I went back to muddling on with it despite all the offers of assistance from my Grandad which just shows what a bad a state I was in as despite the fact that it broke my heart to let my Grandad down I couldn't even set foot in a Dental Practice never mind contemplate sitting in a dental chair.



The fact that I’ve now managed to find a Dentist that I can trust to work on the tooth and to get such a quality finish on the work they do is worth all the money in the world to me. I am more than happy to pay what I do given that I get a longer appointment as it means I am not kicked out as soon as they are done. This was especially good after the filling as I was so dizzy and light-headed that I probably would have face-planted had I got up when done (and knowing my luck I would have broken the tooth again when hitting the deck). The surgery is equipped with up to date equipment which means the procedures are pretty much pain free and above all they have quality staff; the Dental Nurses and Receptionists are all really welcoming and more importantly they call you back when they say they will. None of this is cheap – it costs money to recruit, train and retain good staff so yes they have to charge more to pay for it but, no, they are definitely not ripping anyone off.

 

[The1701]

Ok this is going to sound moany/whiney but I am feeling a bit low and figured a good vent will help so bear with me.

I've got a fairly long gap just now before going back for the rest of my deep cleaning in December. This is good as it gives me a chance to save up some money in advance and get my head round everything. I am really pleased I've got this far and I really do want to keep on top of it come December but I am wobbling badly just now. The new tooth calmed down fairly well after a week and it has made a huge difference but the minor flashback issue I encountered has really thrown me and I haven't really got over it yet. Luckily for me I have access to a free counselling service through my work and I've had a couple of appointments so far which have basically involved going over everything that's happened to date. Now don't get me wrong it is helping me but after today's appt I feel totally drained as it seems like a whole ton of other stuff is coming up that I didn't even think was related to my phobia but clearly has been all along. I feel utterly exhausted by it all and desperately wishing I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away so I could be average joe and not feel like I'm losing my mind.

Sorry to sound like the incredible sulk but I think I'm just disappointed to realise I've got more to deal with than I first thought and its left me feeling down at the end of a long week.

Cyber hug anyone? I could do with one

 

[Tink]

Hello, it's slightly belated but here's that hug ->


I understand exactly what you mean, it can feel that way sometimes, and once you start taking the lid off of things and realise exactly how much is there it can seem overwhelming. I've been there, lots of times. You're not losing your mind, lots of people feel this way when dealing with this sort of thing.

The answer I think is to be kind to yourself. Do something nice that you enjoy, and allow yourself some time to rest (mentally and physically) and just be you for a bit. It passes, in time.

You're doing really, really well to be dealing with all this. It's a brave thing to do and a difficult thing to do - give yourself some credit! x


…and another hug, for good measure

 

[The1701]

Thanks Tink, I do appreciate your kind words. I feel so overwhelmed just now. I thought the counselling would help me figure out what brought on the flashback and a way to deal with it better next time but it seems a ton of other stuff came up instead.

I'm planning to have a day of rest and relaxation tomorrow and hopefully this will recharge my batteries before facing the challenges of next week. Right now I feel like a right wimp though as I just want to run away and forget everything but I know fine well it won't do any good as I've tried that before and it got me nowhere.

I guess I'm just needing to take a moment to throw my arms up in the air and say, "Flimmin heck this is hard work," and have me a good cry.

Thanks for listening x

 

[Tink]

Right now I feel like a right wimp though as I just want to run away and forget everything but I know fine well it won't do any good as I've tried that before and it got me nowhere.

You're not a wimp, you are doing so, so well. Wanting to run away is normal, believe me.

I say variations on this a lot on here but it always bears repeating: if you're not scared of doing something, and you don't want to run away…then it's just doing stuff. No big deal. Being scared, wanting to run away, but doing it in the end anyway - now that's brave. It's the opposite of being a wimp.

I guess I'm just needing to take a moment to throw my arms up in the air and say, "Flimmin heck this is hard work," and have me a good cry.

Then you'd be quite right to do exactly that! It is hard work! Have a cry. Express that. Then you will be able to carry on.



Get that rest today if you can. And don't beat yourself up if you can't...

 

[The1701]

I say variations on this a lot on here but it always bears repeating: if you're not scared of doing something, and you don't want to run away…then it's just doing stuff. No big deal. Being scared, wanting to run away, but doing it in the end anyway - now that's brave. It's the opposite of being a wimp.

I do like that and you are right. I'm going to bear that in mind.

Get that rest today if you can. And don't beat yourself up if you can't...

Well I had a few hours walking about in the sun which was relaxing. We had glorious weather here for a change so I made the most of it.

It's funny (ironic) you should mention the fact that I keep beating myself up as that's exactly what I've been struggling with, my counsellor pointed out that I've forgiven everyone except myself and asked me why that was and I was totally flummoxed - I realised thstbshe's right but I couldn't give her an answer as to why and its now bugging me.

 

[Tink]

It's funny (ironic) you should mention the fact that I keep beating myself up as that's exactly what I've been struggling with, my counsellor pointed out that I've forgiven everyone except myself and asked me why that was and I was totally flummoxed - I realised thstbshe's right but I couldn't give her an answer as to why and its now bugging me.

That can be the hardest part to let go of, can't it?

After a terrible mess unfolding around me, sometimes I still can't quite shake the feeling that *I've* done something terribly wrong.

 

[The1701]

I think it is linked to low self esteem, it makes you doubt everything about yourself and believe you are the one at fault when you are not.

 

[Tink]

I think it is linked to low self esteem, it makes you doubt everything about yourself and believe you are the one at fault when you are not.

LOL, guess what I spent the whole evening doing?

 

[The1701]

I'm guessing it was the same thing I did, which was this;

 

[Tink]

I'm guessing it was the same thing I did, which was this;

View attachment 1171

Yep, I alternate between that and OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING TO A LUDICROUS DEGREE!

 

[The1701]

Oh yes I do that PLENTY, it seems that this is the root cause of my problem with speaking up - I am always worried that if I do say something it will be misinterpreted, laughed at or come out as a pile of nonsense so I say nothing at all.

It is getting easier, albeit very slowly. I had what was probably the longest conversation to date witht the dentist after getting the broken tooth fixed and none of my worst fears were realised but I am still in a nervous state about how to speak to him next time round. The counsellor gave me a fact sheet explaining how to help someone who is having a flashback which she suggested I could email to the dentist ahead of the next appointment. Now on the surface of things this seems eminently sensible but then I start to overthink it and come up with a whole host of worst case scenarios and talk myself out of it.

I'm beginning to think this should be my new avatar

 

[Tink]

Oh yes I do that PLENTY, it seems that this is the root cause of my problem with speaking up - I am always worried that if I do say something it will be misinterpreted, laughed at or come out as a pile of nonsense so I say nothing at all.

It is getting easier, albeit very slowly. I had what was probably the longest conversation to date witht the dentist after getting the broken tooth fixed and none of my worst fears were realised but I am still in a nervous state about how to speak to him next time round. The counsellor gave me a fact sheet explaining how to help someone who is having a flashback which she suggested I could email to the dentist ahead of the next appointment. Now on the surface of things this seems eminently sensible but then I start to overthink it and come up with a whole host of worst case scenarios and talk myself out of it.

Think we all need that avatar!

Yes giving him that fact sheet is eminently sensible, you should definitely do that.


My friend and I were thinking of starting a freelance catastrophising business. Wanna join? You could be the Edinburgh branch.


You know it's bad when you realise your catastrophising has started coming true. Now there's a superpower you don't want

 

[The1701]

Yes giving him that fact sheet is eminently sensible, you should definitely do that.

And I will, but not until I have drafted a million alternative cover emails, fretted over each and every one of them and then be overwhelmed by a sense of impending doom the minute I hit send. It is genuinely a useful document and I really don't know why I'm so reluctant to send it on to him but yes you are right it would be best if I did.

My friend and I were thinking of starting a freelance catastrophising business. Wanna join? You could be the Edinburgh branch.

Oh if only there were money to be made in catastrophising - we would be minted!

You know it's bad when you realise your catastrophising has started coming true. Now there's a superpower you don't want

Indeed not, hope all is ok.

 

[Tink]

And I will, but not until I have drafted a million alternative cover emails, fretted over each and every one of them and then be overwhelmed by a sense of impending doom the minute I hit send. It is genuinely a useful document and I really don't know why I'm so reluctant to send it on to him but yes you are right it would be best if I did.

I know it's much easier said than done but don't overthink it! The factsheet is already written, that's where the useful content is, you don't actually need to say anything much in the email at all! Just something along the lines of "My counsellor gave me this factsheet and suggested that I email it to you as you may find it helpful." That's all you need!

Oh if only there were money to be made in catastrophising - we would be minted!

We could be risk assessors, or something in insurance. The sort of jobs where "what's the worst that could possibly happen?" is actually a useful question to answer

 

[The1701]

I know it's much easier said than done but don't overthink it! The factsheet is already written, that's where the useful content is, you don't actually need to say anything much in the email at all! Just something along the lines of "My counsellor gave me this factsheet and suggested that I email it to you as you may find it helpful." That's all you need!

Yes, I know but........ urgghh I don't know what's stopping me, apart from me being daft that is.

We could be risk assessors, or something in insurance. The sort of jobs where "what's the worst that could possibly happen?" is actually a useful question to answer

Oooooh yes or writers for new Dr Pepper adverts - we could come up with some pretty interesting "what's the worst that could happen" scenarios there

 

[The1701]

So clearly all this stress has made me lose me mind - I have agreed to do something utterly bonkers today.

My friend who is aware that I've been having a load of dental work done told me about her son's pal that is at college studying photography; it seems they are having an open studio thing on Friday night in conjunction with some students at the nearby Beauty College whereby they are going to do makeover photo shoots on members of the public and I have been "volunteered" by my lovely friend to have my hair and make up done and be photographed.

I really can't believe I agreed to doing this, I NEVER have my picture taken, I very much prefer to be the one taking the pictures and even worse than that I am going to be wearing a (gasp) frock for the occasion! I must be out of my tiny mind!

She pulled on my heart strings by telling me they hadn't had many volunteers and it would be really good as I could also give him photography tips (this is despite the fact I do wildlife/landscape photography not portraiture) and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

I have to admit that although I was reluctant at first I am actually warming to the idea now, it could, possibly be a laugh or perhaps I really am going bonkers.

 

[Tink]

Maybe, but it's a good sort of bonkers! Make sure you smile wide enough to show off your lovely new tooth

 

[The1701]

I'm beginning to think it might just be fun and I could do with a good laugh just now.

Will be interesting to see what they can do with my unruly barnet too, my friend tells me they will work miracles on it - here's hoping! At least my smile will be (almost) perfect.

 

[The1701]

Not a good day, both the counsellor and I were in tears at the end of today's appointment which made me feel worse.

Feel like eating my body weight in chocolate but then I think "best not or I'll get cavities"

Urghhhhh