• Welcome! This is a forum for anyone who is affected by a fear of the dentist, dental phobia, or specific dental fears.

    We are lucky to count a number of dentists among our members and moderators. Look out for the "Verified dentist" badges. If you are a dental professional who likes to help, please join our community!

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Hopeless

R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
Its been two years. Father died, mother died, wife left, dog died, leaving me with panic, depression, severe stomach and bowel problems and constant heart pounding.
I need four extractions and cannot even think of doing it. If i think of doing it, i get sick, heart pounds etc. I always hoped that in the last two years i could get a handle on the stomach, or the palpitations then do my teeth. But life has not cooperated. Two of the teeth are rotting just even with the gums, so that is not good. I would ask for a tooth faith healer, but ive lost my faith as well. Oh, dont want to be sedated either.
 
L

LittleLynnie

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2016
Messages
284
Location
Canada
Have you considered anti-depressives? They work for anxiety too.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
Have you considered anti-depressives? They work for anxiety too.
yes, most of those make me worse. im on doxepine now and think it may contribute to the palpitations. and ive been on benzos for two years. have tapered to 5mg valium per day, but it doesnt do much
 
Dg6300

Dg6300

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2017
Messages
634
Location
US
There is no tooth fairy, magically ready to make you feel better.

The good news is that have something better: a courageous friend who is going to walk by you, step by step. You.

You are in a difficult situation. That is for sure. Anxiety has pushed you around long enough, and you know it: that is why you posted. You know people get better here, and you have taken the first step. Well done!
 
R

Riff

Junior member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Fortress of solitude
You know I hate to be that person, but the other stuff sounds way worse than your teeth! Extractions are terrible but you have survived everything else right? It's not your fault your body is struggling, sometimes it happens, but your mind needs to stay strong in the meantime. Give yourself a break! Such a tough run and a long rut! You should definitely be doing little things to make yourself feel better. One of those little things can be to just take a deep breath. A real one. You got this! I tend to find that life never agrees with my idea of timing either. But I believe in you!
 
Enarete

Enarete

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Sep 18, 2017
Messages
3,070
I replied to your other thread before, now again really sorry to read what you have been through. It sounds like a lot of looss you have to deal with in very short time. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to deal with dental stuff if the rest of your mental and physical health is not ok..
Do you have a therapist or counsellor who is helping you with the depression and panic issues?
Do the teeth that need to get treated currently cause you pain? And is there any dental practice that you could imagine getting in touch with (just to talk / let them know about your situation, not talking about any treatment yet in this stage..)
 
Dr. Daniel

Dr. Daniel

Well-known member
Verified dentist
Joined
Nov 2, 2010
Messages
1,946
Location
The Hague , Holland
Hi,

Is it painful? Is it urgent to have the teeth extracted ASAP? If it is indeed so, I would suggest extracting only the problematic and painful teeth. The rest you can handle later.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
Hi,

Is it painful? Is it urgent to have the teeth extracted ASAP? If it is indeed so, I would suggest extracting only the problematic and painful teeth. The rest you can handle later.
They hurt on occasion like cavities, but the ones that are rotted at the gum line scare me. That was my original intention, improve the gut and palps and then tackle the teeth. But its been a long time and that hasnt worked. As far as the mind, relationship, i dont know that will ever end. My wife and I were close since high school now after being married for over 30 years, she doesnt want anything to do with me. So in my mind, im always thinking of that, whats wrong with my digestion, my teeth. Constant worry, and i know its hard if not impossible to heal that way. Thanks for the replies. Are you a dentist by the way?
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
There is no tooth fairy, magically ready to make you feel better.

The good news is that have something better: a courageous friend who is going to walk by you, step by step. You.

You are in a difficult situation. That is for sure. Anxiety has pushed you around long enough, and you know it: that is why you posted. You know people get better here, and you have taken the first step. Well done!
That friend can work against you. thanks.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
About finding the right dentist. Ive seen over and over in here about the importance of finding the right dentist. That is a tough job in my area of NY. I had one extraction about a year ago from a periodontist. He explained that his uncle was a dentist and a nasty man and that is why he decided to go into the field. I must say, he did a great job extracting by mucho novacaine, and sawing the tooth in half and vibrating the roots free. i had taken a lot of valium and it went ok. next appt. i was sick to my stomach, his secretary told me it was no work, just a follow up. I sit in the chair and they start prepping me. He comes over and says, you dont want me to remove the other tooth? I told him i didnt know, that i was sick to my stomach and i was told it was just a follow up. So then he gets disgusted. throws his tools on the platter and tells me to go get my emotional problems fixed before i come back, and leaves the office obviously pissed. Thats just one of many, and in my area many dentists advertise "we cater to cowards" which really should be, "we want the money from all you cowards". How does one go about finding someone that actually is sympathetic. and a good oral surgeon as well.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
You know I hate to be that person, but the other stuff sounds way worse than your teeth! Extractions are terrible but you have survived everything else right? It's not your fault your body is struggling, sometimes it happens, but your mind needs to stay strong in the meantime. Give yourself a break! Such a tough run and a long rut! You should definitely be doing little things to make yourself feel better. One of those little things can be to just take a deep breath. A real one. You got this! I tend to find that life never agrees with my idea of timing either. But I believe in you!
Unfortunately, its all connected. Im afraid the teeth will lead to infection, brain infection, hospital or death. Too many worries.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
Another thing about me. For whatever reason, ive always had a dental phobia. I think its a practical phobia in comparison to say spiders, which i see on occasion and never bother anyone. I will never be a good dental patient. Aside from this bad stomach thing i have going on now, ive always had stomach issues. That does not sit well with someone putting their fingers and tools in your mouth. Its invasive, theres no way around that. My other problem is with the duration. i do get injections on a regular basis including my stomach. Many people freak out over this, to me its nothing. Why? Because its over in a few seconds. But with dental procedures, that isnt the case, you must lay there for a half hour, an hour or more with things being put in your mouth.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 26, 2017
Messages
2,897
Location
Minneapolis, MN
Raymond,

You have been through so much physically and emotionally and really the emotional sure takes a toll on the physical as you know. Enarete mentioned the possibililty of therapy to help. I know that I personally go to therapy for anxiety and it has really helped me with the dental anxiety as well ALOT but just really for so much more. I highly encourage you to try if you have not and it is feasable. I'm sure there are programs to get affordable and sliding fee scale as well if you don't have insurance to cover this. REgarding finding a good dentist, I found a really good video from Dr Daniel who has answered you. I encourage you to check out the rest of his videos too, they are really good and compassionate. This is a really good start processing here .. You are resiliant even when you don't feel like it..

 
M

Mugz

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 21, 2014
Messages
1,050
Location
Anywhere but "The Chair"
Raymond, I’m very sorry to hear about the many losses you’ve endured. I had a similar experience with a string of family deaths and serious illnesses all the while neglecting my own dental issues which didn’t go away on their own, unfortunately.

All this to say, stress takes its toll on your body including teeth. I think stressful situations like the ones you’ve had for as long as you’ve had them also raises your stress level and keeps it elevated and then things like needing dental work (especially when you have a dental phobia) sends you into a panic. I have found talking to a therapist/grief counselor to be helpful. It isn’t a cure and I can’t say it’s been useful regarding dentistry but it helps keep the overall daily stress and grief “manageable” . Wishing you peace and strength.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
thank you and sorry for your tragedies as well. I do have a psychiatrist but he is pretty much all about the drugs. I did see one psychologist someone recommended but i cant say i got anything from it. Half the time i found i was repeating things for him and he did nothing like CBT or any of that stuff. As far as the dental stuff, i really dont think there is anything anyone can say. Perhaps if someone came to my home and did all the extractions while being massaged by numerous women telling me "there there" Youll be ok. Well that would be a nice start. Anyone know of such a service.
 
M

Mugz

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 21, 2014
Messages
1,050
Location
Anywhere but "The Chair"
Lol - no! Wish you luck, tho! Can’t say I’ve had any luck yet with therapy and dentistry either but I’ve had several months of EMDR in an attempt to help. May be worth looking into. I know how discouraging it all is. Wishing you success.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
Thanks Mugz. Like my title says, i dont think I will do anything until it becomes critical, and it will. I cant even think of it without getting pretty sick.
 
S

Shakinginmyboots

Member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
35
Location
New Jersey
I’m sorry to hear all you have been through. Years ago when I had my first real job I went to one of those we cater to cowards places. They really didn’t, they were a chain and you would get a different dentist each time. The last time I was there I was waiting to schedule appointment and other patients were complaining how this dentist said they needed all new fillings. I was told I need a few too. The receptionist said “ these are just suggestions. You don’t NEED to schedule.” She was basically saying get out of here and don’t come back! Lol. I just found a new dentist from friends and mostly a town facebook page. I think they seem great, first real work scheduled for Friday.
I do think it’s so important to tell them in your call or email how you are nervous and explain your situation and ask if they can help you. You need someone who has trained for patients like us. Good luck. No pressure, but you will be happy to have this checked off your list.
 
R

raymond

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
23
I’m sorry to hear all you have been through. Years ago when I had my first real job I went to one of those we cater to cowards places. They really didn’t, they were a chain and you would get a different dentist each time. The last time I was there I was waiting to schedule appointment and other patients were complaining how this dentist said they needed all new fillings. I was told I need a few too. The receptionist said “ these are just suggestions. You don’t NEED to schedule.” She was basically saying get out of here and don’t come back! Lol. I just found a new dentist from friends and mostly a town facebook page. I think they seem great, first real work scheduled for Friday.
I do think it’s so important to tell them in your call or email how you are nervous and explain your situation and ask if they can help you. You need someone who has trained for patients like us. Good luck. No pressure, but you will be happy to have this checked off your list.
yes, i think if someone was indeed sensitive to peoples phobias, they probably wouldnt advertise they cater to cowards. Thats a pretty awful phrase anyway. Why not "specializing in the anxious patient" or something like that. Its not like they need a catchphrase. America runs on Dunkin. Anyway, I wish i had just a few fillings to deal with rather than multiple extractions, but thats partly my fault. Good luck with your appointment.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
4 Support 15
M Support 3
L Support 57
A Support 4
S Support 2
Top