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How do I prevent passing on my dental fear to my kids?

J

jen2605

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2009
Messages
22
I have massive dental anxiety, and I always swore I wouldn't let my children see it, so that they wouldn't be scared of the dentist too. I really want them to feel comfortable going to the dentist every 6 months, and not to stress about it for weeks before, or need to take oral sedation just for a check up.

I have a two daughters, 8 and 6 years old, and a son who is 3. They've all gone to the dentist regularly since they were a year old and up until now have never seemed anxious. Now though, my 8 year old is saying she doesn't want to go to the dentist and she's scared (they have an appointment next week). I've tried to ask her why she is scared but she can't or won't tell me. I had an appointment recently and I'm worried she's picked up on my anxiety. My biggest concern is that I'm pretty sure she actually has her first cavity (honestly, probably more than one :cry:) because I can see some dark areas in her 6 year molars (which I feel awful about).

I don't really know what to do for the best. I'm getting anxious at the thought of her needing fillings, and having to try and hide that from her as well as my own anxiety about even taking them to the dentist. Any advice would really be appreciated... I feel like a terrible mum that my 8 year old has cavities - I swore this wouldn't happen.
 
Hi!
First of all, PLEASE do not blame yourself for your children's cavities. Almost everyone gets cavities and sometimes it is not at the fault of negligence or bad habits. Healthy diets and good oral hygiene are merely preventatives to slow down tooth decay but sometimes, the teeth decay anyway...just exposure to naturally occurring bacteria in the saliva mixed with exposure to food particles and air will cause a slow break down of our teeth-it's inevitable. I personally believe there are also natural variations in the pH levels of our mouths and the strength of the enamel on our teeth which make some people more or less prone to develop cavities. I know people with average diets and average oral hygiene who never see a dentist and return for a check up with no cavities after 15 years...I have a comparable diet to these people with impeccable oral hygiene yet I have a new cavity every 6 months no matter what I do :rolleyes:...it is what it is. The best thing you can do is catch it early and fill it so it does not cause larger problems later on.

Speaking as someone who was a dental-anxious child, I will tell you that at the age of 8 (and all through my teen years that I struggled with my fear) I did not want to tell anyone about my fear (especially my mother) out of embarrassment so I would try to hide my fear. Kids are also pretty intuitive and there's a chance she has sensed your fear/worry/anxiety and possibly noticed that you are trying to hide it which may be giving her the idea that fear is not an acceptable reaction so it is better to suppress it than to talk about it. I don't know if this is helpful advice or not but because she is the oldest of your 3 children, if you feel like you could constructively talk about your fears with her one-on-one it may make her more comfortable to share what she's afraid of with you. You could even frame it from her perspective "when I was your age, I would get nervous at the dentist because..." and that may open some dialogue. However (DISCLAIMER) IF you feel like that might head down a bad path and make her more fearful I wouldn't try it. ALSO her fear may have nothing to do with you at all, she could have heard something negative from a classmate/peer/friend or saw something on TV that scared her.

The most important factor here is your daughter's relationship with the dentist..this will make or break a dental-phobic. Does she see the same dentist every time? is she comfortable with them?
 
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