• Welcome! This is a forum for anyone who is affected by a fear of the dentist, dental phobia, or specific dental fears.

    We are lucky to count a number of dentists among our members and moderators. Look out for the "Verified dentist" badges. If you are a dental professional who likes to help, please join our community!

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

how to deal when the dentist breaks the bad news

K

krystal

Junior member
Joined
Apr 5, 2006
Messages
17
hey again.. (sorry i was away, in montreal, doing way more fun things that worrying about going to see my dentist)

my dentist appointment is tomorrow at 12:45 pm....i think i can pretty much handle the exam since i'm getting some kind of gas sunstance sedation...i really want to be ok for at least this part... and everyone knows at the office that i'm really skittish so i'm treated well (and i don't have to wait in the waiting rom because it's not fair that i'm freaking out in front of other people ...the staff have been pretty good about letting me hang out in an empty room)

my biggest concern, enough that i can't eat cuz i'll throw up, is facing the situation when dr. copp comes into the room after the exam and the x-rays and has to tell me exactly how messed up my teeth are and then tell me the millions of fillings and extractions and other messed up stuff i'm going to need done.

i really don't think i can take going thru that again. he just walks in the room and 'breaks the news to you' because your teeth are still all messed up and you're going to need all this treatment and it's going to be terrifying and painful all over again.

i just don't think i can go thru that again. i really can't. but i don't know if i can just leave after the exam and xrays. that's what i want to do (as illogical as that sounds to everyone) just to avoid having to go thru any more treatment. i just don't want to know. i can't go thru that again. i really can't.

the staff can't make me stay, right?. i mean, i do have the right to refuse treatment even to the point where i don't even want to stay for the bad news?

does that make me an asshole if i just leave? i don't want to insult anyone. i just can't go thru this again, another set back with all this bad news he's going to tell me and the treatment i'm going to need and it's going to suck all over again.
 
M

melodyl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
391
Re: how to deal when the dentist breaks the bad ne

Um, I have a question. If you are not planning to stay around for any news of what's wrong with you, why do you need to keep this appointment.

I mean, you indicate the office staff knows about your phobia, Don't know if they are nice or not. but you indicate you don't want to hear what the dentist has to say and you don't want to know what treatment you will need.

So why even go? maybe someone will give you different advice but I'll tell you one thing.

To keep doing this is counterproductive. You need to find a guy who is compassionate, caring and will proceed at your pace. But you have convinced yourself that you can't hear any bad news or any news about treatment.

To me, this sounds like you are NOT ready to even go to a dentist. You should consider taking some kind of anti-anxiety meds before you even go to a dentist.

I've been there. I know exactly what you are dealing with.
But I had to go to the dentist because I had two broken teeth. it took me years. And when I finally found my "good guy", right here on these boards, well, he's worth his weight in gold.
I started a dialogue via email with him. And the staff could not be nicer. They catered to me because they knew how petrified I was.

Of course, nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do. No one can make you sit in that chair and listen to what needs to be done to your teeth.

I understand that you are absolutely not ready for this now.

But if you go there and do the exam and then leave, it might be a long time before you can go again and what happens if you do this and all you do is get examined. That would drive me nuts.

To me, the point of getting an examination (by the right person of course), is to find out what I need, what payment plan they will accept, and what treatment over what period of time, I can get the work done.

Maybe this dentist of yours is a very nice guy who will work with you? Why not find out. Don't set yourself up for a big let down.

Go when you are ready. to me, I took some xanax (only a bit) just to take the edge off my nervousness. Made all the difference.

you see, it's the fear of the unknown, the apprehension of stuff like "my god, what's he going to think of me, what will he say to me, what do I need done, is he going to yell at me because it's been so long".

That's what many of us fear before we even walk in the door.

I would never waste a dentists time by getting an examination if I knew that I would never go back.

i would simply not go until I was ready to go and at least get a dialogue started with this dentist.

Now this is only my opinion. I'm sure many others on these boards might differ with me. I'd love to hear their comments.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well. Hang in there. You'll make it. It took me 3 years to get my teeth done.

Sincerely,
melody
 
N

Nat

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 16, 2005
Messages
768
Re: how to deal when the dentist breaks the bad ne

Hiya , I guess I am going to second Mels comments, I wouldnt go to a dentist just to see what I needed to have done and then leave, I have done it before but I only left because he was a dentist I hadnt met before and wasnt happy with the way he treated me. I seeked out another and have now began work on my teeth, I didnt go for 8 or so years previous!

I think you should ask if they can offer you any sedation drugs to take before you go, and even during any treatment you may need. I never thought I would go to my first appointment, let alone turn up for future ones but i have done and its the best feeling in the world to know that your getting through it and having the work done that could be so desperately needed.

perhaps you should just go to this dentist and talk? I did that to make sure i was happy with him and his staff. That really helped me.

With the right dentist, and dental staff you will be able to do it, it takes time, trust and a lot of courage but you can do it! If your not happy at this surgery then change dentists, your well within your rights to do so. I wish you all the luck in the world today, keep us posted!  :XXLhug:
 
brit

brit

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Mar 23, 2006
Messages
6,963
Location
In My Dental Happy Place
Re: how to deal when the dentist breaks the bad ne

Hi krystal
Is it just that you already know this dentist and staff, have had treatment there before ........but now you are going back for a check up - you are worried there will still be stuff that needs doing and you can't face the news?

If so, I'd say go as you plan and take it from there - chances are if you were fixed up before, you'll need little to no treatment 6 months later?
Best wishes
Brit
 
K

krystal

Junior member
Joined
Apr 5, 2006
Messages
17
Re: how to deal when the dentist breaks the bad ne

i know, i'm sorry,  that was so irrational of me -- how come i'm more rational two hours from my appointment than yesterday, i think yesterday i was in complete panic mode and today i'm not so panic but i can't keep myself from crying.

i called my best friend up last minute to see if he can come with me today. i know he's probably a bit annoyed that i'm so freaked out because he says "he just doesn't understand it". i'm going to call him back now to find out his answer.

i don't know. i just hate this. i hate it. my mind just freaks out because i'm so scared and i can't even think straight and then after i panic i just seem to shut down completely.

i don't want to freak out in the dental office because that really isn't fair to my dentist since he's not the villian and he's been supportive the last time i showed up (it didn't go so well, again, my fault for going crazy from fear) but then i'm completely useless when i shut down. i guess shutting down is the only way my body/mind knows how to cope.

the staff said on the phone they could give me some kind of gas to settle me down during the oral exam, so i think i will choose that. and i don't have a choice (because it's so rude to just bolt) but to wait for the dentist to come into the room after my check up to inform me of what's messed up with my mouth this time. i just dread that, tho, because i know it's going to be such bad news and i don't want to have to go thru any more treatment. i really don't.  
 
brit

brit

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Mar 23, 2006
Messages
6,963
Location
In My Dental Happy Place
Re: how to deal when the dentist breaks the bad ne

Good luck - sounds like you would benefit from oral medication in advance too. There may not be any 'bad news'. If there is, you could have nitrous oxide (gas) for the treatment too,or even i/v sedation. You need to discuss all this with your dentist.
 
Top