I am so depressed and I am honestly close to suicide :( Please Help

[alansheerman]

Sorry about the title, I am not exaggerating I feel so depressed as few years ago I stopped caring about my body as was and still in deep depression. Got broken and a lot of missing teeth and bad teeth I feel so ashamed of myself I really do so I do hope no one judges me please I feel bad as it is.

I am so so scared of the dentist, mainly the device they use to widen your mouth, sorry don't know the tool but it scares the you know out of me. I hare pain and I have all kinds of fears, I even been praying recently to god wishing to die yes I feel that bad on how my mouth looks I really want to die.

I want it sorted as I don't want to be like this anymore, not just that I can't enjoy food, when I talk I can't say the S words right and some people I feel make the fun out of me. Please don't judge me as even typing this I have tears in my eyes yeah grown man I know but I hate who I am and can't go on any longer I hate that I stopped caring and if I had a time machine I would go back in a instant. anyway sorry if this post is a little too much but honestly I am petrified.

 

[DDK]

Hi,

I understand depression as I myself have been there. No one here judges. This is a very supportive and caring group. The first step is the hardest is getting care for your teeth. I thought I had such horrible teeth. Avoided the dentist for a while. I promise that you dont have the worst teeth! There are many new ways to fix and repair teeth which allow you to have a better life.

If I may ask, what device are you referring to that makes your mouth wide open?

Please feel free to reach out at anytime to talk, vent, or even ramble..

 

[Tolkienista]

Totally agree with you DDK, you are in the right place for support and good advice from people who know exactly what you are going through in your dental issues. You can't turn back time, but you can face the future with support on this forum from others. Good luck on your dental journey, it will be worth it in the end.

 

[Enarete]

Hi alansheerman,

I'm so sorry to read how you feel The emotional pain and the shame you are struggling with right now must be agonizing to even bring you suicidal thoughts. As DDK and Tolkienista mentioned, nobody here will judge you. This place is meant to be a safe space for anyone to share their fears and life stories, worries and heavy emotions allowing all the thoughts to flow freely. I am glad you found us here and it was a courageous thing to write!

Not sure you knew, but depression goes along with lack of self care and lack of dental care. If even getting out of bed in the morning seems like an impossible thing at times, how can you keep any healthy habits? And that's not failure, that's a symptom. You haven't done anything wrong. Not back then and not now. It wasn't even a decision whether to care or not to. When it comes to your fear, many people dread the dentist to a point of desperation and everyone has something else that scares them. And whatever it is, it will be manageable. There are so many dentists who truly want to help and who will try hard to accomodate your needs and make yo ufeel comfortable. If there is any tool that you don't like, a supportive dentist will be happy to find a way around it. Would you like to write a bit about where this fear comes from?

You haven't mentioned, but I silently hope that you have a kind caring mental health professional to help you with the depression, because it's a tough condition. We have a good link about feeling depressed or suicidal here, if you wish some more input. And you probably have heart of The Samaritans. It's a bunch of lovely people that really care and want to help. They are on the phone 24/7 to listen to whatever bothers you and such a chat can really help. You can also email them if calling seems too difficult.

This was long, sorry for that.. I am so tempted to throw a lot of words and links on you because you don't deserve to suffer like this and particularly not because of teeth. If you take a look around, many people started from a state of absolute hopelessness and desperation, but there are always options to tackle things.

All the best wishes

 

[Tolkienista]

Well said Enarete, you are so right...... "It will be manageable" it's just having the courage to take that first step.

 

[alansheerman]

Hey again sorry for late reply thank you all means so much wasn't expecting this much support. Few weeks back I posted on reddit and wow the amount of hate I got on there. So I started googling for advice that is how I found this forum as I am desperate but I sound silly when I say I am scared but honestly I am.

The device I mean DDK not sure what it's called I did a google search and according to google its called a gag not sure if that is the right name for it. But yeah that night I wrote on this forum I was kinda reaching out and not sure what to say to those who responded but thank you to each and every one of you. Just shows that even some strangers on the internet care, like I care a lot for others but when it comes to me I don't care to much.

Well, I do care and I don't sorry if this all doesn't make sense my heads all over. I am trying to find the right word for it. I use to take care of myself a lot and many years a go my depression started and I seemed to let myself go. Mainly my teeth which I regret I never use to be religious or anything but since my teeth got worse and dreading even thinking about a dentist but now I found myself praying every night pleading for help, yeah I know I have to help myself but the idea of a dentist brings my anxiety levels up very high. Not just the device I mentioned but pain I have a high anxiety around pain.

Yeah, I know no one likes pain, even though some of the rare people seem to love pain. But I literally think about it all the time mainly the dentist and around my teeth. I know I need it sorting I really need it. But I am petrified sounds stupid I know I am 38 years old and scared. That is why I was scared to post on forum as didn't want to people telling me I am a baby or I should look after myself.

Yeah, I agree I should have looked after myself but like I said at the time I just stopped caring about myself. I care for others and recently looking in the mirror and I just broke down and thought "What the hell of I done to myself".

Sorry this is long but like I say many years ago I didn't look after myself and only just seeing the damage now I am scared and don't know what to do. Well, I know what to do I need seeing to but you get what I mean like with the feelings I have not sure how I go about it.

I was even telling myself, "well, I hate dentists and scared of them, what about going under anaesthetic. Sounded good as I would be asleep and seen few people done this but even that sounds better than been awake through the whole process but even thinking about it being put under scares me a little but could that be an option and would it be safe?

I sound pathetic I know but I have that much anxiety building up just wanting to finally fix this once and for all. Like I said previously I have been getting the suicidal thoughts. That is one thing I don't want to do is end my life but the thought is there. Anyway thank you to anyone who as read all of this means so much.

 

[Tolkienista]

Ah bless you Alan.....you've really been through it with your teeth and your fear of having treatment and I'm so sorry to hear of your bad experience when you posted on Reddit. You are definitely in the right place for encouragement and advice. I can't really give advice, because I'm in a good place with my teeth, only because I bit the bullet and have regular appointments with my periodontist to treat my gum problems. I don't enjoy my visits and I'm always really anxious leading up to them, but I know the alternative could be severe and mean losing my teeth, so I just go.

Anyway I'm glad you are on here and you will have many many people waiting to hear your success story when it eventually happens. Stay strong and stay true to yourself, you are better than the detractors on Reddit, they are ignorant and lack compassion.

All the best.......

 

[TKB1974]

I just wanted to reach out & let you know I’m thinking of you, Alan. You’re definitely in the right place for support without judgement. We’ve all been (to some degree) where you are right now. I was absolutely petrified of the dentist. Even thinking about having to go would make me feel physically ill. I avoided the dentist for 10+ years & I only went back because an extreme toothache + infection made me decide I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be out of pain and I was ready to face my fear. Long story short, it wasn’t even 1/100th as bad as I was anticipating! I made 7 visits to the dentist/endodontist over the course of about 5 weeks! Yup, no visits in 10+ years to 7 visits in about a month. You know what else? All that anyone wanted to do was get me out of pain & on the road to better dental health. The giant “issues” that I’d created in my head were just that- creations in my head! Yes, I needed work done, but it was all tolerable. I was never in pain (my worst fear was pain/not getting numb). I voiced all of these concerns to my dentists & they took me seriously. If you feel that IV sedation would help you on your road to recovery, by all means, please find a dentist who offers this service. You deserve to feel better and you deserve kind and compassionate care. Wishing you the very best.

 

[Enarete]

So sorry to read about the reactions on reddit - that surely did a damage and you already have felt bad before. Did you know, that about a half of people has some anxiety about the dentist and about 10% are not able to see a dentist at all, because they are petrified? There is nothing silly about fearing the dentist and it certainly is not about being a baby. Dentists in the past were awful and so many people were left with truly traumatic experiences.

It seems to me that you are having all kinds of thoughts right now and while you feel somewhat a pressure to get it sorted, you don't know how, and your anxiety makes it all seem impossible. I was wondering how long have you been feeling like this? Did anything particular happen lately, or has this been on your mind for longer?

When we think of conquering something really huge, we tend to imagine the whole thing and it can seem really overwhelming. It's better to take things one step at a time instead. Right now, you don't need to know whether you would prefer to be put to sleep or have anything done otherwise. Right now, actually, you don't need to know much.. you only need to know that there is help. Once you are ready to start looking for options to conquer this, you can start with small steps. Looking up pages of dental practices is a step. Thinking about your fears is one as well.. there are so many steps that can be taken before you even get in touch with the practice. It's ok that things look overwhelming right now. And I know this looks urgent, but you still don't have to figure it out today. Suicidal thoughts are a scary place to be and I bet you would prefer to find a way to solve your situation rather than taking your life and I am convinced that there are options. I wished you could step back for a moment and allow yourself to breathe and settle a little bit.. these days must be exhausting for you. Do you have a supportive friend or family member to talk to?

Oh and by the way, feel free to write here as much as you like. No post is too long. Some people even find it helpful to start a journal to vent and let all the thoughts out.. about their fears, about their worries, about past experiences.. anything. If this looks like something you would like to try, you can find the journal section here. If not, it's ok too.