I am such a coward and so ashamed of myself

[dentalbaby]

A few months back I found this forum and after reading through some of the stories I finally mustered up the courage to make an appointment with a dentist after about 12 years.

I was paralyzed with fear leading up to the appointment, but somehow I went in and got it over with. It didn't go horrible, but it certainly didnt go great either (to be expected after hiding for 12 years lol). No extractions, no root canals, but a ton of cavities, some slight bone loss, and my gums were in pretty rough shape (I think most of my pockets were 4s, 5s, or 6s).

We set up an appointment to go back in a few weeks for a "gross debridement", to be followed by SRP, then fillings etc.

This is where I dropped the ball:

Naturally, I started reading all about these procedures, about how teeth came loose after debridement, how some people STILL cannot get numb (this is what caused me to avoid the dentist in the first place, had a horrifying experience years ago), how sometimes SRP isn't even effective on patients with 5mm pockets, which would in turn would need some sort of horrifying flap surgery. Throw in the potential financial costs of all of this and I found myself completely overwhelmed.

Yes, I know this was 100% the wrong thing to do and I completely psyched myself out, but after reading all of this stuff online and judging by my dentist's reaction I came to the conclusion that it was probably a lost cause for me at this point so I cancelled the appointment and haven't talked to him since. I figured (ridiculously so) that since my teeth and gums seem like they are a lost cause I might as well be happy and super proactive with my home care.

I feel like such a failure. I was so proud that I made the first appointment and then just mortified at the prospect about things being too late for me that I up and cancelled and I cant even bring myself to pick up the phone out of fear. I know I will have to go back at some point but I am so disappointed in myself.

 

[Sevena]

Googling is the worst enemy for people with anxiety!

Please don't be ashamed of yourself. You did go to the dentist, despite your fear, and that was really brave. So you had a set-back afterwards, so do most of us when we're trying to overcome something that really scares us. It's really normal. You're being way too hard on yourself. About 7 years ago, I had a treatment plan set up with a really lovely dentist, and I stopped going. I just lost my nerve. I was disappointed too, but a few years later I managed to go back and get sorted.

Don't beat yourself up just because you're struggling. You'll be okay.

 

[elizv]

I'm so sorry. I agree with the above poster. Don't google. Honestly I think you are in pretty good shape! It doesn't sound like you need that much work. I think you should be incredibly proud of yourself for going! You can do this. I promise.

It sounds like this second appointment is going to be difficult for you but I bet it will get better after that. Can you bring a friend along?

Please dont be ashamed of yourself. There's not a single person on the planet that is 100% percent perfect. You just need a bit of work and you'll be so happy you went and got it over with.

Take care.

 

[Thephilsblogbar]

Try not to Google. Even though I go regularly to the dentist I am ashmed of my teeth had a bit of work done over the years, got a difficult mouth to keep clean, teeth awkard etc, my dentist says I am in control and she takes her time with me.

 

[dentalbaby]

Thank you all for your posts and support. Seriously, you have no idea how comforting this site is and what a tremendous resource it is.

I have a trip for work scheduled for next week and I have decided to suck it up and go back the week I return from the trip. I'm terrified. Not so much of the procedures (to anyone reading this ... DO NOT GOOGLE THEM), but just of the fear that its too late for me, that the gum disease has progressed too far, the idea that my teeth are a lost cause. However, I keep thinking of the success stories on this site, and remind myself that if I want my own success story it will have to start with that first step, even if I am terrified I'll have loose teeth after a deep cleaning lol.

Thanks again all