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I feel like this will just continue to ruin my life

M

McHobbit

Member
Joined
May 23, 2013
Messages
81
Went to the emergency dentist because the area above my front teeth started swelling and hurt. I had x-rays, she checked all of the teeth. They all do react to cold and are alive, so basically she doesn't know what is wrong. Now I'm on eight days of antibiotics and the dentist didn't even know what was going on there other than "maybe it's one of your teeth dying, but they all react to cold so that's very strange". And I'm supposed to call "my dentist" on Monday. The last dentist I went to I saw ONCE and he's pretty far from my house. I don't have a "my dentist" because I feel like I tried everyone and their cousin in my area. Some don't know what in the world they're doing and others wouldn't bother with a patient like me. The shots always hurt like hell, even with numbing cream (blood tests and medical injections don't bother me). Of course I have another cavity in my front tooth, too. Like this wasn't enough already.

I ate a banana yesterday and it was torture. Now I have to eat baby food and ice cream three times a day because you have to eat before the antibiotics and dairy is not allowed.

Just before, I made all these plans for June. To study more French so I can go to France for my birthday in the fall, to go places with friend, spend a lot of time outside, to finish projects and books and start decluttering projects. Now I'm here thinking of a story to tell all of my friends so they'll leave me alone and getting ready to return library books and cancel all kinds of things.

I'm normally a very happy person, but whenever something dentist related comes up I turn into this person I hate. I feel so miserable that I get these feelings of hatred for anyone or anything happy. I cannot focus on anything. Even "time wasting" activities like TV, facebook and video games annoy me too much to do them just so time passes. I can sleep, surprisingly, but that's about all. I've tried medication in the past and somehow it doesn't work for me. Once I had sleeping pills that just gave me bad dreams, benzos to go to the dentist seemed to make me even worse or just too stupid to understand anything.

Everyone just says "Well, get on some medication" or "Well, then do something so you'll forget about it". I was out shopping for the baby food and just being in there, among people, for ten minutes or so...I couldn't wait to get out and back home. I cannot drive to a dentist's office once again I'll be wasting somebody elses time because I'm not normal like everyone else. Nobody understand how this and the freaking cavity are going to ruin weeks of my life, all of June if not more depending on how long this drags out. I love the summer so wasting all of these lovely weeks makes me so sad.

Once every year or every year and a half or whatnot, this happens and it makes me feel like it just isn't worth it. I want my life back and it feels like as long as I'll have teeth, I can't. I just want to be myself again.

I don't even know if any of this is coherent. I'm sorry, I just don't know where else to go. Nobody in my real life understands what it's like for me.
 
I'm sure you already know this but I'm afraid there is only one solution which is to find a dentist you like and trust and who is technically competent enough to help you with dental issues whenever they blow up. However at least you were able to see an emergency dentist - did you like them - could you become their patient at their normal place of work? It could well be that a tooth is dying so asking around for a good endodontist might be a better bet.
Read more here:
https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/help/find-a-dentist/
https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/

https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/faq/root-canal/
 
I liked the emergency dentist, but they said that they don't take emergency patients as regular patients, whichever that means. I didn't ask if that simply means they will not take you on as a patient if you ask right then or they won't take you if you have ever been an emergency patient. The assistant did say that they were full anyway.

I swear, I end up with another dentist constantly for whatever reason. I even went to two who said they treat "phobic" patients and yet it didn't work out with them. One was really nice but not a good dentist, if that makes sense. Some I dislike right off the bat and then I don't go back. I've immediately disliked someone everyone said is great, so I'm starting to feel like it's just me.

The last one was nice and good at his job, but the shot hurt (they always do for me, though) and I was pretty high from the gas. While it was better than being fully conscious, I did dislike the high feelings. That was in late 2016 and I haven't been back for checkups because knowing I have a dentist appointment spoils the time until that appointment. I didn't want to spend weeks or months obsessing over that, especially since you wait forever for checkup appointments anyway. He's also far from my house so I'd always need someone to take me but the thing is, I've been through most that are closer and can be reached without a car and they didn't work out.
 
Sorry to hear this, it sounds like you have tried really hard to see a dentist that things would work out with and nothing helps. Shots are a huge one and it is possible to have them painless if the dentist has a good technique.

Here on the forum we all understand how a freaking cavity can can ruin weeks of one's life, you are not weird.

I wished I could give you any other advice than Brit already did: to keep looking and trying, there must be a kind caring dentist with the ability to give painless shots.. Have you had a look at the recommendation section?

All the best wishes and hang on there.
 
McHobbit
Are you in USA (you said dental office) or UK (Emergency dentist who won't let you continue seeing them)?

As there is no immediate action which can be taken with your tooth according to the emergency dentist, perhaps you can go down the 'new patient/cleaning' route to find a dentist you actually like long-term for when it does finally flare up and getting your teeth cleaned will be good fr them in any event..if last time was 2016.

Painless injections are possible but if nitrous (probably not UK) is available and the rest works for you, maybe you could compromise on that at the moment, although if you keep trying it should be possible to find a dentist with painless techniques. A 'fee for service' one (if USA) is more likely to offer this: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/needle-phobia/
 
Hey McHobbit - nice name by the way.

What you wrote really resonated with me, particularly the bit at the end about always having teeth and therefore always have your life taken away from you. And it's true they're all little bitches of pieces of bone in yer gob demanding extra attention all the time, like why can't they just be like organs or something and leave us alone, right?? Why do they have to act up so much??

It sounds like you're really low at the moment and I just want to say it will pass. I know that's easy for me to say but take it from someone whose life was taken over by teeth too, there is more to life than teeth. But you can't know that until you go through these things. Only when you've done everything, every tooth related thing that needs to be done, can you get used to it. Or at least that's the case with me, it seems.

Please don't let teeth ruin your lovely summer. Allow yourself to feel bad; you have the right to and if you want to take the opportunity to be angry and upset just go for it. But after half an hour, an hour, time's up. Start going on, playing video games, meeting up with friends, decluttering. Even if you don't feel like it.

The thing is with teeth things is they will be fixed, eventually, it's just getting there. I guarantee you this isn't going to be some mystery tooth thingy that they have no idea what to do with. You'll go to a dentist and they'll be like 'oh yeah, there you go, that's what that is' and it'll be fine.

Something needs to be done about that pain though. I don't quite understand - are you on antibis at the moment? They should help with the pain. Otherwise, go to your doc and ask for something stronger.

You're doing wonderfully. Just hang on in there and it will pass.

HM

:bear:
 
McHobbit
Are you in USA (you said dental office) or UK (Emergency dentist who won't let you continue seeing them)?

As there is no immediate action which can be taken with your tooth according to the emergency dentist, perhaps you can go down the 'new patient/cleaning' route to find a dentist you actually like long-term for when it does finally flare up and getting your teeth cleaned will be good fr them in any event..if last time was 2016.

Painless injections are possible but if nitrous (probably not UK) is available and the rest works for you, maybe you could compromise on that at the moment, although if you keep trying it should be possible to find a dentist with painless techniques. A 'fee for service' one (if USA) is more likely to offer this: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/needle-phobia/

Neither UK nor US, actually. I have an American father and was raised bilingually and hence picked up some of that vernacular. Sorry for the confusion, I know I'm hard to pin down.

I traveled quite a bit for the nitrous (definitely NOT common) and this is the only person within this region at least, who does nitrous as far as I know. Some dentists never even heard of it. The government has paid for a general because I had a doctor's note but they won't pay for the nitrous. I'm tempted to go the dental hospital/general route again, as I have done before. I wouldn't even know the wand exists if I hadn't read about it here. Now THAT would be something. These injections are hideous.
 
I wouldn't even know the wand exists if I hadn't read about it here. Now THAT would be something. These injections are hideous.
The Wand is actually pretty uncommon in the UK but many dentists use simple techniques to minimise/eliminate discomfort. My main point is that painless local anaesthetic delivery is best achieved by slow delivery of the actual fluid. The opposite of what you think you would want. It could be that if you tell a dentist you hate injections and want it over quickly that you are getting their worst version possible.
 
As brit said, whether the delivery of local anaesthetic is comfortable or not can be very much technique-dependent. I have no idea where you are, and you've probably tried asking around for recommendations for a painless dentist, but I'd keep asking and searching - injections really shouldn't be this hideous. We've got a page on this topic here: Fear of Painful Injections / Needle Phobia

Slightly off-topic, but there's some great news on the Wand front - the Wand has a new distributor in the UK (Dental Sky), and they're making a huge effort to promote it, with courses all over the UK and Ireland. So we may see a lot more dentists offering the Wand in the not-too-distant future :)!
 
I don’t have any advice, but certainly send encouragement.

I think you’re going to be okay. You’re going to make it.
 
Hey McHobbit - nice name by the way.

Something needs to be done about that pain though. I don't quite understand - are you on antibis at the moment? They should help with the pain. Otherwise, go to your doc and ask for something stronger.

Yes, the emergency dentist put me on antibiotics. They did take a bit to kick in but now they definitely did.

Called the nitrous dentist on Monday and they said I can come today or on the June 20. Guess which I chose?

I'm terrified of what they will say and how much time will be ruined by waiting for appointments and a swollen mouth in the middle of summer, when you can't hide anything with scarfs and heavy clothes.
 
Yes, the emergency dentist put me on antibiotics. They did take a bit to kick in but now they definitely did.

Called the nitrous dentist on Monday and they said I can come today or on the June 20. Guess which I chose?

I'm terrified of what they will say and how much time will be ruined by waiting for appointments and a swollen mouth in the middle of summer, when you can't hide anything with scarfs and heavy clothes.

I actually don't know which you chose. Maybe it would have been better to have gone for the same day appointment? Hopefully the antibis will help reduce the swelling. In the meantime please try and enjoy the summer. If you don't feel comfortable going outside, do something fun inside :) like videogames!
 
I actually don't know which you chose. Maybe it would have been better to have gone for the same day appointment? Hopefully the antibis will help reduce the swelling. In the meantime please try and enjoy the summer. If you don't feel comfortable going outside, do something fun inside :) like videogames!

I did take the appointment today. Now THIS dentist said that it looks like a canker sore that got infected and the cavity should only be "observed" and likely won't get bigger with good nutrition and cleaning. I can't say that I'm convinced. Not the first time one dentist said one thing and the next another.

Now, I want your opinions on this because I'm not sure if I'm overreacting again. I was already feeling sick and when the dentist entered and looked at the x-ray. My breathing got erratic when he moved the chair back. The assistant asked if I wanted a cloth with cold water, this is fine and good. But the moment it was handed to me both she and the dentist tried to get me to lay down in the chair. Both had their hands on me. This keeps bothering me now. I wanted a minute to get my breathing under control and to cool down a bit, which is hard when two people keep repeating variations of "try to lay down in the chair". Is it unreasonable for me to think that they should have given me a minute without me verbally having to say so? I just really didn't like that.
 
McHobbit,

I am so sorry to read how your appointment went (have seen the other post you have written, with the detailed description). This is just crazy and not like a dental visit should work, they basically didn't respond to your basic needs at all. Not giving you a breather when you need one is a no-no. On one hand, it is much easier for a dentist to actually hear what you need, on the other hand there are some basics that obviously didn't work there, like trying to lay you down.

Please never ever go back there and if you can, complain. And if I were you, I wouldn't believe anyone who ignored me hyperventilating and tried to hold me in the chair. I understand that you might not have too much of choice when it comes to a dentist, but this is unacceptable, no matter where you live. Did the practice know that you are nervous and what your fears are?

All the best wishes, recover soon and hang on there..
 
McHobbit,

I am so sorry to read how your appointment went (have seen the other post you have written, with the detailed description). This is just crazy and not like a dental visit should work, they basically didn't respond to your basic needs at all. Not giving you a breather when you need one is a no-no. On one hand, it is much easier for a dentist to actually hear what you need, on the other hand there are some basics that obviously didn't work there, like trying to lay you down.

Please never ever go back there and if you can, complain. And if I were you, I wouldn't believe anyone who ignored me hyperventilating and tried to hold me in the chair. I understand that you might not have too much of choice when it comes to a dentist, but this is unacceptable, no matter where you live. Did the practice know that you are nervous and what your fears are?

All the best wishes, recover soon and hang on there..

I'm glad you said this because I keep second guessing myself. As in, was it really that bad? Do I just exaggerate everything again? It definitely left a bad taste in my mouth. One more second and I would have lashed out and hit somebody.

Yes, they knew. I went to them specifically for the nitrous and did say that it was because of my severe anxiety. As far as dentist go, this wasn't my worst experience unfortunately, but I cannot stop thinking about it. I don't think I COULD go back there but I don't know where to go anymore because it's not the only place I can't go back to. I went to one dentist a lot of people say is great and I couldn't stand him. We immediately just didn't click. They say they work with 'anxious' patients but again, you come, get put in the chair and bibbed.

Last time, I brought fresh, high resolution x-rays from elsewhere and took a sedative pill before I even went there. I'm hazy on the details but I remember the nitrous being brought in pretty quickly. I do remember that the shot was still hideous but then the nitrous took over because I kept inhaling as much as I could...I left high though. It seemed "good" then because of what I dealt with before, but as soon as I knew that I had to go back I started thinking of everything I really didn't like--the painful shot, how high I was, that the nitrous didn't seem to have kicked in yet for the shot... This time was definitely worse. They gave me an extra long appointment, too. I wonder why if they'll just rush me anyway.

I have to admit that if they will still see ME, I always stay with dentists I'm not happy with because seeing a new one is so scary, also. Out of every one, I liked the emergency dentist the most but they won't take me on as a patient:cry:. She actually explained what she was doing and I was calmer than I normally would be at the dentist's. The only other place I was pleased with is the dental hospital, but they will only see you for extractions or major work. They normally don't even DO fillings but did it for me with an extraction last time. They did a general, and it was heaven.
 
I did take the appointment today. Now THIS dentist said that it looks like a canker sore that got infected and the cavity should only be "observed" and likely won't get bigger with good nutrition and cleaning. I can't say that I'm convinced. Not the first time one dentist said one thing and the next another.

Now, I want your opinions on this because I'm not sure if I'm overreacting again. I was already feeling sick and when the dentist entered and looked at the x-ray. My breathing got erratic when he moved the chair back. The assistant asked if I wanted a cloth with cold water, this is fine and good. But the moment it was handed to me both she and the dentist tried to get me to lay down in the chair. Both had their hands on me. This keeps bothering me now. I wanted a minute to get my breathing under control and to cool down a bit, which is hard when two people keep repeating variations of "try to lay down in the chair". Is it unreasonable for me to think that they should have given me a minute without me verbally having to say so? I just really didn't like that.

You just have to trust them, McHobbit. Try and follow their advice and hope for the best outcome - you have no reason not to believe this dentist actually knows his stuff and told you the right advice and that it IS actually an infected canker sore (ouch, that sounds painful - sorry, man).

Oh my gosh that sounds so horrible, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sounded like you were having some kind of anxiety episode maybe? That's so horrible to have experienced, but the main thing was you made it to the other side. You DID IT. That's brave. That's super brave and super strong. They shouldn't have been so forceful with you, if they could see you were anxious they should have given you an extra minute. That's bad on their half, they should have been more considerate.

That being said, maybe next time a small verbal indicator would have been good - 'hold on, can you give me a minute?' or 'i just need to catch my breath' are both good things to say. It's important to communicate with your dentist - it could be that they were being inconsiderate - and maybe rushed, which is why they wanted you to lay down in the chair - but it could also be that they genuinely didn't know you were so anxious and needed a minute. I don't know. All I know is, you're doing great and for next time maybe be just a little bit more communicative with your dentist. Now, if you do say 'can you gimme a minute' and they say no, or still push you down into the chair, THEN that's a bitch of a thing to do and they would DEFINITELY be in the wrong. That's what happened to me. Told the dentist 'please be gentle with me' and she wasn't. Bitch. Anyway. Those are my thoughts.

bear hugs! :bear:
 
You just have to trust them, McHobbit. Try and follow their advice and hope for the best outcome - you have no reason not to believe this dentist actually knows his stuff and told you the right advice and that it IS actually an infected canker sore (ouch, that sounds painful - sorry, man).

Oh my gosh that sounds so horrible, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sounded like you were having some kind of anxiety episode maybe? That's so horrible to have experienced, but the main thing was you made it to the other side. You DID IT. That's brave. That's super brave and super strong. They shouldn't have been so forceful with you, if they could see you were anxious they should have given you an extra minute. That's bad on their half, they should have been more considerate.

That being said, maybe next time a small verbal indicator would have been good - 'hold on, can you give me a minute?' or 'i just need to catch my breath' are both good things to say. It's important to communicate with your dentist - it could be that they were being inconsiderate - and maybe rushed, which is why they wanted you to lay down in the chair - but it could also be that they genuinely didn't know you were so anxious and needed a minute. I don't know. All I know is, you're doing great and for next time maybe be just a little bit more communicative with your dentist. Now, if you do say 'can you gimme a minute' and they say no, or still push you down into the chair, THEN that's a bitch of a thing to do and they would DEFINITELY be in the wrong. That's what happened to me. Told the dentist 'please be gentle with me' and she wasn't. Bitch. Anyway. Those are my thoughts.

bear hugs! :bear:

I've been told so many conflicting things by dentists before that I don't know when to trust and when not to anymore. The swelling is going down and it's getting better so maybe it really is that. I really hope so.

I do tend to hyperventilate in the chair sometimes, especially when it's too far down for me. Some dentists really have you almost flat on your back...better than the US position of head all the way down and feet in the air, but still difficult to deal with.

The problem with communication is that when I get like this, things will come out too harsh or too loud and I've been kicked out of offices for that. So I started saying nothing when I get like that.

Off topic but I love the bear hugs and the bear in your sig. After the dentist, I was upset and didn't want to brave that long way home yet so I went into a store. There, I saw the most adorable teddy bear with super soft fur that's a blend of browns, gray and white. He went home with me because bears ARE the freakin' best.
 
I've been told so many conflicting things by dentists before that I don't know when to trust and when not to anymore. The swelling is going down and it's getting better so maybe it really is that. I really hope so.

I do tend to hyperventilate in the chair sometimes, especially when it's too far down for me. Some dentists really have you almost flat on your back...better than the US position of head all the way down and feet in the air, but still difficult to deal with.

The problem with communication is that when I get like this, things will come out too harsh or too loud and I've been kicked out of offices for that. So I started saying nothing when I get like that.

Off topic but I love the bear hugs and the bear in your sig. After the dentist, I was upset and didn't want to brave that long way home yet so I went into a store. There, I saw the most adorable teddy bear with super soft fur that's a blend of browns, gray and white. He went home with me because bears ARE the freakin' best.

You just have to go with their advice I think. If the swelling is improving, great! Just go with it and hope their advice is sound.

Can you do some breathing exercises to help you out with the hyperventilating? There's loads of cool meditation apps, I've found the best one is called Headspace, look it up.

With the communication then, in that case, settle on a signal between you and your dentist - like raising a hand - that means the same as 'gimme a minute to catch my breath' , that way you won't have to talk to them. Or warn them in advance - say, 'I might sound loud or too harsh but I don't mean it, I'm just afraid.' Alternatively, bring a friend with you who knows you and can possibly speak for you if things get a bit much. There are lots of alternatives and things you can do. The main thing is to be clear and honest with your dentist from the start and not let things escalate to how they did. The thing with anxiety is to try and nip it in the bud when you can.

Are you still planning on taking charge of your summer - going for things and not worrying about your teeth? Are you feeling better about it now? Now that the swelling has gone down maybe you have the confidence to go outside and see friends and start enjoying your summer? What have you got planned?

OMG so great to have found a fellow bear admirer! Haha. I have eight small bears who I love, they all have their own names and personalities and everything. Maybe bring in a bear with you next time you go to the dentist - it may comfort you :)

:bear::bear:

P.S have you given your new bear a name?
 
You just have to go with their advice I think. If the swelling is improving, great! Just go with it and hope their advice is sound.

Can you do some breathing exercises to help you out with the hyperventilating? There's loads of cool meditation apps, I've found the best one is called Headspace, look it up.

With the communication then, in that case, settle on a signal between you and your dentist - like raising a hand - that means the same as 'gimme a minute to catch my breath' , that way you won't have to talk to them. Or warn them in advance - say, 'I might sound loud or too harsh but I don't mean it, I'm just afraid.' Alternatively, bring a friend with you who knows you and can possibly speak for you if things get a bit much. There are lots of alternatives and things you can do. The main thing is to be clear and honest with your dentist from the start and not let things escalate to how they did. The thing with anxiety is to try and nip it in the bud when you can.

Are you still planning on taking charge of your summer - going for things and not worrying about your teeth? Are you feeling better about it now? Now that the swelling has gone down maybe you have the confidence to go outside and see friends and start enjoying your summer? What have you got planned?

OMG so great to have found a fellow bear admirer! Haha. I have eight small bears who I love, they all have their own names and personalities and everything. Maybe bring in a bear with you next time you go to the dentist - it may comfort you :)

:bear::bear:

P.S have you given your new bear a name?

That's a good idea, actually. Not just for the dentist but also for me to relax and stop THINKING of the dentist now.

I always bring someone with me because I don't trust myself to get there and back safely, but they always wait in the waiting room. Maybe I should insist that they come in with me in the future.

My plan is to possibly just take the whole summer or at least a few weeks off dentists. Hopefully that will work out.

His name is Bobby :). It was nice to cuddle him on the way back home. His personality needs a bit of time to develop still, but I'm sure that he'll be a nice little bear. I have a few other bears, as well. Three of them are really tiny/fit in your hand so they might be good to take along.
 
That's a good idea, actually. Not just for the dentist but also for me to relax and stop THINKING of the dentist now.

I always bring someone with me because I don't trust myself to get there and back safely, but they always wait in the waiting room. Maybe I should insist that they come in with me in the future.

My plan is to possibly just take the whole summer or at least a few weeks off dentists. Hopefully that will work out.

His name is Bobby :). It was nice to cuddle him on the way back home. His personality needs a bit of time to develop still, but I'm sure that he'll be a nice little bear. I have a few other bears, as well. Three of them are really tiny/fit in your hand so they might be good to take along.

Yep, having them in the treatment room with you may be a good idea. Ask them next time you go.

Oh, pocket sized bears! How sweet! I have one of those and he's one of my favourites, he's so small and cute! Bobby is a sweet name for a bear btw!

:bear::bear:
 
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