I have no idea what to do.

[Theblurredface]

TW this post got dark and slightly graphic and too long, I'm sorry.
I posted here a while ago and everyone was very nice and encouraging but it's been weeks since then and I'm still paralyzed with fear, unable to tell anyone that I'm in pain and need to see a dentist and I'm totally incapable of considering going to one. I feel like there is no possibility for me now, I've tried therapy, hypnotherapy, drugs, exposure therapy...
The only possible way I could ever get treatment now is by undergoing major sedation or even general anesthesia as sedatives haven't been enough for me in the past. If I got treatment my parents would have to finance it, I'm a young adult and I still depend on them, I'd be unconscious and the dentist might not be able to give me a mortifying lecture over the state of my mouth but my parents would be informed of everything if they were present and paying for it. I suspect they'd not be happy as they seem to have just forgotten for years and years about me and the dentist and not considered the possibility that my teeth are getting screwed up in the meantime particularly from the cavity I had diagnosed 6 years ago which didn't magically go away and now has had half my face feeling weird for months.

I can just about handle the theoretical idea of a dentist who I don't know personally seeing my teeth if they didn't judge me for it, but I can't cope with the idea of my family knowing the extent of the damage. I find it embarrassing and repulsive. It also feels like too much to pile on their plates at the moment, there are people in my immediate and extended family having serious health problems at the moment that unlike mine aren't self inflicted, they don't need to be handling me having meltdowns and big medical bills.

I honestly would rather just kill myself than continue to deal with this, continue to not be able to chew my food properly or feel like I want to claw half my face off from the weird pain, feeling like any day the pain could get way worse or I could get an infection or my teeth could fall out or I could knock them out while trying to brush them. The main reason I haven't is because I'm currently scared an immediate family member, my sister, could die or be really sick and to bail on her like that not to mention leaving my parents potentially alone just feels like the most selfish move imaginable.

I don't know what I'm expecting anyone to be able to say to this but I'm really lost and I'll take any support gladly

 

[BenjiInMd]

If you've gotten to a point where you feel suicide is a better option, then there's a much bigger issue at hand here. I understand not wanting to tell your parents, family or loved ones. I'm in the same boat and I don't want anyone to know at all beyond completely strangers. But please, your life is too valuable to be considering killing yourself instead of getting help for your teeth. I wish there was something I could say that would make you believe that, but it's very very true. Reach out to someone here, myself included. You're not alone in this.

 

[tazey]

Please don't say your issues are self inflicted if you have a genuine phobia+no supportive people around you it's very hard I've been there,I still get a family member saying that to me (literally the other day) she seems to think it's a competition+her problems are way bigger I'm not saying mine are but we are both struggling in different ways+she really doesn't have a clue about my life as shes so wrapped up in hers. I highly recommend whatever needs fixing gets done sooner rather than later tho as it is only likely to get worse,find a nice/good dentist that won't judge.

 

[Theblurredface]

If you've gotten to a point where you feel suicide is a better option, then there's a much bigger issue at hand here. I understand not wanting to tell your parents, family or loved ones. I'm in the same boat and I don't want anyone to know at all beyond completely strangers. But please, your life is too valuable to be considering killing yourself instead of getting help for your teeth. I wish there was something I could say that would make you believe that, but it's very very true. Reach out to someone here, myself included. You're not alone in this.

Thank you, I know that feeling suicidal over this isn't rational but I have enough mental illness that that is how my mind goes and it seems like genuinely the only option as I cannot go to the dentist. That said, I've already said I don't feel comfortable inflicting my suicide on other people ever but especially not now.

 

[BenjiInMd]

Thank you, I know that feeling suicidal over this isn't rational but I have enough mental illness that that is how my mind goes and it seems like genuinely the only option as I cannot go to the dentist. That said, I've already said I don't feel comfortable inflicting my suicide on other people ever but especially not now.

I have had anxiety do bad that suicide sounded like e better option, even if it wasn't a rational though. It's a relief to read the you know that as well, you had me very concerned. I haven't gotten the nerve to call and make an appointment yet either, were both starting this journey at similar times, I promise I'll be around and here for you if you just need to talk or vent. Like I said before...you're not alone.

 

[Theblurredface]

Please don't say your issues are self inflicted if you have a genuine phobia+no supportive people around you it's very hard I've been there,I still get a family member saying that to me (literally the other day) she seems to think it's a competition+her problems are way bigger I'm not saying mine are but we are both struggling in different ways+she really doesn't have a clue about my life as shes so wrapped up in hers. I highly recommend whatever needs fixing gets done sooner rather than later tho as it is only likely to get worse,find a nice/good dentist that won't judge.

My parents were very supportive at times getting me all the therapy that didn't work and stuff. But I begged then to stop making me go and they did. And as it was we were only trying once every few years. I I wish as a little 8 year old when I was starting to get scared they'd continued to make me go every 6 months on the dot, I'd probably be desensitized after 12 years now. But I don't really blame them or consider them unsupportive, I begged them to stop making me go, I was a teenager, they'd witnessed panic attacks longer and bigger than what most text books say possible and they didn't want to go through it again.
And I don't feel like my issue measures up to the health issues my family members are going through right now, I have two family members diagnosed with cancer and undergoing treatment during a pandemic. I really don't want to make a fuss in any way.
I know I should go and get things sorted, I should have years ago but if I could do that I wouldn't have any issues :/

 

[Theblurredface]

I have had anxiety do bad that suicide sounded like e better option, even if it wasn't a rational though. It's a relief to read the you know that as well, you bad me very concerned. I haven't gotten the nerve to call and make an appointment yet either, were both starting this journey at similar times, I promise I'll be around and here for you if you just need to talk or vent. Like I said before...you're not alone.

I mean I can't lie and say that I'm totally safe, I have a history of a suicide attempt and mental illness diagnoses but while I'm able to think rationally I am not intending to act upon it.
It's really kind of you to offer to be around for me and I would like to do the same for you any time.

 

[tazey]

My parents were very supportive at times getting me all the therapy that didn't work and stuff. But I begged then to stop making me go and they did. And as it was we were only trying once every few years. I I wish as a little 8 year old when I was starting to get scared they'd continued to make me go every 6 months on the dot, I'd probably be desensitized after 12 years now. But I don't really blame them or consider them unsupportive, I begged them to stop making me go, I was a teenager, they'd witnessed panic attacks longer and bigger than what most text books say possible and they didn't want to go through it again.
And I don't feel like my issue measures up to the health issues my family members are going through right now, I have two family members diagnosed with cancer and undergoing treatment during a pandemic. I really don't want to make a fuss in any way.
I know I should go and get things sorted, I should have years ago but if I could do that I wouldn't have any issues :/

Oh I wasn't saying yours weren't supportive just some people's may not be+yes I could have told my parents earlier but we aren't the sort of family that talks about things. Try not to compare your problems to others,I didn't want to go either but the pain got so much I was forced into going.

 

[Theblurredface]

Oh I wasn't saying yours weren't supportive just some people's may not be+yes I could have told my parents earlier but we aren't the sort of family that talks about things. Try not to compare your problems to others,I didn't want to go either but the pain got so much I was forced into going.

I'm glad you were able to go but I've been tolerating pain a long time and although I'm scared of the consequences of putting it off I'm always more scared of going.

 

[tazey]

That's honestly how I was but it gets to the point of being too much+it's really not as bad as you think it will be,just wish I'd listened if people had told me that you are young+they can probably help.

 

[Theblurredface]

That's honestly how I was but it gets to the point of being too much+it's really not as bad as you think it will be,just wish I'd listened if people had told me that you are young+they can probably help.

Everyone has told me this already including professionals who were trained in treating phobias but I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. Maybe if I'd listened 6 years ago things wouldn't be so bad but they are now

 

[tazey]

Don't be sorry I was the same+I still hate going now 7yrs on have you tried diazepam?,I had a full mouth extraction (3 ops alltogther) but I'm sure that won't be the case for you. What makes you think they are so bad?

 

[Bbb]

Hey,
I just read your post. And wow! I’m in exactly the same situation, I’ve left my teeth for years, I guess I just thought I could ignore the issue and my phobia would go away, but it didn’t and the problem just got worse.
The dentist says that the only way to properly treat it all is under general anaesthetic, it’s really expensive, my family are still supporting me and I feel like it’s a lot to ask for, it’s a situation that is really beating me up, the anxiety, the fact I haven’t been able to smile in such a long time. I just want it all to end, and a part of me wishes that it will.
I hope that my family will be able to help me - it’s so embarrassing.
ive also wanted to give up, it does crazy stuff to your mental health. I understand where you are coming from, and I’m so relieved that somebody else is going through the same thing.
I’m hopeful that it will all work out for the best and everything will go according to plan. But who knows?

 

[Theblurredface]

Don't be sorry I was the same+I still hate going now 7yrs on have you tried diazepam?,I had a full mouth extraction (3 ops alltogther) but I'm sure that won't be the case for you. What makes you think they are so bad?

I used to abuse alprazolam which is much stronger than diazepam, my tolerance is back down now but even so, benzodiazepines don't do that much for me. It's like 'Panic attacks but now you're sleepy'. They've prescribed a few different benzos specifically for my dental phobia but it didn't work.
I'm sorry you had to have such advanced ops, I'm impressed you managed to get it done.
I haven't been able to bring myself to look at my teeth for about a year now but I know I had a cavity diagnosed 6 years ago the last time I managed to go to the dentist (but didn't get it treated when it was tiny and I'll forever hate my 14 year old self for that) but a year ago that cavity was definitely there and big. I can't tell how much of my pain is psychosomatic and how much is real, I'm prone to that, random pains on the opposite side that only appear when I'm thinking about it might not be anything, but the side with the cavity feels totally messed up like it could be multiple teeth and even my jaw.

 

[Theblurredface]

Hey,
I just read your post. And wow! I’m in exactly the same situation, I’ve left my teeth for years, I guess I just thought I could ignore the issue and my phobia would go away, but it didn’t and the problem just got worse.
The dentist says that the only way to properly treat it all is under general anaesthetic, it’s really expensive, my family are still supporting me and I feel like it’s a lot to ask for, it’s a situation that is really beating me up, the anxiety, the fact I haven’t been able to smile in such a long time. I just want it all to end, and a part of me wishes that it will.
I hope that my family will be able to help me - it’s so embarrassing.
ive also wanted to give up, it does crazy stuff to your mental health. I understand where you are coming from, and I’m so relieved that somebody else is going through the same thing.
I’m hopeful that it will all work out for the best and everything will go according to plan. But who knows? ❤

It is a relief to know there's someone in a similar situation to me, however there's a key difference if you've already managed a consult with your dentist and figured that GA is the way to go. Those are massive steps for someone so phobic to take, I know there are still practicalities to work out with the cost and family but you've started and that's the hardest part I think.

I definitely thought I'd just outgrow my phobia, I've outgrown other phobias, I'm not really afraid of needles any more for instance so I can't even point to that as the reason for this phobia. It doesn't feel good to look around as an adult and realise you're just as scares if not more scared than you were as a small child. You're right, living with that perpetual background anxiety does terrible things to your mental health, in my case a whole bunch of other unrelated diagnoses I wonder if I would have if I'd grown up not being anxious all the time.

You absolutely shouldn't be thinking about ending it though, of course I know I'm being a hypocrite, but you're actually doing it, it's hard I know, but you've worked up the courage to get it started, courage I don't have. You can message me if you need to at any point

 

[Bbb]

It is a relief to know there's someone in a similar situation to me, however there's a key difference if you've already managed a consult with your dentist and figured that GA is the way to go. Those are massive steps for someone so phobic to take, I know there are still practicalities to work out with the cost and family but you've started and that's the hardest part I think.

I definitely thought I'd just outgrow my phobia, I've outgrown other phobias, I'm not really afraid of needles any more for instance so I can't even point to that as the reason for this phobia. It doesn't feel good to look around as an adult and realise you're just as scares if not more scared than you were as a small child. You're right, living with that perpetual background anxiety does terrible things to your mental health, in my case a whole bunch of other unrelated diagnoses I wonder if I would have if I'd grown up not being anxious all the time.

You absolutely shouldn't be thinking about ending it though, of course I know I'm being a hypocrite, but you're actually doing it, it's hard I know, but you've worked up the courage to get it started, courage I don't have. You can message me if you need to at any point

It would be great to message you.

 

[tazey]

I used to abuse alprazolam which is much stronger than diazepam, my tolerance is back down now but even so, benzodiazepines don't do that much for me. It's like 'Panic attacks but now you're sleepy'. They've prescribed a few different benzos specifically for my dental phobia but it didn't work.
I'm sorry you had to have such advanced ops, I'm impressed you managed to get it done.
I haven't been able to bring myself to look at my teeth for about a year now but I know I had a cavity diagnosed 6 years ago the last time I managed to go to the dentist (but didn't get it treated when it was tiny and I'll forever hate my 14 year old self for that) but a year ago that cavity was definitely there and big. I can't tell how much of my pain is psychosomatic and how much is real, I'm prone to that, random pains on the opposite side that only appear when I'm thinking about it might not be anything, but the side with the cavity feels totally messed up like it could be multiple teeth and even my jaw.

Sorry they didn't work,the hard parts were being put to sleep+the waking up after (+recovery) I couldn't have done it awake. If their not loose or cracked or down to the gum then I'm sure they can be fixed,hope you get it sorted.

 

[Theblurredface]

Sorry they didn't work,the hard parts were being put to sleep+the waking up after (+recovery) I couldn't have done it awake. If their not loose or cracked or down to the gum then I'm sure they can be fixed,hope you get it sorted.

If they gave me a massive dose to the point where I was semi conscious it might work, or I might just be freaking out and unable to do anything about it or stand up for myself which isn't a pleasant thought. Like with IV sedation they can use benzos like midazolam to put you in a 'twilight state' but my fear would be that I'd still be too aware of what's happening.
If I had the guts to go I'd put up with any recovery from sedation, being sedated in general doesn't scare me, only when someone is going to do dentistry on me while I'm out. I can understand why it was hard though as you had to recover from major extractions.

I can't tell if they're loose because I'm scared to apply firm pressure and find out, they feel weird sometimes and I get scared that they're loose. The main tooth with the cavity is chipped ever since I was little from an accident but I don't know if there are any further cracks, I haven't looked but I can't feel any. Still, it feels inevitable that they will at least have to pull that tooth, it's had a cavity for 6 whole years, I didn't know a tooth could last that long even with someone doing their best to make it last. And my self care ranges from manic 'I must do everything I can' to 'whats the point of this or life?' so honestly it's a miracle any part of my body works.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Theblurredface,

I'm just catching up with your post and really feel you on alot of things..

Its somehow REALLY hard with family, telling them,, I don't tell or talk about mine with family either, partly because I just don't feel safe, some people even if family was safe and caring , its still hard because like you, you feel your issues don't compare, or you wouldn't want your issues to be "a bother" to them when others are going through so much.

Everyone has their own issues no matter how small or large.. I'm really glad that even if you can't share it with your blood family you can with your DFC family here who really gets it and you have so may great people surrounding you, especially BenjiInMd and BBB and Tazey who've been writing and really get it.

I know for the longest I put off my own dental work when i was married because I just didn't think mine was too important .. I was the self sacrificing type,, finally came to the end of the rope dentally and found myself a very kind young dentist just out of school who was a bleeding heart and very kind to me , I'll always remember her.. It was so hard to walk in there. she really did change my life .

Please know you are so important and we all have our own struggles big and small. Honor own own story and struggles and know we are here for you to help you through and hope you find a way to get the care you need and comfortably at your own pace.

 

[Theblurredface]

Theblurredface,

I'm just catching up with your post and really feel you on alot of things..

Its somehow REALLY hard with family, telling them,, I don't tell or talk about mine with family either, partly because I just don't feel safe, some people even if family was safe and caring , its still hard because like you, you feel your issues don't compare, or you wouldn't want your issues to be "a bother" to them when others are going through so much.

Everyone has their own issues no matter how small or large.. I'm really glad that even if you can't share it with your blood family you can with your DFC family here who really gets it and you have so may great people surrounding you, especially BenjiInMd and BBB and Tazey who've been writing and really get it.

I know for the longest I put off my own dental work when i was married because I just didn't think mine was too important .. I was the self sacrificing type,, finally came to the end of the rope dentally and found myself a very kind young dentist just out of school who was a bleeding heart and very kind to me , I'll always remember her.. It was so hard to walk in there. she really did change my life .

Please know you are so important and we all have our own struggles big and small. Honor own own story and struggles and know we are here for you to help you through and hope you find a way to get the care you need and comfortably at your own pace.

Thank you for catching up with my post, I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to support me. It makes a difference having all of you here.

My family do care about me, but aside from the issue of not wanting to become a larger burden that I already am as a mentally ill layabout who doesn't pay rent, I also find my teeth too disgusting and I can't stand the idea of people who know me knowing the extent of the damage. Which would be inevitable if they had to pay for my treatment. They would judge me, there's no way they wouldn't regardless of what they say. Either you've experienced this level of fear or mental illness leading to neglect and you understand why you'd let your teeth get like this, or you haven't and you can't get it. You can maybe be polite about it but I don't think you can understand it, I certainly don't think my parents can. I think eventually they'd lose patience, say one not entirely unjustified comment, and I'd fall apart completely.

I'm really glad you found the right dentist, the person I saw 6 years ago was very nice and ridiculously patient, he must've had to cancel so many other appointments that day but never threw me out, let me come back and try exposure therapy in his clinic for free, offered a tranquilizer pill, and let me be on the phone to a therapist, I still couldn't get beyond sitting in the chair though. I couldn't let them touch me or do anything.

Thank you I want to be able to get the care I need but I don't know if it's possible.