I made an appointment, and I need help.

[thisisme]

Hi guys, I haven’t been active on here in 7 years. Yeah, 7 years. Here is my first thread. And, no, I haven’t been to the dentist since I posted. Somewhere along the line, I was able to start ignoring it. I found some temporary filling and used that in my lost filling tooth. All was well. I enjoyed life for the most part, but it still always lingered in the back of my head... I was ultimately post-posting the inevitable. But, eh, it’s fine.

But then, one day (about 2-3 months ago), the tooth cracked. Who would have thought? Okay, yeah, it’s common sense. Fortunately, I didn’t have any pain, but I thought about it EVERY DAY. And so today, I made an appointment to just get that fixed... AND I scheduled a future cleaning and exam.

But guys, I’m crapping in my pants. Somehow after 7 years of not being able to pick up the phone and make an appointment, I did. I’m embarassed by my teeth. I have never had braces (though I would like them if I could ever get my mouth healthy), and I have several other teeth that are sensitive to cold or sweets, so I definitely have cavities. I do hope that’s the extent of it, but I’ve avoided it for so long, so who knows.

I’m not going to my parent’s place, as I mentioned in my first thread. The older I got, the more I want this to be a private thing for me. I did a lot of research and found some place that seemed perfect. So many reviews, great receptionist, beautiful waiting area... this is not where I came from years ago.

A lot has happened in my life in the past two years... I got very sick and had to face my other fear... seeing doctors and getting bloodwork. After thinking I was going to die for months and stumping doctors, I came out alive on the other end. And just when I think that maybe I can be brave with the dentist to, my best friend gets cancer. Watching her go through treatment has really made me feel childish.

My plan is to bring my weighted blanket and headphones/music, so hopefully that is okay.

The appointment is Thursday at 11 a.m., and the other one to figure out everything that’s wrong is at the end of this month. Please help me.

 

[BoxerMom]

I’m new here, but I saw your post and I wanted to reach out to you. I know what that fear feels like. I know what avoiding it is like, and what the consequences are. And I even know what that feeling of childishness feels like.... for me it’s more of ‘oh hey, my problems are so much less than hers/his. I’m being ridiculous... it’s just the dentist’.
You are not childish. What you’re dealing with is not less important than what someone else is dealing with. I’m sorry to hear about your friend and I hope they will be ok, and I hope just as much that you will be ok. You can do this. You’ve taken a huge step, and it’s scary, but I think taking your weighted blanket and headphones is an excellent plan.
I will be at the dentist as well on Thursday morning, and I will be thinking about you.

 

[Dg6300]

Look at you!

You have come a long way.

No matter what happens Thursday (it will go great), you are already a success.

You are beyond success and failure.

I’m rooting for you. Be sure to post Thursday, and in the meantime, as much as you want.

 

[FearfulInMA]

Just wanted to pop in and say congrats in making an appointment! I’ll be sending good thoughts your way.

 

[OkDani]

Congratulations! I made an appointment for tomorrow as well. I'm scared to death but I can't live with this awful pain. I know he'll pull some out. I guess we will be brave together. Best of luck to you.

 

[thisisme]

Hi everyone, thank you for the replies. It’s reassuring to know I’m not alone. BoxerMom, I will be thinking of you on Thursday. OkDani, I will be thinking about you as well tomorrow. Let me know how it goes to give me encouragement until Thursday. And finally, you won’t have anymore pain! I don’t have pain but for me the thought of an appointment to fix an urgent problem seemed less daunting than finding out everything that was wrong with me.

I’ll be honest and say I haven’t been in 16 years. I’ll call that the dark ages. I’m sure things were different back then. My mom made me an appointment, and I locked myself in a room and cried. I never went after that. So here I am 16 years later. I could cry, but I could cry about a lot of things now (it’s tough being a girl... having PMS... and facing your biggest fear). I read that millienials feared dentists the most, and that the fear (on average) started at 15. And, I thought “OMG, ARE THEY IN MY HEAD?!”

 

[FearfulInMA]

A big difference now is that you are in control. You are doing this for yourself. Nobody is forcing you to go (like when you were a child/teen). I don’t know if it will help, but it really helps me to think about going to the dentist as an act of radical self-care. I don’t think of it as having things done to me or my teeth, but rather that I am choosing to do things to care for myself (which I really struggle with). All of this helps me to feel more in control and empowered by the whole experience.

Sending good thoughts!!

 

[thisisme]

A big difference now is that you are in control. You are doing this for yourself. Nobody is forcing you to go (like when you were a child/teen). I don’t know if it will help, but it really helps me to think about going to the dentist as an act of radical self-care. I don’t think of it as having things done to me or my teeth, but rather that I am choosing to do things to care for myself (which I really struggle with).

This does help a lot. I looked up dental practices, I called to make the appointment, I can stop any treatment or refuse any without a second opinion. I am just so worried about being taken advantage of. This is a common theme in my life. I need to work on changing it now.

Last night was rough. I was out late because I could tell my best friend needed me. So, I bathe the kids and kept them entertained. All the while just keeping this gut wrenching appt. on Thursday to myself. She doesn’t know about my fear and even if I wanted to tell her, I can’t. It’s stupid in compare to what she is battling.

So I finally get home to my dog who I inherited after a family member passed away 2 years ago, so looking at him always makes me a little emotional, and I cry. I have high anxiety, so I took half an anti-anxiety pill to sleep. We snuggled and now it’s the morning. One more day. ?

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Thisisme.

I"m so glad you are coming on here and sharing your story and thoughts! I know sometimes its easy to compare battles and think ours our "less than".. others.. But this is a huge battle with dental and all the anxiety you are facing with it. and you are valued and others care about your battles too.. I know we want to be here to support you! It sounds you are such a supportive strong friend and family member. I hope you can give yourself all that kindness back and that others will too that are around you.. I know for me being quieter and nto wanting to put my needs out there, its hard to step out and let people know you are are going through something.. well .. glad you did here. because you and your battles are important!

Seems you have a really healthy perspective.. Give yourself permission to be a little nervous.. you are incrdibley brave!! I can't recall how many times I was nervous to the point of feeling faint and heart pounding out of my chest and feeling like puking but would tell myself "I'm brave and courageous and I'm anxious and fearful but doing this. it will be ok.. and take 5-10 deep breaths. ".. go in and my dentist would know exactly how to put me to ease..

I really really hope you find a very kind and compassionate dentist who will take good care of you in a patient way!! Everything you are doing is incredibly brave and you deserve it!

 

[FearfulInMA]

Just to add to what krlovesherkids777 said, finding a good dentists is key! For me, the hardest part has always been getting through the door and into the chair. Once I’m there, my dentist can always help me ease my anxiety enough to get through treatment. Here’s hoping you found a good one!!!

 

[thisisme]

You guys are so great. It’s nice knowing I have someone to talk to. I never want to be a burden to anyone. It’s part of the reason I got so ill 2 years ago. I knew I was sick but didn’t want to bother anyone until it got so bad that I could no longer care for myself.

Less than 24 hours away now. I got the dreaded appt. reminder call. I didn’t answer. I figure that’s exactly what it was and I already talked to them yesterday, haha. Anywho, the message was nice. It felt so normal? Does that seem right? From being sick, I got so used to hearing appt. reminders that it kind of just felt routine... except the person seemed a lot nicer than most doctor places I’ve been to.

They had an option to fill out the forms online, so she was like “come 10 minutes early... oh nope, no wait! I see you filled them online. We’ll see you at 11!” And it was pretty much as perky as that. God bless these people.

Some minutes, I feel okay. Other minutes, my heart is racing and I think I’m probably going to pass out. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the door. Part of me is glad he is fixing this one tooth first. I hope it is simple, but I fear it will be very complex. I’ve had dreams of this tooth just crumbling out of my mouth. It’s the only tooth that has ever broke on me, and now, it’s like every day, I pray it doesn’t keep breaking.

I am eating, so that is good. I didn’t think I would be able to, but I am. Sleep and tomorrow morning will be rough, but if one thing is good, at least I don’t have to be at work until the afternoon.

I just hope I can do this. I wish I wasn’t so afraid. I can’t even pinpoint my fear. It’s been so long that it’s just all so unknown. All I know is I have to open my mouth up to a stranger... when I rarely even open it up for myself. I know this sounds so stupid, but I once feared I would die suddenly and the coroner would have to look into my mouth... and even that freaked me out. So, I think it’s safe to say I need a little help.

 

[FearfulInMA]

Sometimes, to get through the time leading up to an appt, I make lists of things I need to do in between now and then. So... finish work, eat dinner, sleep, go to the gym, take the bus to my appt, etc. Your only job right now is to get yourself there. After that, it sounds like you’ve found a great practice, so they will talk you through the rest.

And, yes, the ‘totally normal’ part does make sense. I try to remind myself that, for the dentist and his staff, all of this is totally normal. They do this every day. In some ways, I think it’s mostly pretty boring for them. Lol! I also try to remind myself that, for some people, going to the dentist is a totally normal non-event. I often try to summon some of that even when I’m feeling like a mess inside. For me, at least, pretending it’s no different than going to get my hair cut, can sometimes be helpful. This is not at all to discount your fears or mine, but more of just a ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ approach that is sometimes super helpful for me.

Sending super good thoughts for tomorrow!!

 

[MountainMama]

Well done on making the appointment! I have feared the dentist since I was a child, with some awful experiences with extractions and shots.

I started having issues last year, and had to have my first extraction since I was a kid. I was amazed at how different things are from then. In 15 or 20 years, the shots got less painful, and the extraction was nothing like I experienced as a child.

So hopefully you will find the same...that it is not as bad as you remember. It is still scary (which is normal), but not the same.

I wouldn't think they would have an issue with the blanket or music. I was very pleasantly surprised that at all the places I have gone this past year (endodontist, oral surgeon, and dentist), they all offered me a blanket. Not a weighted blanket, but still soothing.

 

[thisisme]

Well done on making the appointment! I have feared the dentist since I was a child, with some awful experiences with extractions and shots.

Aw I have feared since a child too but not for extractions or shots. My last visit, the dentist (who I hated) filled three cavities. No novacine or needles. I don’t even remember it just that I had three teeth that did not hurt or bother me at all. Then, one week goes by, two weeks go by, and I have sensitivity I’ve never had before in those teeth. But there was something about his demeanor and something about the office that I hated. He was cold. For about a year, we had his son, who I always just felt more comfortable with. I’m seeing a younger dentist for this very reason. I hope he is understanding. Part of me feels like I should have just did the 1.5 hour exam and appt. but I needed to do what I felt like I could do and a half hour, fix one tooth, just seemed more tolerable. Well, not right now. Right now, I want to cry.

 

[Dg6300]

You are already a success, having come so far so fast, sob you are beyond success or failure: whatever happens or doesn’t happen at your appointment is okay, is good.

 

[thisisme]

You are already a success, having come so far so fast, sob you are beyond success or failure: whatever happens or doesn’t happen at your appointment is okay, is good.

Thank you. ? I don’t feel like a success. 14 hours away. Heart is just pounding. It won’t stop.

I’m am so worried now because I don’t know how to stand up for myself or stop something that is making me uncomfortable. It seems silly, but I’m always so worried about upsetting someone or making them feel weird, that I go along with things I shouldn’t. This is not the primary reason why I’m afraid, but it doesn’t help. One time when I was 18, I was taken into a back room at work for a shoulder massage. I should have known better. He was in his late 40s.
I sat in a work chair and the massage went very far down, past the shoulders and into private areas.

I couldn’t tell him to stop. I squirmed, made excuses to leave, but he kept saying it was fine. I was worried that I would make HIM feel uncomfortable and that it would make any future interactions somehow more awkward.

And it’s been just a common problem in my life. What if I can’t tell the dentist if I’m uncomfortable? Do you think dentists pick up on non-verbal cues well? Like sweating, shaking, etc. I need my body to speak for me because when I’m afraid, I just freeze up.

Side note: I am a very complex person, and I’m sorry if I come across crazy. ?

 

[FearfulInMA]

Could you bring a note with you to explain some of your fears? A lot of people find this helpful if they tend to freeze up when they are afraid.

Most dentists are pretty good about picking up on non-verbal cues, but because everyone is so different, this can be difficult.

 

[Dg6300]

Not only are you not crazy, you are very much rational. Wholly sane.

You have a conditioned response to an actual experience.

You can tell anyone to stop, including dental professionals. Decide now. Sometimes I practice these difficult conversations in the mirror beforehand.

Good luck. I like your chances.

 

[thisisme]

I had a dream last night that I tried to run away and got picked up by a dentist bouncer and then, strapped in the chair... so I’ve been better. ? I was up every hour starting at 4:30am, so I figure I’ll just lie in bed now and watch TV. It’s been 16 years that I put this off and in five hours, it should be over (well for the day).

It’s an awful appt. time... had to take off the whole morning but I wanted to make an effort to get one tooth treated before I go away for the weekend. I’ve been terrified it would crumble on vacation, have extreme pain, and then, wouldn’t know what to do.

 

[FearfulInMA]

I get dentist nightmares too. They are the worst!! Try to distract yourself as best you can. Sending good thoughts!! Please check back after and let us know how it went.