I really need help! Please!

[angie88]

Hello everyone! ( First of all sorry for my spelling mistakes, I am not a native English speaker).
I am almost 19 years old, and I have a serious fear of having a dental appointment. When I was a child, I used to go frequently to the dentist with my father, but I really hated every single of those appointments and I cried on all of them. I used to go to a nice dentist, one of the best in my town. My last dental appointment to date was on the 26th September 2007, when I was almost 14 years old.
I went to heal a small cavity on my 6th bottom tooth. It was all ok, the dentist told me that my teeth are really healthy and really good genetically. But, at the end, he told me that I need a wisdom teeth removal because it was already pulling my front teeth. I was terrified by the fact that I have to extract it. Combined with my general fear of dentist, it was just too much for me. Than, one of my older friends had a wisdom teeth extraction and she had serious problems(including an infection etc). Although she and I don t go to the same dentist, I was terrified that the same thing would happen to me.
Until 2010 I didnt have any problems. Everything was just ok. My teeth were all healthy(except one small cavity that is now much bigger obviously). I didn t pay much attention to it. I lived the life, I was satisfied with my upper teeth(because they are really nice). I noticed that my bottom teeth were getting out of the old order, I knew it was thanks to the wisdom teeth, but i refused to think about it. Day by day, my wisdom teeth were getting bigger and bigger, and it was painful occasionally. To make things even worse, almost 10 of my teeth have cavity now. Noone of the teeth has a big problem, those are only little yellow and brown parts, and I guess everything can be healed easily.
For the last 18 month I have been planning to have a dentist appontment. It was my New Year resolution for 2011 and it is still my New Year resolution for 2012. I just cant find the strength and the power to arrange an appointment.
I am planning to go tomorrow or on Friday, but as that day is approaching, I am postponing it once again. I HATE MYSELF because of that. I can t sleep at night because I am thinking of that. I had a small panick attack yesterday when I was thninking about it. I cant tell anyone that I have so many cavities in my mouth. If I teel to my mum, she will get very angry because she doesnt understand my fears. MY father is no longer living with us, he moved to a different city, and I cant talk to my friends about it, because they all seem to be fearless and have beautiful pearl white teeth.
I have been thinking and encouraging myself to go to the dentist for months. But I just cant do it.
A few days ago, my friend told that people with cavity are stupid people that dont think properly about their body. And I seriously think she s right! I mean, I can buy all the make up products on the Earth, and can have a naturally beautiful hair and eyes and other features, but AS LONG AS MY SMILE IS FULL OF THOSE DARK MARKS, I wont be nice sweet girl never.

Please, dear people, help me. I need an encouragement, or some kind of help. I just need to solve all the problems before my university classes begin in October. Please... Anyone....
I am desperate. I know I have to visit a dentist, but how to make myself fearless?

 

[Kim]

Aw bless you Angie88 and

People who have no idea how the fears that we have engulf our lives, have also funny perceptions of the reasons for decaying teeth. I don't quite know how it works, but I have read quite a few threads about certain medications not helping people's teeth, so would someone who would have to take such medication to help their body cope with something else in their life be accused of neglecting their teeth? I bet there would be a good chance of that.

Are you able to e-mail a few dentists that are nearby and explain your fears, and history to them (that's what I did). You will be amazed at how the dentists that really want to help you reply to you - if they don't then move on to another.

We all build things up to be far worse in a lot of cases than actually are, and you and I are not professionals, so although you may feel you need all these fillings or what have you, it may not be the case, but you won't know that until you are able to pluck up the courage to make that first step.

If you aren't able to turn to your mum for help, do you have a really good - non-opinionated friend that can help? You will be surprised by how many other 'fearful and phobic' people are actually out there, because a lot will cover this up by making 'smart' comments so that we all think that their dental lives are hunky dory

I truly hope that you manage to find the courage to take that very difficult first step on your road to dental health.

Good luck sweetie, and come here whenever you like if you need advice or support, as we all have plenty to give.

 

[angie88]

Aw bless you Angie88 and

People who have no idea how the fears that we have engulf our lives, have also funny perceptions of the reasons for decaying teeth. I don't quite know how it works, but I have read quite a few threads about certain medications not helping people's teeth, so would someone who would have to take such medication to help their body cope with something else in their life be accused of neglecting their teeth? I bet there would be a good chance of that.

Are you able to e-mail a few dentists that are nearby and explain your fears, and history to them (that's what I did). You will be amazed at how the dentists that really want to help you reply to you - if they don't then move on to another.

We all build things up to be far worse in a lot of cases than actually are, and you and I are not professionals, so although you may feel you need all these fillings or what have you, it may not be the case, but you won't know that until you are able to pluck up the courage to make that first step.

If you aren't able to turn to your mum for help, do you have a really good - non-opinionated friend that can help? You will be surprised by how many other 'fearful and phobic' people are actually out there, because a lot will cover this up by making 'smart' comments so that we all think that their dental lives are hunky dory

I truly hope that you manage to find the courage to take that very difficult first step on your road to dental health.

Good luck sweetie, and come here whenever you like if you need advice or support, as we all have plenty to give.

Dear Kim,
thank you a lot for your kind words. I just realised that the only thing I need is to talk with someone about my fear and try to solve the problem. I felt so lonely in this problem, but now I realise there are lots of people with similar or even worse fears. I have just read some posts in the forum, and it seems I almost decided to arrange the appointment today or tomorrow.
As for the dentist, I have a phone number of the dentist that my cousin told me for. I am going to call him, so we will see. I am a bit ashame to say this, but I dont live in a high developed country like UK and similar places, and unfortunately, there arent many dentists that use e-mails or similar internet boards. But, I will see what kind of dentist he is, and if he encourages me enough, I will let him heal my teeth. I have been saving money for this for almost a year, so I guess I will be economically able to afford anything I need.
Talking with someone is really a big relief for me. It means to me a lot. One more time, thank you. I will inform you whether I went to the dentist and what happened there.

 

[Kim]

No worries hunni, and please don't feel ashamed of where you come from - it is all part and parcel of your history and you and your families lives.

I hope you are able to see the dentist that your cousin has recommended, and that you get the good and kindly treatment that you are both in need of and deserve.

Please let us know.

Kim

 

[Aldridge]

Hello Angie,
Every day is the start of a new year, so it's never too late to follow through on a resolution.
I don't know how anyone can make themselves fearless. I can't make myself fearless, but I think you get to a point (which in my case took over 20 years, which is longer than you've been alive!) when you say to that fear (preferably not aloud in a public place, lest the men with the straitjackets turn up in their padded van) that you are not going to let it have the upper hand any more. It might still be there but you can push through it, one step at a time. It helps me to visualise actually walking into THAT surgery...and it helps me a lot more to visualise walking out at the end of THAT appointment, ready to enjoy whatever little treat I have promised myself. (Sorry, but it's quite often chocolate...)
And it helps a great deal to read and write posts on here. There is usually someone lurking around and most of them can express things much better than me, but I hope this helps a bit and I send you best wishes

 

[angie88]

Hello Angie,
Every day is the start of a new year, so it's never too late to follow through on a resolution.
I don't know how anyone can make themselves fearless. I can't make myself fearless, but I think you get to a point (which in my case took over 20 years, which is longer than you've been alive!) when you say to that fear (preferably not aloud in a public place, lest the men with the straitjackets turn up in their padded van) that you are not going to let it have the upper hand any more. It might still be there but you can push through it, one step at a time. It helps me to visualise actually walking into THAT surgery...and it helps me a lot more to visualise walking out at the end of THAT appointment, ready to enjoy whatever little treat I have promised myself. (Sorry, but it's quite often chocolate...)
And it helps a great deal to read and write posts on here. There is usually someone lurking around and most of them can express things much better than me, but I hope this helps a bit and I send you best wishes

Hello, thank you so much for helping me. I am definately going to arrange the appointment for this week. I cant postpone it anymore. I am going to think about the end of my problems, just as you advised me. It is nice to see that there are lots of people here ready to share their experiences and help others. Sometimes it is the most important thing.



@Kim: Of course I will let you know what happened. Hopefully, everything will be ok.

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Please, dear people, help me. I need an encouragement, or some kind of help. I just need to solve all the problems before my university classes begin in October. Please... Anyone....
I am desperate. I know I have to visit a dentist, but how to make myself fearless?

Hi angie88,

I want to just come over there and give you a big hug, but I can't so this will have to do:

I want you to know that you're not a bad person just because you have some dental problems. In fact, I think you're incredibly brave and responsible for saving up money and doing something to take care of your teeth now. I could never have done that at such a young age, and in fact it was only really this year, at the age of almost 41, when I started taking care of my own teeth. I know how helpless it can feel, wanting to go get your teeth fixed up, but being terrified to take the first step. But you can do it, and when you do, you'll feel all the shame and embarrassment melt away, and then your real, wonderful self can shine through.

It's hard to explain, and probably harder to hear, but dental phobia isn't your fault. It probably feels to you like you're a terrible person for not taking care of your teeth, or for being terrified of the dentist. You're not. A lot of us here have similar histories, and the fact is, there's no way that a 14-year-old should be expected to make appointments for major dental work. Anyone in your situation would have done the exact same thing. And some people have teeth that would have been just fine anyway. Unfortunately, you got stuck with teeth that got worse much more quickly. It becomes a bad cycle: the worse your teeth get, the harder it is to go to the dentist, and the longer you stay away from the dentist, the worse your teeth get.

So, give yourself a big hug and try to get rid of some of the shame and guilt that you're carrying around. (That's a lot easier to say than to do, I know...) You can't go back and undo what you did (or didn't do) as a kid, but now you're entering adulthood and you're starting to take care of yourself. I know it's frustrating that you keep putting it off, but you should be VERY proud of yourself for saving up the money, making a plan, and especially for posting here and telling us about your problem. These things take a huge amount of courage! I used to read this forum before I went back, but I could NEVER get up the nerve to actually post and talk about my teeth. And you're doing all this on your own, which is really tough! So it may be frustrating that you keep putting it off, but I think you're making great progress and you'll get there.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you fearless. But the truth is, we phobics just have to build up ten times the strength to face our fears. I really envy people who seem to be able to go like it's no big deal. For us, we just somehow have to be stronger. It helps if you can find a trusted friend or someone to can help hold your hand and listen, but it can be really hard to find the right person to do that. We'll certainly cheer you on here, from afar, but you might end up just having to keep working up your own courage. You CAN do it, and you WILL do it. Just keep telling yourself you can, and put one foot in front of the other, and you'll get there.

A couple more things: It may seem like everyone else has perfect teeth, but they don't. Lots of people are also hiding dental problems, and lots of people are avoiding going to the dentist. Your mom and friends haven't noticed your teeth at all, which means people are really paying a lot less attention to your teeth than you think they are. It's hard to ignore comments like your friend's, but let's put it this way: the you who neglected your teeth is in the past now. The NEW you is going to start taking care of them, and that makes you wonderful and beautiful!

Lastly, I just wanted to point out that you don't necessarily solve all your problems right this moment. Focus on getting yourself a consultation with the dentist and finding out what you need. (As Kim pointed out, often we end up needing a lot less work than we think we do!) That's enough for right now. If you can get the rest taken care of this summer, great. If not, you're on your way, and you'll get there when you get there.

GREAT JOB posting here and doing all that you've done so far! I'm completely confident that you'll get yourself to the dentist and start feeling great about yourself soon.

Take care of yourself!

 

[Patti]

Hi Angie,

First of all, WELCOME! Second of all, your English is VERY GOOD!! But most important, do not beat yourself up so much. We all share that same fear and avoid the dentist--not because we don't care, but because we are afraid! As someone who has avoided the inevitable, my advice to you is to do it and get it over with as soon as possible and then you won't have to worry about it anymore. (The wisdom teeth.) As for the cavities, I really advise getting those done right away before things get worse and the next thing you hear is that you now need a root canal. Because that is what happened to me. I finally faced my fears (after over 40 years!!!) and had 12 fillings, one extraction and tomorrow I will have what is left of my top 2 wisdom teeth removed. (Those teeth gave me hell for almost 30 years!!!)

This is a good place to come for support & encouragement. The people here are wonderful and will help you through your journey.

Take care and best of luck!

 

[angie88]

@Steve In Cleveland

Hello, and thank you so so much for this post. I am literally crying right now. You all gave me so much help, and you all helped me to make the first big step. I have arranged an appointment for tomorrow. I would lie if I say I am not afraid, but talking with you really gave me the power I needed. It was difficult for me to phone the dentist, and I was so so nervous even when speaking to him. He sounded like a normal, supportive dentist, so I guess it is very important, too.
Well, the cavity I have is not on my front teeth, so that is why noone has noticed so far, I think.
Anyways, I am not going to pay attention to those mean comments of my "smart" friends. Congratulation to them if they do not have this phobia, but as you all said, they do not have any rights to judge me or the people with the same issues.
And about saving money, it was a bit difficult, but at least I won't bring any economical problems to my mum. So, I am now convinced that what I have should be quite enough.

----------------
@Patti

Hello, and first of all thank you for your opinion about my English. For an Eastern European, it was not easy to learn it, and there are still plenty of new things to learn.

Second of all, I was torturing myself with the fact that people should vist their dentist at least twice a year to do the checking. The fact that I haven't been to the dentist's office for 5 years, was just too much for me. Believe me, if I could bring the time back, I would go millions of times, and I wouldn't have let this to happen.
But, you now what, hearing your experiences and reading these topics, made me realise that my teeth aren't in so bad conditions, and reading some posts gave me the confidence that I need.
I didn't say this, but I also was afraid of how the dentist would react when he sees my teeth. But, I read somewhere that a true dentist willl never judge his patients.
So, I guess I did up to 80 % of the job. The remaining 20% will be done tomorrow, hopefully.
------------------

I would hug you all if I could, you don't have an idea how much you have helped me with your beautiful words. I will pray for all of you. You all were a sort of my personal psychologist, the one I didn't have in my surrounding at all.

There arent words to express how thankful I am to you, dear people.
Thank you! I will let you know what happened on my dentist appointment.

 

[MC]

I seriously want to start a SteveInCleveland appreciation thread! You're the best!

I am getting more and more anxious with my looming appointment and I have seen myself chickening out and canceling. It's with your posts that are helping me find the courage again.

Best wishes Angie!

 

[Kim]

Oh, now see what you are all doing - I am up early (was too tired to make son his lunch for today, and as he has an early start, got up this -cold - morning, and did his sarnies) Angie88 and MC - making me get all emotional However, they are not sad tears, they are inspirational ones, as the mere fact that you have found this site and are able to gain the strength to get yourselves on the road to your dental health. I am sooooo happy that you have been able to take that initial step.

Angie88, will wait to hear from you, and will be thinking of you today. Your language skills are excellent, you could work as a translator

 

[Patti]

Angie, if you read my thread here, before my thorough exam & xrays, there would be NO WAY that after avoiding the dentist all these years that I would walk away from this with just a handful of fillings and guess what? That is pretty much what happened! Six years ago, 2 fillings. In April, a molar extracted instead of a root canal & crown and since June (and my thorough exam and treatment plan) 12 fillings, a good cleaning and what was left of my 2 upper wisdom teeth pulled. NONE OF IT HURT EITHER! I was convinced my teeth probably weren't worth saving. We always think the worst, don't we? I love my smile now. And having them cleaned
Made them look so nice! good luck to you, be brave and confident!

 

[angie88]

Dear people, I FINALLY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am ready to be pain-free, and more importantly to be happy again and enjoy the life without thinking of that bloody appointment every single day!!!!!!!!!!
There arent enough words to describe the feeling I have right now!

When I took a taxi to drive me to the dentist I was so so scared, I thought that I wont be able to enter to that place.
It was frustrating, but I tried to think about all of you here, and all the people that have similar fears, and although I went alone to the appointment, I wasnt lonely at all.
I have deafeated myself. I am PROUD of myself, I dont even remember the last time when I felt this extreme happiness! It is a big relief to me.
The dentist was very nice, supportive and above all, I felt no pain!!!
I had 5 fillings today. There are 3 more left+wisdom teeth removal.
But, my situation wasnt so bad at all. All the teeth were healed perfectly, and the next step are wisdom teeth...
I am not going to extract them at the same time.. I am going to do it one by one. MY bottom wisdom teeth have to be extracted as soon as possible, but the upper ones can wait for a couple of months, so I have enough time!
I am not running out of time, I am ready to live a new chapter in my life.
There are no words to express how thankful I am to all of you!

I hope my experience can serve as an inspiration for all those people that are might reading this topic now...
Be confident and brave! I wont lie to you... My dental fear is still there, and it is not likely to disappear any time in the near future, but I am learning to control it. I won let it to keep me away from visiting the dentist at all!

I will be back on this forum soon, and when I am done with the remaining fillings, I will upload a photo of my new smile, for sure!

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

YAAAAYYYY, Congratulations angie88! Your post has me starting to cry a little too, and I'm a grown man! Stories like yours are what keep me posting here.

For anyone reading that's still building up the courage to make their first appointment, and living with the constant anxiety of avoiding the dentist, THIS should be up on your refrigerator or mirror to give you strength. I felt the same way when I finally went back to the dentist and came home alive, unshamed, out of pain, and knowing that I could do it.

You should be super proud of yourself angie88-- although we all helped lend you some strength, you did this entirely on your own, which takes a huge amount of guts and courage.

It's really amazing how quickly the anxiety melts away once you face the dragon and it doesn't eat you.

Soo soo happy for you angie88, give yourself a big hug and do something nice for yourself as a reward.

Thanks so much for sharing the great news. Have a wonderful, peaceful weekend!!!

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

I seriously want to start a SteveInCleveland appreciation thread! You're the best!

I am getting more and more anxious with my looming appointment and I have seen myself chickening out and canceling. It's with your posts that are helping me find the courage again.

Best wishes Angie!

Aw, shucks.

Seriously, I got so much out of this forum while I was still a "lurker," it's really a privilege to be able to reach back and lend a hand to people who just need a little get across. Everyone here is a wonderful person who just happened to end up with bad teeth and a nasty phobia, and seeing someone like angie88 grow so huge so quickly just brightens my life.

You'll be there soon, MC! Just keep posting here and psyching yourself up, and put one foot in front of the other. It takes a lot of courage, but you have it! Good luck and thanks for the super-kind words!

 

[Kim]

I have been a bit teary today, for no apparent reason, and so lovely things like this are just keeping me tear drops topped up - Seriously well done - and well done and big pat's on the back to all of us, for getting where we are today with the help from other's on here, and future people that will come on here and find a kind of 'refuge'.

Happy tears, and grateful tears

 

[toucan]

It really keeps you going doesn't it, reading outcomes like this. I think I shall always keep coming back to this forum to stop me EVER going back to the "not going".

OK I don't skip to the surgery, but I go because I want to keep everything as good as it can be in the "toof" department.

I am in awe of the detailed answers lots of you are able to give people. I shall just keep banging on about how good it is to get out of the nasty dark place we have all been at one time or another.