• Dental Phobia Support

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I will either be an inspiration or a cautionary tale

S

ScaredyCat22

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 14, 2014
Messages
1,318
I am going to tell my story, It will be long and hard and since it is still ongoing I don't know whether it will have a happy ending or not. Maybe I will be one of the lucky ones. So far I haven't been. I never thought I would be in this situation of having missing teeth. I used to think the only people with missing teeth was because they had been in car accidents or fights, or had chosen extraction over root canal. I also thought the only people with root canals had been in fights or accidents or attacked or chosen to let their teeth decay. But that is not true at all is it.

A bit of background first. I have never had beautiful straight white teeth. I also have never really cared. My baby teeth had very little enamel and thus were on the yellowy side. My mouth is small and my teeth were crowded. I was left with a pacifier too long as a toddler which probably contributed. I also had high forward canines which some people refer to as vampire teeth. Oh and lets not forget I have a cross bite. When my adult teeth came in they were the same, crowded, yellowish. I never viewed them as a fashion statement. I never had braces or bleaching or any of that. My teeth were not beautiful but they were healthy and they were functional and they were mine. I had no heat sensitivity or cold sensitivity and had never had a toothache in my entire life. I ate what I wanted and I enjoyed it. In fact I also enjoyed cooking. I was very good at it. To me cooking and eating and being praised for my efforts, and enjoying food with people was a very social thing to do. I was the person you come to when you need help with your cookie recipe. I was the person who baked 10 dozen holiday cookies at a time starting as early as Halloween and lasting through New Year. All the big holiday meals were my doing. I always baked enough that really nobody else had to. I was happy to make pies, cakes, or whatever for family members and neighbors. But that all changed when the pain started. If you can't eat then you sure don't want to cook. And if cooking and eating are a huge enjoyment in your life, it is quite devastating when you no longer have either. It is also very isolating when you can no eat what everyone else is having or no longer want to eat in front of people.

As a small child I never had dental care. We never ate healthy foods or drank milk or water. My mother went out of her way to buy the only toothpaste in those days which did not contain fluoride. Breakfast for me would consist of pancakes with about a cup of syrup poured over them, which if there was any not absorbed by the pancakes I would actually drink what was left... this would be served with coca cola. From the time I was 2 years old cocoa cola would be served to me with 3 meals a day, plus snack time. We always ate chips and junk foods. Meals were pizza and pasta etc. I did brush after meals though I had never heard of or seen dental floss. When I started school at 5 I was sick a lot. Throat infections, tonsillitis etc. I always had some sort of stomach bug at least once a month up until the time I had my tonsils removed. It was not unusual for me to have a bout of vomiting at least once or twice a month. sometimes I would vomit as many as 10 times a night. After every time I would of course brush my teeth with the hard tooth brush and non fluoride toothpaste. so there went most of the rest of my enamel.

When I was about 6 years old I remember telling my mother that my gums were bleeding when I brushed my teeth, and she told me that meant I was doing a really good job. That is likely when my gum disease began.

The first time I ever saw a dentist was because one came to school to examine everyone. I was 14 years old at the time. I assume a letter was sent home about the horrid state of my molars, because the next thing I knew I was being taken to the dentist to get a filling once a month for 9 months. I assume my parents could only afford to pay for one filling at a time which is why it would have been dragged out so long. All 8 of my molars needed fillings. One was so deep that it was done in 2 appointments, most likely to see if it survived without needing root canal, which if it had needed one I am sure it would have been extracted as my parents could not have afforded it. It survived well with a temp filling for a month and then was redone with a permanent filling. I had no fear of the dentist at this time. He was kind and did not hurt me. After every single appointment my life went on as usual, nothing ever hurt, my teeth looked different of course with these shiny amalgam fillings in them, but they felt the same, I ate the same and brushed the same and it felt as if nothing had been done. You know. just like it is meant to.

My parents never took me to the dentist again once my cavities were filled. I never had a cleaning or exam.
In fact I had my teeth cleaned for the very first time when I was around 20 and could pay for it myself. I had actually made the appointment to discuss my wisdom teeth that were coming in. The hygienist was rude and snotty and insulting. She told me I had gingivitis. (of course I did I was 20 years old and had never flossed and had never had a cleaning before) I did not know what that was and had to ask her. She acted like I was some kind of moron for even asking and said "you got it from not brushing your teeth enough." I thought that odd since I was brushing at least 4 times a day. In reality I had gingivitis because I had never had a cleaning and had never flossed. She did not tell me about flossing, and just assumed I never brushed. My cleaning was painful of course with 20 years of tartar build up. There was lots of bleeding and she seemed to enjoy hurting me. She said some very insulting and shameful things to me. When she was done she flossed my teeth very roughly, snapping the floss hard into my raw gums like they tell you to never do. That was my first experience with floss. It was also my first experience with being shamed and treated like I was disgusting. I never wanted to get another cleaning again.

I had my wisdom teeth out, and the recovery was painful but I healed in about a week.
Not bad I thought, 20 years old and the only work I ever had done was wisdom teeth removed and cavities filled.

I began to buy my own floss and used it although incorrectly because I didn't know how. I began to brush my teeth 8 or even 9 times a day because whatever this gingivitis was I didn't want it and was told I didn't brush enough. For years I brushed obsessively, too hard, too often, to the point that in several spots my gums were so raw and abraded they just disappeared, worn away down to the root of my teeth.
I brushed and brushed and never wanted to see a dentist or hygienist again.
It was 16 years before I ever went to a dentist again, and that my fellow phobics will be where I continue this journal next time.
 
16 years later, I was 36 years old, still never had another cavity, still never had a toothache in my life, and still never had another cleaning after that first one.

I was at a Halloween party at a bar with my husband. I had got up to take some pictures of the band, as they were friends of ours and had invited us. When I walked past a table to get a better picture taking angle a drunken women decided I was flirting with her boyfriend. She cussed me out, downed her drink and then used the glass of ice to punch me in the mouth.

I spit out crunchy bits of teeth. 3 of my top front teeth were chipped. not bad enough to cause pain. bad enough to leave dangerously sharp jagged edges.
I made an appointment the next day to see a dentist. I was very nervous, but at that time I was not terrified and did not have dental phobia. I guess I would be termed an anxious patient.

They made me have a complete set of 20 xrays. I found it uncomfortable at times, painful at others. I have a small mouth and it was hard to bite down the way they wanted me to because of it digging in and hurting so much. I was yelled at. Some of the xrays made me gag. They were unkind about it and I was embarrassed. I was afraid I was going to throw up. That was the first time I ever cried in a dentist chair.

When the dentist came in he said looking at my xrays I did not need a root canal. (I never thought I did)
I thought he could just bond my teeth where the jagged bits were. He told me this did not happen to me from getting hit. He told me it happened to me because my bite is so terrible. Strange I said since I have been biting for 36 years with no problem til a drunk punched me in the mouth with a glass of ice.
Whatever he said. I can file off the edges for you. So that is all he did. Filed the jagged bits down so they were not sharp. I was pretty sad. Like I said I have never had perfect or straight white teeth, but my front teeth were the most straight and perfect and now they were uneven.
He also told me I had "brushed my gums away"
I said I brushed a lot because a hygienist told me I didn't brush enough. He said I was doing it too much and too long and ruined my gums. Wow I thought.. I just can't win. I am brushing too much, I am not brushing enough, everything I do is wrong. He said I had a lot of tartar and needed a cleaning, but he had made me feel bad enough and I never set up an appointment to have it done.

It was 2 more years until I saw a dentist again. by then my gum disease had progressed.
 
2 years later, I was 38, had not had a cleaning in 18 years. I was aware I had gum disease but afraid to do anything about it. I had read ghastly things about gum surgeries and bone loss. I brushed and flossed and mouth washed and water piked. But none of that helps when you have not had a cleaning in so long.
One day when flossing, one of my front teeth clicked. Then I noticed I could click it back in place. It was starting to loosen. That was the last straw and I made an appointment even though I was terrified. I was afraid they would say it was too late. I was afraid they would say I needed surgery. I was afraid they would hurt me. I was afraid they would treat me like I was disgusting. I was afraid I would cry and be embarrassed in the chair. I was afraid I would gag and vomit. This was it, the start of dental phobia.

I worried myself sick all week waiting for appointment time. I could not eat or sleep, and I cried a lot.
When I went to the appointment I was so upset and crying they decided to only look at me that day, and to prescribe me a valium to take for my return visit. It was true, I had gum disease.

I was inconsolable all the next week waiting for my appointment, When the day arrived I took my valium and still did not feel relaxed.
They were kind to me in the office. They took xrays and said I did not have any severe bone loss.They said I had no cavities and my fillings were still ok.
They measured my gum pockets and they were 5s 6s 7s and an 8. They said my teeth were not the worst they had ever seen. We set up an appointment for scaling and root planning and I was prescribed a valium for that appointment too.

I was afraid there would be a lot of pain and bleeding but they numbed me nicely and it was not that bad. I had my scaling and planing and was given antibiotics and a prescription mouthwash. When I returned 3 months later to measure my pockets and have a regular cleaning my pockets were 1s 2s and a 4. It was considered a success and they squirted some antibiotics directly into the 4. I was to return again in 3 months, and then at that cleaning they told me I was doing great and could start coming every 6 months. I was so relieved!

However after those appointments, the next time I showed up for my cleaning my hygienist was not there. They had fired her. There was a new hygienist and she was not very kind. She was also very rough and did not care when she was hurting me. At all of my appointments they always said I had no cavities and see you in 6 months, but this did not stop my fear from returning. Every time I went to the dentist it would be a new hygienist. They always quit or were fired. I never got along with any of them very well, some were too rough, some were rude, and I started skipping appointments. I would go every 10 months, or once a year, once every other year. I dreaded going. I hated starting over with strangers every time I went. But I kept at it even though not regularly because I did not want my gum disease to come back. More years passed but I never needed any work done.
Then it happened. 2 years ago I was 47 years old, and I had all my teeth except wisdoms. I had not had a cavity in 33 years. I was a happy person enjoying what I expected to be the best years of my life, but things went downhill rapidly in September 2014 and I have been struggling along ever since.

I had a routine cleaning and thought all was well. But when the dentist came in for my exam he asked the hygienist had she recorded this broken 19. What??? I thought...
He said my very large 33 year old amalgam in tooth 19 would need to be replaced or crowned. There was a tiny chip out of it, which I actually needed a magnifying mirror to see. He said there was no decay under it, but that it needed to be done. I had no reason not to believe him but I wish now I had just said no thanks.
I was too afraid to get a crown, so I opted for refilling it. We set my appointment for October 8 2014. Yes I remember the date well because that is the day life as I knew it came to an end. That is the last time I ever chewed on the left side. That is the last time I ever chewed like a normal person at all really..... that is the last time I could say that I had never had a toothache in my life, or that I had never needed any work done other than fillings and extraction of impacted wisdom teeth. That was the last time I could say I have all my teeth. That was the start of a 2 year long nightmare that I have been suffering through ever since.
 
On the morning of October 8 2014 I was nervous but not terrified. My appointment was not til late afternoon so that left me the day to have to worry. I went most of the day without eating because of nerves. I thought I would eat a nice meal when it was all over. I was wrong.

I was 10 minutes early for my 4:30 appointment. I hoped maybe they would take me early. I thought maybe it would be over with by 5. I was wrong again.

My dentist, for the past decade, who saw me for exams and who knew how afraid I was, did not even show up. I was shocked. I was upset. I had been coming to him for years, he was the only one I had grown to trust and after all these years of never needing work done he finally says I need something done and he doesn't even show up? Instead some young woman said she would be working on me. I learned later she was his daughter. She didn't even introduce herself and she looked like she just graduated 5 minutes before she walked in the room. I wanted to just run away. I wanted to just say sorry I only want my dentist to work on me. I don't know you. If he doesn't want to be my dentist anymore I will find my own dentist. I don't know you. All these things went through my head but I was too afraid to voice any of them.

She got me in the chair and started taking pictures of my teeth. Talking to me about craze lines and stress lines and gum loss and things I don't want to hear about. It was upsetting. I do not like to be forced to look at giant magnified pictures of my teeth. She was clumsy with her little camera that goes inside your mouth. she was looking at a computer screen instead of what she was doing to me, and accidentally hit me pretty hard in the teeth with her camera. It scared me and made me jump. I freak out when my teeth are hit. I am afraid they may break. She and her assistant thought it was funny that I was scared. They laughed at me.

She gave me a couple of shots and they hurt a lot more than I remember them hurting 33 years ago the last time I had any. She left me laying down flat in the chair, well almost angled to the floor like I could slide right off and hit my head. she left me that way to get numb and I hated it. It is bad enough to lay down when they are working on you, but to me being made to lay down when it is not even necessary is just torture.

She came back a short time later and asked if my lip was numb. I said it was tingly so she gave me another shot. Then she began to drill. and drill, and drill, and drill. the noise was terrifying and the water spray was going up my nose and down my throat and I felt like I could drown and they would not even notice. Neither of them spoke to me. neither of them told me how it was going or how much longer it would be. They chatted to each other about "dinner last night" and "some guy who was totally inappropriate" and I thought to myself this is pretty inappropriate too......
A couple times the drilling stopped and she had me sit up and spit out bits of amalgam, swish rinse spit.
The cold water was painful. she said if I could feel the cold I was not numb enough and gave me another shot.
Then more drilling. and drilling and drilling. I was shaking with fear. my mouth was twitching and spasming so she got a bite block to hold my mouth open. I know this now, but at the time I wasn't told what it was. Nobody ever spoke to me.
Finally the drilling was done and I thought the worst was over. Because I had not had a cavity in 33 years but my memory of those fillings was that the drilling was the worst part, once that was done you were nearly home free... but again I was wrong.

She began to try to force some kind of band around my tooth. It was not fitting so she was pushing very hard. I was numb and did not feel pain but I felt this incredible pressure which was terrifying to me. She was pushing so hard that I thought my head would go through the head rest. Her assistant asked her at least twice or maybe 3 times if she wanted a different size, but she said no. she seemed determined this one was going to fit. This dragged on for at least 10 minutes. The pressure was unbearable to me.
Then she started the filling. I did not know what she was doing to me at the time because I squeezed my eyes shut tight with fear. But at one point during the filling, in addition to the horrific pressure I felt this white hot jolt in my jaw. It was not a pain because I was numb, but an intense feeling of heat.
I opened my eyes and they were curing the filling with a light. I was not sure what they were doing.. I had never had a composite filling before. If I had been told ahead of time that I was having one I would have mentioned my insurance does not cover that for molars. But it was too late now. When she took the band off the feeling of pressure did not go away.

When the filling was finally done I thought my appointment was over. Like I said I never had a composite before... when an amalgam was done you were free to leave, there was nothing left to do. So I was shocked and surprised when the drilling began again. Because of course the filling was too high.
There was much grinding. then checking with paper. then grinding more then rinsing and spitting and checking with paper. How does that feel she says. I don't know I am too numb and never been made to do this before I said. "well I can't tell how it feels for you" she said in a snotty exasperated tone.
I have never been so numb in my life I said. I am numb from my chin to my forehead. I have had eye surgery while awake without being this numb I can not feel my teeth I said.
She rolled her eyes at me and ground it down some more. How do your teeth on the other side feel she said. I can't feel them they are not touching I said. I can't keep grinding it down she said. So why did you make it so high? I said. That really pissed her off and she told me I should just come back another day.
I asked if this was such an ordeal why did they even make me have it done, my insurance doesn't even cover it. It is known to cause more cold sensitivity, especially when deep. My other filling lasted 33 years with no problems or pain and was first done with a sedative filling so the nerve had a chance to recover.This is better she said. I should have been asked! I said. she says the office is "moving away from amalgam" I said amalgam lasts longer and is covered by my insurance. she said what difference does it make how long it lasts your tooth is going to break anyway. I could not believe she was talking to me like this, and I left. I was stunned.
I got home and looked at it in the mirror. It looked like a blob of marshmallow... with a bit of metal sticking out of it. I touched the metal and felt a bit of a zing even though I was still numb. I thought they left a piece of amalgam stuck in my new filling.
I wanted to call and ask what the hell is this? But my appointment had lasted 80 minutes and by the time I got home they were closed. It would have to wait til the next day.
I waited for the numbness to wear off so I could eat. I waited and I waited. I finally gave up and went to bed hungry at 10pm that night, still numb from my chin to my forehead. Still with that feeling of pressure.
 
I slept for a few hours and woke up at 2am. I wasn't numb anymore. I was sore and stiff from the shots and that horrible feeling of pressure was still there. I went to the bathroom and rinsed out my mouth. The cold water hurt. I had never had cold sensitivity before. I flossed in case the feeling of pressure was something stuck between my teeth. It didn't help.
I went back to bed and just lay there uncomfortable and afraid and unable to sleep and waited for it to be morning so I could call the dentist.

I called as soon as they were supposed to open but you know how they never answer til at least 20 minutes past opening time. I called and called til finally they answered. I asked what is this metal in my tooth that looks like a piece of amalgam got left behind. Of course she knew nothing about it. I also said that cold was hurting me and a sharp edge was scraping the heck out of my tongue.
I had not eaten yet so at that time I didn't realize I couldn't!
She said she would speak to the dentist and get back to me.
Hours went by. No call came. I tried to eat scrambled eggs and was totally unable to chew on that side due to pain. The feeling of pressure was getting worse. I took some advil. It didn't help.
At the end of the day when no call came I called them again. She said she forgot to ask. Gee thanks. She said she would ask right then and get back to me.
Finally right before closing she called me. She claimed she spoke to both dentists and they agreed there was no metal left in my tooth, however if there was any metal it would not compromise the filling. What I likely saw, she claimed was a piece of articulating paper they check your bite with. Like I am an idiot who can't tell paper from metal? Well I said it is not blue like paper, it is silver, and it is not soft like paper it is hard and sharp and sticking up out of my tooth. Well she said if it bothers you then you can come in and have it buffed out. Super I thought. Now I have to go back. I specifically requested to see my own dentist and not the jerk who had done this to me. They said I had to wait 2 days to see him. I made the appointment though I was not happy to wait.
Meanwhile I noticed touching this metal or brushing my teeth caused sharp pain. The pressure was constant and driving me crazy. It was a miserable wait for my appointment.

When I went to my appointment and the dentist looked in my mouth he decided to xray it. It was indeed metal. Without my knowledge or consent a pin had been sunk into my tooth to support this new larger composite filling. Not only had it been done without my knowledge or consent but when I asked what it was I was lied to and told it was paper. I was not happy. I asked aren't pins known to crack teeth? (knowing full well that they are, especially when done by someone who is not even looking in your mouth but chatting away looking at the assistant instead of what they are doing)
He said my tooth was not cracked. I showed him where my tongue was cut and he ground the sharp edge off the filling. He also ground down the top so the metal wasn't sticking out of it anymore. He said to take advil for the pain and cold sensitivity and that it would settle. They charged $110 bucks for this appointment calling it emergency treatment even though they caused the emergency and even though they let me wait days for the appointment. I was sent off and told to give it time.

Time did not help. The pressure was unbearable. I could not chew even the softest of food. The cold sensitivity was so bad that even room temperature water that I used to swallow the advil with hurt. Toothpaste hurt. Anything touching it hurt. I began to lose a pound a day. I began to feel sick from taking 12 advil and 6-8 Tylenol per day on an empty stomach with no relief from the pain.

I went back to the dentist a week later. He said I must have a "bruised ligament" from a "high bite" and I must be "grinding my teeth" which seems to be their excuse when they don't know what is wrong. Funny I said that out of the blue after all these years I would start grinding my teeth and the only one that hurts is the one with the pin in it? I think this pin has cracked my tooth. No he said, your tooth is not cracked.
He ground it down some more, and although a bite adjustment is not supposed to hurt it was sheer agony for me due to the pressure and most of all the cold water spray. Then he painted something he called varnish on it for the sensitivity. I was told to take advil, and sent away again.

I stopped speaking to people, because it hurt to talk. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to eat. I could not eat or sleep or function. I wished that I would die.

Halloween was approaching, which used to be my favorite holiday. My husband and I used to travel up and down the coast attending Halloween attractions. Most of our tickets had already been purchased and were wasted. We didn't attend any of those events, I was in too much pain. I became very withdrawn and very depressed. There were days I did not get out of my nightgown. I spent my days crying and my nights wishing for death. I did not want to go back to the dentist who did this to me and then so easily dismissed me. I am not some big whiney baby. I have known pain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I have had a broken bone, I have given birth, I have gone 26 hours in labor with nothing for the pain. But some pain has a purpose and when you know it is going to get better or heal and you have hope it makes it tolerable. When you know something is seriously wrong and it is not going to get better it sends you to a very dark and isolating place.

I stopped cooking for my husband.. who wants to cook when you can not eat?
Halloween came and went. I did not decorate. We did not travel. I continued to take my 12 advil and 6-8 Tylenol a day.

In November 2014 after nearly a month of agony I made an appointment with another dentist. I thought surely he would send me for extraction and release me from this misery. But I was wrong.
 
November 2014 I made an appointment with another dentist. It was really hard for me. I cried on the phone trying to tell the office manager how scared I was and how much pain I was in and that my dentist had not helped me at all. I said I thought my tooth was cracked. To my surprise they were able to fit me in the very next day.

I walked in the office and was very shaky and nervous. I had taken a valium that I had leftover from an eye surgery that was done while I was awake. The atmosphere did not help at all. There were no other patients in the waiting room, which I found odd. The receptionist/office manager or whatever she was did not greet me. She was on the computer shopping for shoes. Loud annoying music was playing... well I suppose that is subjective. I am not a fan of rap or pop and have never encountered anything but relaxing music in a doctor or dentist office before. I caught the receptionists attention and gave her my name and insurance card and info. Then sat and waited and shook and wished I did not have to listen to "bang bang all over you" or whatever the name of that annoying song is. My husband had driven me to this appointment. I do not drive. We sat there rolling our eyes at each other every time the receptionist cackled into the phone. We eventually nicknamed her the hyena. It rhymed with her name.

Before too long the assistant came to get me and I met the dentist. I told him through shaking and tears about the pain I had been having ever since a pin was sunk in my tooth without my knowledge or permission. I told him how hard it had been for me to get to a point that I could visit a dentist regularly. I told him I needed a dentist who would not do things to me without my permission. I told him I thought my tooth was cracked and that I had been losing weight and been unable to chew on it for nearly a month. I told him it ruined my Halloween and I was so dreading thanksgiving and devastated at the thought of cooking a big meal that I would be unable to eat. I told him about the feeling of pressure and the agonizing cold sensitivity. I told him I had been taking 12 advil a day plus Tylenol for nearly a month with no relief from the pain.

I expected that since I had never seen him before this would be a quick 10 minute appointment where he would examine and xray it then either tell me to come back to have my tooth extracted another day, or he would refer me somewhere to have it extracted since most dentists don't do it themselves.

He looked at it, xrayed it, and said he did not think it was cracked, or infected. He said I had "reversible pulpitis" that my "filling was too big and the tooth had been unable to recover because of it" He said a "crown would better insulate and protect it from the cold so it can settle" He said "I can crown it for you right now and you will be chewing on it by tonight"

I did not know at the time that you are NEVER supposed to put a permanent crown on a toothache. I was not very knowledgeable on dental matters. I had never had or needed major dental work. I had not even had a cavity in 33 years. Of course I also didn't know that I was on my way to having more dental work in the next 2 years than most people have in their life time, or certainly more than I had ever had in my 47 years of life.
I asked how much this would cost since we are by no means wealthy and I knew insurance would only pay around half. $1200 he said and you will be chewing on it tonight. I agreed. He numbed me and began the crown prep. I was not given safety glasses and water spray and bits of tooth and bits of filling flew everywhere. I shook the whole time. The drill was so loud. I felt a chunk of tooth or filling just break off and clunk against my other teeth. I nearly jumped out of the chair. Then finally the drilling part was done.

I was laying down flat which I hate and he was behind me. He reached for retraction cord or something and I don't know if it was his elbow or his knee but I was hit hard in the top of my head. It hurt and it terrified me. He apologized. If not for the valium I probably would have run off screaming. I also probably would have wondered how he had time to do all this at 1 days notice and had no other patients coming in.

I had digital impressions done and then the computer sent it all to the cerec to mill my crown while I waited.
He showed me the machine and let me watch my crown being milled for a few minutes. It mills the crown from a single ceramic block, which he actually misrepresented to me as "porcelain/zirconia" He did a lot of bragging about it. That he was one of the first dentists in this area to have this technology and blah blah blah. That he is the dentist for... I am not sure if I should name them but a semi professional baseball team. How they all come to him. Just lots and lots of bragging. I was sent back to the waiting room for a while because eventually another patient wandered in. I was told he would call me when my crown was ready. I went and sat with my husband. The dentist came out and thanked my husband for bringing me and taking the day off work and told him how I was going to be fine and chewing on that tooth by tonight, that the worst was over, and shook his hand, and went back to check on my crown I guess. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror at my tooth, and was sorry that I did. My gums were raggedy and raw and my tooth was of course a tiny little stub. Kind of like when you have nightmares about your teeth. I was really sorry I looked at it.

They called me back and cemented my crown. He ground it down some because it had high spots. I asked if I could have something for the pain for when the numbness wore off. I was so tired of being in pain. He said there would not be any pain. He said there might be mild soreness in my gums. He said I could chew on my tooth as soon as the numbness wore off. He said there may still be some minor cold sensitivity but that "it would get gradually better hour by hour and day by day until it is gone" He said it would be noticeable better by evening.
I thanked him. It actually makes me sick right now to think how grateful I was. I had survived getting a crown. I was so proud of myself. And I was so ready to get back to my pain free life. He told my husband that I did great.

We went home and I waited for the numbness to wear off. When it had not quite worn off I already felt that horrible feeling of pressure coming back. I took 4 advil with a room temperature bottle of Poland spring, and the cold sensitivity was still there. As the numbness totally wore off I knew this had failed. My pain was exactly the same as before the crown, except now my gums also hurt and my jaw was stiff and inside my cheek hurt from all the shots. I tried to eat scrambled eggs and could not chew on it at all. I had gone through this terror for nothing. So far I had been through 4 appointments in a month all for this same tooth. I had been charged 360 bucks to replace a filling that should have been left alone. I had been charged 110 for emergency treatment even though the dentist caused the emergency and now 1200 bucks more plus another days lost pay for my husband.
It did not get better "hour by hour" or "day by day" as promised.
The pain stayed with me and I grew more and more depressed, more and more isolated. I cried a lot and avoided people as much as possible. It hurt to eat and speak and breathe. It hurt to be alive.

I went back to him again. He did a bite adjustment and gave me that speech about grinding my teeth, at which point I made him actually examine my teeth and show me where are the signs of grinding. There were none. He said I did not even have a lot of the normal wear and tear one would expect in a person my age. "you have the molars of a teenager" he said, then stop telling me I grind my teeth I said. Frankly not only do I not grind my teeth I don't even like to be forced to do it for a bite adjustment. It makes my skin crawl. It feels disgusting. I do not grind and I do not clench and I am in the habit of not even closing my teeth together other than when I am chewing. In fact I was around 13 years old when I read somewhere your teeth should never touch when you are not chewing, and I made it a point to get into that habit. It took me a few weeks to get used to it but I did. Thus the reason I have "the molars of a teenager" none of my teeth are worn down.
He said the bite adjustment would fix it. It didn't.

I continued to suffer. he never gave me anything for the pain so I continued the advil and Tylenol. Thanksgiving came and went. I cooked a huge meal for my family but I only ate mashed potatoes. I cleaned the mess, went to bed and cried. I had been in agony for going on 2 months. I had not even kissed my husband in 2 months. My whole head hurt from my ear to my chin. It hurt worse to bend down or look down. sharp stabbing pains in my jaw along with the pressure. This was the most miserable holiday season of my life. My husband began sleeping on the couch. Partly because he was afraid he would bump me. Partly because I really didn't sleep anymore. I would toss and turn and cry a lot.I had always been a side sleeper but the pain in my face would no longer allow that. Sleeping on my back leads to more nightmares for me. It is like laying down on your back in the dentist chair. If I fall asleep on my back I now get what is called sleep paralysis. If I am on my back I feel like something gets on me, holding me down. When I did sleep the pain would invade my dreams. I had a lot of nightmares. My husband would come in and wake me because I was screaming in my sleep.
I called the dentist and said I could not stand this agony anymore. They gave me an appointment to come back December 1 2014.
 
Holy cow, scaredy! I know much of the later part of this story, but didn't really understand how it all started. You have been stronger than I think I could have been!
 
December 1 2014 I am back in the dentist chair, I have swallowed my last leftover valium and my husband is losing another days pay.
The dentist takes an xray and says it looks great. No Abscess, no cracks. By this time I have been reading online about cracked teeth. I have been reading how pins are no longer considered good dentistry. I am reading how some dentists will no longer even use them because it is known to weaken teeth. I have seen pictures of teeth that have cracked as soon as pins have been placed. I am remembering how this pin was done while the dentist barely looked at me and spent most of her time looking at and chatting to the assistant. I have read about how teeth can be cracked all the way through and still not show up on an xray. I ask him is he sure I should not get this tooth extracted. I know he is the "expert" and I am just the patient but I have known for 2 months of agony that something is seriously wrong. He says he does not think it is cracked. he does not know what the problem is but he says "I can root canal that tooth for you right now, and you will never feel that tooth again. How much does that cost I ask? Another 950 bucks. Sure I say, lets do it. Even though I am terrified and even though I can not believe this tooth is going to cost another thousand. I am desperate for pain relief. I am terrified at the thought of root canal. But the valium keeps me from questioning why he has time to do this right now. Why does he not have other patients to see? Whey are we doing this without safety glasses. Why are we doing this without a dental dam.. not that I even knew what a dental dam was back then.

He numbs me up and at least that is relief from my constant pain.
He drills a hole through my new $1200 crown.
He uses a bite block because I can't stop my jaw from quivering.
He begins to go into my tooth with files.
He says I am barely even bleeding.
What does that mean?? I ask because I would have been happier to not know I was bleeding at all.
It means your tooth has died and is infected he says. Oh... I thought you said if it was dead or infected it would show on xray? I thought you said if it was dead or infected I would have heat sensitivity? I thought you said my cold sensitivity was a good sign and meant it was just reversible pulpitis? all of this went through my mind but... but... then tools are back in my mouth so I can not voice any of this out loud.

Your root tip is calcified he says but I am not worried about it. How nice for you I think. I am worried about it. I am scared to death about it why do you tell me these things but not what they mean?
1 canal is dead and infected he says. one is still alive but dying he says.
I can not finish this today because of the infection he says.
After he is done with the files he squirts something in my tooth. Some of it gets in my mouth. It tastes horrible. Like a combination of bug spray and bleach. The assistant hoovers it up with the suction but I am gagging on it. I have to sit up. That is horrible I said. oh that? you taste the infection? No I taste chemicals. Oh here. I am given a cup and told to go to the bathroom and rinse out my mouth.
Back in the chair he puts in some sort of cottony stuff with something to kill germs. He is sending me home with a prescription for antibiotics. we will finish this in 10 days he says. I am leaving your tooth open to drain he says. Don't chew on it or you will get a jolt of pain he says. I have not chewed on that side for 2 months now anyway I say. Good he says then you are used to it. See you in 10 days.
Can I have something for the pain when the numbness wears off? There won't be any pain he says.
I go home. I look in the mirror and see this big empty hole in my tooth.
I start my antibiotics.
The numbness wears off.
The pain is back. The exact same pain. I swallow 4 advil with room temperature water. The cold does not hurt this time.. since there are no nerves left in my tooth. Well that's nice. I have so far spent $2150 to get rid of cold sensitivity that I never had before the $360 filling... But the pain is constant and I can not believe that Christmas is coming, and then I will carry this agony into the new year.
 
Holy cow, scaredy! I know much of the later part of this story, but didn't really understand how it all started. You have been stronger than I think I could have been!

Thank you Fearful.
I have never written it all out before. I hope that if I write it all down and let it all out I can somehow let it go.
It's coming up on the anniversary of the day that dentist broke my tooth. 2 years of this and I still don't really have my life back. Everything is so much different now. My life is split in before and after. I hope some day to have my life back...I still feel very strongly that if it's not broke don't fix it!
 
Scaredycat22,

I am so sorry you are going through this and have had to endure this much. I knew some of your story from other posts but not all of it. I think writing this all out will be benficial to you as well as others. Though your journey is not finished and hasn't been smooth sailing I think you are an inspiration to anyone going through dental treatments. I know you inspire me and make me feel not alone in my own journey and bumpy dental road. I feel that one day you will be able to enjoy life again as you did before.
 
Scaredycat22,

I am so sorry you are going through this and have had to endure this much. I knew some of your story from other posts but not all of it. I think writing this all out will be benficial to you as well as others. Though your journey is not finished and hasn't been smooth sailing I think you are an inspiration to anyone going through dental treatments. I know you inspire me and make me feel not alone in my own journey and bumpy dental road. I feel that one day you will be able to enjoy life again as you did before.

Thank you Kemmie
I hope that I will have a happy ending and I hope that my happy ending will inspire others to not give up. This is my first time ever telling the whole story because to this day I can not speak of it without crying. But I have not given up yet and I guess until I do there is hope for me...I hope your dental journey has a happy ending too.
 
A few days after the start of my root canal I still had no relief from the pain. I was still taking advil and Tylenol and the antibiotics were starting to make me sick. I wasn't eating very much. Even though I could chew on the other side it hurt to even move my jaw up and down. And now I had this gaping hole in my tooth where he did not even put a temp filling. Even if I chewed on the other side food would get in. Once food got right on it and I did not know til I bit down and what a jolt of pain that was. Once I drank chocolate milk now that I didn't have the cold sensitivity.. and my tooth was literally filled with it. It was like a cup, just holding everything I put in my mouth. This can not be good I thought.
When I was about halfway through the antibiotics I called the office to let them know there had been no improvement in the pain. I was told to keep taking the antibiotics and they would see me on the 10th.

By the time the 10th came around my husband's boss was pretty fed up with him needing time off work practically once a week. I thought to myself good thing this is my last appointment. HA!! if only I had known.
I was out of leftover valium this time so the fear level was even higher.
I got in the chair and I asked him was he sure we should even finish this? There had been no improvement in my pain level are you sure it isn't still infected? (I now do not believe it ever was infected.. I never had an abscess, I never had heat sensitivity, I never had swelling yet or any sign of infection other than PAIN)
He said it absolutely was not infected.
He numbed me up. I actually looked forward to these shots.. it was the only time I got a break from the agony.
He went through it all with the files again. and as usual no safety glasses or dental damn.
Then more bleach water bug spray tasting stuff which at least they did not drip into my mouth this time.
Then the hot gutta percha stuff which at least he did explain to me because it was smoking and steaming and scaring me to death!
He had some kind of fancy computer software so that he did not have to take an xray. the screen showed when the canal was filled and beeped when it reached the bottom of my tooth. Lots of fancy technology he had.. you'd think he could spend a few cents on safety glasses..... but oh well.
I did pretty good as far as not shaking all through it this time. I was scared but there was no drilling so it was an easier appointment. when he was done he topped it off with a filling. My fancy new crown looked horrible now, but all I cared about was if there would be pain.
and I asked again........ can I PLEASE have something for when the numbness wears off, I have been poisoning myself with overdoses of advil and Tylenol for 2 months now I can not take anymore PAIN Christmas is coming. My family needs me I can not be curled up in this useless ball of misery and PAIN.

and again.... I got "There is not going to be any pain." "Your tooth may be sensitive to bite on for a few days" "but there will be no pain" "The sensitivity will get better minute by minute and hour by hour til in a few days it will be gone"

And I went home........ and the numbness wore off...
and there was the same exact constant pain I had been having for 2 months. PRESSURE like my tooth was still in that band that first horrible dentist had used. Like my tooth was in vice grips. Like it was going to explode. Pain that got worse when I moved, or turned my head, or looked down or bent down. I could not bend to wash my hair in the sink. I could not put my head down to dry my hair. I could not bend down and pick up anything if I dropped it on the floor. It hurt to speak. Just the vibration of my voice in my own mouth hurt my tooth. Just the side of my tongue brushing against the side of my tooth or gums with every word I would say HURT.

I called him and asked for something for the pain. He would not give me anything. give it time he said. I had a root canal 20 years ago that still bothers me once in a while he said. uh huh and did it make you want to die? I thought. did it stop you talking and sleeping and eating and functioning?
I gave it time. time did not help. I called him again a few days later. He said to come in. I went in, he adjusted the bite. It did not help. I again voiced my concern that my tooth was cracked. He said I do not think it is cracked. Then he pressed on the side of my gums and said if it was cracked it would hurt down here. IT DOES I said. It does? he said. hmm...I don't think it's cracked he said.
My husband was being told if he took more time off work he would get fired, and so he was forced to explain our personal details and how his wife was suffering....
I was given a second course of antibiotics. Even though there was no infection. Just in case of "residual infection in the jaw"
They did not help. Christmas was coming. I had not decorated. I had not baked. I had not shopped. I told my husband I was not going with him to his mother's.. I pretty much stopped participating in life altogether. I did not cook, I did not clean, I did not go out of the house, I did not answer the phone, I did not always get dressed unless I had a dentist appointment. I lived on coffee and milk shakes and antibiotics and advil and Tylenol. I don't know why I kept taking them, they did nothing for the pain. At night I would take an overdose of advil pm to sleep for a little while. I would pray that I would just die. When I would wake up a couple hours later I would be disappointed to still be alive. I would get up. I would make coffee. I would wander around the house at 2am crying and drinking coffee.

That was around the time I think I found this site. and I would read and read all night. The sad parts, the success stories. I wanted to be one of those success stories so bad. But it was not happening for me.
I went to the dentist again. I told him I can not live like this. I can not stand this pain. I need to be rid of this tooth. He told me to give it time. He prescribed a third course of antibiotics. I filled them but did not take them. I was still sick from last time.

I left his office devastated. I came home and called Aspen Dental. I begged them to take my tooth out. I was told that they would but we had to drive out of state. I said I would have to call back. I asked my husband if he would take me. He said he would. When I called them back to accept the appointment they were less positive about absolutely extracting. I began to cry on the phone and said I could not live in this agony another day. They told me at the very least they would give me something for the pain.

They didn't do either. But I will get to that next time.
 
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So it was maybe a week before Christmas. Oddly I don't remember the exact date. I remember that I had not gone to my sister's for our annual Christmas get together that we had been having for over 20 years. I remember that I had sat at the computer and ordered some crappy last minute Christmas gifts because I had not been to the stores at all. I think I bought gift cards. I honestly can not remember what I gave or received that year. I just remember being in pain constantly. I did not go out. I did not see people. I did not answer the phone. I did not go with my husband to see his family. I suffered. our marriage suffered. We barely spoke to each other. speaking was painful. Physical contact was pretty much off limits. We had not kissed in months. Sometimes we would hug but not without me telling him "be careful" don't touch my face" "don't bump me"
how romantic right? I remember being very isolated and lonely. I remember feeling guilty that my family would be eating store bought crappy pies and cookies, but then sometimes feeling resentful that they were able to eat them and I was not. I ate mushy stuff.....only slowly and carefully chewed on the other side while praying nothing would accidentally touch that tooth. I ate one meal a day just to not starve to death and to get it over with. I ate alone. I never ate in front of anyone because it was embarrassing how slow I was and how long it took me and the faces of pain I would make when something accidentally touched my tooth.
If I happened to be eating something and my husband would come home early from work I would just throw it in the garbage. I did not want anyone to see me trying to eat, not even my husband.

I remember it was snowing when we left for Aspen Dental. The roads were bad and it was a long drive because they made me go out of state. It took about an hour to get there. They had advertised free exam and xray for new patients so I thought I would just have to pay for extraction or my insurance would pay, but that was false advertising.

I filled out a ton of forms. There was a line for "reason for today's visit" and bravely I wrote down "extraction of failed root canal" I had NEVER had an extraction before while awake. I had only ever had my wisdom teeth out. But I was ready to be rid of this tooth.
They called my name and an assistant sat me in a dentist chair. She began to ask me questions and I began to cry while trying to answer.
She took me down a hallway and took a panorex xray.
She brought me back to the dentist chair and told me he would be right in.
He did come in and he asked me why I thought it needed extracting. I said because I have been in agony for going on 3 months and can not stand this pain or the thought of still having this pain in the new year. I have been taking 12 advil and 6-8 Tylenol every single day for nearly 3 months now. I can not eat or sleep or function. I need my life back. He looked at my xray and said there did not seem to be anything wrong with it. He looked at my face and said that side did look a little swollen. He looked in my mouth and said it looked fine. He had me bite on a stick which I did not want to do. I told him I am unable to chew on the tooth at all. He made me do it anyway. Putting the stick on different edges of my tooth and making me bite and asking does this hurt. how about this, does it hurt here. and the answer was YES that hurts and so does that and so does over there. yes it hurts anywhere you touch it. yes it hurts constantly even when you don't touch it at all. It hurts to open my mouth. It hurts to speak, It hurts to put my face down, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to have room temperature water.
who did this root canal he asks. and I told him. well... you will have to go back to him if you want it redone he says. I do not want it redone I said I want it out. Well.. it looks ok. It could be a failed root canal.. or it could be a fractured tooth.. but I can't extract this for you. You can make another appointment if you want.. to see our endodontist. he's not here today. you can come back after the new year, it might be able to be retreated. I DO NOT WANT IT RETREATED I said. I DO NOT CARE if it is a failed root canal or a crack all I care about is this non stop constant agony, and I want it out. by then I am sobbing and shaking and can not believe they are going to leave me in this pain. all they care about is making a thousand bucks off me for another root canal?
Well he says, if you don't want to come back here you have to go to the dentist who did the root canal. I have been to him I say. I have been to him several times. I have been to him today. I have been put on 3 courses of antibiotics and told to swish with warm salt water. water hurts, swishing hurts, I have been given nothing for the pain and I should have the right to stop living in agony and spending all my time in a dentist chair paying for horrible procedures that have not helped me at all.
Sorry he says, I can not extract it. Go to the waiting room and someone will call you to give you a prescription.

The assistant gives me tissues because I am blubbering like a baby. I go to the waiting room and sit with my husband. He is not thrilled either that we came all this way in the snow for nothing. We wait for my prescription. we wait and we wait. finally some guy comes out and calls for me. he takes me to a room with a desk and chair, looks over a folder asks me am I sure I don't want to come back to see the endodontist. maybe my tooth can be retreated.
Look, I said, my tooth was fine UNTIL it was treated. I NEVER had a toothache in my life til it was treated. I have had more TREATMENT in the last couple months than I can stand. I have had this tooth xrayed enough times to have developed a super power from the radiation. I have had enough shots in my face to have developed scar tissue. I am not interested in spending any more money to be in any more agony. I am not interested in trying to keep this tooth. this tooth is KILLING me. what good is it to save the tooth if I can not eat or sleep or function? So what someday I will die and still have this tooth? and this pain? and that is some kind of accomplishment? to have lived the entire rest of my life with this toothache? if I did want to see an endodontist I would see one in the state where I live, not come all the way here. I came here because I was told my tooth would be extracted or I would at LEAST be given something for the pain. So far I have come out in this snow for nothing. It is a LONG DRIVE HOME can you at least give me my prescription?
He hands me a slip of paper.
I look at it.
After having told them that I have been taking 12 Advil and 6-8 Tylenol every single day for nearly 3 months with NO RELIEF WHATSOEVER
My prescription is prescription strength Advil. which equals the same dose I have already been taking.
I didn't bother filling it or even taking it. I think I may have laughed a bit hysterically when I saw that I had come all this way for advil.. I already had a brand new bottle of generic Walmart brand ibuprofen at home.. because it comes in a giant bottle of 1000 tablets. I bought it because I had nearly finished the first bottle of 1000 tablets already.
Back out into the snow we went for the hour long drive home. There would be no Christmas miracle for me.
 
It was nearly Christmas 2014
I had been in agony nearly 3 months.
I did not go out of the house except for dentist appointments that never helped me. I did not see people. Life was passing me by and I was not participating in life. It was very isolating and lonely. I existed but did not live. I hated to get up in the morning. All my days were the same. Just trying to survive one day to the next. looking at the clock to see if I could take more advil yet even though it didn't help. Looking at the clock to see if this day was over yet, whether I had survived another day of misery.

Phone calls and invitations were fewer and further between now. If you stop bothering with people long enough they stop bothering with you too. Of the few calls that still came and of the few that I answered the conversations were pretty much always the same. "that tooth is still bothering you?" really?" "all this time" that SAME tooth"? why don't you get it pulled out? are you sure it is not just your imagination 3 dentists told you it was fine? well.. we all have our aches and pains to deal with.."you know, maybe it is TMJ" you know jaw pain can be a heart attack"
yes that was my favorite one of all.... A heart attack. not my tooth, I am just having a 3 month long heart attack which conveniently started the second an incompetent dentist sunk a pin in my tooth. uh huh. sure. "well, hope you have a merry Christmas anyway" yeah.. right.

I cooked a small Christmas dinner for just my husband and son. not even a turkey, a perdue oven stuffer roaster, some mashed potatoes, store bought cranberry, store bought dinner rolls, a lousy pie I made with store bought crust. I didn't eat with them. I felt guilty that this was the best I could do. I felt resentful for having to do even that much. It was not a merry day at my house. I am sure we exchanged gifts at some point. I can not remember what they were. I stood at the window looking out at all the neighbors brightly decorated houses. I envied them their merry Christmas.

Christmas was over and the thought of starting another year with this same agony made me want to die. I was not a good wife. I was not a good friend, I was not a good mother, I was not a good neighbor. I was nothing. I was useless. I was helpless and hopeless and filled with despair. Why did I ever let that dentist replace my filling? why did a crown and root canal not help me? why had I spent all this money when I was FINE before? so yeah.. maybe my tooth would not have lasted forever but I was damned sure it would have lasted me the holidays at least. Why did I let them work on it when nothing was wrong. Was nothing wrong now? was I insane? did I really have such a great imagination that I am imagining this pain? Was I some whiney baby after all? all these thoughts half formed in my head. Too much pain to think straight.

No I finally thought.. my imagination is not this good. Yes this pain is real. yes 3 dentists can misdiagnose you. I am not the kind of person who can imagine this. The power of suggestion does not work on me. If it did I would have felt better "minute by minute and hour by hour" as the dentist kept promising. I am not crazy I decided. I was done waiting to feel better. I was done waiting to see if I would still have this toothache when I die. I was going to call the dentist in the morning. I was going to demand to be released from this agony. He was after all always telling me :call me anytime" "even call my cell phone" I was going to do it. I didn't care if it interrupted his happy holiday plans.
 
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I did it. I called the dentist. I called him on his cell. I called him at 7am. I didn't care if I woke him up. I hoped I did. I had not had a night's rest in months, why should he. He had my $2150 and I had nothing but agony. I was sick of waiting for it to get better "day by day and minute by minute"

The phone rang, and rang, and he answered in a half asleep voice. Good.
I can not stand this pain another day I said.
Funny, he knew right who I was.
I don't know what to tell you he said.
Tell me where to go to get this tooth out I said.
He began to tell me about a very expensive surgery. apicoectomy or something like that. Something to cut the root tip off. It is "sometimes successful" he says.
NO I said. No more money, no more procedures, no more promises that it will get better minute by minute and hour by hour. This needs to be over.
I wish it had worked out for you he said.
Yeah me too when can I get this tooth out I said.
Most oral surgeons are away for the holidays he said.
I need you to find me someone who is taking emergency patients I said.
Let me think. call the office later he said the office manager will have the info and make the referral for you.

I did. I spoke to the hyena. She gave me a name. No I said, you call for me. It hurts me to even talk. you call and you tell them that I have been coming there for months with NO RELIEF from this agony and you tell them it is an emergency and you tell them they need to fit me in before the new year. YOU tell them. you tell them you are referring me for emergency extraction. YOU do it. the dentist told me that YOU would do it. (so sorry to cut into your shoe shopping online time is what I am thinking)
She said she would and call me back.

Later that day it was done. I had an appointment she said for December 30. 2014. The oral surgeons office would be calling me to confirm

They did. we went over my insurance info. I said how terrified I was and asked if I could be prescribed a valium or something. she said no he doesn't do that. I could have nitrous if I wanted but do not eat or drink before it. I won't I said. I barely do anyway. Nitrous is 100 bucks more she says. I don't care I said. she put me down for nitrous and said see you on the 30th.

So the day before new years eve...my misery will possibly come to an end.

Dec 30 2014 another days lost pay for my husband.
We head to the oral surgeons. I am a nervous wreck. I am afraid to get my tooth out but even more afraid they will not take it out.
I get there and fill out forms. I am just about done filling out the insu info when a big burly woman comes and practically yells at me "we don't take your insurance and I already told your dentist we don't take your insurance. Oh. super. thanks so much for making me fill out all the info with my shaking hands anyway.
I have to pay cash. I have to pay in advance. They don't have me down for nitrous. just surgical extraction. I need the nitrous I say. the girly thinks that's funny. he usually just gives that to the kids she says. Oh well, if it is safe for kids it must be safe for me I say. Oh are you scared she giggles. it's nothing, it's really nothing. uh huh. sure it is I think. I think it but I do not say
what teeth did you ever lose? your baby teeth for braces? It is not nothing to lose a first molar. the biggest and most useful tooth in your head.

I will have to ask him if you can have the nitrous she says. well you better go do that right now then I say. she does. he says yes. now she wants me to give her $350 in cash. I can't. I only have 200. I give her the 200 and put the rest on a credit card.

They call me in. I get in the chair. I am so afraid. I am shaking all over. The oral surgeon is very nice to me. He tells me it will be fine. They put a blood pressure cuff on me. They leave me there because the oral surgeon is busy with other patients. Out of the kindness of his heart he has crammed me in today even though he doesn't really have much time. he is totally booked with other patients. I sit there and I watch my blood pressure being taken every 10 minutes. I watch the readings getting higher the longer I wait.

Finally he comes back. this is it. It's my turn.
The assistant uses a numbing gel on me. Unfortunately she is numbing THE WRONG SIDE
After everything I have been put through I practically scream WORNG TOOTH WRONG TOOTH WRONG TOOTH! I am freaking out.
I know, says the oral surgeon. I have your xray right here. tooth 19. It's ok. I know.
sorry mumbles the assistant.
My GAWD the thought of going through all this and leaving with the same agony and the wrong tooth extracted is more than I can stand.
she numbs the correct side. he puts the nitrous on me. it is more blowing in my eye than getting in my nose. I do not feel relaxed. I feel terrified. He gives me a shot. I am squeezing my eyes shut tight and gripping the arms of the chair so tightly my hands are white and I am surprised I don't break the arm rests off.
I am going to take the tooth now he says. WHAT? I think? after ONLY 1 SHOT/OMG IT'S GOING TO HURT. I have never only had one shot and I do not get numb this fast and omg omg what is this pressure I am so afraid I am going to have a heart attack.. and he says my name. can you hear me? he says. of course I can hear you I think.. I am not sedated. I can only say uh huh. The tooth is out he says. It was cracked all the way through he says. That is where all your pain cam from he says. Nothing could have saved it he says. I am giving you 2 stitches. what? wait? it's over? it's over that fast? I only felt pressure? how am I so numb so fast. omg is it really over? I squint my eyes open a bare crack and see him pulling a thread out of my mouth. oh my god it's over. and it didn't hurt.
You are ok he says. I am giving you a prescription for Vicodin and antibiotics he says.

I was right all along. My tooth was cracked. That pin. that miserable pin that I never wanted or consented to. she cracked my tooth with it.

and just like that.. I had survived my first tooth extraction. Sadly it would not be my last.
If I could go back in time I would tell myself again on that day, if it's not broke don't fix it. you have a gap now get used to it. But that was not to be.
 
December 30 2014
Got home from my extraction. Looked in the mirror and saw I was already swollen. Hubby got me all situated propped up on pillows. I decided to put my nightgown on.. wanted this day to be over.
I sat propped up in bed, biting on gauze, watching tv, tasting that yucky blood taste while my husband went off to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. I was still a little numb. Make them hurry I said.
I was so afraid of what would happen when the numbness wore off. I wanted my pain pill right away. What if that horrible pressure came back? The pain must be expected to be pretty intense if he gave me Vicodin right?

The bleeding kept going for a while, but it slowed down a lot. I wanted it to totally stop so I could eat or drink something soft because I did not want to get sick from the pain meds and antibiotics. I used the tea bag trick. yuck! nobody tells you that this will basically make a thick blood sludge tea right in your mouth. and you are not allowed to spit or rinse. But at last the bleeding stopped.
I drank a glass of chocolate milk.
Hubby appeared just around then with my prescriptions. I took the antibiotics but decided not to take the Vicodin yet. I wanted to know how bad the pain was. I wanted to know I did the right thing getting rid of the tooth.
The numbness gradually wore off.
I was sore. I used an ice pack on the swelling
It was VERY sore...... but I didn't need the Vicodin. It was NOTHING compared to the agony I had been through. Nothing. I was not a whiney baby after all. This was easy. and better yet this was a pain that would eventually heal and go away.
I was over the moon happy.
I was also angry.
How DARE a dentist fracture my tooth? How DARE they sink this pin in it without my knowledge or consent and then LIE about it? How DARE they blow me off and make me feel like I am crazy? I have had all these procedures for nothing? They have made close to 3000 bucks off me? for what? to leave me in agony. They stole 3 months of my life. of time away from my family. I have never felt such rage in my life. all those lost days pay? all those tickets purchased that we never got to use. All those events we didn't attend together. All those months I wanted to die? I had not had a cavity in 33 years and now I am missing a tooth? A tooth that was crowned and root canaled unnecessarily ? a tooth that should not have had a filling replaced.
 
My new years eve was spent at home recovering from the extraction
On January 1 2015 my new year dinner was applesauce which tasted of blood from the extraction. It was not a very cheery start to the year but at least I was rid if the agony.

Healing seemed to be taking place but I still had some on and off pain. My tooth in front of as well as my tooth behind the extraction felt weird, sensitive to touch the sides that had never been exposed before. Not a pain exactly, just a creepy feeling that made my skin crawl. When I would brush my teeth those by the extraction felt unstable. Like if I wanted to I could just spit them out after brushing and rinsing.

After 3 weeks when I still had some on and off pain I went back to have the oral surgeon look at it. He said it looked great, just give it some time, it had been a surgical extraction, it can take a while to feel normal. No infection he said.

I did give it time but I can't say it ever felt normal to me to have that huge gap. My tongue was kind of spreading out into the space. It would get scraped against the edges of those teeth where it had never been able to touch before. It would feel sore.My bite was a little off. My tongue was getting scraped. I could not get used to chewing on that side with no tooth there. Soft food was uncomfortable, and more substantial food would stab at my gums in the empty spot. Sometimes it would bleed. I gave up trying and just continued to chew on the other side. I had been chewing on the other side since October 8 anyway and was used to it.

Near the end of January 2015 I got a text reminder from the dentist office... to come in for my appointment to put a post and core in the root canal. The root canal that was left behind in the oral surgeons trash with my extracted tooth that is. They were the ones who referred me for extraction, they knew I did not have the tooth anymore so why did they expect me to keep an appointment to work on a tooth that I didn't have?.

I called them and told them I had no reason to come in to work on a tooth that is in the trash. I did say I was due for a cleaning though, and would not mind discussing my options for replacing my extracted molar that I had just finished paying a root canal for. I also mentioned I was kind of surprised they made me pay for it, considering they knew I had to have it extracted before it was even finished.

We set up an appointment for February 2015 to discuss options and to have my cleaning.

People had ben telling me what was done to me was wrong.. the way I was treated had been wrong. They suggested I should sue the dentist who cracked my tooth and charged me for emergency treatment and left me in agony.
I did speak to an attorney but he was not interested because this was not a big money case. He said a tooth was not considered a permanent injury even if they made me lose it, because it could be replaced by an implant. He said it would cost me more to sue than what I would get out of it. I didn't actually want money out of it. I don't know what I wanted, but no amount of money would have made it ok or made up for my 3 months of agony or the inability to participate in life. I didn't want money. I guess I wanted somebody to acknowledge that I deserved to be treated better than I had been. But that wasn't going to happen. So I let it go, except to leave a review about my horrible experience.
Meanwhile I got a bill from Aspen Dental for my "free xray and exam"
It was close to 300 bucks. I threw it in the trash.
 
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February 2015 was my first cleaning since the extraction. Also my first cleaning with a new hygienist. I was not looking forward to it, but I went since it was also supposed to be my appointment to discuss replacing my missing molar. I was still only chewing on one side, and I was afraid of what would happen if I ever needed my "good side" worked on and lost the ability to chew there. I was anxious to get some sort of replacement but I knew an implant was too invasive for me. I had been reading about fixed bridges and wanted to ask about it.

The hygienist (who looked about 12 years old) came for me and cheerily ushered me to a chair.
I looked around nervously for signs of that water torture scaling thing but relaxed when I didn't see one.
How are you? she asked. Nervous I said, this is my first cleaning since the extraction.

We started with some xrays, which gagged me and annoyed her.

No safety glasses were provided and I was layed down flat in the chair with the bright light shining at me like I was under interrogation. your crime? tartar! Now I would like to add that I am a flosser. I probably floss more than the hygienist did! I floss every day. I never miss. Even so I still get a lot of build up. Something in my saliva I am told just causes it. Especially near the bottom front where the salivary glands empty.
That is also my only sensitive spot. Not sensitive as in can't eat hot or cold. sensitive as in when they start digging at those teeth with metal it makes me want to climb out of my skin. It's always been that way for me. There is no recession in that area, and there has never been a cavity in that area, those teeth are healthy and never been worked on, but for some reason they do not want metal touching them and they let me know it!
I tell her this in hopes she will not be too aggressive.

I was also about to mention the high forward canines.. something that has to be dealt with every single time I start over with a stranger. The one on my left is not as noticeable. I have a small mouth and struggle to keep it open as wide as they want me to. Sometimes my jaw gets tired and I will not even be aware that I am starting to close my mouth a little and not holding it as wide as they need.
When this happens I need them to say so... with actual words. I prefer them to say open please instead of just hooking a finger under my top lip which forces my lip to roll under my tooth, and then exerted pressure which basically forces me to bite myself. Yes I have an actual lump of scar tissue there for all the times this has been done to me instead of just saying "open wider" some have made me bite myself hard enough to bleed.
I am about to say this when she sort of flicks at my canine and says do these ever bother your lip?
Only at dental appointments I say. she rolls her eyes at me. I get the feeling I am supposed to be embarrassed;. I am after all at a "cosmetic dentist office" and they only like 2 kinds of patients.. The kind who had braces as children and have perfectly straight white teeth like the toothpaste commercials........or the people who do not have them but are so utterly humiliated and embarrassed by that fact that they are looking to pay anything, spend any amount, suffer any torture to have that Hollywood looking "perfect" smile.
sorry but that is not me. I am not an actress. I am not a model. I am a middle aged woman happily married who thinks teeth are for speaking clearly and chewing properly. Not for looking at. Oh my teeth are not white as snow? oh dear, nobody will ask me to the prom now? LMAO

anyway she starts my cleaning. I am dismayed to notice there is no sink. I never had a cleaning before where I was not allowed to rinse or spit. She is scraping at my teeth and wiping the tartar off on a gauze pad. it seems pretty gross. I am not swallowing. I don't care. I will just drool. She may be able to stop me rinsing and spitting but I'll be damned if she is going to make me swallow crunchy bits of tartar.
She tells me I don't floss enough. I tell her I floss a bare minimum of once a day. often time more than once a day. She rolls her eyes at me. She doesn't believe me. I say well do I have gum disease? no she says. do I have gingivitis? no she says. well I must be doing something right, to have reached 47 years old and have all of my teeth except for the one the dentist fractured! She doesn't believe that happened to me. she says she has never heard of that happening. I say when I was your age their was plenty of things I never heard of too, but it didn't make them any less real.
apparently we are not friends anymore. talking time is over.
She starts in on my top teeth now. It's hurting some. instead of scraping she seems to favor the hook and yank method. she has discovered a bit of tarter on a top molar and has hooked under it and is trying to pull it off. Nobody has ever done it this way before, and I hope she isn't going to break my teeth!
She is kind of clumsy and presses on my nose a lot. to the point one nostril is basically oxygen deprived. I wonder has my nose really grown that big that I can not have a cleaning without it being in the way? nobody has ever done this to me before. Now she is pressing on my eye. The eye I just had surgery on 6 months ago. This I will not stand for. Get off my eye I said. she does and goes back to pressing my nose. what is she doing using it for leverage? I am annoyed.
Finally it is over and she polishes my teeth. I hate that. I hate those crunchy bits and then you can not even rinse because they have no sink.
She tells me she will make me an appointment for 6 months.
what? I thought I was seeing the dentist to discuss replacing my tooth. oh.. he is not here today but like you should totally get an implant for that. Well gosh thanks for your opinion but I wanted to discuss it with an actual dentist I think but do not say.
Instead I say I was thinking of a bridge. Oh. he doesn't do those anymore she says. but you should totally make an appointment to talk about it.
Yeah.. ok.. let me out of here.
I stop at the desk and make an appointment to come back again when the dentist is actually there.

I go home, and later that night (and you can tell me this is a coincidence but I won't believe it) I had the first and last nose bleed I have ever had in my entire life. and it is bleeding only from one nostril, and it is the nostril she kept pressed closed while bending my nose practically in half. It bled for a good 10 minutes and then stopped.
 
The next day after my cleaning in February 2015 I get a call from the dentist office. It is the hyena. She says the dentist wants to see me. Why I ask was something wrong with my xrays yesterday? Oh no, they are fine she says, He said I should call you to set up an appointment to do something about that gap. That's weird I said, I thought that was what my appointment yesterday was supposed to be for, and then when he wasn't there I made an appointment for next month. Does he need me sooner? Oh, no that is fine she says. Really to me it seems like one hand doesn't know what the other is doing? And honestly I wish I had just tried harder to get used to that gap. Having one missing tooth sure beats the way I have eventually ended up. Anyway she said something about crediting me back the cost of the crown that I had paid for since I never needed it and should have had an extraction, and did have it extracted right after the root canal. So I was happy about that.

The rest of February was uneventful. I was mostly back to normal other than still only chewing on one side.
I really hated the gap. Every time I would brush my teeth and feel it and see it I was so angry at the dentist who broke my tooth. Every time I would eat and have to chew on one side I was so bothered by it. And worried what would become of me if I lost the ability to chew on that side too.

In March 2015 my husband took me out to eat for my birthday. It was my first night out and my first time eating in public with my big gap! And it went fine. Those were the tastiest chewed on one side fish and chips I ever had. I was getting better at eating. At first I still hated to eat with people. When you can only chew on one side you have to learn to take smaller bites. And you have to learn not to panic if someone speaks to you while you are trying to chew. Because I had to concentrate on my chewing you see...I was always so conscious of trying to keep food out of the gap, because it still felt so uncomfortable if I accidently bit down there. It would scare me and I would almost feel like I was going to choke. I think that must have become another phobia of mine.

The end of March 2014 I was looking ahead to summer, and thinking how I could make up for time lost in the fall, when I had lost those 3 months of my life in the entire holiday season. I decided to go ahead and book a lake house for a week in June, for the week of Father's day. This would be a surprise gift to my husband. He could spend the whole week fishing, and I could laze around the lake. We would get back that closeness we lost in the days when I was a useless ball of misery. It would be wonderful (or so I thought) I also booked a different house for a week in August. Why not splurge I thought. He deserves it, he has put up with so much. He will be so happy I thought. and maybe....... maybe I will even have my tooth replaced by then, because my appointment is nearly here.

Then it is my big day and I go to the dentist. and I am in the chair, and I tell him I am having such a hard time getting used to this gap. I am going to fix that for you right now he says ... and he is coming at me and he already has gloves on and he is trying to get into my mouth and we have not even talked about anything yet!! What are you doing??? I said. I am going to make you a new tooth for free he says. what? oh, some flipper tooth thing that I can't really chew on probably. no.. I don't think I want that. I was wanting to ask about a bridge, about whether my teeth are healthy and strong enough to support a bridge, except I would really hate to crown prep my premolar considering it has never even had a cavity. But I was wondering.....
Yes he says, that is a good idea, yes your teeth are strong enough, your gums are good, yes here is what we can do. And then he is at his computer designing my bridge. He does not tell me what it will be made of. He does not tell me there are multiple options. He just decides. and I don't even know there are choices I should be allowed to make. e designs this bridge. My second molar will be crown prepped, my premolar will have a notch cut out to support a wing and between them will be my new false tooth. It will look and feel and function like teeth he says. I will credit you back the cost of the crown he says...It can last you 10-20 years and maybe longer he says. This sounds great to me. We set up an appointment to start it in may, and I am scared but excited to think I will have my tooth back!! and it will not cost me much because the false tooth part will be free! I will just have to pay for the wing and the crown on tooth 18.
Except, it just never worked out that way for me. and what it cost me was worth more than money.
 
May 2015 My husband has another day's lost pay and we head to the dentist. I am really scared but I am also hopeful. This will be the first step in getting back to normal (I think)
I have been through a crown prep before of course, on my tooth that should have just been extracted. But I have never been through goopy impressions before and this will be my first time. I am so afraid that I will gag or even vomit that I have not eaten in about 15 hours, though I did have my morning coffee. I want my stomach to be empty just in case.

He numbs me, and numbs me some more. 3 shots I think. Again no safety glasses so I close my eyes as bits of tooth and water spray fly everywhere during the drilling. It doesn't hurt because I am numb, but I am terrified all the same. He comments what a good patient I am, how still I sit, how wide I hold my mouth open.. of course I do, I am too terrified and frozen with fear. I hate the noise and the vibration. I wish the assistant was better at the suction thing and not letting so much get in my throat.

Finally the drilling is done. It did not occur to me to wonder why he had not taken an impression of my tooth before he ground it down to a stub. Because after all if he had an impression of my tooth would my temporary not be able to fit me better?
Anyway next comes retraction cord. They pull your gums away from the tooth with it. It doesn't hurt when you are numb but it hurts later on.
He does the impressions separately, 1 for the bottom and 1 for the top. We start with the bottom. a tray of goop is put in my mouth. He doesn't notice that he has rolled my lip under and is pressing the metal tray down hard. He is holding it down and holding it down. My lip is cut. I didn't gag and it was over pretty quick. He takes the tray out and says it turned out well.
Now for the top. I'm scared. He says he will make sure the goop doesn't cover my pallet and that it won't be that bad. He puts the tray in. It's not as bad as I thought. It feels disgusting but it is only on my teeth and gums, nothing is touching my pallet. I am not gagging. whoo hoo I can do this I think.

This is not the same goop they used for my bottom impression. It is taking longer. He has some of this goop just setting out on a tray. He says that is how he will know it is set in my mouth. He says what is set on the tray will be done before what is in my mouth. when that sets up he will know it is almost time to take the tray out of my mouth. We wait and wait. I am uncomfortable. This is taking way too long. why can he not use the quick set stuff that he used on the bottom? I can't ask because I have a tray of goop in my mouth.

10 minutes goes by and the stuff he has set out, outside of my mouth is not set. something is wrong. He tells his assistant to check the expiration date of this goop. It is close to expired. it is no good. He takes the tray out of my mouth and it has not set at all. We have to do it again, he has to open some fresh goop.
I have stuff all over me. It is in my lip and on my face and in my hair. blue goop not quite set.

He gets another tray and we put more goop in my mouth, and some he sets outside of my mouth so he can know when it's ready.
We wait and we wait. I am uncomfortable but I am not going to gag. He was careful not to get it on my pallet,
After 10 minutes it is ready. He tries to take it out and it is stuck. He pulls, and pulls, and jiggles it a little. I feel like he is pulling all my teeth out. I am really scared. at last it comes out. He looks at it and says it turned out really well. He also says the worst is over now. we are nearly done.

He has me bite into something, I don't really know what it is. It is small and red and squishy like softened wax, He called it bite registration. I didn't have to keep it in my mouth, just bit on it for like 30 seconds.

The assistant is picking at my hair and my face and my lip. it feels like she is peeling skin off my lip. but she is just trying to clean me up. I have impression goop dried on my face and lip and in my hair. she gives me an empty cup and sends me to the bathroom to "clean up" because there is no sink.
Wow I am a mess. this stuff is all over me. I do the best I can to get rid of it.

I look in my mouth to see what my tooth looks like. it is tiny. it is just a little peg. my gums are cut and raw and bloody. something is on my tooth. it looks green. what the hell is that? and my premolar has a notch cut out of it.
I go back to the chair and the dentist is not there, just the assistant. I ask her why is my tooth green. she looks. she says that is just a stain from my old filling. she called it "amalgam tattoo" it is nothing to worry about she says.

the dentist comes in. I ask him are you sure my tooth is ok? yes your tooth is great he says. It looks a little green on top? I say. That's ok he says.
I ask we are real sure my tooth is not cracked or anything and is healthy enough for a bridge right? he says yes, no cracks, no decay was under my filling and it is a very conservative prep which means I should not have any sensitivity in the crown. Ok I said.. still nervous but he is the expert and I am just the patient.

Now he is coming at me with something to make the temp crown. if he had made an impression of my tooth I would think he could have done it from that, but since he didn't he is making this temp crown right in my mouth. He is trying to mold this small sheet of acrylic over the stub of my tooth. It literally tastes like poison. I begin to gag not from him touching my pallet but from the taste. it is the most nauseating taste. He says I know it's pretty bad tasting huh.
Then his hand slips and the sharp edge of this sheet cuts me. I wince. he apologizes and keeps trying to mold this over my tooth. his hand slips again. he cuts me again. I taste blood. He says sorry. then he says to his assistant to give him another piece because I guess he has ruined this one. He wants a bigger one so he doesn't keep cutting me. We start over. My GOD will ever be free of this taste. finally he has it shaped how he wants it. He takes it out of my mouth. I wish I could rinse but all I get is sprayed with water and hoovered out. The taste is making me want to vomit.
He trims the crown or something so it will fit better. They spray me with air to dry my tooth and puts some cottony stuff to keep the drool away, and finally cements my temporary crown. He says I have to have a temp crown and can not have a temporary bridge because for this type where it will be crowned on one side and winged on the other a temporary would be too unstable. Of course if he had any sense he would know my teeth my shift and move while waiting for the bridge to be made.. but whatever.

My temp is on and he is pushing on it hard. I don't know why he doesn't just give me something to bite on but he is just pressing and holding it down with his hand.
When it's set we check my bite. It's off so he grinds it down. checks again. grinds it down some more.

It hurts where I am cut and bleeding. But he says I am done. He says I am to return in 3 weeks to get the temp off and my new bridge put on. He tells the girl to set up my appointment. He says it will be a very quick and easy appointment. the temp will come off easy and the bridge gets cemented on and that is it. The girl asks how much time she should allow for my appointment and he says 30 minutes so I can get numb first, but then he says no better make it 45 in case we need to do any bite adjustments. She sets me up in the computer and meanwhile I am sent to the bathroom with a cup to clean myself up again. I am a mess.
I clean my face. I rinse my mouth and my saliva and the water come out red with blood. I look in my mouth. I am cut inside my cheek. My new temp crown is very sharp and boxy. the edge that faces my cheek is digging in and cutting me worse. the edge that faces my tongue is very sharp.

I come out of the bathroom and they tell me see you in 3 weeks and hand me a reminder card.
I said I know this is just for 3 weeks but I don't think I can stand it that long with these sharp edges. They put me back in the chair and he looks in my mouth and sees where it is cutting me. oh yes he says, your tooth was more rounded away from your cheek, I can fix that. he grinds the sharp edge off and then does the other side too. I check it by feeling it with my finger. It feels very rough but not sharp enough to cut me and it will only be for 3 weeks and I am dying to get out of here so we call it quits. See you in 3 weeks for the second of what I was told was "2 easy appointments" HA! if this had been the first of easy appointments I was already dreading the next one.
I ask if I am going to be in pain when the numbness wears off and he says no. I ask if I am going to have cold sensitivity and he says no. He says rinse with warm salt water to heal my gums and I will be fine. see you in 3 weeks.
Of course I didn't make it 3 weeks without seeing him but I will post that next time.
 
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