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Im In a Horrendous Situation and I really need some kind advice

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OnceUponATimeIFeltBeautif

Junior member
Joined
Mar 12, 2016
Messages
1
Location
cork
Ok so i shall try to keep this short and as sweet as possible.

The story is this, i used to have very good teeth for most of my life until about 8 years ago, i developed bipolar disorder and agoraphobia and also a drug addiction, because of the depression etc i began to neglect myself. Because of the fear of going outside i didnt see a dentist for a few years, i had extreme problems with staining and with rotten back teeth which i ignored because they weren't visible. ( which i feel incredibly stupid and ashamed of now)

Eventually i had CBT and saw a dentist and ended up having a horrific experience ( which i wont go into in case any one reads this and gets put off seeing one) i suppose it was just bad luck but i basically went into a state of shock after having the work done which made my illness etc worse. After this i became terrified of even brushing my teeth, which of course has sped of their demise. I have a phobia now of people looking into my mouth and of inanimate objects touching my teeth and of course the judgement i will feel when some one finally looks at them.

The upshot is this, my gums have disappeared, there's gaps in the bad ones from the horrific work i had done, the front ones are twisted and disgustingly stained, I'm living in fear that they will fall out any moment, like literally all of them. I can't sleep, eat, have panic attacks constantly etc I can't smile when i look in the mirror or smile when I'm out in public (which i can do now thank god for the cbt), I'm embarrassed when i meet people i haven't seen for awhile and have even stopped talking to all my old friends because i know they will all laughing at me and being cruel behind my back. I try to act like i don't care and when someone passes remarks i retort that they are shallow etc but inside it is killing me.

I feel like i'll never have a relationship again, that i'll never be attractive to any man ever again and I'm only 32, I've even tried to embrace a life to celibacy to try and find a way to deal with what is eventually going to happen to me. I used to be really confident and felt good about my looks and now I feel like I've ruined my life by letting this situation happen.

Im so embarrassed of being judged and berated by the dentist, but now one of the teeth is broken and rotten to the gum, the nerve is exposed and the pain is absolutely incredible, i have a box of pain killers that should last me a few more days and is helping slightly but i literally can barely eat. this problem has taken over my life and the worse it gets, the worse i feel and the harder it is to reach out to someone. my main fear is that its to late to have dentures fitted because i have no gums, I'm going to end up with no teeth at all like one of those gurners from back in the nineties, as its is I'm in worzel gummage territory. Not to be melodramatic but the effect this has had on my self esteem, my ability to get work, have a relationship, make friends, go out, take pics taken etc has made me feel like killing myself, combined with other mental health problems this is really dangerous and if i don't get help i feel like something terrible is going to happen to me and its all my own doing.
can any one give me advice, is it possible to get dentures when you have no gum left?
also I'm pretty broke, I'm sure my family will try to help me when they realise how bad things have got but I'm terrified i wont even be able to afford to fix it.

any advice would be beautifully appreciated.

love and kisses and support to all those in the same boat, i know how awful and soul destroying it is to watch your self esteem life and possibilities seem to be just drifting away from you. lets hope better days are to come x
shell
 
J

jbkb

Member
Joined
Sep 17, 2015
Messages
40
I'm afraid I can't offer advice on dentures - however there are lots of people on here who have them or are the process of getting them, and I'm sure you can get some advice.

I just wanted to say I'm so so sorry that you're having a rough time. Fear of the dentist and also the mental health issues you describe are much more common than we're lead to believe and it's hugely courageous to decide to try to address them.

I wish there was a way to track down and punish all these dentists who have given people such poor treatment and caused horrific misery. My mother had half her teeth needlessly filled when she was about 21 by some sadist and she struggled to trust one for years. I also had an awful dentist who made me feel utterly ashamed when I had my first filling at 21, the physical treatment was okay but he made me feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself, and a total disappointment, he also made me feel guilty that my parents paid for my treatment, and that shame stayed with me a long time and I've only recently started to deal with it (and my teeth) at 32.

With the pain you describe, it's important you get seen as soon as you can - I'm not sure where you're based (I'm in the UK), but please remember a good dentist will not judge you, they will want to help you.

Im sorry you don't feel a friend will sympathise, and you worry they are cruel behind your back, true friends wouldn't do this! Is there anyone you trust, who you can talk to and who could go with you to your appointments? Even having one person on your side can help.

Please know that you are not stupid, you have overcome a lot and that takes great strength. it is tough but try to talk to yourself positively, be a friend to yourself through this, be kind to yourself.

I have a friend who I always thought had the most perfect, straight, white teeth... Gotten to know her more in the past year or so and it turns out she had neglected her teeth for many years, and the reason they're now so perfect is she had several implants and also veneers. Another friend lost her front teeth in an accident so has partial dentures from when she was about 20 and I never even knew until she told me. It's much more common than you think for people to have dentures and/or extensive work done. Even people with really terrible teeth can be helped, so don't despair.
 
A

AsaGohan

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 13, 2015
Messages
158
Location
Las Vegas, NV
I'm so sorry about your situation. I second all of JBKBs advice, you gotta find a dentist who is phobic friendly and get this taken care of so you can smile again.

My dental fear stemmed from a bad appointment when I was in high school. cut to about 10ish so years later, one back molar broke and my mom dragged me to a dentist. 2 of my back molars (30 and 19) were decayed and needed dental work badly. When I look back at the last 10 years, I realized what did the most 'damage' to my teeth. For 1 year, I had PMDD symptoms badly (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder is gynecological in nature but it causes intense depression and mood swings). Due to side effects/symptoms I would drink energy drinks and sodas a lot, especially at night and not brush me teeth as often or as well. I'm convinced that year did the most damage. It sucks and i'm angry at myself for not taking care of my teeth. 1 molar needed a crown and the other had to be extracted and now i'm in the process of getting an implant. However, now that I am 7 procedures in to my healthier smile I'm putting that past behind me. When I brush my teeth I'm happy with what I see. I know you can do it. I've heard from other people on the website that the dentures really improve your quality of life. You'll get there and you'll get through this! There are so many options for treatment for phobics. Look around this website- they go into all different kinds of ways for dentist to treat phobics.

*Hugs!*
 
L

littlething

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
129
Location
California
Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can certainly relate to feeling ashamed of your teeth and feeling like it holds you back in life. I've had crowded teeth all my life, and then they started decaying over the years - including a very visible front tooth. I was lucky that no one really made any mean comments to my face, and that I managed to have a great circle of friends around me, but for years, my teeth just seemed like a hopeless situation, and one that felt impossible to overcome.

Luckily, my longtime boyfriend intervened and forced me to see a dentist last summer. The biggest thing that I've learned since starting this journey is that finding a patient, compassionate dentist makes all the difference. A good dentist won't judge, and will just want to help you. They won't berate you or make you feel bad, they will just want to fix things. They will have seen everything, and nothing will phase them. I'd read this over and over again for years (yes, I lurked here for years!!) and never believed it, but it's true.

It is so hard to take that first step, but it is important to do it sooner than later. It isn't easy but it does get less scary. I lived with on and off pain for years, sometimes severe, and when I finally admitted this to my dentist, he just said that it was a testament to my strength. I was shocked when he said this, because I'd always thought of my pain as a sign of weakness for not being able to face my fears, but it really makes sense, because it is not easy to live through that. You are stronger than you think you are!!

I don't have dentures so I can't give you any insight on that. But modern dentistry has come a long way and you would be amazed at what they can do to restore your smile, so I am fairly sure that you won't completely toothless.

Take things one step at a time. The first step is to find a dentist that will work with you and your fears, and to go from there.

All the best to you. You can do it!!
 
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Sevena

Sevena

Super Moderator
Joined
Jun 24, 2012
Messages
833
Location
UK
I'm not familiar with all the ways they have of working with people with gum loss, but I know for a fact there is lots they can do, and they will definitely be able to help you! There are implants, partial implants that can help dentures stay on, and all sorts of treatments.

I'll second everyone else's advice in that finding a kind dentist is number one priority. It makes ALL the difference in the world. It's the difference between being terrified of an appointment and being merely nervous, but having the comfort of knowing your dentist is going to be patient and compassionate.

Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed. I lost all my teeth at 25 and have full dentures now. Dentists see a variety of different patients who have all sorts of different problems. None of the dentists I saw batted an eye, and my teeth really were severely damaged, every single one of them.

But before you go through all these worst-case scenarios, the first step is getting assessed, because it may not be as hopeless as you think.

I've been where you are, and I promise there's a way through. The first step is seeing a dentist. It's a big, scary step, but if you've been dreading and worrying over something for years, you build it up in your mind to be something much scarier than it is.

:hug4:
 
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