I'm in so much pain and I can't get help because of my fear

[Andreic7]

I'm 25 years old, and have had a dental phobia ever since I was a kid and had some experiences with a dentist who didn't know how to work with children. This was when I was 6 or 7. Since then, I have only gone to the dentist twice.

Once in 2011, for a molar extraction. The abscess had gotten so bad that my whole cheek was swollen almost up to my eye. So I took antibiotics for a week then I had the extraction. When I first felt the local anesthesia I started to panic and wanted to leave, but pulled through it and it was over in a minute. The second time was in 2012, when I had a filling in one of my front teeth It was bad, but having work done on the front teeth makes me panic less than having work done on the back teeth(the dental trauma in childhood was from root canals on molars).

Anyway, all my molars + a premolar have cavities, are broken and rotten. In 2015 I had an abscess on my molar and I went to the dentist, but just took the antibiotics prescription and never came back. The abscess got better from the 10 days of antibiotics but the gum would still swell up a little from time to time and I'd take ibuprofen for it. But I was relatively pain free.

Until December 2017, when the pain was so bad that I couldn't sleep so I made an appointment with a dentist near me. We only had a consultation, but it was bad. When I was telling him about my trauma and my fears he wasn't even looking at me, he was looking at the TV in the room. Then when I wanted to discuss future procedures and said that one thing that would make me feel better is if I put an earbud in to listen to music, he literally rolled hi eyes. Then when the X-ray came, he told me how much it would cost to fix everything, and I said that I don't have that kind of money, and that we should only focus on what's urgent. But then he said that he won't even start if I won't do the whole treatment with him now, because that's not how he likes to work.

So I decided to not contribute to the income of a shitty person and didn't make further appointments with him. I was supposed to look for another dentist, but the pain kind of stopped and it wasn't that big of an issue so I didn't. But now it came back again, and it's bad. I only slept an hour and a half last night. I feel my lower left side getting swollen. It's the molar that had the abscess in 2015, plus the molar next to it which is badly decayed, plus the wisdom tooth which has a huge cavity. So I need to go asap but I can't. I'm in so much pain yet can't get help because of my fear.

My biggest issues with going to the dentist are: Fear of chocking/not being able to breathe, fear of anesthesia causing me a panic attack(I have an panic disorders so attacks aren't uncommon), and the fear of having an attack so bad that I would have to run away from the office and the doctors/nurses and the people in the waiting room will see me and consider me inferior.

In order to be comfortable enough for an extraction or a root canal, I would have to be able to take breaks whenever I feel like I'm choking. And the dentist would have to explain the procedure to me both before it starts, and each step during so I know what's happening in my mouth. And I would have to tell him about my panic attacks so that I feel less ashamed if I have one.

The problem is I don't think I'll find a dentist that will accommodate my requests, because I live in Romania and there is no extra mile here. People, doctors included, don't give a shit about you even if it's their job to do so.

I don't know what to do.

 

[Enarete]

Dear Andreic,

I am terribly sorry to hear about your situation. It makes me particularly sad to hear that the respect towards dental phobia as an issue that is worthy of attention is not given in your country (yet).

Obviously, you do not have too much time to interview a dentists to see if someone qualifies to treat you, as you are in a lot of pain. Would it be possible for you to get antibiotics somewhere to get some sleep and maybe few days to look for a dentist that wouldn't be an absolute as***le?

It's good that you know what you need to be able to cope with a treatment and from reading all the points sound perfectly doable to me - basically you wish to get included in the treatment and know what's going on, as well as a stop sign and a dentist who would listen to you and have a bit of understanding. There must be someone who cares enough to make this possible for you.

Regarding the severity of your anxiety and the previous bad experiences, I would advise you to take very good care of yourself and only accept an exam or even treatment if you feel safe with a dentist. If you ever meet someone who would roll his eyes or not listen to you, the only thing to do is to walk out. You are a customer and a dentist can only treat you badly if you allow it. I know this is hard as you are in urgent need of treatment, but you should always be aware that you actually are in control during a visit, at least in the initial phases.

My suggestion would be doing a massive research in your area or all areas you could travel to for a treatment. I would go after practices that can be contacted via email so that you can explain them your situation and see how they reply - as the first test. There must be someone kind and understanding enough so that you can take a risk of a visit.
Also - what might be an idea - to find a very young dentist. As they do not have much experience, they at least might work more mindfully and carefully. The dark side of it is that the treatment might take a longer time or not be too gentle, but at least they will pay attention.

Do you have a therapist for your panic disorder? Do you have medication? Would your therapist be able to help you with your dental anxiety, for example in giving you some tranquilizer to be able to cope with an emergency treatment? Or even accompany you?

This is all just brainstorming as I have no idea about the possibilities and options in your country, so please apologize if any of the ideas is completely unrealistic. Keeping my fingers crossed for you to find help as soon as possible.

All the best wishes

 

[Judythecat]

Hi Andrew, sorry to hear you are in so much pain. I have had four root canals in the last year, plus one extraction (I have wrecked my teeth with clenching and grinding) and I think your requests are totally reasonable. My dentist essentially narrated the procedures as we went along, and also gave me time checks - “now we are going to do X, it will feel/sound like Y, and it will take Z time”. I can raise my hand at any point if I need to stop.

I am not a phobic patient, but I get really anxious, and have cried numerous times in front of my own dentist and the endodontist who did two of the root canals. Both of them were kind and patient - and had plenty of tissues!

I hope you can can find someone you trust to help you. (It probably sounds daft but I took along a small soft toy (a Beanie Baby) to fiddle with during my appointments, plus lavender oil which has a calming effect.)

 

[Andreic7]

Enarete, thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed response. It means a lot!

I'll try to get some antibiotics tomorrow, to stop the swelling and the pain, but that may not be possible since you need a prescription usually. Then I'll email clinics and explain my situation. But to be honest I'm a bit discouraged as I've done this before with a clinic a few months ago and they never replied. But like you said, there has to be someone who has enough empathy to understand my situation, I just need to find them.

I do go to a therapist for my panic disorder but she lives in USA(the therapy is through the phone), so she can't come with me to the dentist. But even if she was here, doctors in general are not very flexible here so I don't think the dentist would allow that. Regarding medication, I'm not on any at the moment, and my therapist can't prescribe any since she's not a doctor in this country, but I think dentists can prescribe xanax so if I find a good dentist that won't be a problem. I also heard gas does wonders for anxiety, but that's very rare here.

Thank you again for the advice!

 

[Andreic7]

Your recent dental experience would be ideal for me. Just someone to talk me through the procedure and stop when I get too uncomfortable to continue.

Your lavander oil trick might work well for me, as the dentist's office smell is usually a trigger for my anxiety.

Thank you, Judythecat!

 

[Animalhouse]

Your recent dental experience would be ideal for me. Just someone to talk me through the procedure and stop when I get too uncomfortable to continue.

Your lavander oil trick might work well for me, as the dentist's office smell is usually a trigger for my anxiety.

Thank you, Judythecat!

Bringing your own headphones and music can be helpful too! My dentist actually provides them, so it's not silly at all. I hope you feel better soon

 

[Dr. Daniel]

Hi,

Please allow me to share with you a video I made about fear of pain during dental treatment. This video mentions many of the themes raised here in this thread.