• Dental Phobia Support

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I'm so so scared my family and friends don't understand!!

M

Miss Sparkle

Member
Joined
Aug 12, 2009
Messages
31
Hi guys,

It has been 12 years since I last went to the dentist. I have a hole in one tooth that goes beneath the gum line it is black and disgusting and the gum is sore. There is also a hard boney lump above this which everyone tells me is the root but I have become more aware of it in recent years. I have faced facts that I will have to have this removed and I am soo scared as when I last went (12 years ago) the dentist took out 5 teeth before the injection had started to work.

This has ruined my life for the past 8 years as I worry about it daily and think it could have progressed to cancer or a jaw infection. My family and friends say I am being silly but this is what I fear.

I have had a dentist recommended and am set to go in October. I do not know if I will actually go because I do not think I can face the embarassment, treatment and diagnosis.

But I know I would be so happy to not wake up in the night and feel the hole in the tooth with my tongue and have to panic and check it all the time and have a constant weight on my shoulder. I know my life would turn around but I am soo scared about going.

Anyone been in the same situation. I am so scared no-one has a let a tooth get this horrible.

Thank you for your support.
 
I would be most grateful for some reassuring words from anyone who has or is in a similar position.

:(
 
First of all, your bad tooth isn't even close to being the worst here. There are people here who have let their teeth go a lot worse maybe for decades. These people have been able to get the situation fixed with a friendly and non-judgemental dentist. Nobody should ever work on you if you are not numb. You will feel a lot better after going to the dentist. There's really no reason to judge you as your fear is ver reasonable. You had a bad experience. The good news is, it doesn't have to be repeated to cure your teeth. All you need is a good dentist. Good luck!
 
Hi guys,

I have faced facts that I will have to have this removed and I am soo scared as when I last went (12 years ago) the dentist took out 5 teeth before the injection had started to work.

This has ruined my life for the past 8 years

:welcome:Miss Sparkle
This forum covers the whole English-speaking world so posters are in different time zones. Did your bad experience take place in the UK NHS by any chance? If so I am at a loss....it must have been truly horrendous...five teeth and not properly numb.....for a dentist to proceed after you had registered pain and distress was nothing less than assault and you could have reported them to the GDC.

Your avoidance is entirely understandable but do you want to let one :devilish: dentist ruin your entire quality of life...you are letting him win over and over by not seeking kindly empathetic care which could end your torment.

Surely you can't wait till October in such pain? It is best to use a dentist recommended by others but if you can afford private rather than NHS care, I'm sure you could find a dentist you liked and trusted who could sort things out for you much sooner than that. Modern dentistry should not be painful..it shouldn't have been painful 12 years ago either.
You should also approach this recommended (NHS) dentist and ask for emergency treatment now to deal with your pain..I have a feeling they have to provide this or direct you to a Dental Access Centre in most parts of the UK. You are not supposed to sit around for months on end with no care, even with an NHS dentist you have not yet consulted.
Congratulations :jump:for posting here...have a read around and learn all you can about the ways you can be helped accept comfortable treatment.
Good luck on your journey..it will be easier than you expect I am sure. Apologies if you are not in UK but general gist holds true.



 
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Thank you soo much for your reply, your words are reassurring to me. x

Thank you Britt as well. You are soo right I am letting them win. It was a UK NHS dentist, but I actually paid private for the work!! Perhaps not surprisingly, she no longer practices as she has left the country!! I would be interested to know what happened. I know I should have reported her but I was 16 at the time and was very unsure of myself. I now work for a Solicitors firm and I know that I would have received a generous payout as well as the dentist receiving the reprimand she deserves!! Hopefully someone else did report her hence the no longer practising!!

With your kind words I am going to press on with this dentist, I cannot let it spoil my life any longer. x
 
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Hey guys,

Small update. I am now in severe pain with another tooth!! Not the main one which is the black root basically. The molar on the other side. I am guessing it may have worn down e.t.c. due to me only eating on that side to avoid the other bad one!!

Anyway, have got an "emergency" dentist appointment for next Thursday and have not slept the last few days due to pain and anxiety. I have tarter on basically every tooth and have this hideous black root where the hole goes way up into my gums.

I am so worried because they said he will only look at the tooth that is hurting me as it is an emergency appointment so I assume I cannot have sedation or anything as is a quick appointment and am scared of this and also the major lecture about the tarter and black tooth as maybe that is an emergency too!!

AAAAAAHHHH!!! I am keeping my appointment for October when they are to look at all the teeth but I know it is a common fear but I am so scared I have an extreme case and he will be horrified :censored:

One week and one day to go....... :o
 
Sorry you are in so much pain, a week for an emergency appointment is rubbish!

Don't feel ashamed about your mouth, it really won't be the worst they have seen. I had 2 broken off at the gumline and many cavities some deep ones. They didn't lecture me or tell me off, I look at it this way, whats done is done and in the past, I can only look forward and do what I can now to make things right and keep my mouth healthy.

You need to try to keep your mind off it do anything you can, speak to friends, watch tv etc. Take some painkillers and try to rest. I use a floral remedy called rescue remedy to help my anxiety and have found it to be helpful.

I hope that the emergency dentist goes well, come back and let us know how you get on and also if you need to talk to someone!
 
I was ashamed of my teeth, too but got over it when the dentist told me about some of the cases he's treated!
The emergency dentist will hopefully put you on pain killers and antibiotics (if needed) to get you thru to the next appointment. Please let us know how it goes.

nosmokin2
 
Hi I have a tooth which sounds exactly like yours! And I say the same thing and it is basically that tooth which puts 100,000 times more stress on me. I think the same as you and get told dnt be so silly etc. I had my first visit to the dentist yesterday in 11/12 years and although I wouldnt show them my teeth, my friend described it to her. Exactly what you have said on this, and all she said is that it would have to come out.
Im worrying becasue she hasnt seen it, although its the same describtion you gave, which my dentist was told and she said it as if it was nothing, "that will just have to come out".
Hope this has helped you, because I felt the same as you. :XXLhug:
 
Thank you guys :grouphug:

I am dosing up on the painkillers and will def. keep you posted as to what happens.

This forum is so good because it is the first time I have heard from people who totally understand where I am coming from and do not make me feel silly.

I am having terrible trouble sleeping but I take comfort in the success stories on the site and I really hope that someday we can all wake up without having to worry about our teeth or immediatly rush to the mirror to see if there is any change!!

Faint, are you going to have IV sedation?? I have chosen the dentist based on the fact that my friend recommends him and that he does IV sedation. That is the only way I will get in the chair.

Thanks again and I will keep you informed as to progress

x x
 
Hey guys,



I am so worried because they said he will only look at the tooth that is hurting me as it is an emergency appointment so I assume I cannot have sedation or anything as is a quick appointment and am scared of this and also the major lecture about the tarter and black tooth as maybe that is an emergency too!!

AAAAAAHHHH!!! I am keeping my appointment for October when they are to look at all the teeth but I know it is a common fear but I am so scared I have an extreme case and he will be horrified :censored:

One week and one day to go....... :o

Hello Miss Sparkle,
It sounds like you are worried that the doctor will be horrified by your tartar and black tooth and be an extreme case. And that certainly can feel SCARY for you to let him see your teeth. that this feels like you are being vulnerable to his judgement of your teeth situation. And the truth is, You are the one who was courageous enough to make the appointment. :) You are the one who was courageous enough to walk THROUGH your fears to show up to the appointment. :respect:You are the one who was courageous enough to LET HIM see your teeth. :jump: You are the one who was courageous enough to ALLOW him to tell you what he thinks the best solution would be. You are the one who DECIDES, YES I want to address this tooth OR NO, I don't feel supported by this dentist or I"m not ready at this time. YOU decide. and that Miss Sparkle, is a very strong and courageous person indeed.

I am thrilled that you have reached out to this forum to seek the support that you desire.

I will say that whether every one of a patient's teeth was black and broken off at the gumline, I would commend the courage they took to allow this vulnerable side to be seen. And to allow the patient to trust, that I see them, that I will honor this vulnerability and offer safety and security that they will be taken care of at the pace and way that is comfortable for them.

As dentists, we are focusing on the VISION of what you want. We see what the current situation is so that we can assess what is the best way to achieve YOUR VISION. Our goal is to give you the smile that you long for. To chew and eat the foods you want. To smile proudly and confidently knowing that you have taken the leaps of faith to step through your fears to do what you have been wanting to do for years and to give yourself the gift of healthy teeth and a beautiful smile that is right for you.

I commend you in taking these courageous steps through this journey.

Best,
Dr. Shirley
 
Hi,
Just reading your post there, my dentist suggested twlight sleep what ever that is! I havnt a clue, there was mentioning of IV sedation so hopefully that is it, I havnt sat on the chair properly yet so God knows how I am going to settle to b sedated. Although everyone on this site are so helpful.
Hope your pain settles down!:XXLhug:
keep me updated if u can plz, wud really like it to know what happens.
 
Hey guys,

So tomorrow I have an emergency appointment for a tooth that seems to look okay but is agony and has been insufferable all w/end. I am hoping it will just need a filling.

I am sooo nervous because I was preparing myself for my consultation in October in order to discuss everything slowly and calmly and now I have to go in and possibly have treatment done straight away!! The only thing I will agree to is a filling (that is only bcos I have not slept in days whilst writhing around in agony) anything else I will need sedation and that means another appointment!!!

I always thought that it would be my black root that finally forced me to go through pain but I guess at least these eases me in with a quick emergency appt to start with.

I am just sooo nervous about the lecture on the black root. I am scared he well tell me it is cancer or something as it has the hard lump above it. (people tell me it is the root but I am still unsure I am hoping he will not dwell on it as it is not the main concern so far as pain.

I have been crying all day and have diazepam from the doctor to calm me. I cannot tell you if they will get me in that ugly scary chair, I will not know until tomorrow. I do not know if I will open my mouth yet either so we will have to see. Even the smell of the dentist when I was due to go with a friend left me running outside gagging at the bad memories and everything. Will let you know. By this time tomorrow I will have seen a dentist for the first time in 12 years!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:o:o:o:o:o
 
Hi Miss Sparkle:

Things happen in our lives for unknown reasons. Sometimes they appear to remind us just how powerful and courageous we really are.

The anxiety and fear you are experiencing is working very hard to convince you that you are helpless and hopeless. You are not either.

Believe in yourself and your abilities. You can do anything, just believe you can and take action. Avoiding the object you fear gives it more power. By getting this done you are avoiding more than a month of potential worry.

I can guarantee you that the pain you are suffering with from the tooth is 150,000 times worse than any dental treatment. Dentistry is painless.

Dentists do not lecture patients about dental problems. They are there to relieve suffering and improve health. Dr. Shirley is right on and expresses the heart of the dental profession. I work in a different branch of healthcare and can promise you I have never ever lectured a patient. I am all about solutions not focusing on causing more problems.

You are going to do great. Your pain will be fixed and you will get some peace. dentists treat thousands of damaged teeth every year, without incident. The anxiety is trying to get you to fear what has not happened and in all probability will never happen. I am sure this issue will be fixed quickly and easily.

You are going to do great! You are facing the problem as an adult, you will do this. I believe in you and your ability. Instead of focusing on everything that can go wrong, focus on everything that will go right.

No more pain
Improved Smile
Strengthened self confidence
Discovering your personal power and abilities
Breaking the fear cycle

I would be happy to supply you with some anti-anxiety techniques i use with my patients, PM me.

You will have victory and come through this with flying colors. Believe in yourself and never ever let defeat have the last word.

Blessings and Peace :)
 
I am sure you won't get a lecture. They will want to fix the pain you are going through rather than lecture you. At the most they may tell you it needs to be seen to. As I said before I had 2 that sound like yours my dentist just talked about how it would be fixed not anything else.
You can get through this, yes you may be scared and freaked out but you can do it! On my way to the dentists I repeat in my mind "I can do this and I will be fine". Daft maybe but it helps! I know its hard but try to focus on being pain free. Think how great that will be!

I hope it goes well! Come back and let us know.
 
I just wanted to say good luck!

The thoughts and the fear of the unknown are soo much worse than the actual treatment. I know the first step is really really hard but it gets easier!

We are all here for each other!
 
Thanks so much to Fat Cat, Stress Doc and Miss Lulu, :XXLhug:

I am leaving soon and will be thinking positive thoughts (hopefully).

I have the whole day off work as I have had to take several Diazepam so am a bit woozy!!

As I said last night, I do not know how I will react until I get there but I will certainly post back this evening (all being well) and let you know what happens!!

I think the main thing I am focusing on is that I am in control and can refuse anything!! and as you guys have all said it cannot be worse than the pain I have suffered the past few days!! (I hope) :cry:

Fingers crossed!! :sick:
 
How did you go?
I take diazepam before my treatments and it works wonders. Really really calms you down (except for the woozeyness you mentioned!)
let us all know. hope you are feeling much better after your appointment
 
Hope all goes well for you! Please keep us posted....

nosmokin2
 
Hey Miss Lulu and all,

Todays events:-

I took plenty of diazepam and I was pretty woozey by the time I was called in!! It was not the main nervous patient dentist I will be seeing in October for my full assessment as he is on holiday.

As it was an emergency appt. I know he did not have too much time but I briefly explained my fear and he went very softly softly with me and agreed not to touch any of my teeth at first look!! He then told me he would have to blow cold air onto the tooth to see it better and he showed me all the equipment and put it on my hand first so I knew what was happening. He said there were early signs of decay in the painful tooth. He then took an x-ray and he said there was a pin hole in the tooth but he was reluctant to drill and fill as it is in the early stages however he applied a de-sensitising coating to see me through to my full assessment and treatment course.

I asked him to comment on my black root and he said unfortunately there is nothing that can be done with that (it will need to be extracted - which I knew anyway) and he was surprised that it was not hurting. He said if I had come to him with that hurting he could have cleaned it and sealed it off!? Anyway, he was happy to wait until October and did not say "Oh my God this is urgent it needs to be taken out a.s.a.p" which is what I was worried about.

I asked him if it was the worst he had seen he said "no". I asked him if I had anything life threatening in my mouth he said "no". So that has somewhat calmed me. He did cover himself by saying "I don't want to lecture you but as it has been 14 years you will need a full assessment as to the condition of all your teeth". Yes 14 years I worked it out to be this morning not 12 as I think I originally posted!! He did also say that my teeth were not as bad as he thought they would be after 14 years

Worst part was def. the x-ray, I gagged and spat it out and we had to reposition and do again. :sick:

I apologised for being so nervy and scared and he said I was fine and calm. This was due to the diazepam!! Without it I would not have agreed to let him look in my mouth or get into the chair. I also thanked him as he has now eased me into the start of my journey. :jump:

The receptionists were soo nice and caring and they were the ones who set me off crying as they noticed how nervous I was and were so kind to me and when someone comforts you and you are upset it makes you worse!!

Anyway, this is a rather long update for you all I do apologise!!

My main points are that the diazepam was a god send and it was well worth explaining my fear (although it must have been obviously as I was shakinh and could not string to words together, I also had to be coaxed into the chair!!) as he showed me every tool and explained exactly what he was doing.

I was also very impressed that he decided not to wade in and drill and fill as he felt it was not necessary as yet!! ALSO he did not charge me and I am a private patient!!! I have not had my first proper consultation, x-ray and chat yet that is in October!! He said no need to pay as long as I come back I will need to have treatment and pay for further x-rays e.t.c. then so this does not matter!!

I have a huge weight off my shoulders tonight although this is just the beginning. I have started the proceedings and feel good however very sleepy and tired owing to the stress, tears and diazepam so I am off to bed now!!

Thank you sooo much to everyone on this forum. :) I truly mean it when I say I would not have gone had it not been for reading everyones stories over the past few months and the really kind support I have received from everyone on this post so thank you again. :XXLhug:

I will continue to post to others but hopefully I will not need anymore dental visits until my October appointment and I will start up another thread around that time as I know I'll need help talking myself into that appointment as the black root has not been x-rayed yet and I am still worried even though he sai he had seen worse!!

Big love to everyone and I hope I may have helped some of you as well.

:grouphug:
 
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