Intense fear of dentist linked to childhood experience of eye surgery

[BrokenSmile]

I have read that some patients with an intense fear of the dentist may feel like this because it reminds them of some traumatic childhood/teenage medical or dental procedure.

I think this definitely applies to me.

When I was a child, I had no end of treatment for a squint, ending in two unsuccessful surgeries.

I was bullied throughout my childhood and teenage years for having 'boss eyes'.

All this trauma made me feel acutely anxious, to the point that I can erupt in a real rage when I feel cornered and judged.

I really hated my dentist poking, peering and squinting down at me when he saw serious problems with one of my two central top teeth, as it reminded me so much of the doctors peering and prodding at me when I was a kid.

The serious, morose look he gave me was just like the doctors did when they suspected my serious eye problems.

I really can't bear him peering and prodding at me again in order to fit me up with a denture.

I am terrified I'll get so angry and upset, I might assault him.

I know dentists have a huge backlog due to coronavirus, but I STILL can't BEAR to see him again.

In fact, I actually spent quite a bit of money going to see two separate emergency dentists just before the lockdown.

I asked them to tell me honestly how bad my teeth really were - and they both said, apart from the aforesaid 'questionable' tooth, they were actually not that bad.

I suppose my dentist would say that he refuses to sugarcoat the truth and I need to be educated pretty clearly on how important it is to look after your teeth properly - but he went on for hours about what was wrong and why, kept using Victorian schoolmaster phrases like 'scrupulous cleanliness' etc etc that I actually apologised to him for having such terrible teeth. ☹

When I tried to explain to him about my previous experiences of mental illness making self care very difficult for some years, lack of money meaning I couldn't afford to go private and so on - he seemed to think that was no excuse and all the problems with my teeth are entirely my fault because I've neglected them.

Now I suppose he'd say I've got no chance of finding another dentist in the current climate, yet as I say, I really can't bear to go back to him.

I'd be particularly interested to hear what any of the dentists on here think of all this.

 

[Enarete]

Hi BrokenSmile,

sorry to read about your experiences. You wanted an opinion of a dentist, which I am not, but I don't think it makes a difference in this case. (We have interviewed few dentists on the topic of dental anxiety and also trauma, you can take a look here.) My take on this is that you have the wrong dentist who is not treating you respectfully and that's not ok. If you can't bear to get to someone then they are not the right fit for you.

What you described sounds like your dentist dismissed your feelings and past experiences and also your wishes and preferences when it comes to communication. Sounds like he has a quite authoritative style which is not very up to date nowadays as people usually chose who to see and avoid working with providers that make them feel bad.

It may be a good idea to look for a different dentist..

Adding few links that you may fing helpful:

Being Scared of The Dentist

Are all dentists evil? Do they enjoy inflicting pain? If you've had uncaring dentists and you've been traumatised by the experience, read on.

www.dentalfearcentral.org

How to find a dentist for nervous patients

Discover how to find a dentist who is good with nervous, scared or phobic patients - and who to avoid!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

 

[frostgirl]

Hi BrokenSmile

I'm not a dentist, but this forum has helped me a lot so you're in the right place.

I'm so sorry to read about your experiences. Please consider trying to find a new dentist. I know it will be a bit harder with Covid, but do consider it. If your current dentist is dismissive of your struggles with mental health, I would honestly look for another one. There is a section on here where people can leave recommendations for dentists in your area (although it's very sparse, depending on your area).

I know it's hard, but there's lots of lovely people on here who are very supportive and understanding

 

[Samereynolds]

I’m also not a dentist but I agree, you deserve to be treated with respect and I think it’s best you find another dentist, someone who is a little more understanding and empathetic. I managed to find a dentist fairly recently that is good with nervous patients who haven’t been to the dentists in a long time. She didn’t lecture me about my dental health but she would gently educate me about how to look after my teeth better in a way that didn’t make me feel bad. I’m actually even looking forward to getting my teeth cleaned in a future appointment.

First I contacted my local health watch to see if they could help me find a dentist. Unfortunately in my city, there are no nhs dentists that accept new patients and it has been this way for a number of years. Depending on where you live, it might not be too hard to find a NHS dentist. I’m seeing a private dentist with mydentist, a large chain of dental practices all over the country, they offer payment plans which makes it easier to pay for dental treatments. They’re also a lot more affordable than other private dentists.

 

[BrokenSmile]

I've been slowly making my way through a big long list of dentists who were recommended to me after I put out a plea on the local Facebook page.

It's been so dispiriting ringing up practice after practice, only to be told time and time again to call back in a month/couple of months' time.

One place even said that coronavirus has caused such a big backlog that they couldn't possibly think of taking on any new patients till at least next spring!

When I have told my mother how difficult this is proving, she keeps going on about the cancer patients who had their treatment suspended.

So then I feel really guilty for complaining.

 

[Enarete]

Well done on getting in touch with practices. It sounds really discouraging to call all those practices just to get bad news, but please do not lose hope. Dentistry is business and the practices need patients so I am absolutely confident you will find someone sooner or later. We have few dentists recommendations here on the page too, if you haven't taken a look yet.

The remark of your mother sounds hurtful. It's like brushing away something that is very important for you, not being taken seriously. Yes, very likely there are people outside, who have other difficulties and for some it may be about fighting a serious illness, but mental suffering is not a zero sum game in sense of just because there are people who struggle with other stuff, you can't feel upset and down becaues of your worries. And it's neither a game of "who does have it worse". Your fear is there and it is real and it is ok to feel down.

Some people can't cope with other people's suffering very well and some people can't understand dental fear or trauma very well, so comparisions like this can come up or some other unhelpful advice.

All the best wishes, hang in there and keep us posted

 

[BrokenSmile]

I've contacted the local Healthwatch, who told me about two practices who may be taking on patients at the moment.

The first practice seem to have quite a lot of very warm recommendations from satisfied patients.

Their staff members all look friendly and normal people, to judge by their photos.

I've sent them an e-mail asking if they are accepting new patients and when I wrote it I followed the advice given on this website by the dentist who explains how to tell a practise that you get very anxious.

 

[BrokenSmile]

Healthwatch then said that they are not a complaints organisation, but they can signpost me to organisations that are if I do want to make a complaint.

I don't know if you're allowed to make a complaint about a dentist snapping at you when you yelp in pain whilst they are deep cleaning your teeth.

One of the emergency dentists I saw before the lockdown said my dentist sounded like an impatient person and I needed to find one who was much more patient with me.

I am particularly concerned about what happened when I dropped into reception at the beginning of the year.

I ended up having quite a long conversation with the receptionist - and the patients in the waiting room could hear every word!

I am really worried that the other nervous patients would have felt even worse hearing all about me and my dental concerns, which then made them feel even more anxious and upset about their own ones.

To top it all off, the receptionist then called up all my notes and read out what the dentist had said in them - again, while the other patients could hear every word.

I can't help thinking that the other patients were wondering why the hell the receptionist didn't insist I had this conversation in private with the reception manager.

I also imagine they might have been scared that the receptionist would read their dental notes out aloud when the whole waiting room could hear.

Finally, I did get the impression from what the people at Healthwatch said to me that someone else might have had issues with my dentist before.

 

[Samereynolds]

Fingers crossed that the practices Healthwatch told you about are taking on new patients ?. I think I personally would follow through with filing a complaint about your dentist. I know everyone has bad days but your dentist does seem to be impatient and not very understanding. I wouldn’t want his other patients to go through a similar experience.

 

[BrokenSmile]

Would you believe that my practise claims to be good with nervous patients?

If it is so important for me to have my teeth cleaned every three months, why the HELL couldn't he find some alternative method of cleaning them, like sedating me before he got the cleaning tool out or simply referring me to someone else?

Instead, he simply said that he wouldn't clean my teeth today because he would hurt me.

I thought he's supposed to be really concerned about the fact that my teeth are in such a dire and dismal state!

 

[Enarete]

Healthwatch then said that they are not a complaints organisation, but they can signpost me to organisations that are if I do want to make a complaint.

I don't know if you're allowed to make a complaint about a dentist snapping at you when you yelp in pain whilst they are deep cleaning your teeth.

One of the emergency dentists I saw before the lockdown said my dentist sounded like an impatient person and I needed to find one who was much more patient with me.

I am particularly concerned about what happened when I dropped into reception at the beginning of the year.

I ended up having quite a long conversation with the receptionist - and the patients in the waiting room could hear every word!

I am really worried that the other nervous patients would have felt even worse hearing all about me and my dental concerns, which then made them feel even more anxious and upset about their own ones.

To top it all off, the receptionist then called up all my notes and read out what the dentist had said in them - again, while the other patients could hear every word.

I can't help thinking that the other patients were wondering why the hell the receptionist didn't insist I had this conversation in private with the reception manager.

I also imagine they might have been scared that the receptionist would read their dental notes out aloud when the whole waiting room could hear.

Finally, I did get the impression from what the people at Healthwatch said to me that someone else might have had issues with my dentist before.

Generally speaking, you can complain about whatever you feel wasn‘t right, that‘s the subjective part. The objective parts are about consent - if you ask a dentist to stop, they have to. If you show distress and they go on anyway, it’s probably more about not being sensitive then going against regulations, but again, complaints can be very subjective. There will be data protection regulations applied to practices in your country that say something about whether the receptionist should pay attention to other patients not hearing what‘s in your file. In my country, even calling a patient by their surname in the waiting room would be against those regulations. The situation on the reception you described would be pretty critical here.

It sounds like the other patients - particularly the nervous ones - and how they felt about the situation is/was of concern to you. I was more wondering about how you feel about that all. Pretty glad you‘re not going back.

Claiming to work with nervous patients is not an easy thing. Some of the practices are really interested and go a huge way to make their patients feel comfortable in the chair again, others can handle some nervous patients and some not and again some are more interested in providing the treatment that a nervous patient who haven‘t seen a dentist for a while may need. In the end, it is all about your preferences and who you feel comfortable with.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you to find someone good soon. Keep us posted

 

[BrokenSmile]

I know they have a really strict policy concerning appointments - if you miss two, then they strike you off their lists.

Yet if they really are so good at dealing with nervous patients, then surely they should realise that some of the no-shows would be patients who are anxious and upset.

 

[BrokenSmile]

Talking to the receptionists is rather difficult at the dental surgery because the reception desk is situated at one end of the waiting room.

Like I said before, I did wonder why on earth the receptionist didn't ask me to go into another room to talk in private about all these matters or suggest I speak to the practice manager instead.

I certainly did expect the receptionist to tell me something along the lines of it basically not being the staff's policy to discuss the details of individual cases in public.

Although they may think that discussing case details with a patient in the waiting room shows just how friendly and welcoming their practice is, so therefore their patients have nothing to be afraid of.

 

[BrokenSmile]

Well, this morning I rang the two practices that my local branch of Healthwatch suggested.

I left a message with the first one, then I called the second one and had a short chat with a very friendly receptionist.

I actually managed to say that I am a very nervous patient and looking for a new dentist because I don't get on with the current one.

She said she'll ask someone to call me back tomorrow.

 

[BrokenSmile]

Just had a phone call from one of the two practices that Healthwatch suggested.

A very nice lady was saying that they could accept me as an 'independent' patient, which I presume is the modern way of saying 'private' patient.

She explained that it is true there is quite a bad backlog of NHS work, but independent patients can more or less make appointments for any time they like.

Apparently they can do most of the work that dentists normally do, as they will all be kitted out in full PPE gear and strictly follow safety guidelines.

 

[Samereynolds]

Just had a phone call from one of the two practices that Healthwatch suggested.

A very nice lady was saying that they could accept me as an 'independent' patient, which I presume is the modern way of saying 'private' patient.

She explained that it is true there is quite a bad backlog of NHS work, but independent patients can more or less make appointments for any time they like.

Apparently they can do most of the work that dentists normally do, as they will all be kitted out in full PPE gear and strictly follow safety guidelines.

Yeah that means being a private patient and it’s easier to get appointments as one. Even with covid, I’ve been able to have a scale+polish and fillings done although I had to pay extra £7 for PPE for my checkup appointment and extra £25 for my other appointments because of the aerosol it generated.

 

[BrokenSmile]

Now absolutely bricking myself for having vile, horrible, shitty teeth - not nice ones like all their other patients are sure to have.

I always feel like this in the dentists' waiting room, as if they don't even find you deserving of any treatment in the first place unless you've got pristine, even Tippex white teeth that glow in the dark like a television presenter.

Everyone else in there has got perfect teeth like this, particularly the kids, teenagers and young adults, so I don't know why they are even at the dentist to begin with.

But I've got the nasty, crappy things that make the dentists and their practices look really bad.

The dentists don't care about me or my wretched teeth.

Of course not, because I'm 53 and an NHS patient.

I'm sorry, but I'm in a right state today.

 

[Enarete]

Those are some cruel and very painful thoughts, I bet it must feel awful to believe this.

Would it reassure you to tell you that new patients do not have the teeth you are describing above? Right now I am not even sure whether those teeth exist to be honest.. false ones surely, but natural ones..

Oh and dentists are trained to fix teeth and treat teeth and they do it because they really enjoy it. You know the feeling when the house is a mess and then you finally clean up and everything looks like new? The satisfaction of it? I have never been a dentist (a nurse though) but from talking to some, this is what they feel when they can fix teeth.

I know this is hard, but make sure to stay kind to yourself. You are judging yourself much more than any dentist would ever do.

Sending you hugs. This all belongs to the proces. You are doing well and I know this is really hard

 

[Samereynolds]

Because of the coronavirus, you don’t have to deal with or worry about sitting in a waiting room with other patients. You just wait in your car till they call you in and then you go in with a face mask.

I’m sure that dentists have seen it all when it comes to people’s teeth. I was worried about what my dentist would say/think about my teeth but she didn’t bat an eyelid. It’s just another day of work for her but it also doesn’t mean that they don’t care. What would make them and their practices look bad is if they’ve had no experience with fixing dental problems. I wouldn’t go to a practice that only has patients with perfect teeth.

 

[BrokenSmile]

I'm having panic attacks at the mere prospect of having to go into the surgery alone, be let in by the nurse, leave all my belongings in a box, not touch anything and be treated by dentists who may possibly be very kind but are still swathed head to foot in full PPE as if I'm an emergency anthrax attack victim.

I've just contacted someone who is apparently both a fully qualified dentist and a fully qualified counsellor to find out more about psychological treatment for this intense fear.

I imagine, like a lot of people the world over at the moment, I've been worrying myself sick about a lot of things.

One thing I've been particularly worried about is the thought of having to do a Zoom meeting of some sort, opening my mouth to speak - and then everyone is horrified to see a huge gap where there should be teeth.

Or of opening my mouth to speak - and then the denture falls out.

So I fail to get the job, I fail to get the business, I fail to get the date ... you get the picture. ?

Oh yes, forgot to mention that a very handsome, kind man fell in love with me last year.

He didn't seem to notice my wonky eyes, but I dread to think what he'd feel at seeing me with massive great holes in my mouth. ☹