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Is it Appropriate to Send a Friendly 'Reminder' Note to My Dentist?

shamrockerin

shamrockerin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2012
Messages
752
Location
New Hampshire, USA
I am in total panic mode about my upcoming RCT appointment. I know they are supposedly no worse than a regular filling, but a bad experience with RCT when I was a teen still haunts me.

I have been writing in my journal about it, and I was conversing with fellow forum member Tabatha7 about it. She suggested that maybe all I need is to have a really good experience (well, as good as it could possibly be) and maybe my fear will diminish a little.

I was thinking of maybe sending a friendly 'reminder' note to the dentist and his staff- is that appropriate?

If I word it politely and just remind them of things like "Please use topical, and please warn me before the anesthetic". . .I do not intend to send a rude letter, but I was wondering if any of you had ever done something like this before?

Do you think it would be weird to send a letter that just reiterates my preferences? Any Suggestions?
 
I don't see that there would be a problem with that. If your dentist is a goodun, he/she, won't mind in the least.

Take care.

Kim
 
That doesn't sound weird at all, and even if it were, I think dentists will have no problems with a little weirdness as long as you are polite and keep your appointments. Do whatever it takes to make you happy.

I hope you have a good experience! I've had several root canals, and they are OK. Remember that modern local anesthetics work really well, and that it's easy for the dentist to put the rubber dam to the side.

Good luck!
 
Not only would I say it is appropriate but I also think it is a very good idea under the circumstances.

One thing though; I would be a little careful with the wording and rather than sending a list of things for them to bear in mind (which could come across as demands), you could phrase the note in such a way that it emphasises that you are nervous about the procedure (especially the needles/pain/sound of the drill/loss of control - delete as applicable) and would like them to explain in advance what is involved and what can be done to put you at ease.

I have done this, albeit in advance of a medical rather than dental appointment, and it worked really well as a reminder to the staff of just how nervous I was and also helped give me a feeling of control as the appointment approached; I was no longer a passive player in my treatment.

If you have any doubts, why not post the sample letter here for feedback first?

Good luck!
 
Thanks everyone for your input so far. I have drafted a letter. I think it sounds OK, but of course I'd love some feedback. Like I stated, I am not intending to send a rude or demanding letter, so please let me know if my wording and tone sound OK.


Hello Dr. Smith and Staff:

You probably did not expect to receive another letter from me, but in the interest of communication, I thought it was best to touch base before my next appointment. It is very important to me that the upcoming RCT appointment goes as well as possible; the situation is reminiscent of the one I had thirteen years ago and I am very nervous. I am trying everything I can think of to manage my anxiety (densensitization, bibliotherapy, researching, etc.) but there are a few things I would like to remind you and your staff of

Please do not make jokes. I understand that they help distract/relax some people, but to me personally, it just seems like my fear and anxiety (which may seem silly to some, but are very real to me) are not being taken seriously. Maybe someday (in a galaxy far, far away?) I will appreciate dental humor, but right now it is still difficult just to walk through the door.

I greatly appreciate a warning before you deliver anesthetic. One of my earliest memories of dentistry is when I needed to have some baby teeth pulled; no one (parents, dental assistant, dentist) told me what to expect or prepared me, so I was just sitting there alone when a large needle appeared in front of my face, prompting me to push his hands away and run from the room. Obviously, I am past that now, but I still do not like to be taken off-guard by it. I also appreciate the benzocaine topical; even if an injection can be given painlessly without it, it affords me a little peace of mind.

Because my anxiety is so high regarding this particular appointment, could you keep me informed during it? I won’t ask for a running commentary, but just a few ‘check-in’s might help.

I wanted to write this because I know I often freeze up while I am there. It is not intended to be rude, it’s just a self-preservation method; it is easier to “shut down” rather than have a melt-down, so to speak.

Thank you for your patience.
 
I think it sounds good. They will know your specific needs and you have a little peace of mind knowing that there has been good communication. Way to go! :jump:
 
I also showed the letter to my husband, and he suggested that I insert some note of thanks or compliment in the opening so that it doesn't read like a list of demands. I wasn't really sure what to say b/c I do not feel comfortable writing compliments that are not sincere and genuine, and I didn't want to be sarcastic ("Thanks for all the needles in my gums- it's been great!"), but I think my new opening sounds a little better.

The rest of the letter is pretty much the same, but here is my new and improved opening:




Hello Dr. Smith and Staff:

You probably did not expect to receive another letter from me, but in the interest of communication, I thought it was best to touch base before my next appointment. I would like to thank you for your patience so far because I know I am not an easy patient. I seem to have been unlucky in the past, but I do feel lucky that your office is the first one I encountered after such a long time away. I am very nervous about my upcoming appointment because the situation is reminiscent of the one I had years ago. I am trying everything I can think of to manage my anxiety (densensitization, bibliotherapy, researching, etc.) but I’d feel a little more comfortable if I could just request a few things.





Any thoughts?
 
I think this letter is very well worded and not at all offensive. Short, to the point and you more than get your fears and needs across in a very friendly polite way.

Good luck with your appointment :clover::clover::clover::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
 
I think this letter is very well worded and not at all offensive. Short, to the point and you more than get your fears and needs across in a very friendly polite way.

Good luck with your appointment :clover::clover::clover::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:


Thank you, Carole.:)

I am having one of my better days today. The counselor I contacted never returned my call (or email) but I feel a little better since I drafted this letter. Now I just need to work up the courage to actually send it off, and then to actually show up at the office next week.:o
 
You can do it, I did it on Saturday as you know. I am still nervous but it was really worth it and I am sure you will feel the same after your appointment. The nerves and stress really is the worst part I am willing you on. You can do this, and I know it isn't easy, nothing worth while is. You will do good :hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5:
 
I think that your letter sounds great Shamrockerin! Good for you for taking control. This is a wonderful solution to addressing your concerns regarding this particular appointment.
 
Thank you to everyone who has responded.:)

I am grateful for your feedback. I already feel like I am a high-maintenance patient, but I don't want to come across as a rude or demanding one as well so it was important to me that the letter be diplomatic and polite while being honest and expressing my concerns.

My husband does not really enjoy discussing dental stuff b/c it always ends with me in tears (and him frustrated) but he knows how hard I am trying and he agrees that sending the letter is a good thing. Even if it doesn't get a good response, or doesn't get a response at all, I will know that I put in the effort.
 
I have in the past sent a letter to a dentist explaining how I felt and how afraid I was before treatment, I was told that they were pleased to have received it as they understood how I felt and could try and help make things easier for me.

I also sent a thank you letter too and that was received with gratitude and surprise as I was told it doesn't happen often and it was nice to know they were helping and that they were doing good.

I think they will be pleased to get your letter :respect::respect::respect:
 
I have in the past sent a letter to a dentist explaining how I felt and how afraid I was before treatment, I was told that they were pleased to have received it as they understood how I felt and could try and help make things easier for me.

I also sent a thank you letter too and that was received with gratitude and surprise as I was told it doesn't happen often and it was nice to know they were helping and that they were doing good.

I think they will be pleased to get your letter :respect::respect::respect:

Thanks again, Carole.

I still feel nervous about sending it b/c I feel very vulnerable exposing such sensitive feelings to anyone, but I know it won't do any good is they don't see it. I am thinking I will send it at the end of this week, so that they receive it early next week, a couple days before my appointment.
 
I think it is a well written letter, plainly explaining how you feel and what you need.
I would think any dentist would appreciate a letter like that..................it helps them to know what they can do to ease their patient's mind.
Good job!!!!!
 
Also think it is a good letter to send. I really hope it gets the results you need and that taking the first step to controlling the appointment helps calm the nerves in the lead up.
 
Thanks everyone. The letter is all sealed and ready to go, but I think I am going to mail it on Thursday (the office is closed Fri, Sat and Sun) so that it will arrive Monday, a couple days before my appt.

I am very nervous to send yet another letter to my dentist because it felt weird enough to send the first one. I am hoping I get a good response. I also hope the part about the jokes doesn't sound accusatory; nobody has ever said anything bad, I guess I just can't deal with even minor jokes or remarks when I am there because all my defenses are up. . .

I actually Googled "letter to dentist" when I started writing this just to make sure my letter sounded polite and professional, and many of the results that came up were letters from dentists to patients, dismissing them from care. So now I have another weird pseudo-fear- are they going to get fed up with me and tell me to get lost????

I can only assume that the patients being dismissed by these dentists were incredibly inappropriate or refusing to pay for services. .but I don't know if perhaps a patient could be dismissed just because of contrary personalities or being too "high maintenance"?

Thoughts???
 
Very quick response but didn't want to read and run. I don't think you have anything to worry about, I am sure the misdemeanours which have caused people to be blacklisted are far worse and would be along the lines of not paying or even threatening staff. You are simply helping them to help you. Worst case scenario, they don't like it and then you know this is absolutely not the right dental practice for you which in itself is a positive step. But that is worst case and given all the other information you have posted, I find it highly unlikely they would react in such a way.
 
Very quick response but didn't want to read and run. I don't think you have anything to worry about, I am sure the misdemeanours which have caused people to be blacklisted are far worse and would be along the lines of not paying or even threatening staff. You are simply helping them to help you. Worst case scenario, they don't like it and then you know this is absolutely not the right dental practice for you which in itself is a positive step. But that is worst case and given all the other information you have posted, I find it highly unlikely they would react in such a way.

Thank you, Gettingthere. I know it is kind of paranoid, but I would be really embarrassed if I was asked to leave a dental office's care. In most other areas of my life, I think I am pretty reasonable, even laid-back, but I just feel like such a high-maintenance patient that once that thought got into my head, it was hard to get out.
 
I think this is a fantastic idea, and very well-written! In my experience, even very compassionate dentists sometimes forget that what for them is a very routine thing, might be a very traumatic, scary thing for the patient.

I can't imagine any dentist reacting negatively to a letter like this. The dentists I've worked with have always been very receptive to knowing how to keep me calm and comfortable, because it makes their job easier. And I think all your requests are completely reasonable and should be easy to comply with.

I think you should be very proud of yourself for taking control of your experience and for speaking up for your own needs. It may seem to you like a necessity, but I think a lot of people would just clam up and hope for the best, and then possibly end up resenting the dentist for not communicating enough, making jokes, or whatever. Stating your needs, and knowing that it's easier for you to do so ahead of time while you're rational, is a really mature and responsible thing to do. And it takes a lot of courage!

I'm both anxious and excited for you-- anxious because I know how terrifying it is to be at this point, waiting. But excited because I'm so confident you will have a good experience and will soon be on the other side and free from all the stress. Hang in there!!!
 

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