Re: NLP or CBT
I think this is a really interesting and important debate – although perhaps no longer particularly relevant to the original topic. For my part, I’m a bit concerned that, having voiced my worries about the original statement being potentially damaging to phobics, I have gone on to further perpetuate this through my own claim that the relationship is not equal. Having thought about this for most of the night, I was actually planning to qualify this with an alternative view but see that Letsconnect has beaten me to it with the same thoughts – lol. Maybe what Daniel is saying is that he feels dentists needs to put their patients' needs before their own, and this is why the relationship is unequal? (which would be sort of the opposite view - that the dentist is actually in a subordinate position and has to yield to their patients' needs, more like a servant than a friend in some ways) I was originally thinking that the dentist had the slight upper hand by simple virtue of the fact that the patient pays him to provide a service but yes, there is a converse way of looking at this, which gives the patient as the paying customer, more “power” in the relationship, which is a useful way for anxious patients to reframe the situation to allow for more comfort and confidence in the dental office but yes, Brit is correct in saying that asking trainee dentists to think this way is likely to increase resentment of the patient rather than help build constructive relationships, which is why it is easier to think in terms of “friendship”. Perhaps this is all just a semantic issue and it is the notion of “friend” that is the sticking point rather than how a dentist, or indeed a patient, should behave in the clinical setting? If, for example, I was asked to write out a list of my “friends”, I would no doubt centre this around people I see socially, enjoy spending time with (at least some of the time, lol) and with whom I have a “real-life” connection – some more distant than others. This satisfies definition 1 in LC’s post and often also 3 & 6. I wouldn’t think to consider my dentist as part of this list. If, however, I was writing a list of people whom I trust, who have shown me mutual and equal respect and who have supported me in difficult times, my dentist would be pretty damn near top of the list along with a core group, but not all, of the first list (and others including my current doctor). In this case, going by definition 3 in particular, I could still term this group to be my “friends”. Brit,Quote:Originally Posted by gettingthere
At the end of the day, I would not want my best friend practicing dentistry on me, even if she were hugely skilled in the field -Well we are all different and I for one would; and if I had any relative including a parent skilled in the field who I trusted, I would want them to work on me as well. You would at least know from the 'get go' that they would have your best interests at heart...which is certainly not a given otherwise.
I have a few medical doctors amongst my personal friends and they are all people who I would judge as being extremely kind and friendly with their patients, I highly doubt anyone is scared of seeing them. This may be because I only make friends with nice people. Their patients are not their friends (well some are actually) but the key to the success of the professional relationship is their medical knowledge coupled with good friendly communication skills. One is in small village and he is known for 'hanging out over a cuppa to hear the gossip' on home calls and he is essentially a 'friend of the family' for many long-term patients. He would socialise with anyone with shared interests if he gelled with them, whether they were a patient or not. Life's too short and in some cases too remote for all this professional distance stuff. I have also been thinking a lot about this issue, which I raised, and can only say that it comes down to personal experience and you have been very lucky (perhaps this is the norm and I am the unlucky one?) in your dealings with both medical professionals and people you have met in everyday social life. Yes, had I had the same experiences, I would probably feel exactly the same way but the fact remains than in my life I have had the misfortune to meet 5 unfriendly dentists and 1 great one. The ratio of unfriendly doctors almost the same. Added to this, I know two medical professionals in my social life. One is the wife of my husband’s friend and it is clear to me – and to her – that she would be much better off in a research position as everytime I meet her she is complaining about the patients with whom she comes into contact as she finds them needy, whiny and should be grateful that she is there to make them better rather than getting upset when treatments are unpleasant. I have also heard her say that she seeks to deliberately hurt particularly annoying patients and she and colleagues often have contest to see who can be the first to “make a grown man cry” when giving injections. Funnily enough, this hasn’t helped my negative feelings about health providers or needle phobia. The other is a GP friend of a friend, who turns up at weddings, christenings and other occasions connected to our mutual friend. Unfortunately and coincidentally, I went to school with this woman where she bullied and made my life misery. Yes, people can change but again knowing that she has gone into this profession re-enforces my negative stereotypes of GPs. One thing that I try to remember, however harsh this sounds, is that neither of these women are my “friends” through choice. I find it difficult to look at my “real friends” and imagine whether I would let them practice on me if we were in this situation simply because I find the idea of being friends with a doctor too strange for my liking. Conversely and perhaps contradictorily however, I do have such a good relationship with my current dentist and doctor that if this were to spill into “real-life”, I think both would slot right in amongst my social circle because they are nice people and easy to talk to – the type of people to whom I can imagine being – and would be proud to be – friends! This is mainly because if both of their respective clinics, I am not really aware of any “professional distance” – I am treated as an equal, even if that is not really the case, and because of this way of treating people I couldn’t care less what the “real” situation is. All that really matters is this feeling of equality and mutual respect. Just thinking I feel, as if I am a social equal of doctors and dentists by virtue of being university educated but I suppose the professional distance thing is even greater and more intimidating for those who do not feel this and it is then even more important for those people that the dentist should seek to reduce any perceived social/professional (real or otherwise) distance. I think a good practitioner will treat all patients as equal to himself and also to each other regardless of how many qualifications or similar once might possess. Concentrating on education as a measure of equality can also have an opposite effect – when I was in hospital for extractions under GA, the anaesthetist was chatting and questioning me about myself to distract from the situation which was really starting to freak me out. When I mentioned university she laughed and said that as an educated person, I should know better than to have “silly” phobias and that I was the first intelligent person she had come across to have this kind of reaction. This made me feel worse and really affected my self esteem for a while. In terms of power/distance I felt more unequal to doctors/dentists than ever before by virtue of the fact that I should be “like them”. When all is said and done, conversation is a two way thing and within the dental clinic this needs to be upheld whether discussing the patient’s teeth (allowing the patient to have an equal say in potential treatment options rather than the dentist dominating the conversation by being dictatorial and authoritarian) or simply chatting about hobbies and interests – either as a way of putting new patients at ease or continuing a natural exchange with long-term patients with whom a solid relationship has developed. A dentist who chats in a friendly manner about outside topics and then proceeds to dictate dental treatments is as unhelpful as one whose sole purpose is to talk about teeth, even with the full participation of the patient, but show no interest in that patient as a person. This is symbolic of friendship and should allow both parties to benefit from the dr-patient relationship – which is my understanding of Dr Daniel’s post.