B
bongeo
Junior member
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2006
- Messages
- 1
Hello, all. I have been a full-blown dental phobe for 54 years, since I was six years old. I am starting this journal on 3/27/06. So far, I have been having dental treatment when emergencies arose for the past ten years, and I have not been getting my teeth cleaned regularly and getting X-rays on schedule. I have just found a dentist who will treat phobic patients. I called about 20 dentists in my area (Mississippi coast) until I found this one, who began by stating that I should come in to meet the dentist and see if I felt comfortable in the office. They also promised to use nitrous oxide and to numb my teeth if necessary so I could have them cleaned at a later date. That was an excellent beginning, to my mind. I had not been able to find a dentist anywhere who would promise to numb my teeth before attacking them with sharp objects, and I couldn't even imagine a cleaning without being numb. I have an appointment for April 5. If this dentist turns out to be as wonderful as she sounds, I will recommend her in the appropriate section.I am phobic because of child abuse and torture. My father was a very violent, emotionally disturbed person who abused all three children. I have an I.Q. of 160, and I was extremely logical and analytical from an early age, so I was constantly objecting to my father's off-the-wall antics. He punished me in various creative ways. When he and my mother discovered that the dentist they had both tried (once) was very sadistic, they both decided to go elsewhere, but my father insisted that I had to visit this sadistic dentist. I had over 50 cavities in my first teeth, as a result of living in abject terror of my father and suffering years of abuse by age 6. This dentist filled all of the cavities without anesthesia, while my parents held me down in the chair. I stopped sleeping, growing, and eating during this year (50 visits to the dentist). I developed nervous tics and my hair fell out. I actually tried to commit suicide by throwing myself out of a moving car during this year. I vomited non-stop before my dentist appointments, and had to be dragged, literally, kicking and screaming up the stairs to the office. Needless to say, this experience, repeated 50 times, has left me with a dental phobia which will not quit. I have had therapy for many years to deal with the child abuse and my resultiing rage against my parents, but the therapy has done nothing to reduce my fear of the dentist. I believe that anyone who has been deliberately and systematically tortured is not going to "recover" from the experience. There are things that happen to us that are so traumatic that we cannot recover from them. I don't know if I am going to be able to visit the dentist on a regular basis, like a normal person who simply dislikes going to the dentist. But I need to have my teeth cleaned (it has been 7 years), and I need a small gum graft to cover one receding gum on a lower front tooth, and I don't want to lose that tooth or any others, so I bit the bullet and called every dentist in my area until I found one who sounded sympathetic. I feel as though I am stepping off of terra firma and into a void, but I took the first step because I felt much less embarrassed by my problem after reading a lot of the posts on this site. God Bless you all for being here for us phobics. I will let you know how my first appointment turns out. This is going to be a long process, because I know that I have periodontal disease and might eventually need to go to the periodontist, a prospect which fills me with unspeakable dread. Wish me luck!
Bongeo
