Joy's Journal - Comments OK

[doomflower]

Well...the countdown is truly on, now. In 12 hours, I'll have my first dental appointment in 16 years.

I'm a little nervous...a bit of butterflies, admittedly, but I'm nowhere near panic. This is the first appointment in 16 years that I actually intend to keep! I worked all day today, and I fully plan on returning to work on Friday.

Even though I haven't yet gone to the appointment, I'm already feeling a tremendous sense of relief, because I know I'm making the right decision. The *only* way to get over a phobia is to confront it head on. While 'taking the plunge' seems to be a good method for some, I've discovered that this wasn't the method that ultimately worked for me. It's less of a shell-shock to take small steps toward the goal, and count each panic-free step as a victory. Some steps needed to be repeated a few times over the years. It's been a long road.

I called my therapist today and let her know I had made an appointment, and she was pretty surprised to say the least! She's been a big support to me over the last 4 years. And the company on this forum has helped me overcome the barriers of fear, as well.

At this point, I feel about as ready as I'll ever be.

 

[doomflower]

D-Day: Followup!

Well, I'm back from the dentist, and all went very well!

I had X-Rays taken, then met the dentist, who's really a great guy and I already feel good about picking him.

I also lucked out on the teeth cleaning. As it was, I was going to need a seperate appointment for that, but someone cancelled theirs today so I just took their time slot and came in later for that. The teeth cleaning was...unpleasant. It wasn't horrible, it didn't make me panic, and it wasn't *excrutiatingly* painful. However, sixteen years of plaque buildup was covering my teeth, and it took an entire hour to get it all off, and it wasn't exactly a 'fun' experience. I think the hygienist was a bit gobsmacked over the amount of plaque buildup! But she didn't go on and on about it to try and shame me, or anything like that -- she just made some horrified remark, and then attacked the plaque from every angle to get it out of there.

My mouth feels so DIFFERENT now. I can feel the backs of my teeth for the first time in 16 years. It didn't occur to me before that running my tounge on the back of my teeth was only touching a wall of plaque. It's incredible.

Next up: I have three more appointments. One will be to get a wire remnant of my braces removed off the back of my teeth, and impressions will be taken for teeth whitening. The appointment after that, I get the teeth whitened, and then the third appointment will be for the two cavities and to fix the one cavity that needs to be refilled.

A lot of the initial apprehension I had is now gone. I don't think I have a dental 'phobia' anymore, although clearly it's something that causes anxiety. It feels very liberating to be able to go and get these things taken care of, to knock out that long-standing feeling of being 'unable' to gain power and control over the paralyzing fear.

Thank you to all the great and supportive people on this board. Together, we can overcome dental fear! It *is* doable!!

 

[letsconnect]

Re: D-Day: Followup!

Well done - that's great news !!

My mouth feels so DIFFERENT now. I can feel the backs of my teeth for the first time in 16 years. It didn't occur to me before that running my tounge on the back of my teeth was only touching a wall of plaque. It's incredible.

Isn't it just? It took me about a week to get used to that feeling, lol

Keep us updated, and - CONGRATULATIONS

 

[brit]

Well done you.   Doesn't sound like you need much doing. The cleaning was probably more unpleasant than the fillings will be - because you should be completely numb for the fillings. So don't waste any energy worrying about it - you'll be fine.

 

[Geraint]

Well done you have come a long way. One tip I would give for when you get your cavities filled is to take a cd walkman with you with a relaxation cd so you ca't hear the sound of the drill - I find this helps me to relax. Just try having them done one at a time/ or a pace you feel comfortable with.

 

[doomflower]

Update - Spoke With Office Manager

Back again, with an update of sorts.

I felt like I had gotten past a HUGE hurdle by finally keeping a dentist appointment and facing my fears directly. Most of my fears were completely unfounded; however, some of them turned out to have some truth to them, which is something I didn't previously mention. My experience with the hygienist was not altogether pleasant. She made some comments about how bad the plaque on my teeth was, and they were 'opinion' based comments and not neutral observations.

I felt that this needed to be addressed, so this past Friday, I went down to the office to speak with the office manager, a woman by the name of Dawn. I gave her a note about my experience with the hygienist to include in my patient file, and told her about what happened. She told me that the hygienist's comments had been completely inappropriate, and that she would make sure I had another one from now on.

It was embarassing to do this, because I'm not a confrontational person and I really don't like to make a fuss. However, it was *bothering* me in the way that unfinished business is bothersome, so this is how I found closure to the situation.

What follows is the letter that I asked Dawn to include in my patient file. It's kind of long, but I found it empowering to put my thoughts into words and then bring it to someone in authority.

To Whom It May Concern:

I'm a recovering dental phobic, and I've been working very hard to overcome my phobia. There was a time when the mere mention of the word 'dentist' sent me into a panic, so I believe I've come a very long way. There's a couple of things I'd like to say, and it's my hope that this letter will be shared with Dr. Rico and the office manager, and then made a part of my file.

My first appointment since 1990 was on May 4, 2006, and I received X-Rays and an exam and consultation from Dr. Rico. I found Dr. Rico to be extremely pleasant, and I very much appreciated his consideration of my nervousness. We discussed treatment options for my dental problems, which are thankfully not as severe as they could have been. I asked him about the gum pockets I had developed on my back teeth, and he told me that he didn't see the need to refer me to a periodontist because they weren't posing a considerable problem. I feel very confident that I'll be able to meet my future appointments with him, as he's gained my trust.

This letter doesn't concern Dr. Rico so much as it concerns the hygienist I saw later on that day. Unfortunately, I don't recall her name. She was a brunette, and I remember she had a rather nasty case of hay fever that day. I'm not sure whether it was her typical demeanor to be as blunt as she was, or if it was because she just wasn't feeling very well. Before I criticize her, let me first say that I think she did a phenomenal job of cleaning 16 years worth of built-up plaque on my teeth. I had problems with pain, constant infections, bleeding gums, bad breath...and ever since she cleaned up my mouth and gums, ALL of those problems are GONE. It couldn't have been a pleasant job, so my hat's off to her and the job she did.

That said, I'd like to mention that it took me months and even years of work to get to the point where I would even keep a dental appointment, and one of my big fears was shame -- that someone would point out that my mouth was in bad shape. Unfortunately, the hygienist did exactly this, and it was traumatizing to me. I didn't need her saying every few minutes that I had a 'wall of plaque' on my teeth, or that it was terrible, or one of the worst she'd ever seen. She also mentioned that the gum pockets were 'permanent damage' -- a cold hard fact, perhaps, but was it really necessary to mention?

Whenever she made such disparaging comments, I felt close to panic. I don't know whether she realized just how close I was to jumping up and running out. She wasn't saying anything I didn't already know -- and wasn't wholeheartedly ASHAMED about. I knew my mouth was in bad shape. That's why I was there. Maybe she thought she was being helpful, but it wasn't helpful at all. Phobics have a very, very hard time with these issues. I don't want the hygienist to get in trouble, because I don't think she was 'trying' to be insensitive, and like I mentioned before, she did an absolutely amazing job on my teeth. But I want it known how hard it was for me to make the appointment in the first place, to KEEP the appointment, to actually sit down in the cleaning chair for the first time in a decade and a half, and then hear these awful comments.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

[brit]

Well done Doomflower   ...it was a great letter, not really a complaint at all. You really would think these embarassment issues would be covered in their training wouldn't you? Maybe it's just a line in a textbook which she didn't read!
Sometimes you can get closure on things (not dental things) just by writing complaint letters/e-mails and then not sending them. I suppose keeping a diary also has a similar cathartic (?) effect.

But if you can actually send them and go some way to maybe stopping that happening to someone else ...that's even better in most cases.

I remember once as a teenager going to a hairdresser and her making a load of loud  comments of disbelief that I'd cut a bit of my own hair at the back, infront of a salon full of people....my Mum was there too....and we both never went back! So I can understand you feeling like walking out.

This must have had quite an impact on me, as I also remember writing an O'level English essay about how I disliked going to the hairdresser's more than I disliked going to the dentist's (had fav dentist   at the time, in case you think I'm mad).
But if you think about it : hairdressers can be worse - remember those painful 'back hairwashes'? I'd always forget about it and then be lying back there, my neck in agony and I'd think, oh yes here we go again.  It's only in the last 5 years this has stopped being an issue for me - someone suddenly seems to have invented sink neck rests which are comfortable.

And as for having legs waxed   , I simply would never entertain the idea - far too painful.

 

[letsconnect]

Joy, I think that was really courageous of you and will hugely help all the people with a dental phobia who come in there after you. I doubt I'd be as courageous (I'm a bit of a chicken at heart, lol ).

Fair play to you, also on behalf of anyone whom your honesty and courage will help in the future

 

[doomflower]

Appointment Update (went Fri. 15th June)

This was a morning appointment. Two things were scheduled: a lady was going to take both upper and lower impressions to make bleaching trays. In order to do this, though, I needed to get a small metal bracket off the back of my lower front teeth. This bracket was, in fact, the remnants of my BRACES. I had it on there since the summer of 1986, twenty YEARS ago. It was scheduled to come off in the mid-nineties, but...well, you know. By that time I was full into my dental-avoidant behavior.

The dentist removed it with a drill. It caused a lot of noise and a lot of vibration, but not all that much discomfort. I was tense throughout, but he said I did very well. I grabbed my forearms while he was drilling, and once he was done, I noticed white impressions of my fingers on my forearms from where I'd been gripping them very tightly!

Anyhow, once the bracket was off, it felt VERY strange. I never realized just how much ROOM that bracket took up. And it took me a moment to realize that I could now touch the backs of my teeth with my tounge. It was totally weird.

Immediately afterward, the impressions were taken by a nice girl. I didn't gag, drool, or anything else. They weren't *fun*, but they didn't cause any more anxiety than I was already feeling.

OK, that's what happened, basically. Something else also happened, and this has to do with the hygienist I encountered on an earlier visit, the one I spoke to the office manager about because she made comments about the state of my mouth.

She was the one to greet me at the door, and I didn't even realize it because she was so much different than when I'd met her for my cleaning appointment 6 weeks ago! Back then, she was suffering from a bad case of hay fever, and was in a bad mood. Well...imagine my shock when she sat me down in the chair, then began looking over my chart and FOUND THE NOTE I HAD GIVEN TO THE OFFICE MANAGER. "Oh, that was me...oh dear...hmm..." She sat there and read the letter I had written about her. Oh my god, was that embarassment to die for, let me tell you.

But then, I realized that this was a way of making amends with her. I told her that I hadn't ranted about her because I thought she'd done an excellent job of cleaning my teeth, but I had been upset by the comments. She admitted to me that she had been feeling horrible that day from the hay fever, and she was very sorry if she had made bad comments. She didn't even remember making them, and I believed her. So we let bygones be bygones.

This was a learning moment for me. Dental professionals aren't bogeymen behind the masks, they're only human. Sometimes it helps to look that person in the eyes, tell the truth, realize that as humans we all have shortcomings sometimes, and just let it go. I told her it had been a bad day for *both* of us -- her with the hayfever and me with the dental anxiety -- and I think we both agreed on that wholeheartedly.

My next appointment is this coming Wednesday the 21st. It's the actual teeth bleaching. I'll have another update then.

 

[brit]

Hi Doomflower
Very well done .
Those are very wise words and I guess now you'll even be able to let her clean your teeth again because the agreement was you wouldn't have to see her again wasn't it? I can imagine the embarassment though whilst she was reading the letter and; am slightly disappointed she didn't know who you were and that you had complained before you arrived.....but as you say it's all water under the bridge now.
Have a good weekend
Brit

 

[doomflower]

Got Cavities Filled Mon. 26th June

And the beat goes on!

At last, I've had my cavities filled. Two of them were new cavities, and the third was a refill of an old cavity that I must have had originally filled in childhood.

It went pretty well, overall. I had everything done without any anti-anxiety drugs and without nitrous oxide. He gave me two shots of novacaine, one on either side. The entire appointment took about an hour, because the one cavity in particular was really bad. The dentist used two different drills of differing speeds to get the job done. He did such a great job, and he was very patient and told me everything he was doing.

The only thing that didn't go as well as I had hoped was the dentist doing the refill. This little cavity was in a tricky spot -- right behind one of my top front teeth, and at the gumline. Because of its placement, he let me know that he couldn't numb the area. HOLY CRAP!! After he told me that, I was a basket case inside as he began drilling. The moment I felt a twinge off of that tooth, I flinched HARD. Good thing he had fast reflexes, or I probably would have gotten that drill up my nose!

I apologized profusely for that, because I was trying VERY hard to be a good patient, stay calm, cooperate and so on. He was very understanding, I wanted to hug him for that! After that, things went fine. The filling procedure on the un-numbed tooth was painless.

Today's been a great day. It's a wonderful feeling to wake up, run my tounge over my newly-filled teeth, and know there's not going to be any more trouble with rampant decay in those teeth because I've been able to overcome that fear that had me paralyzed for so long.

If you're feeling that fear, I hope this encourages you to take action. Waiting for the fear to go away will be a never-ending wait, because it never goes away entirely. But if you work on conquering it, you *can* get to the point where it will no longer have power over you.

 

[Geraint]

well done you have done really well having three fillings done in one appointment I can't imagine having that much treatment in one visit