• Dental Phobia Support

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Just broke a molar, again. Home alone and terrified.

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Patricia5

Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2015
Messages
30
Seven years ago I was sitting in front of the TV eating a sandwich when suddenly I realized half of my molar was missing. It was the most terrifying experience I had ever had. The sad thing is that it had been bothering me for a year and I just kept putting off getting it checked and ignored it. I ended up losing that tooth and I swore to myself I would never let that happen again. I was supposed to go back for regular checkups and cleanings but I never did. It has been nearly a decade since I've been back.

Almost a year and a half ago I noticed a bit of pain on the other side when I was eating; just like the first time I kept putting it off and never told anyone. Tonight, I was eating some cereal and bit into something really hard and crunchy; at first I thought it was just a bad bit of cereal. Then I realized the horrible truth, half my tooth was gone! It happened exactly like the last time, the same tooth even except on the other side. I'm such a fool, for over a year I put it off just like before. I knew what would happen and I ignored it again anyway.

I'm home all alone right now and it's almost midnight, I can't even talk to anyone about it until morning. I'm having panic attacks, coughing and crying and just terrified. I know what's going to happen, I'm going to lose another tooth. I feel like such a fool for letting this happen again. I'm so scared of dentists that I just kept ignoring it again. I'm ashamed to say I don't take very good care of my teeth so I'm really afraid of what else they'll find wrong. I have nightmares about it sometimes, so afraid I'll end up losing them all, so much that I just put it out of my mind and ignore them. I've also had an issue where it hurts a little to press down beside my nose like when I'm washing my face. I should have gone to have them checked years ago. I just don't know what is wrong with me.

I don't know what to do right now, how can I even sleep tonight? I can't believe this is happening again. I wish I could wake up and find out it's just a bad dream. Why did I not do something sooner? ?
 
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Hi Patricia5,

really sorry to read what had happened and I can‘t even imagine what a hard time you are having right now. I can see how this experience triggered a huge amount of heavy emotions and thoughts about yourself. Really sorry you are alone and can’t even share with anyone, but glad you shared with us.

You are not a fool at all, you are simply scared of the dentist so much that you can’t bring yourself to go. That’s what fears do, they make us avoid things that proved to be painful or harmful in our past and that’s actually a good thing.The catch is that this mechanism is so powerful that it prevents us from going even when we have an emergency.You haven’t done anything wrong and there is no need for shame. You simply did all you could to avoid suffering. Given the level of your anxiety I do not think you would have been able to see a dentist earlier without being under pressure of an emergency.

Many people who suffer from dental anxiety avoid the dentist until something big happens and very often it‘s a broken tooth. I understand how scary it is and how this makes you feel lost and alone, but there are many people whose journey started with an experience like this and it was a start of significant positive change and a happy dental life. I know you can do that too.

For now I think the aim is getting yourself a little calmer to be able to get some sleep and survive the time until the morning. If you can, please take few deep breaths. Remember that you have managed to go through difficult times in the past and you will manage it again. Remember that the tooth broke today, but that doesn’t mean it was fine yesterday - maybe there has been a problem for several months, you simply do not know. Remember that while this experience reminds you of what had happened with the other tooth, it is still a different one and you do not know what therapy the tooth needs. in case of extreme anxiety we get all these automatic negative thoughts and it can be hard to get in charge of them, but if you can, focus on the facts instead of fantasies and remember that you have conquered problems in the past already.

Once you’ve managed to catch your breath, there are possibilities and options to deal with the fear and that‘s what this forum is about. We are here to support you.

Take care and be kind to yourself and feel free to write here as much as you need - writing it all out often helps.
:grouphug:
 
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Just popping in our article about relaxation with some techniques that might help you to catch your breath now (it's been few hours since your post so I obviously do not know how you are now, but a little bit of breathing is always good). The technique 4-4-8 described in the article is my favorite one and can get me from full panic to feeling normal pretty quickly:

(small trigger warning - in the middle of the page there is a small picture from a treatment room. It is not scary, but it can depend on where you are at right now)

All the best wishes and keep us updated
 
Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps to talk about it with someone, even on a message board. Sadly I did know something was wrong, I first noticed it over a year ago. I even knew what it was because it's just like what happened the first time. A filling had come loose and decay had set in under it. Sometimes it would hurt to bite down but most of the time it wouldn't hurt at all and I'd just stop thinking about it. You are right about the waiting for an emergency to do something part for sure. As long as I'm not in pain and can just put it out of my mind I'll end up sweeping the whole thing under the rug and ignoring it until it's too late.

I've calmed down a little and stopped coughing and shaking at least, right now I feel kind of numb all over. Still terrified and filled with dread though. I'll try to relax some more but it's hard when one of your worst nightmares is coming true. I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep at all but I will do my best.
 
I've calmed down a little and stopped coughing and shaking at least, right now I feel kind of numb all over. Still terrified and filled with dread though. I'll try to relax some more but it's hard when one of your worst nightmares is coming true. I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep at all but I will do my best.

Glad you calmed down a little. Panic attacks are exhausting for your body and it's is ok to feel kind of numb. Trying to sleep even if you're not sure whether it will work is a good approach. As you say, this is a nightmarish situation, it is ok to feel terrified and to allow whatever emotions are there to be there for now.

Hugs and well wishes and may you get some sleep
 
Thanks, I'll try. Right now I'm mostly just pacing the floor, my mind is racing. As much as I dread it and as afraid as I am in a weird way I'm also kind of relieved that something is finally forcing me to go. My last appointment was in 2015 and even then I was supposed to go back for a few more fillings and a cleaning and ended up never going; it's been far too long. I'm just always so afraid of getting bad news that I dread going. I just wish I would get toothaches, at least that would force me to go. Most people get them don't they? It's so weird. I've had plenty of cavities but they never hurt and and even right now I'm sitting here with the outer side of one of my upper molars completely gone, and there's absolutely no pain at all. I didn't even realize it had happened until I felt it with my tongue. After I had my wisdom teeth out and also that molar they prescribed oxycodone for the pain but I never took a single one, not even an aspirin. I guess it's not pain I'm afraid of anyway or even the needle, what terrifies me the most is being told bad news or the fear of losing them all. I also have social anxiety though and just going to get a haircut is stressful for me so I'm sure that adds to my fear.

I really wish I had taken care of them and gone to regular appointments. My parents never took me as a child sadly, money was really tight and they never really got me into the habit of taking care of them either. I love them but I wish so much they had done more in that regard. I was 20 years old before I finally went for the first time and needless to say they were in bad shape. I had two impacted wisdom teeth that had to come out, lots of cavities and a terrible amount of tartar. Unfortunately that first dentist was an older man who was anything but understanding. He actually got mad at me and lectured me for how bad they were.

The second time I went was for the first broken molar I had and this time I got a much younger man who was very kind and supportive, not that age has anything to do with it of course. He said he could not save that molar but the rest only needed fillings and a good cleaning. He said if I would take care and get regular checkups I should be fine from then on. If only I had done so but I fell right back into my bad habits and five years later here I am in the same predicament, and probably worse.

I tried looking him up online but it appears he's no longer practicing here so I'll probably end up getting yet another new dentist. I hope he's as kind and compassionate as my previous one. This still seems so unreal, I can't believe it's happening. Just a few hours ago I was watching a movie, so content and happy, and in an instant the world came crashing down around me. Sorry if I'm rambling, I didn't mean to write a novel. Of all times for it to happen why did it have to be at midnight when I was alone?
 
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I finally fell asleep for a few hours. I knew my stepmom always stops by today on her way to church so I told her just now. There's nothing open today of course but she said she would try to take me somewhere tomorrow. Now the panic is setting back in, I'm so used to putting it off but obviously this can't wait. Dad was always the one I went to when I had a problem, he would always do his best to make me feel better and point out that it's not the end of the world. We lost him last year though so I'm feeling especially alone right now.

I'm trying to tell myself that I'm just making it so much worse than it really is. I'll most likely lose that tooth but hopefully the others won't be a lost cause. I know I'll need fillings and probably a lot and a cleaning that I really dread. My gums are in pretty bad shape too. I'm so afraid though of what else will be wrong. I've never had anything like a root canal and from what I've heard the thought of it scares me to death. I don't even have insurance so I dread what this will all cost though that's really the last thing on my mind right now.

It hurts to bite down now so I probably won't be eating today, at least nothing solid. I've been trying to lose some weight though...just trying to look on the bright side. I wish I had kept visiting this forum all these years, maybe it would have motivated me to take better care and have regular checkups instead of ignoring and pretending nothing was wrong. If I can get through this and the dentist can save them I swear I'm not going to neglect them ever again. I feel like I said that the last time though. ?
 
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Glad you were able to get some sleep and hope there is something soft you can eat today. You need energy to deal with the anxiety and starving would stress you even more. We have some soft foods ideas here, if you like to have a look.

From reading it sounds like you feel it is your fault that you weren't able to follow through after the last dental emergency, but I do not think it was. Beating dental fear is not simply about forcing yourself to go over and over again. There are other things to take care of including finding out where your fears are and approaching it all slowly and gradually, all under the guidance of a kind caring dental team and a supportive dentist. Please, do not let your mind tell you any stories about your fault or neglecting.

I am glad you could talk to your stepmom and are looking for help now. Is there any chance how you could chose which dentist to see? I am sure pretty any dentist would be able to treat the tooth but I wished you would be able to see someone who puts you at ease, understands your anxiety and is able to give you a good base for a long term journey. That would be the best start to not only treat your teeth, but to increase your confidence in dental care.
 
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I may try to have some soup or something later. I'm not really very hungry right now. It is really difficult to not blame myself though, I even have a journal going back to 2003 that I keep track of health issues that crop up and it's almost entirely about dental issues. I was pretty shocked to see that my first entry about this particular tooth starting to bother me was way back in 2014! How could I let it go for so long? I understand what you're saying though and I know I have an extreme phobia about this, I can't even watch a TV show if the episode is about going to a dentist, I'll change the channel.

I was reading about dental phobia on another site earlier and the situation they described matches mine perfectly. A person who puts off and ignores the problem because they are afraid to go, and then the longer they avoid going the more they fear all the new problems putting it off has caused and what the dentist may say about it or have to do. I've always wanted to put it completely out of my mind and not think about it at all, so I end up neglecting them more and more. I found this chart on that site also and tried to fill in the answers the best I could. Maybe I should take it with me.

Capture.jpg

I am hoping I can get the dentist that I saw last time, as I mentioned he was very kind and helpful. I wish so much I had gone back and had the job finished but that last day I forgot to make the follow up appointment before leaving. I kept saying I would go back soon, just never did. If he's not there now maybe I'll get an even better dentist though, who knows. I really need one that can take some time to talk with for a while or a family member or something, someone who will make sure that I go to regular checkups from now on even if they have to drag me. When it's just up to me alone I always end up not doing it.

Thank you so much again for taking the time to read all this and talk to me, it helps so much.
 
Hi Patricia5,

I have a very similar story. I was at a football game, not a care in the world. I was eating a bubblegum sucker when suddenly I noticed my back molar filling was out. There was a hole in my tooth! Immediate panic but did not tell anyone. At the time, it had been 8 years since I had saw a dentist and the thought of calling was too much. Thankfully, I didn’t have any pain. I started using temporary filling and moved on with my life.

7 years later, I was chewing gum. I should have known better but you just kinda forget about it. Then, crack. A whole wall of the tooth gone. I was driving to my parent’s at the time for dinner. Panic internally, calm and cool on the outside. Still no pain, so easy to put off.

About 5 months after that, I knew I had to do something. It just felt like the right time. I did a lot of googling and worked up the courage all day to make an appointment. For me, it was easiest to make an appointment just for that tooth. I later went back for a full cleaning and exam. I got in within 2 days, and my problem was fixed in 30 minutes. It turned out that he was able to refill the cavity. No crown either! I was shocked. 7 years of worrying gone in 30 minutes.

Just know that just because something happened last time, doesn’t mean it’s going to be the same this time. I can relate to everything you’re going through. It is so scary and so hard. I too even had a journal entry from 2013 where I talk about that tooth. Do not blame yourself. This phobia is awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Hang in there!
 
I got in within 2 days, and my problem was fixed in 30 minutes. It turned out that he was able to refill the cavity. No crown either! I was shocked. 7 years of worrying gone in 30 minutes.

I'm very glad that you were able to get it fixed, it would be so wonderful if mine can be too. Thank you for sharing your story, it helps a lot. I guess I'm just afraid of getting my hopes up again. The first time I was hoping so much that he could save it and I still remember when he told me it would have to be extracted. I made this terrified squeaky little sound and nearly started crying.
 
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My appointment is tomorrow, it will be with a new dentist I've never seen before so that's even more to worry about. Wondering what he'll be like, what he'll say to me and do. I just looked at them in the mirror and they're in such terrible shape. I had really bad plague buildup at my appointment in 2013 and was supposed to get them cleaned and didn't, so you can imagine how bad they are now. I'm so scared that broken tooth won't be the only one I end up losing. My gums are really sore too and bled when I brushed them this morning. My stomach is tied up in knots right now and I feel like I'm going to start panicking again. I still have not eaten anything today, just not very hungry and I'm scared to even try. All I've done today is sit here alone worrying.
 
Patricia,

I know we are not there physically but please remember you are not alone virtually. We are hear anytime you are scared and glad you are letting it out here with your anxieties. I Hope you will get a very kind dentist who can help you relieve your pain and fears . Also hopefully you will eat something soon! I know its hard.. and not sure exactly what to say but we are here with you and hoping all goes well. Hope you can get some sleep before your appt..
 
Hi Patricia5,

All the best tomorrow, it is so important that you have the appointment tomorrow and not later, this is much better for managing the stress. After all, not seeing a dentist will keep things they are while seeing a dentist can change things.
I would recommend tomorrow to concentrate on the question whether the dentist is suitable for you, can this dentist treat you respectfully and gently. I talk about that in the following video:
It might sound weird but I think that what the dentist will tell you about the state of your teeth is less important than the point mentioned above (whether the dentist is the right one to treat you). Why? Because what the dentist says is not an objective truth, you can easily hear a different opinion from a different dentist, the opinion may vary between dentists and it is perfectly normal and fine (although confusing at times to patients). You are more than welcomed to share the x rays you will make tomorrow with this forum and let the dentists give their opinion.
I loved the form you filled in, it is clear and to the point and I would recommend sending this exact image to the dental practice beforehand.
All the best,
Daniel
 
That shows awesome dedication keeping track of where you are at with health issues and particularly teeth over the years, I work in the technology field and "there should be an app for that" to use the cliche.
At the least in a non-tech way, what you filled out there or something similar should be the first thing you are given when seeing a dentist, that's a great idea to clear the air. I'd take that with you if you as Daniel above recommended if you are comfortable in doing so.

Anyway, going from that your biggest fears are extractions and judgment. The later I would really try not to worry too much about, the past is the past and we can't change that no matter how much we worry about it ot try. I have done the exact same thing so many times now (put it off) that it's not funny. I'm trying to change this time but I've not yet proven that I actually will. I totally get it.
I think part of it may be that dentists deal with teeth all day so we are inclined to think "what are they going to think of this issue?!? ...or my teeth overall?!?" but that isn't the really the case, I don't think they think like that. You're paying them and they make a living from this.
I'd wager some dentists have the same thoughts taking their car to be serviced or having a check up at their GP when overdue or whatever else when they are not in their daily job. We are all just human, they just happen to focus on teeth for a living and we don't.

The extraction part I would just try and work out exactly which part of that rates so high for you. There can be many reasons, I suffer the same and I also fear this massively despite having almost all mine out now barring the front ones. I'm hesitant to say but some of mine I am happy having had removed (wish it wasn't so many of them but nonetheless). It would have been nice to have saved them and not go through it all but I'm a little happy they can't cause me anymore more toothache ever.
I would try and work out is it an issue of general fear, an aestethic worry or something else and go from there to try and beat your core concern.
I wont lie and say the procedure for extraction is particularly fun if you do have to have one out but in that unfortunate case if that is the only option it is not really as bad as you may imagine. It's short term bad day for long term good ones and then life carries on.

Sorry that is a it long and maybe not all totally positive sunshine and rainbows but I do sympathize with your situation and send you kind thoughts and the best of wishes / luck. Just think how good you'll feel when you get this sorted out no matter what happens ...and how happy and proud you'll be after! ...you can do it, stay brave and I'm sure you will ace your appointment.
 
The extraction part I would just try and work out exactly which part of that rates so high for you. There can be many reasons, I suffer the same and I also fear this massively despite having almost all mine out now barring the front ones. I'm hesitant to say but some of mine I am happy having had removed (wish it wasn't so many of them but nonetheless). It would have been nice to have saved them and not go through it all but I'm a little happy they can't cause me anymore more toothache ever.

It's a combination of things I guess, the horrible experience of having it pulled even if it's over with quickly, but mostly just not having it there anymore. The part I really hate is that I've gone through this exact same thing before. One day I had pain biting down and instead of doing something about it I just started chewing on the other side and ignoring it because the thought of going to a dentist was so terrifying. Even though at that point it may have only needed a simple filling. So I ignored it for over a year until one day I was eating a sandwich and it just broke off. That was when I went into a full on panic and finally got an appointment because I had no choice anymore. I said I would never let that happen again. Fast forward to 2018 and one day I bite down and a tooth on the other side hurt just like before, and again I put it off for over a year until a few days ago I was eating cereal and it broke. It's even the exact same tooth except on the other side. I know there's no point beating myself up because I can't change what I did but I'm so angry with myself for letting this happen again. You mentioned toothaches, it's kind of funny but I wish I had them. That would have forced me to go at least. Instead I never get them for some reason, other than when I bite down on a bad one and then I just don't do that. As long as there's no constant pain I can put it out of my mind and ignore and, just saying "I'll go get that fixed someday, it will be fine. I'll just wait a little while". Then that turns into months or years before you know it.

I guess it will only be a few more hours now before I have to get ready and leave. I'll keep all your recommendations in mind and try to talk to him about all this beforehand. I looked him up and he seems to get good ratings and a friend recommended him to my stepmom so hopefully he'll be good. As long as he's not like my first dentist. Sadly the first time I ever went was when I was 20, wow that was so long ago now. He literally got mad at me and told me I was destroying my teeth, scared me to death and made me feel like it was too late and hopeless.

I really wish I could have seen my last one again, he didn't judge me at all and was so positive and supportive. He told me aside from that one I had to have out the rest weren't bad at all and he could fix them all, get them cleaned and we even made plans for regular checkups every six months, I remember how relieved and elated I felt about it. That's why I can't understand how I could suddenly just stop going back. I didn't even go back for the last few fillings and cleaning and that was over seven years ago now. I haven't even been taking good care of them at home, it's like I just want to not think about it at all so I ignore it. Makes me think I probably need a good psychologist along with a dentist. If I can get through this I definitely don't want to let this happen again.

I forgot to mention I think my biggest dread right at the moment is not knowing what is going to happen. Will he want to do a root canal and try to rebuild or cap it, or just tell me it's too far gone and pull it. How bad will my others be? Will I need 8 fillings, 12, 20! What if another one is beyond saving? Basically just all these terrible worst case scenarios keep running through my mind.

Thanks for your replies, I'm praying today won't be too terrible. Just keep reminding myself that no matter what I'll be back home in my own bed tonight.
 
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Hi Patricia5, just wanted to wish you the very best of luck. As Daniel said, hopefully you'll be able to treat this as a get-to-know-you meeting where you can make sure that you like the dentist and that he is the right one for you :).
Wishing you all the best for today :grouphug:


P.S. Can I be nosey and ask where you found the chart/form you posted? We've been wanting to update our own "Please handle me with care" form to something more contemporary, and this looks really neat and useful, so I've been wondering where it came from...
 
Hi Patricia5, just wanted to wish you the very best of luck. As Daniel said, hopefully you'll be able to treat this as a get-to-know-you meeting where you can make sure that you like the dentist and that he is the right one for you :).
Wishing you all the best for today :grouphug:


P.S. Can I be nosey and ask where you found the chart/form you posted? We've been wanting to update our own "Please handle me with care" form to something more contemporary, and this looks really neat and useful, so I've been wondering where it came from...

Thank you! I found the chart just googling around, fortunately it was still in my history. You can find a pdf of the chart on this page.
 
Hi Patricia5, just popping in shortly to wish you good luck and a fantastic chemistry with your dentist, hope they are all kind and make you feel respected, listened to, heard and comfortable. Let us know how things went! :clover:
 
Long post incoming. I just got back home, I'm exhausted and sore but I wanted to write how it went before I forget anything. I had no idea where the place was but my stepmom drove me, I was surprised it turned out to be a small brick building in a residential neighborhood. Seemed weird. We went in and I had to fill out half a dozen papers before they took me back. The assistant saw me first, asked which tooth it was and took an xray (I hate biting down on those plate things) and then took me to another room to wait for the doctor. It turned out to be a different doctor than I had found online, this was a woman so that's also a first for me.

She came back and asked how I was and everything, I didn't say that I was terrified and freaking out inside but it probably showed. She said unfortunately there just wasn't enough of the tooth in good condition to save, basically the entire tooth had decayed which of course is what caused it to break. (Did I mention I was eating Capn' Crunch of all things when it happened). She asked me if I wanted her to go ahead and pull it and I said ok, trying not to whimper. She numbed the area, as usual the shots didn't bother me much, but then she asked if I wanted to go ahead and get full x-rays and have them cleaned and get it all over with in one visit and I said ok. So back to the x-ray room (oh no more plates in my mouth) and it seemed like she took over a dozen and sent me back to the other room. When she came back in she asked me when the last time I had them cleaned and I told her it was many years. I already knew they needed cleaning desperately, there was so much buildup on them.

So she and her assistant started cleaning and omg, I think I now know what medieval torture must have been like. It was horrible. The last time I had them cleaned the dentist numbed everywhere but she didn't and it hurt like crazy. I was gripping the chair arm and literally raising my legs off the chair, closing my eyes and grimacing. Thankfully it went by pretty fast at least, but I was really annoyed that the assistant kept accidentally letting water run down my cheek and neck. When it was finally over she numbed the tooth again and asked if I was ready. This would be the first time I've ever had one pulled without sedation so I wasn't looking forward to it. It actually wasn't near as painful as the cleaning though, the worst part was the grinding and cracking sounds, goodness that was horrifying. I was surprised how fast it went though, and she stuck some gauze in for me to bite down on which is still there as I type this. I need to change it in a minute, kind of dread that and feeling the empty space there.

So I'm getting ready for the drill and fillings since she said she would take care of everything in that visit and I was getting ready to ask how many cavities, I knew it had to be a LOT. Before I did she said "all done" though and I was kind of stupefied, what did she mean all done. I asked about fillings and she said I had no cavities at all. How is that even possible though? I hadn't been in for cleanings or anything for nearly a decade and I'm ashamed to say I took horrible care of them in that time, and ate so much junk food. Mostly though, I am completely positive that my last dentist said I needed a few more fillings on my follow up visit which I never stupidly went to. I'm not an expert but cavities don't just disappear. So I'm not sure whether to be relieved or skeptical. Maybe I was remembering wrong though, but it seems incredible to not have any (aside from what was left of the broken one).

She scheduled another appointment for three months from now to follow up and see how things are going. Gave me some rinse called Peridex and some other stuff and a prescription for Amoxicillin which I'm supposed to take four times a day (I'll have to work out a schedule) and Ibuprofen. It's going to take time to get used to another tooth missing and I have these (seemingly) huge gaps between my lower front teeth now which feels bizarre, but they all feel so clean now. She said it was from all the buildup she removed, but wow was there really that much? Both teeth were touching before. When I go start getting regular checkups I think I may try to find my previous dentist, he just seemed more skilled. I mean she was very nice but it wasn't as good an experience as my last doctor and I'm still not sure how I could not have any cavities at all. I think a second opinion might be a good idea.

Edit: I was trying to take the gauze out to change it just now and kept pulling it wouldn't come out. I was thinking what in the world, is it stuck? Then I realized I was pulling on my upper lip! It's still so numb I couldn't feel it, lol. I think that's the first time I've laughed in two days.

So anyway, I guess it's finally over for the time being. My gums are really sore right now and that missing tooth is starting to throb but I just feel so relieved that it's over with and that I didn't have 30 cavities. I don't ever want them to get in that condition again so I'm going to try to keep visiting here regularly to keep me motivated and vow to get regular checkups and brush regularly (I want to get an electric toothbrush for sure, never had one), and stop eating like the Cookie Monster. No more sugar and junk food, period. It wasn't doing my weight any favors either so two birds with one stone. If I have any complications or questions I will be sure to post them here. Thanks again so much for all the kind replies and support, it really means a lot to me.
 
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